The Girl Who Lived Twice
by abrokefangirl
Summary: Aside from Godric himself, Mila Lovett was the perfect example of a Gryffindor. With Mila at his side since he was eleven year's old, Harry's problems have died down after Voldemort's failed resurrection during the Triwizard Tournament. Now it's Mila's past which has come back to haunt her... One she didn't even know she had. Sirius Black/OFC, Draco Malfoy/OFC, Remus Lupin/OFC.
1. Chapter 1

Mila huffed as she entered the Common Room, announcing her presence. Most people were usually alerted to her presence anyway, no matter if she made a fuss or not. However as she looked around the room she noticed there weren't many people still awake, it was a late hour and the loudest thing in the room was the crackling fire.

She caught the eye of her friends and made her way over to the couch they had occupied. Harry was on the floor, facing Ron and Hermione, and Mila went to his side. It was nice to belong somewhere, and for Mila that place was by Harry. She had been there in first year when they'd stopped Professor Quirrell from getting the Philosopher's Stone, in second year when she and Harry killed the basilisk, third year when they met Sirius and fourth, after Harry had come out of the maze after seeing Voldemort try and fail to reanimate. By his side she had stayed, and him by her's.

They hadn't heard so much as a soundbite from Voldemort since then, and now in their sixth year it finally started to seem like he had never come back. Things had calmed down since the Triwizard Tournament. The benefit was, of course, no Voldemort, but on the other hand it gave Mila a lot more time to get in trouble. Restlessness didn't suit her.

"How was detention?" Harry smiled at her.

"Snape kept me back way longer than anyone else. Completely unjustified!" Mila complained. Ron and Harry laughed and even Hermione, who often disapproved of Mila's antics, cracked a smile.

"Well, you did set Malfoy's desk on fire. What was he supposed to do? Give you house points?"

"But unlike my cruel punishment, that _was_ justified. He was being… Malfoy."

Harry nudged her and spoke quietly, "And I appreciate it, but you need to stop getting in trouble for me." The reason Mila has set Malfoy's desk on fire was because, once again, he'd kept making snide remarks about Harry. That wasn't what Mila had told Snape, instead opting for the excuse that she had seen a mosquito on his desk and hadn't wanted Malfoy to get malaria.

Mila smiled back at Harry, "Worth it." If possible, his own smile widened even more.

"You're right Mila, it was worth it. His face was priceless," Ron agreed and Mila turned her attentions to him. She noticed he was sitting a lot closer to Hermione than he normally dared to, and it made her cheerful to think they might finally be making a bit of progress.

"You are certainly right Ronald. I would do it all over again."

"Well hopefully not on another night when we have such an early class the next day. But Harry insisted we all wait up for you," Hermione said.

Mila turned disapprovingly to Harry, "Harry, you didn't have to."

Harry ducked his head, "Well I mean, you did save a life today. It was least I could do, Malfoy might have gotten seriously ill."

Mila chuckled, "Anyway, we'd better let Hermione get her beauty rest. Bed?' All three of them nodded.

Not for the first time Mila wished boys and girls were allowed to share rooms. She wanted to tell Harry about the weird looks Snape had been giving her in detention, but she could tell he was tired and she didn't want to make him stay up any later than he already had for her. He would if she asked, of course he would, and it was for that reason she didn't.

She could tell Hermione, but it just wasn't the same. Hermione didn't have the history with Snape that Harry did. Mila would probably still tell her anyway, she was a night person and she often didn't slow down enough to sleep until the early hours, and thankfully Hermione had stayed up enough nights studying to be used to the same. That was definitely one of the benefits at having Hermione for a friend.

Mila and Hermione walked up the stairs to the girl's rooms. As they got ready for bed, Mila told her story.

"I'm telling you Hermione, he kept snarling at me. It was just the weirdest thing."

"You're exaggerating," Hermione chastised. She was right, as she often was, and Mila did have a flair for dramatics.

"Ok fine, but he just kept… staring." The look on Snape's face was one she had seen before, usually when he thought she wasn't looking. It was unnerving, especially when the others serving detention had left and she was alone with him. She'd kept herself busy scrubbing cauldron's, but she couldn't help noticing the two beady eyes on her.

"He was probably making sure you were staying on task. You get restless, especially in detention."

"I guess you're right," Mila answered after a moment. What else could it be anyway? At least it wasn't the looks he gave when she was with Harry, he always acted like the two were conspiring against him.

Still, when Mila went to sleep that night she couldn't help but think about it. This had been happening a lot more lately, not just with Snape, but other teachers as well. It was like they all knew something she didn't.

Maybe it had something to do with Voldemort, maybe not, but she was going to find out.

* * *

Mila had overslept. She knew that because she had woken up to a post-it note on her forehead from Hermione.

 _Tried to wake you, but you refused to move. Gone to class. Don't be late again._

 _Your sensible friend, Hermione._

Mila laughed at the note and quickly shot up to put her dress robes on. At least they had double Defence Against the Dark Arts this morning, Lupin wouldn't mind her being late. Hopefully. She quickly got changed and rushed out the common room, annoyed she had missed breakfast after also missing dinner last night. It would be ages before she got to eat anything.

She made her way to the class room in record time, having got the hang of the moving stair cases in first year. It hadn't taken her long to figure the school out. Nobody knew more of its secrets than she did. A lot of that could be credited to the map Harry's dad had made. Even still, she could tell she was very late. She took a deep breath before opening the door, wondering if she could get away with just taking a seat quietly.

That didn't happen.

"Nice of you to join us this morning, Miss Lovett," Professor Lupin said. She froze in the spot and sighed humorously.

"Nothing gets past you does it, Professor." He wasn't laughing, but she could see a twinkle in his eye to let her know he was amused. Good. She caught him in a good mood.

"What was it this time? Saved a student from an avalanche? Had to see Madam Pomfrey for a broken leg?"

Mila played along, "Actually Sir, it was gross injustice. I did in fact rescue a student yesterday, only it was from malaria. But instead I was punished with a late detention. Very late, Professor. In fact I've only just gotten out of it."

There were a few giggles among the class and she caught Harry's eye, him being among them.

Even Lupin cracked a smile, "And which teacher should I speak to for your horrible treatment. Just to make sure your story holds up I mean."

"Don't fight anyone on my behalf, Professor, but if you must know, it was Professor Snape."

Lupin's smile fell, and for a second Mila couldn't quite make out his expression, but then he gave her an understanding look.

"I see. Take a seat Miss Lovett. It seems that Harry has saved one for you."

Mila nodded gratefully, and practically ran to the seat, hoping she wouldn't get in any trouble for holding the lesson up.

"However," Lupin continued, "I would like to see you after class."

Mila groaned, but nodded. The class laughed, both Gryffindors and Slytherins were used to her giving back talk to Professors, and though maybe the Slytherins wouldn't admit it, they all enjoyed it.

"Bad luck," Harry whispered, "I really thought you got out of that one."

"To be honest, I'm more upset I'll have to wait even longer to get something to eat." At this point, her stomach would be growling through the whole class.

Harry grinned at her, piquing her curiosity. "What?" she asked, matching his smile.

Underneath the table she felt him put something in her hands, she knew immediately what it was.

"Oh Harry, you are a blessing!"

"You skipped breakfast," he shrugged, and got back to the work they were both supposed to be doing.

Mila spent the lesson eating the muffin as inconspicuously as possible. She was pretty sure Lupin didn't even notice. Not that he would mind, he was pretty lenient with his students, especially friends of Harry. It was because of James, of course, but she sensed he cared more about Harry than as just his friend's son. He treated him more like his own.

At the end of the lesson Mila waited dutifully in her seat for the other student's to leave. Harry offered to wait for her, like he always did when she was asked to stay behind. She didn't want that on her conscience though, so she told him to get some lunch. He didn't look pleased, but went anyway. Sometimes he worried about her more than his own good.

Lupin beckoned her to the front of the class where his own desk was. He stayed seating as she stood before him, waiting for him to speak.

He seemed to be struggling for the right words so Mila helped him, "So, how much trouble am I in?"

Lupin smiled, "You're not in trouble. I was just wondering how long Snape kept you last night."

"Oh," Mila haltered at the unexpected question, "Uh, pretty late I guess. Later than the others, though I suppose I got into a bit more trouble than they did," she said honestly.

"And.. it was ok?" Lupin seemed to be searching for something from Mila that she totally wasn't getting.

"I scrubbed cauldrons, is that ever ok? Those things are nasty. It's exploitive labour."

Lupin coughed, "That's not exactly what I meant-"

"I think Mr Potter is eager to escort Miss Lovett to lunch, Professor Lupin. Maybe we should let the kids run along."

Mila turned to see the Headmaster closing the distance between them.

Great. Now Dumbledore was going to know she was late to class. "I told him not to wait for me, Professor Dumble-"

"I know dear, but it's ok. Rather than keep him loitering in the hall, perhaps you should both get something to eat. I noticed you weren't at breakfast, you must be hungry." He knew already, not that Mila should be surprised.

"Sure," she said slowly, and gave both Professors a last look before she left the room. Lupin seemed to be embarrassed and she wasn't sure why, but Dumbledore gave her a pointed look so she hurried out of there.

She ran into Harry, who like Dumbledore had said, was waiting for her outside the room.

"I see you made it out alive," he smiled, but frowned when she didn't return it.

"Whats the matter?" he asked worriedly.

"You know, I'm really not sure, but I think Lupin is in trouble with Dumbledore."

Harry laughed at his confused friend, "Come on Lovett, lets go get some lunch."

* * *

Remus didn't meet Dumbledore's eye as he spoke, "Snape kept her late last night, Dumbledore. I'm not sure that-"

"I spoke to Severus this morning Remus. It seems she set a students desk on fire, the detention was deserved."

Remus visibly relaxed, "That's good. I was worried."

"About Severus, or about Mila?" Dumbledore said knowingly.

"Both. It's getting harder Albus. For both of us, I think," Remus admitted.

Dumbledore put a hand on Remus' shoulder, "I know. But Voldemort is gone and she's very settled. It would be a mistake to tell her at this moment."

"It's not just that though," Remus paced and moved out of Dumbledore's grip, "Sirius is getting more and more agitated, he keep's talking about coming to the grounds. And Molly, she just about cries every time she sees Mila."

"You've done a good job at keeping Sirius in line. If it helps, I'll talk to him. But he's seeing her in the Christmas break. He'll get better for a while."

"Or worse," Remus said quietly, "The older she gets… we've been lying to her for a long time Albus. I'm worried that maybe, she'll never forgive us."

"I know. But what can one accomplish with worry?"


	2. The Note

A/N Another update, they usually happen quite quickly in the beginning when I'm sitting on so much of the story. I get too excited to wait posting aha :)

Visit me on tumblr, it's the same name, abrokefangirl xx

Anyway I love comments, and I love theories. Leave a word, I promise I'm not scary.

* * *

Lunch was uneventful, except for the side-eye Malfoy was giving her. The more he stared, the more unsettled she became. Especially after the strange morning, and night, she'd had. Harry was getting angrier by the minute, as he always did when Malfoy was messing with Mila. Mila had already told Harry to sit down twice after he'd snapped and risen to go say something.

"Really Harry, can't you just calm down?" Hermione reasoned, "Just ignore him."

Harry glanced at Mila and then faced Hermione who sat across from him, "Fine. But if he tries anything I'll-"

"You'll what?" Mila mused, "Tie his shoe laces together? Make him stop sucking?"

Harry's bad mood dissipated, "Make him bark instead of speak."

Mila laughed, "Now there's an image. I like that one, we'll have to make a spell for that."

"Definitely," Harry grinned. He never stayed in a bad mood long. Hermione had once speculated that Mila could cheer him up about anything, but Mila had brushed her off, stating Harry was just not an angry person by nature.

"So, what's new gang? What did I miss last night?" Mila and Harry never really followed gossip at school, as it was mostly about the four of them. Ron did, but he wasn't here yet. She had no idea where he had run off too.

"Well Justin Finch-Fletchley asked out Katie Bell. Again. She said no. Again," Hermione said.

"I don't know why he's aiming so high! She's older to begin with, and I really don't think that he's her type," Mila argued. Mostly she was trying to keep Harry's mind off Malfoy, she didn't care too much about Justin's love life.

"Beats me," Hermione said.

Mila saw Ron run into the Great Hall, grateful for another distraction.

He sat down next to Hermione and began, "I just saw Lupin yell at Snape. It was glorious," Ron said excitedly. It must have been a good chewing out, otherwise Ron wouldn't have been this animated. It was known Snape and Lupin didn't get along, though the specifics of why weren't as widely known. Mila knew it was the same when they were at school, and that's also why Snape didn't like Harry, because of James.

Harry and Hermione gave Ron the reaction he expected, they laughed and asked him questions about what was said. But Mila sat quietly, thinking back on why Lupin had kept her behind. Was that why he had been yelling at Snape? Because she had been kept in detention too long?

Harry, who was always quick to notice her mood changes, turned to her.

"Ok that's it. I knew there was something wrong, you were weird after class today. What is it?"

"Nothing," she answered.

"Don't give me that Mila, tell me," Harry said. It always exasperated him when she kept secrets from him, especially when those secrets upset her. This was the boy she had gone though hell and back with, he figured they could share just about everything.

But she couldn't tell him, because even she didn't know why she was so wigged out.

"It's fine Harry."

He tugged at his unruly hair before placing a hand over hers. Mila glanced at him surprised, and also hoping he wouldn't push it.

"Whatever it is, we can work it out together. Like always." His eyes searched hers, as if they could tell him what was wrong. They both heard Ron cough and looked away from each other.

"I'll let you know when I figure it out," She gave Harry a final look, "I promise."

* * *

Mila walked silently to the library. The others all had another class together, one of the NEWTs she wasn't taking, and she was grateful to be alone for a while.

It was another look from a teacher that set her on edge as she made her way there. Professor Flitwick had caught her eye as she walked down a corridor, and given her a sad smile. Honestly, this was getting ridiculous. She'd always been someone people looked at. Students, teachers, others from her childhood. Sometimes it bothered her, sometimes it didn't. But this was different. This was only teachers, and all the looks were unusual. Either sad or sympathetic. Maybe there was bad news back home and they hadn't told her yet. She didn't know what it could be, she didn't have any family, but what other explanation could there be?

She pushed it down. When she reached the library it wasn't too busy and she was hoping to get a lot done. It was near the end of the term and she had about three essays to write, the longest from McGonagall, six feet for Transfiguration. She decided to start with that one, and grabbed a few books before sitting down and beginning.

She managed to knuckle down and get quite a bit done before she was interrupted. Someone sat on the desk she was occupying. She looked up to see Malfoy smiling down at her.

"Can I help you?" she muttered. She was not in the mood.

"You've got my book, Lovett."

"I wasn't aware library books had owners, Malfoy," she fired back.

He gave a smirk, "Well they do, and it's me, so hand it over."

"Can't you go bother someone else? I'm sure they're are multiple copies somewhere around this place." She scanned the library mockingly.

"Perhaps, but I want yours," he shrugged, but his eyes were alight.

Mila couldn't help it, she chuckled. Malfoy was in a fiery mood. She would never admit it, but sometimes she liked sparring with him. When the others weren't here, especially Harry, she actually found him quite intelligent. It was rather entertaining to be able to say whatever horrible things you liked to a person and not feel guilty about it.

"And why is that?"

"Well, now that big strong Potter isn't here to protect you, I figure you're an easy target," Malfoy liked practically devilish now, and wondered if she would take the bait.

"In case you don't remember I can take care of myself, or did you forget why I was given detention yesterday?" She cocked an eyebrow, wondering what he'd say next. All she wanted was to get some work done, but it seemed she was trapped in a battle of wits.

"I haven't forgotten," Malfoy said slowly, and it unnerved her more than her weird day had.

"Good," she frowned, "Now go away." She didn't want to play this game anymore.

"I'll get you back, Lovett," he jumped of the desk and began walking away, "You'll see."

Mila rolled her eyes and got back to her work, not wasting any time wondering what Malfoy meant by that.

* * *

She was happy the day was coming to an end. She sat in the common room with her friends, which was packed with more Gryffindors this time as she wasn't as late as last night. Harry had tried to cheer her up at dinner, and she'd let him. He hexed Malfoy during the meal, and she laughed as everything seemed back to normal. Just an off day, everyone had them.

She was counting down the days until the Christmas break. She and Harry usually stayed at the Burrow, but for the first time Sirius had invited them to stay at his place. They'd heard Lupin was staying there too, to spend time with his friend. Or to keep an eye on him, which Mila suspected was necessary. This was Sirius Black they were talking about. Mila hoped the weirdness would be sorted by then, though Lupin's questions may have been a different thing entirely to the looks she was getting. It probably had nothing to do with her, and was more about his old enemy Snape.

Mila was sad not to spend more time at the Burrow, but she knew how excited Harry was to stay with Sirius and she wanted him to be happy. Wherever he went, she went, so she was determined to go with him.

They would spend Christmas day at the Burrow anyway, and then Mila would be able to see all the Weasleys, including Fred and George who she missed since they left school. They used to help each other with their pranks, her friends didn't have the same knack or love for it that she did. Though Harry tried to indulge her as often as he could.

"Newts, Newts, Newts," Ron moaned, "All I ever hear about are the bloody Newts." He was sprawled across the sofa, his legs across Hermione, who was doing her best to ignore him. He had a hand to his head, as if suffering a migraine.

"Hear, hear," Mila chimed in. She was sick of them too. It wasn't even seventh year and everybody was already stressed out of their mind. There was just too much to do, and most people in their year had late nights. The only one who had been coping with the pressure was Hermione.

"I don't think they're that bad." She looked up from a book she was reading.

"That's because you're you, and you're brilliant at everything," Ron argued.

Hermione flushed at the compliment, "Nonsense, you're just as smart as me. You just don't try hard enough."

"Believe me, I'm trying plenty," Ron said, making both Harry and Mila laugh. Harry had been giving her worried looks all night, but she figured if she ignored them, he wouldn't make her talk about it.

"Christmas cannot come sooner," she sighed, "At least we have Transfiguration tomorrow."

"Ugh, you're the only one who says that, Mila," Ron groaned.

"What? I like it."

"Yeah, yeah. You're a real prodigy."

Mila laughed at his joke. He was right of course. Mila got good grades, excellent in fact, but in Transfiguration she never got anything less than an O. She wasn't sure why, but she had a real knack for it, and always looked forward to the class. She was hoping to speak to McGonagall about about career options for it, she might as well do something she enjoyed.

She decided to change the subject, "I bet Sirius is excited to see you, Harry."

He gave her a knowing look before answering, "I suppose. He talks to me most days. Every time I hold up the two-way mirror he seems ready and waiting on the other end. I think he's bored in that house."

"It'll be good to see him then. I'm sure you can get him up and running," she said.

"I hope so," he sighed, "I'm glad you're coming with me though. I think he misses you too."

"Oh?" Mila was surprised.

She liked Sirius. He was the best thing that had ever happened to Harry in her opinion. After the childhood Harry had, he deserved someone who would look out for him. Mila was more grateful to Sirius for that than he would probably ever know.

"Yeah, he asks about you sometimes. Ron and Hermione too."

"He probably misses his schooling days. I know Lupin talks about them to you."

"Yeah," Harry smiled wistfully, "They had a lot of fun back then." She knew he had begun thinking about his father, so she gave his arm a squeeze.

"It's nice that they can share that with you," she said.

Harry nodded, "I think it's hard for them to talk about sometimes. But the stuff I get to hear… it's great."

"I bet it is," Ron said, "Your dad was a legend."

"He sure was," Mila agreed.

* * *

Transfiguration had Mila buzzing. She'd been the only student to successfully change her hand into a cat paw. The result had been pretty funny, she had walked around the class with a tiny hand, trying to help the others get the hang of it. Dean and Seamus had begged her to help them.

Like always, McGonagall congratulated her, before telling her not to get too cocky. Mila had laughed and made no promises. Mila had also asked to speak to her after class. When they could not turn to each other, Harry would turn to Dumbledore, but Mila would turn to McGonagall. She'd always trusted her more, and Mila wanted to get to the bottom of the strange looks.

She was busy telling a laughing Harry to 'look like the paw, act like the paw, be the paw', when McGonagall dismissed the class.

Harry, once again, asked if Mila wanted him to wait for her, but she said she just had a question about the essay, and he seemed happy enough with the answer. He left with Ron and Hermione, who were busy trying to get him on their side of an argument they'd been having, and Mila watched as her friends left.

For a second, she wondered what it would be like if they had never known her. She didn't know why the thought came to her, but she supposed they would have been the same. They all trusted and loved each other of their own accord, they didn't need her for that.

Mila turned to McGonagall, who was waiting expectantly. She frowned as she wondered how to phrase her question.

McGonagall chuckled, "I'm guessing this isn't about the essay, Miss Lovett?"

Mila laughed shortly and looked to the side, "Always so on the mark, Professor."

McGonagall took a seat behind her desk, "Just observant. What can I help you with?"

Mila chewed her lip, "I've been noticing… some rather odd behaviour."

"Care to elaborate?" McGonagall raised her eyes sternly. She didn't like it when people beat around the bush. Normally Mila wasn't one to, but she was trying to think of a way to say it that didn't make her sound paranoid.

"Has someone died? Is there something back in Brighton I don't know about?"

Mila was originally from an orphanage in Brighton, much like the esteemed Tom Riddle. Since starting at Hogwarts, however, she had stayed at the Burrow, or Hermione's house. She supposed she was too old for an orphanage now, had she not the invitations she probably would have had to go to a foster home. In fact, technically she did have one, but she hardly went there and her guardians certainly didn't mind. They were more than happy for her to stay out of their hair, only asking her to come back when they had a check up with a social worker.

"What's this all about, Miss Lovett?"

"It's the other teachers, Miss. They keep looking at me like… like all pitying and stuff. I just figured, well maybe something happened at home I don't know about."

McGonagall pursed her lips, "Well you've done it again, Miss Lovett. Your flair for the dramatic has once again concocted another curious story."

"Excuse me?" she frowned. She added 'Professor' to the end of her sentence after McGonagall had given her a look.

"Trust me child, no one is looking at you in that nature. Everything is fine back home, and let me assure you, no one is dead."

Mila didn't know whether to be relived, or annoyed at how McGonagall was dismissing her concerns like this.

"Are you sure?" Mila doubted.

"I am quite sure. Now run along, I'm sure you've got plenty of work to do."

Mila nodded slowly, but grabbed her things and began to leave. "Thanks, Professor," she said as she headed out the door. She felt a lot better. McGonagall was no-nonsense, and if she said nothing was going on then she was probably right. Perhaps Mila was just being dramatic.

She'd left too early to see the note however. A note McGonagall wrote the second she left, addressed to Albus Dumbledore.

 _She's starting to ask questions, Albus._


	3. The Burrow

Mila had put her worries out of her mind since her talk with McGonagall. In fact, she had hardly thought much about it. The Christmas holidays had come sooner than expected. She didn't think she could do it, but Mila managed to get through the mountain of work she had before the break started. Even Ron had made it out alive.

They sat in the train compartment together, excited to be away from Hogwarts for a change. As much as she loved Hogwarts, this was a much deserved break. She was sad to see the back of Ron and Hermione, and the others in her year, but at least she had Harry. That was enough for her.

When the train got to the station, she had given Ron and Hermione tight hugs before saying farewell. She noticed Ron motion to Harry, giving him a thumb's up, with a pointed look on his face. Harry nodded to him and the pair left the station.

She and Harry had to make their own way to Sirius' house, as he wasn't allowed to leave on the account of being an escaped prisoner. They grabbed a taxi, and Harry had fronted the fairly expensive fare. He knew Mila had some money from an unknown relative tucked away somewhere in the bank, but he always paid for things when he could. Thanks to his own parents he had plenty to last him for a lifetime, and he had never asked Mila exactly how much had been left to her, but she always seemed to make do. When they got out of the taxi, Harry stopped her before she went any further.

"Mila, I was hoping to talk to you about something." He looked nervous, but Mila was too cold to notice.

"Ok, but can it wait. It's freezing out here," she said as she rubbed her hands together. He nodded and they made their way to the front door.

The second they made it through the door to Sirius' house, he was ready and waiting. Harry dropped his bags and reached to hug him. Both were ecstatic to see each other, and Mila looked fondly at the pair as she watched them. When they broke apart, Sirius gave a look between her and Harry before she gave him her own hug.

She'd forgotten how handsome Sirius was, though she knew she shouldn't think it. Remus wasn't half bad either. She would never tell Harry this though, the last thing he wanted was to think of his dad's old school friends in that way. They weren't that old though. Somewhere along the line she had worked out they were in their mid-thirties, that was a very loose estimate, but she knew Harry's parents had been young when they had him. Sirius used to say they were eager to start a family.

Mila broke from her hug, "Well, well, well. If it isn't the notorious Padfoot. You know, Harry, I think we have a celebrity in our midst."

Harry chuckled, "You might be right Mila, should I ask for his autograph?"

"You better," Mila played along, "We might miss our chance and never see him again."

Sirius looked a bit like he'd seen a ghost, "It's just like old times. You get more like your father everyday, Harry. And Mila of course, she's-" he coughed, "Uh what I mean to say is, you've grown."

She gave him a odd look, "Thanks? It's all that calcium I guess. I've got excellent bone density."

She cracked her knuckles jokingly and Sirius gave her a warm smile, "I'm sure you have."

She remembered another reason why she liked Sirius, he always seemed to get her sense of humour.

"Well, you kids better get unpacked. I've got both your rooms set up and everything."

Mila picked up her bags, "We're not sharing?" she joked.

She heard Harry sputter and thought she saw some colour reach his cheeks, Sirius on the other hand, seemed to have turned white.

Sirius, once more, looked between them, "I hadn't realised that-"

Mila laughed, "Relax, I'm just kidding."

She got the sense her joke hadn't been well received though, as Harry didn't look at her when they climbed up the stairs. Sirius seemed to be getting over his shock at the thought of Mila and Harry sharing a room and took a while to follow them. Mila wouldn't be kidding about that again any time soon.

"Read the room," she told herself quietly, before laughing a little to herself. _Boys,_ she thought.

* * *

They settled in pretty quickly. For some reason, Lupin wouldn't be joining them for a few days, and Mila was disappointed. She always wished Lupin and Sirius could spend more time together.

Her, Harry and Sirius had already started playing a bunch of board games that were lying around. It would be fun for a while, but she got the sense that wouldn't tide them over for two weeks. No wonder Sirius was bored.

They were playing cards, and Harry was losing. Hard. Mostly because Mila was cheating. They spoke as they continued their game.

"Hey, Sirius, I found something funny in the girls bathroom the other day," Mila said, remembering her discovery.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow, "Oh? And that was?"

"Someone wrote 'Owl Sirius 'Hot Rod' Black for good time'" Mila laughed. Harry joined in.

"Believe it or not, I was quite a ladies man back in the day," Sirius said.

This just made Mila and Harry laugh even harder.

"I was!" he insisted. "Besides I think I know who wrote it," he added quietly.

Neither heard because Mila had just put down another winning hand. Frustrated at losing another round, Harry threw his hand down.

"It's no use! You're both too conniving for your own good."

Mila pretended not to know what he was talking about, "Me? Conniving?"

Harry grinned at her, "Yes, you. And I'm not totally convinced that you aren't cheating, either!"

"Do you hear that Sirius? He accuses me of cheating?" Mila looked to him for help.

"Yes he is! Because you are cheating! Which is rather annoying because usually when I cheat I win, and that's just not happening at the moment." Sirius' eyes glinted.

"Are you telling me I'm surrounded by accusers and cheaters? Well thanks gentlemen, but I think I shall take my winnings and bid you adieu." She rose up and scooped up the knuts they had been playing with. She tried not to laugh as she turned away and began walking, but was stopped when Sirius plucked a card out from her back jean pocket.

She turned to him, mocking sheepishness, "I was just holding it?"

Sirius laughed, "Come on, you can do better than that." He leaned back in his chair, excited to hear what she came up with.

"Well you obviously planted it there. You said it yourself, you are a cheat."

"Better! How about it just fell into your pocket?" he grinned. She suspected he hadn't had this much fun in a long time. Since her and Harry had entered the house, he had been nothing but smiles.

Mila sat down again, and turned towards him, "Hmm, I was sitting on my wand and a silent accio flew the card there all by itself. I can do silent spells, you know."

Harry watched the two curiously as they came up with more and more reasons the card had been in her pocket.

"I'm glad you too don't spend more time together. Just imagine the trouble Mila would get into then," Harry finally said, interrupting them.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, but didn't look angry at all. "Yes, Remus told me you've been getting a lot of detentions."

Mila laughed, "That's nothing new. I've been getting detentions since first year."

Sirius chuckled wistfully, "I bet you have. We used to- that is, James and I did too."

"I know," she grinned.

"You do?" he asked curiously. Mila figured he probably liked the idea of his reputation still hanging around.

"Yeah, Harry told me all about it." She gave Harry a smile. "And of course you guys are legends. I wished I'd been around when you were still back at school. Imagine the hexes I could pull then!"

"Hmm, imagine," Sirius said, "Still, it's nice to hear stories are still making their way around the school. Anyway, if you excuse me, I have some business that needs attending."

He rose abruptly, and left the room, leaving Harry and Mila sitting at the dining table.

Mila rose her eyebrows to Harry, "That was weird."

Harry nodded, but didn't say anything.

Mila prodded some more, "Do you think he's bored of us already?"

Harry frowned, and Mila quickly retracted, "No, I'm sorry. Of course he's not bored of you. He just left so quickly is all."

"That's not it."

He was speaking in short sentences, a sure sign Mila had picked up over the years, that something was troubling him.

"Well? What is it?" She looked concernedly at her friend.

Harry turned to meet Mila's eye, "Just… the way he looks at you, Mila? Its the look he gets when he starts talking about my dad."

* * *

Sirius got out of his weird mood, and in the following days before Christmas, they played games, drank a little (it was Sirius' house they were in after all) and learned more about Harry's dad. Mila knew that was one of the main reasons Harry loved coming here, he eagerly sought out any ties to his past.

Mila was full of festive cheer, and one day, after she came back from the shops, she told the boys they were decorating the house. Unbeknownst to her, Lupin had arrived while she was out.

"What's all this?" He raised his eyebrows at the shopping bags weighing down her arms.

"Hey, Professor! They're supplies. This place is getting some Christmas spirit!"

Harry walked toward her and took some of the bags,"Where are we going to put all this?"

"Well, I've got tinsel for the windows, some ornaments. I also have some baubles, so if we can convince a certain someone to get a tree…" she reeled off, giving Sirius a pointed look.

Sirius glanced at Lupin before giving into Mila's look, "Fine, we can go pick one out." He grinned at her excitedly, but Mila noticed Lupin looked less than impressed.

"Don't give me that look, Lupin. It's Christmas!" she reasoned. Lupin gave her a small smile before nodding.

"Whatever you say, Mila."

* * *

It took the rest of the afternoon to decorate the house. It was so big, Mila had to give up on doing every room, so she settled for all the rooms they frequented. The dining, the lounge and the kitchen. The tree was magnificent. Sirius had let her pick the nicest one, saying he had the gold for it anyway, and not to worry about the price. _Just like Harry,_ she had thought, and did what he said.

She had Christmas music on as they all helped finish decorating the tree. As Mila watched the three males argue over where to put some tinsel, she smiled to herself. They all looked so happy together, and already this was one of the best Christmases she'd ever had. Sirius was trying to take charge, but Harry wasn't letting him. And Lupin, he was try to negotiate between the other two.

She didn't know why, but she got the strangest sense of deja vu as she looked at them. Lupin was the first one to notice her stare and turned to her.

"You ok, Mila?" he asked. He couldn't help the worry that slipped into his question, and hoped she wouldn't notice. Sirius heard him, and looked toward both of them as she answered.

She shook herself out of her stupor, "Yeah. Just happy."

Sirius grinned broadly and Lupin too, despite himself.

"We're happy to have you," Sirius said pointedly.

He noticed Lupin was eyeing him carefully and mouthed 'what' defensively. Lupin just rolled his eyes at him, and Sirius knew he was going to get a talking to later.

"I'm excited to see everyone tomorrow," Mila spoke. They were off to the Burrow for Christmas Day and of course Mrs Weasley had made them promise to come for the whole day. She was probably intent to stuff all their faces.

"Me too," Harry agreed. He was missing Ron and Hermione. Mila was too.

"It will be nice to get out of this house," Sirius mused.

"Hey, whenever you want me to start taking you for walks I'm game," Mila said.

He gave her a serious look, "I'm a desperate man, I may just take you up on that."

Lupin intervened, "Ok you two. Let's just get on with this damn tree." He pretended to be annoyed, but Mila saw the smile he tried to hide as he resumed decorating the tree.

* * *

Mila was met with Mrs Weasley as soon as she walked through the door. The elder woman wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight. Sirius, Lupin and Harry all edged away, worried they would be next.

"You're here! Oh my dear let me get a look at you!" She moved her hands so they were now on Mila's cheeks, and she studied her from head to toe.

"You've grown so much! You're getting so beautiful."

Mila laughed bewilderedly as Mrs Weasley continued to shower her with compliments. It went on for a while actually. She met Lupin and Sirius' eyes and gave a helpless look. Mrs Weasley's grip was starting to get a little uncomfortable, but Mr Weasley put a hand on his wife's arm to draw her away.

"I think she gets it, Molly," he said to her.

"Oh I know, I know. But look at her Arthur, she's just like-"

"I can see that, Molly," he interrupted her. Mila watched as he exchanged a look with Lupin, and held a tearful Molly by his side, "It's nice to see you, Mila."

Mila was confused by the strange greetings from them both, but smiled warmly at Mr Weasley.

"You too. How are the boys?"

Mr Weasley laughed, "Eagerly waiting to see you. Go on through."

She grinned and began to motion to Harry to follow before realising that Molly had gotten ahold of him now. Lupin and Sirius exchanged greetings with Arthur, but they didn't look like they were having a nice conversation. Mila frowned. It was Christmas, where was all the cheer?

Harry finally broke free and they left the adults to walk further into the house. Mr Weasley was right, all the kids were waiting for them there. Mila was most excited to see Fred and George, and they impatiently swept her up in a hug before she could say hello to anyone else.

"We heard you set Malfoy's desk on fire," Fred grinned.

"Brilliant," George chimed in.

She laughed, "It singed off his eyebrows and he had to go to Madam Pomfrey to regrow them."

"Double brilliant," they both said.

"It's harder with you guys gone, I'm a one man operation. Don't have the time to pull off anything clever anymore," she complained, and the twins exchanged a look.

"Don't fret. We've been thinking off a few tricks you can pull."

The twins dragged her to the corner of the room and began whispering quietly. Harry stood with Ron and Hermione and watched the three of them.

"We shouldn't let them be in the same room together. Mila will be in detention all term once we go back," he said.

Ron laughed, 'We get it mate. You miss her when she's not by your side every minute of the day."

Harry huffed, "That's not what I meant, Ron."

"Could've fooled me." Ron raised his eyebrows.

Hermione smacked him, "Stop teasing him, Ronald."

Harry gave Ron a pointed look as he sneakily gestured to Hermione, "Yeah. Don't tease me Ronald."

It was Ron's turn to blush, and he coughed in the hopes that Hermione wouldn't notice.

The adults finally entered the room, and all the kids came over to say their hellos. Mrs Weasley dragged Fred and George away from their plotting with Mila, and forced them to greet Sirius and Lupin.

"It's polite," she told them. They were more than happy though, sometimes if they were lucky, Sirius would tell them about a few pranks he pulled back in the day.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Molly suddenly squealed, and ran off before coming back into the room with four parcels.

She gave one to the four guests, and they all exchange glances knowing fully what they were. Mila opened hers enthusiastically and had her sweater on before the other three had even opened theirs. Growing up without a family was lonely, and she was always so happy to be included with the Weasley's Christmases.

Her's was blue, which brought out the colour of her eyes. Mrs Weasley was too observant not to have done that on purpose. Mila gave her another quick hug.

"Thanks, Mrs Weasley."

Molly gave her a watery smile, "Anything for you, dear." She reached up as if to touch Mila's face again, but stopped when Lupin spoke.

"I think it's time for lunch! Don't you think, Molly?"

She nodded. "Yes, you're right Remus. Come on kids, everybody into the dining room."

They all eagerly scrambled over there, and when Mila saw the table she gasped. It was beautiful. The food was already set out, and you could tell the Molly had set out the best possible plates and cutlery she had. There were Christmas crackers, and little ornaments decorating the table too.

Fred had told her earlier that Molly had strung mistletoe in all sorts of places, and that she would have to be careful less someone try and pull her in for a kiss. She could see some of it now, and she laughed as she avoided it. Maybe Molly was hoping Ron would drag Hermione under one of those things. She got a sense Mrs Weasley was aware of more than she let on.

They all sat around the long dining table, Mila sat next to Harry. They both gave each other a happy look. Even though they had been coming to the Burrow for a while, they still weren't used to having a family and a real Christmas. It was part of what connected them, though Harry had stayed with the Dursleys, they had had similar childhoods.

Mila piled her plate with roast vegetables, ham, and especially Yorkshire puddings. Those were her absolute favourite. Sirius had passed them too her with a knowing look before she had even had to ask.

There was easy chatter amongst the group as they all enjoyed their dinner together. Fred and George had begun chatting eagerly to Sirius, and Ginny was trying to pull Harry's attention.

Lupin sat on the other side of Mila, and though he seemed to be talking to everyone else but her, she decided she hadn't spoken to him in a while and that needed correcting.

"Hey Lupin, wanna bet how many brussel sprouts I can fit into my mouth?" she asked jokingly.

He turned to her surprised. His plan to minimise contact with Mila was obviously going to be harder than he thought. He had only sat by her so that Sirius wouldn't, and end up saying too much.

Though as Lupin watched her smile at him, a small part of him realised that he had just wanted to sit next to her anyway.

"I would, but I fear Molly would have a heart attack about you choking," he smiled back, not being able to help it.

Mila let out a mock sigh, "I guess we'll never know."

She was curious to see Lupin frown at her words as he said, much too seriously, "I guess we won't."

He turned pointedly away from her, and Mila wondered if she had just been snubbed. By Professor Lupin of all people. First he'd been concerned about her at school and now he was what? Ignoring her?

She decided to turn to Harry, but met Sirius' eyes on the way. He was giving her a sympathetic look, like he knew had noticed Lupin was ignoring her, and maybe even why. It was much like the looks she had been receiving from Professors at school, and it brought her back on edge, like she had felt before McGonagall had told her she was being silly.

Before starting to seriously question if the one person she had trusted with this worry had lied to her, she was interrupted by Harry who was finally happy to be able to catch her attention.

"I know you've been talking to them, but don't let Fred and George get you into too much trouble," he said.

She smiled, pushing her worries aside, "Well I can't have you losing sleep if you're determined to stay up for all my detentions."

He have a sheepish look, "I like to know you're ok."

"You worry too much, Potter."

"And you don't worry enough, Lovett."

Sirius watched them carefully, though neither of them noticed. Lupin did though, and gave Sirius a warning look. Sirius sighed when he saw it, at this rate he was going to break a bloody record of how many disapproving looks Remus could give him in one day. He rolled his eyes at him, a little childish for someone in their mid-thirties, but he got frustrated easily.

As much as Remus didn't want to admit it, he knew Mila was going to figure to something was wrong. She was too sharp not to. McGonagall had told them she had come to her, complaining about getting looks of pity from teachers. Even Snape was on edge, keeping her for detention much longer than he should have. It was getting too difficult.

Even now, when Lupin had turned away from her, he saw the cogs that were already turning in her mind. Remus may think what he was doing was best, but it only made it worse. Not that Sirius could talk. He barely coped around her. His impulsive nature tried to tell her every time she looked at him.

He continued to look at Mila and Harry throughout the meal. Harry looked so much like his father sometimes, that Sirius felt like he was sixteen again, watching the same story play out. Mila was making Harry laugh and Sirius took in her smile.

Wars could be won with that smile, there was no doubt about it. Mila wasn't oblivious to her charm, but she didn't know just how far the effect had on certain people. Harry was soaking it in, and Sirius knew the boy was half in love already, probably had been since the day they met.

Mrs Weasley soon brought out desert and Mila, just as greedily as she had lunch, piled it on her plate.

Most people's eye were on her as Mrs Weasley said, "You know Mila, it's looking like Sirius must not be feeding you."

Mila laughed as she took a swipe of pudding on her finger and popped it into her mouth, "What are you talking about? Sirius is an excellent host, aren't you Sirius?"

He played along, "Of course. We have breakfast, brunch, and you can't forget the high teas."

"And luncheon is a must. Really Mrs Weasley, you must join us some time. I'll have are butler set an extra plate," Mila continued.

The table laughed at the pair, and Mila smirked at Sirius. She loved it when he joked with her, he was better at it than anyone else. Sometimes Harry would just look at her all flustered and laugh at her antics instead of keeping up with her.

"Alright you too, just start eating the darn thing," Mrs Weasley chuckled, and Mila got to it immediately.

Everyone finished quickly. Mrs Weasley's desserts were always amazing, and most asked for seconds, Mila included.

"I don't know how you manage to stay so skinny Mila, your appetite is worse than Fred's," Mrs Weasley said, as she put a second helping onto her plate.

Mila gave her a cheeky grin and Mrs Weasley spoke again, "Sometimes, my love, you look like a little fox with that smile."

Lupin coughed suddenly, his food seemed to have gone down the wrong way and he excused himself from the table. Mrs Weasley went to check if he was ok, and Sirius looked like he desperately wanted to say something. Perhaps he wanted to crack a joke at his friends expense.

They finished dessert, and eventually Lupin came back with Molly coddling him. She looked rather sorry. Mila supposed she felt guilty; it was her dessert after all.

They all let themselves down from the table, and most went into the living room. The rest of the night Mila spent going from group to group, catching up with all the Weasley kids and her friends.

She kept being pulled into conversations and at one point she got so tired that she excused herself.

Harry looked at her questionably, asking to come with her like he always did. She shook her and head went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

She grabbed a glass and began filling it from the tap. She turned to see Sirius had followed her in and she smiled in greeting.

"Fun day, huh?"

"Yeah. Molly sure knows how to throw a party." The pair laughed at that. After lunch, Molly had put on Christmas music, and after a few too many sherries, begun dancing. It was certainly a sight to remember.

"It's getting pretty late, are we leaving soon?" Mila asked. She didn't want to leave, but they would have to get back eventually, and she hadn't given Harry his present yet.

Sirius nodded and took a step toward her. She didn't really notice because he was still quite far away. It was when he took another two steps, that Mila watched him curiously.

"Is everything ok?" she asked. That's when she noticed how worn out Sirius looked. He looked tired and stressed, and Mila guessed he must hate being cooped up for so long. He was at the Burrow, but it was still indoors, and Mila wondered how long it had been since he had taken a proper walk in the sun.

He nodded wanly, "Yes. No. I don't know."

"Should I get someone? Harry, or Lupin maybe?" she asked.

"No," Sirius said hastily, and when she gave him a questioning look he shrugged. "They'll only worry," he added.

Mila knew what that was like. "I get it. Sometimes Harry worries about me so much, I don't know how he has time for anything else."

Sirius looked at the ground, "He really cares about you."

"I know, but lately, and it's not just him, it's- I just feel like I can't breathe." This is what she had been trying to say to McGonagall all those days ago, that she felt like she was suffocating.

It was the looks, it was Harry, it was people acting like she was a china doll, it was Molly crying whenever she saw her, it was Lupin ignoring her, it was Sirius paying too much attention, it was… everything.

"I've been meaning to speak to you about that," he said hesitantly, and Mila stepped forward eagerly.

Maybe someone was finally going to tell her the truth, "Please, would you? I feel like I'm going crazy. It must not just be me if you've noticed it too."

He looked almost erratic. He was going to come up with some excuse, something to give them more time, but she looked at him too desperately that he just couldn't lie. He had known she would have suspected something, she was Mila, she noticed everything. Maybe now was the wrong time, maybe Lupin and Dumbledore would be disappointed in him, but he didn't care. He aching to tell her and she was looking at him like he could make it all finally make sense. And he gave into it so easily.

So he opened his mouth, "Mila, I-"

"Sirius, Molly wants you to have a dance with her." Remus had entered the kitchen.

Sirius felt like a schoolboy caught in the act. He was just too impulsive for his own good sometimes. He stood for a beat, his adrenaline had picked up and remained frozen until he nodded mutely, knowing he had missed his chance. He walked hastily out of the kitchen, leaving Mila alone with Lupin.

Mila didn't know why, but she felt like she was in trouble from the way that Lupin looked at her.

"What did Sirius say?" Lupin asked sharply.

"Nothing, we were just talking." She said instinctively. She got into mischief so many times, that she was just used to talking herself out of it.

She changed her mind though, her fiery temper was fed up. Obviously something was going on and like it or not Lupin was going to tell her.

"Actually you know what? I was asking him to be honest with me. Because god forbid anyone do that! Something is going on, isn't it?" She looked at him expectantly, and to his credit Lupin didn't back down like most people did when she was angry.

He took a breath before he spoke, "Yes. There is."

Mila tried to hide her shock at something finally being upfront with her, but she waited quietly for him to tell her.

"You might have to change foster homes," he said. Mila stood there momentarily, waiting for the big news, before realising Lupin had finished.

Mila scoffed, "What, that's it?"

"Yes," Lupin settled, "But this one may be harder to persuade about letting spend all your holidays at the Burrow."

She frowned, "Oh."

"We'll do the best we can."

She noticed he looked very guilty for something that was out of his control.

She sighed. "Well, it won't last forever. I'll probably be moved again at some point." She didn't know if she was trying to make him feel better, or herself.

Lupin was silent, but he nodded.

"Are you sure that's it?" she asked doubtfully. It seemed a whole lot of drama for something that had happened before.

"I'm sure."

"But that still doesn't explain why everyone has been acting so crazy."

Lupin had an answer for that too. "Nobody wants to upset care about you, Mila. People care about you."

"You seem to have a knack for that," he added.

She sighed. This was not who she thought her Christmas was going to be spent. Changing foster homes would be a bummer, and she hoped that her new guardian would give in to letting spend as little time there as possible. Usually they didn't mind, they just collected their check and were glad to be rid of her.

Still, she gave Lupin a final scrutinising look, and he tried his best to look like he was telling the truth.

"Ok. Say I believe you. But can you please stop avoiding me? You happen to be my favourite teacher, you know." She smiled at him.

He let out a short laugh, of course she'd noticed that too. "I better be you're favourite teacher, what with the amount I let you get away with."

She chuckled, "And you're also my friend."

He glanced at her surprised. She had a vulnerable look on her face as she continued.

"I don't like it when you ignore me. You're special to Harry, and you're special to me."

He smiled at her, and Mila was finally happy to see that she had her old Professor back. They were standing close to each other, and she heard Lupin mutter 'damn Molly'. She glanced up to see what he was looking at, and she noticed the mistletoe that hung between him.

She caught his eye and gave him a mischievous look. She laughed internally at the petrified face he made, before she kissed him swiftly on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Professor," she said, and she made her way back to the lounge room, where the rest of the party was.

Lupin stood for a moment, and gave a small smile before he turned cold, his moment ruined when he realised that he had just lied to her for the millionth time in her life.

* * *

When they finally got home from the Burrow, Mila was exhausted. The twins had dragged her in their room to talk to her, and then Bill and Charlie had arrived and asked her questions about Hogwarts. Mrs Weasley had also had her own questions, and Ginny had pulled her into her room to have 'girl talk', which included a conversation about Harry that made her feel more than a little uncomfortable.

She had wanted to spend time with Ron and Hermione, but every time she tried, another Weasley just pulled her away. She didn't mind though, she loved the Weasley's and she loved socialising, but she also missed her friends.

She immediately went to sit on the couch and Lupin, Sirius and Harry followed suit. They all sat silently for a moment, patting their bellies and enjoying the quiet. They jumped when Mila gasped suddenly.

"Presents," she squealed, and she ran upstairs as the three of them watched her.

"How can she move like that after everything we've eaten?" Harry groaned.

Sirius laughed, "The mysteries of women, Harry. How do we know why they do anything?"

They heard her as she bounced back down the stairs, obviously having her energy back.

She handed Harry a parcel, and he grinned at her before tearing it open. She watched excitedly as he did. It was a little wooden statue of a stag, the carver who had done it had obviously taken great care in making it. The details were intricate, the most impressive were the antlers.

"Thank you, Mila," he said quietly as he turned it around in his fingers. She could tell he loved it, and she leant over to give him a quick hug.

Sirius and Lupin were smiling at the pair, and began to stand up.

"Not so fast," she said, before handing them both their own packages from behind her back.

They exchanged a look before opening the gifts. Both had matching carved animals, though Sirius' was a dog and Lupin's a wolf.

"You didn't have to get us anything, Mila," Lupin said softly. But he too, stared at the little animal in his hands.

"Of course I did," she said, as the three of them looked at her, "We're family."

She wished she could have afforded something nicer, she didn't have a lot in the way of money. That bank account was just about running out, and she was lucky to have made it this far on the money that random relative had left behind.

She misread the looks they gave her, "I know it's not much, but-"

"No, they're great," Sirius interrupted, "Really."

She smiled happily, before Harry spoke, "Why didn't you get one?"

She shrugged, "I didn't know which animal to get. I still can't cast a patronus for the life of me."

She didn't know why, but every time she cast that spell she could only get little wisps of white. It just didn't work for her.

Harry looked sympathetic, "You'll get it one day, Mila. If you want, we can practice when we get back to Hogwarts?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Harry's obvious attempt to spend more time with Mila. Mila was too perceptive for Sirius to believe she was completely oblivious when it came to Harry's feelings about her. But in Mila's eyes, Harry was the best and purest thing in her life, and she wouldn't mess that up for anything.

"Sure, we can practice," she smiled sincerely at him, before yawning.

"I'm beat, I think I might to to bed."

She stood and and stretched her arms over her head, her shirt lifting a little, though Harry pretended not to notice. She went to grab the bags she had carried home, which she'd left by the door. They were full of presents from the Weasley's and supplies from Fred and George.

Harry followed her up the stairs, and Remus and Sirius heard him trying to convince her to let him carry the bags as they left.

They both sat on the couch silently, each glancing at the animals in their hands. Lupin knew Sirius didn't want to hear it, but he had to speak to him about what he had almost said in the kitchen. He watched Sirius' face as he looked at his animal carving. There was a hope there that Lupin didn't want to crush, but that was the most dangerous thing of all. Hope. Sirius' hope led to Mila almost finding out the truth.

"About what happened, Sirius-" Remus started.

Sirius stood up, still twirling the figurine in his hands and looking at it wistfully, "Not tonight, Remus. Just let me have tonight."

Remus watched him walk up the stairs, grateful that he too could hold on to his own hope a little longer.

* * *

A/N did i just bless you with a 6000+ word chapter? i think i did :)

i realise, when reading back, that this chapter was a little heavy on the 'oOo thEreS a bIg SEcrET' but let me live folks, and only human, and so is Sirius


	4. The Train

A/N i'm thinking on posting every tuesday and saturday? just so there is some sort of schedule

i'll try and keep that up until I finish the (unofficial) 'first part' of the story, and then probably take a break to catch up... but we have PLENTY to go before we get there

thanks to everyone for being so nice, i do write this for fun and as a way to de-stress, so pretty much if you don't like it, don't read it, i'm just here for a chill time xx appreciating that it's all been positive so far though, so thank you a lot for that

thanks to ArcticFox, FoxyForever and FarFromTheSun for reviewing xxx

* * *

The rest of the holidays passed by uneventfully and when it was time to leave, Mila was sad to say goodbye. They would get to see Lupin at school, but they wouldn't get to see Sirius until after the easter break.

Harry still had his side of the two-way mirror, so he could see Sirius when he wanted to, but it wasn't the same. They both hugged him goodbye, and when Lupin left the room Sirius asked if he could see the map for a second.

He quietly cast a charm on it, one Mila had never heard before, and swiftly handed it back to Harry. Mila didn't know if he knew she had seen, but figured it was his to play with. He was probably just updating it, and hoping Lupin didn't think he was trying to get Harry and Mila to cause trouble.

Sirius was able to accompany them to the train station in his animagus form, and as they stood on the platform he kept jumping up playfully at her as she laughed.

"We have to go now, Sirius," she said, and the dog whined in return. She leant down and pet him, "I'm sorry. Thank you for a great Christmas."

It hurt to leave him, but Harry, Mila and Lupin all went to board the train. Lupin said a quick goodbye to the two of them and went to find some of the other teachers. Harry and Mila found Ron and Hermione in a compartment with Seamus and Dean.

"Hey guys, how was your holiday?" Mila asked the boys as she sat down next to them. She liked Seamus and Dean, she always had good fun when they were around.

They quickly set off to tell her about their Christmas, the pair making her laugh as they told stories about their families. Hermione glanced at her and gave her a look, which Mila took to mean she wanted a break from the boys. They both excused themselves and decided to take a walk around the train.

They ran into a lot of people, and others had their compartment door open. Mila was met with choruses of 'hey Mila' and 'how was your holiday, Mila?'

Hermione looked at her humorously as the other students continued.

"It's always like this when I walk with you," she said, and Mila waited for her to elaborate.

"Everyone wants to be your friend, they always have."

"What are you talking about? They're just saying hello to us," Mila said.

"Harry's fame is part of it. But look at you, you're soaking up all the attention," Hermione laughed.

"Oh come on, Hermione. I'm not that bad."

Hermione gave one of her knowing looks, which annoyed Mila when she wasn't in on it, and chuckled quietly as they continued walking down the train. Mila knew of course, what Hermione was alluding to. She always made these little observations about Mila's personality, which Mila usually just ignored.

"Hey, Lovett!" a voice suddenly called out. Both she and Hermione turned to see Malfoy smirking at the pair of them.

"Potter proposed yet?" he added. Mila hated when people made jokes about her and Harry like that. It made her have to think about things she didn't want to deal with just yet.

"Yes actually. We're thinking a summer wedding. And no, you're not invited," she replied snarkily. He knew it was a sore point for her, however, and just laughed.

"And here I thought I was going to be best man." Malfoy acted wounded and put a hand on his heart.

"Funny how things _don't_ work out, isn't it?"

"You are particularly feisty today, Lovett. Something the matter?" he asked.

"Yeah. There's a ferret in my way and I just can't seem to get him to move." She knew Malfoy hated being reminded of getting turned into a ferret, and grinned when the smirk was wiped off from his face.

"You really should be nice to me, Lovett. I've got something you have yet to acquire."

Mila wondered what he was getting to, but decided she didn't care. "Oh really? Is it a massive ego?"

She didn't realise that they had drawn a crowd, and was surprised when she heard a sweeping laughter along the train.

"Fine, if you won't play nice, I won't tell you. But trust me, you'll want to know." And with that incredible vague statement Malfoy shut his compartment door as Mila rolled her eyes.

"Bloody ferrets," she muttered to herself, and told Hermione she wanted to go back to their compartment.

Malfoy had something she wanted? She couldn't possibly imagine what it was. If this was him trying to stir the pot then he was just going to have to do better than that.

She was annoyed by the time they got back to their friends, and Harry immediately noticed her change in mood. This just annoyed her even more, she hated how easily he could read her, and it also reminded her of Malfoy's proposal comment. She decided to keep talking to Dean and Seamus so she wouldn't have to deal with it.

Seamus and Dean were more than happy to keep chatting to her for the rest of the train ride, and Ron kept cracking jokes, making her forget all about her confrontation. When they finally reached Hogwarts she turned to give Harry's arm a squeeze to let him know she was ok. He nodded at her, understanding her gesture and they picked up their bags to start getting off the train.

Mila had seen the threstrals ever since first year. She gave one a stroke as she got onto the carriage and started the ride to Hogwarts. She didn't know why she could see them, she didn't remember seeing someone die until Cedric in their fourth year. She always assumed something had happened as an infant or child that she was simply too young to remember. Or at least, had repressed enough to forget.

She was happy to be back at Hogwarts, but she was not happy about the upcoming essays and NEWTs they would have to do. It was already giving her a headache, and she was lucky to have the skills she did, otherwise there was no way she could cope. Ron had already made her promise to help him with Transfiguration, and Harry wanted to start helping her with her patronus. Her chances of pulling another prank were dwindling as she realised she wouldn't have much time for them anymore.

The feast was as to be expected, and Dumbledore's speech had the same message to it that is always did.

"Some of you will face many challenges this year, and as you grow, will learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible," he continued. Mila swore he had glinted at her when he said this, but she was used to Dumbledore's odd hints and figured she would know about it when the time came.

Ron winked at her, he had caught the look too. She chuckled at him as he continued stuffing his face despite the attention they were suppose to be giving to the speeches.

Mila scanned the teachers and found Lupin. She tried to catch his eye to give him a smile, but he was looking at Dumbledore. She did, however, catch Snape's eye and hastily looked away before she got into trouble already on the first day back.

She thought back to what Malfoy had said and scanned her eyes through the Slytherin table to see what he was up too. He was already looking at her as she did so, and when their eyes met he gave her a wink, stirring up even more from the afternoon. This annoyed her to no end, but damn if she wasn't curious to see what he had to say.

Harry had promised they were going to work on her patronus after the feast, and though she had wanted to take it easy her first day back, she didn't want to say no to him.

Not being able to cast a patronus was just about making her crazy, considering everything else she had accomplished. Hermione may be the brightest witch of her age, but there was no denying Mila was the most talented. Spells and enchantments came easily to her. She was always the first in class to get it right, and she was often the base of jealousy because of it. If she put half an effort in her essays and tests, she may have gotten better grades than Hermione. But as talented as she was, she was also too restless to sit down long enough to study for long.

But despite all that she still could not cast a patronus. For someone to whom things came so easily, it was frustrating to not be able to do something.

When the feast was over, Harry made her go straight to the Room of Requirement to practice. He seemed very intent on making her learn it, enough so that she suspected there was something else on his mind and that perhaps he needed a distraction. Either way, she obliged.

"Just remember to think of something happy," Harry said.

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You know, I have done this before."

He gave her a playful smile, "Well technically, you haven't."

He laughed at the look she gave him, and continued to do so until she told him to shut up.

"Alright, here goes," she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and concentrated on a happy memory.

She drew her wand and yelled, "Expecto Patronum." She watched the end of her wand for results, and sighed when the air around her wand was empty. She had a few more attempts, with the same results until she angrily threw her wand across the room.

"Maybe you're just tired?" Harry shrugged, though they both knew that wasn't it.

"Are you sure your memory is happy enough?" he continued, when she stayed silent. It was rare Mila struggled at something, and he hated to see her troubled.

"It's not that," she huffed, trying to figure out why she had such a problem with this spell.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Because it's of you," she answered, not thinking much of it until she realised Harry had stayed silent for a few minutes. She looked and saw he had a funny look on his face.

"You ok there?" she frowned, and he coughed in reply.

"Uh- yeah. Hm. Whats the- um what is the memory of?" The room wasn't very brightly lit, and Harry was grateful because he knew he was definitely blushing.

Mila smiled as she recalled the memory, "The day we met."

* * *

 _It was the day she had gotten her wand actually. The same day she found to out she was a wizard. McGonagall had been the one to tell her. She had come to the orphanage and asked to see her. Mila had been scared at first, McGonagall was a frightening women when she wanted to be. But when McGonagall had told her she was a wizard, it was like something clicked and her life finally started to make sense. All the tricks she could do, all the power she felt inside her, it suddenly had a name._

 _That very same day, McGonagall had taken her to Ollivander's. When she had walked through the door, she had been greeted by an old bookish smell. Ollivander had been standing behind the counter and his smile brightened when he saw her come in. She hadn't even said anything before he rushed to the back of his shop and brought out a wand for her. He had told her it was made from acacia wood with a core of a phoenix feather, though she hadn't know what that meant at the time. The second she touched it a warmth had spread through her, and it felt like it belonged in her hand. As someone who, before then, had never truly owned anything before, it was the happiest she had ever felt. Powerful too. And then Harry had walked into the store._

 _He had been accompanied by Hagrid, and Mila had been too distracted to notice Harry at first. She had never seen a man so large before, and she'd walked over to him before McGonagall could stop her._

 _"_ _You're huge," she had said, more in awe than anything else._

 _Hagrid had been surprised but grinned largely at her, "And you are very small."_

 _He chuckled when she smiled back, and it was then she noticed the boy who was standing shyly behind Hagrid. Hagrid had seen her glance at Harry, and softy pulled the boy in front of Mila._

 _He had knelt down between the too of them, "This 'ere is Harry. Say 'ello Harry."_

 _Mila looked at the boy curiously as he did so. He was about her size, with unruly dark hair and glasses that were slightly askew on his face. But he looked at her like nobody ever had before. He looked at her like she was something to be treasured, and like he knew exactly what it was like not to be. They were the same. They were both orphans. She'd recognised something in him, and he in her._

 _She'd smiled brightly at him and he'd hesitantly smiled back._

 _"_ _I'm Mila," she said. Both were too busy smiling at each other that neither had noticed the forlorn look exchanged between Hagrid and McGonagall that day. They only had eyes for each other._

* * *

Mila shook herself from the memory, "Do you rememb-?"

"Of course I do," Harry smiled. Mila was caught in the moment until she recalled what it was they were actually trying to do.

She sighed, "Well anyway, it isn't working. And if that doesn't work, I don't know what will."

He smiled tenderly as he retrieved her wand. "I'm sure you'll get it eventually."

She wanted to sit down, and the room conjured two chairs just as the thought crossed her mind. She walked over and sat down in the chair, Harry took a seat in the other and passed her wand back.

"I just wish I could get it already." She sighed and slumped further into the chair.

"What does it feel like? When you cast the spell, I mean."

She thought for a second. "It feels like… something is blocking me. The power's there, the spell is there, but something is stopping the patronus from coming out." She looked at him. "Does that even make sense?"

He shook his head, "I've never heard anything like that before. Maybe you should ask Lupin, he was the one who taught me."

"I guess," she said quietly, "Can we just call it a night?"

The pair walked back to the common room, and Mila was just eager to get to bed. The Christmas holiday had been more exhausting than anything; the visit at the Burrow, plus Sirius had made them stay up most nights. He'd probably trying to make the most of the time he had with them. She was excited to get a proper nights sleep.

Hermione was already in their room when Mila got there. She was sitting on the bed going through a textbook. She spoke without looking up.

"How'd it go?"

Mila sighed, "Not great."

"I'm sure you'll get it eventually," she said.

Mila walked around the room, getting ready of bed, "Harry says I should ask Lupin about it."

Hermione snapped the book shut making Mila jump. "I don't think you should do that."

"What, why?" Mila frowned at the other girl.

Hermione looked like she was thinking her words very carefully. "It can wait," she settled on.

Mila slid into her bed, "Ok, Crazy." She didn't see what the big deal was, but when Hermione Granger told you to do something, you did it.


	5. The Library

A/N bit of a shorty, but i am about to pass out. happy saturday x

* * *

Mila nearly made it a whole week before getting a detention. She was pretty impressed with herself. The last time it had been that long was back in fourth year, and that was only because she had been busy trying to help Harry with the Triwizard Tournament.

The detention was Malfoy's fault, yet again. He started baiting her in potions and she'd gotten so annoyed that she hexed him. It wasn't anything special, just a bat bogey hex, but it had caught the eye of Snape and he was making her stay back after class to clean cauldron's again. He always made her do that, she'd cleaned those bloody things more times than she could count.

She sat on the floor in the middle of the room, using an old dirty rag to wipe the inside of a large cauldron she had sat in her lap. If she could picture a more laborious task than scrubbing cauldrons, Mila had yet to encounter it. It was also extremely boring.

It wasn't the brightest decision, but as Snape sat at his desk in silence, she decided to break it.

"So… Professor, have a nice holiday?" She looked at him hopefully, but he just grunted in return and she rolled her eyes animatedly, because she knew he was pointedly ignoring her.

She gave a large sigh, half hoping he would tell her off. He didn't even look up from the parchment he was scribbling on. She did it again, louder this time and he lifted his head to look at her. She gave him a grin and this time, he was the one to roll his eyes.

"Do you think your antics are amusing, Miss Lovett?" he drawled.

She held up the hand that wasn't scrubbing. "What antics? No antics here, Sir, I promise."

"I'm delighted to hear it," he said, not sounding that delighted at all. He went to start scribbling on his parchment again, but she interrupted it.

"It's just that, Sir, there is this little thing called NEWTs coming up, sort of an end of year quiz if you will, and I'd kind of made plans to study with someone." She knew this was a long-shot, but hell, it beat silence.

"I'm sure Mr Potter will cope without you for at least five minutes," Snape said knowingly, and Mila gave a sheepish smile.

"Not possible," she urged, "It is detrimental to his health if I'm not by his side for all hours of the day."

Snape gave her an odd look, "I've noticed. It seems it runs in the family."

"Huh?" she inquired, "What does?"

"Unhealthy attachments."

She assumed he was talking about James and Lily. Nobody had told her a lot, expect that they had loved each other very much. People sometimes told her that she looked like Lily, it was the red hair probably, it gave that allusion. But she supposed, that to Snape, seeing Harry and Mila was a lot like seeing James and Lily. Snape face looked weary with contemplation.

"That was different, James and Lily were in love," she said.

She found it odd when Snape looked surprised. "I'm not talking about James and Lily."

Mila frowned. _Who else could he be talking about?_ Both turned when they heard a cough by the door.

"Professor Snape, I see Miss Lovett has gotten another detention. If you don't mind, I will escort her back to her common room. It is getting rather late, after all."

Mila gave Lupin a hopeful look and turned to Snape eagerly to see if he would let her leave. He simply nodded, and Mila jumped up excitedly to collect her things.

"Well this has been lovely, Professor, we should really do this again sometime," she chatted, knowing she wouldn't get into anymore trouble now that Lupin was here.

She followed Lupin out the room, not waiting to hear if Snape had a retort. Her cheerfulness died down a little, as she realised Lupin wasn't in a good mood.

"I already spoke to him about giving you so many detentions, he shouldn't have kept you back." Lupin seemed to be speaking more to himself than Mila, especially as he was keeping a few paces in front of her, his anger driving him forward.

She jogged a little to keep up. "I did hex Malfoy right in front of him. What was he supposed to do?" she reasoned.

Lupin slowed down so that she didn't have to struggle to match his pace. "Its late. He shouldn't keep you back so long."

"Whats the big deal? I get detentions all the time." In fact at this point she figured she must have broken some kind of record.

He stayed silent, and Mila suddenly remembered he'd been angry about this before. Mila was under no delusions, she knew she deserved most of the detentions she got. And though sometimes the reasons she got them were a bit of a stretch, for the most part she knew teachers were just trying to quell her troubling ways.

She changed the subject. "Have you found out where I'm staying yet?"

Lupin looked taken aback, "What?"

"My new foster home, you said that…" she trailed off. Did he not remember telling her?

"Oh, right. No, Mila, the arrangements haven't been made yet. I'll let you know when they are."

"Ok," she said simply, and Lupin watched her expression to see if there was any doubt on her face.

Mila started debating whether or not to ask him about her patronus. Harry had said it was a good idea, and then Hermione had urged her not to. Which was… weird. Why shouldn't she ask him? Hermione said to wait, but for how long? While Mila was never one to jump the gun… wait, scratch that. She was absolutely one to jump the gun.

"I don't know if you've spoken to Harry, but he said you could help me with my patronus."

Lupin blinked, "Oh?"

"Yeah, its like I said at Christmas, I've been having trouble with it and-"

"Maybe some other time," he interrupted and seemed to be avoiding her eyes. His tone hurt her a little.

"I didn't mean right now," she muttered, and Lupin seemed to catch himself, giving her a brief look.

"Sorry,' he said quickly.

"It's fine."

It didn't take long for them to get to the common room, and Mila found herself not really knowing what to say to Lupin in his strange mood.

"Goodnight," she said, and turned to say the password to the Fat Lady.

"Mila, wait," he said.

"Yes?" she asked, waiting for him to say something. She wondered if he was grasping just how strange his behaviour appeared to her.

"Goodnight," he answered and left abruptly. She stood stunned for a moment, before huffing and making her way into the common room.

First Malfoy, then detention with Snape, and now Lupin acting like a- well, however he was acting.

"Bad day," she muttered to herself, before making her way upstairs to finally get a good nights sleep.

* * *

The next day Harry was missing Sirius so much that Mila made her friends come with her to the library to fish out one of the yearbooks so they could look at photos of Sirius and the rest of the Marauders.

The other three sat at a table near the back, while Mila went to get the right yearbook. She wanted the one where they were in seventh year, Sirius would look closest to how he did now. She stretched her arm up to a shelf which was a little above her head, and stroked the titles with her finger until she found the one labeled 1978.

She grinned as she pulled it out, not having told Harry her plan yet. She walked to her friends and presented Harry with the book.

"Ta-da!" she cheered.

He smiled at her, "Where did you find it?"

"Well I was doing some exploring the other day and I found it near the restricted section. To be perfectly honest, I'm surprised none of us has thought of this before."

Mila plonked herself next to Harry, who took the book from her eagerly. Hermione, though happy for Harry, seemed to have a pained look on her face. Mila raised an eyebrow questionably and Hermione just shook her head. Mila would have to ask her about that later.

Ron, on the other hand, was already making fun of some of the 70's haircuts.

"I mean, look at the head of hair on this bloke! Ridiculous," he laughed, and Harry along with him.

"Let's turn to the seventh year photo!" Mila said excitedly, she didn't know how big the year group was back then, but she was gearing to see the Marauders all together.

Harry turned the page, and all of them stared in awe for a second. There he was. James Potter. And there was Sirius, and Lupin. Peter too, the little rat, though he looked so much happier in this photo than he had the last time they'd seen him. The group was organised alphabetically, so only Peter and James stood together, but it was still a photo that had them all in it. Mila watched Harry's face, lighting up when she saw the happiness in his expression.

"Look Harry, there's your mum," Mila spoke softly, pointing at the picture.

Harry's own finger hovered over Lily, and just when she was worried he might get a little upset, Ron saved the day.

"Look at that guy! Smelly git, no-one's standing anywhere near him." He laughed roaringly, perhaps a little louder than he should have in a library. Harry and Mila joined in. The photo really did look like that. He was one the end, a large gap between him and the next person.

"Come on, let's see if there are more photos of Harry's dad," Mila said, but Hermione stopped her before she began turning pages.

"We should really get to class, Mila."

Mila checked the time, and Hermione was right. They were verging on late. She didn't mind getting in trouble, but she wasn't about to let the others as well.

They all gathered their things, and Mila gave Harry's head a pat before running to put the book back on the shelf. To her annoyance, she ran into Malfoy in the same aisle.

"What you got there, Lovett?" he asked, though his tone didn't have the usual edge to it.

She just told the truth, she wasn't in the mood for Malfoy. "Looking through an old yearbook."

She tried to ignore him as she sat the book back on the shelf, but Malfoy was being unusually quiet and that drew her attention more so than if he had given his usual teasing.

"I meant what I said on the train, Mila. There is something I need to show you," he said seriously.

Mila didn't know if it was his tone, or that he'd called her by her first name, something he had never done before, but she believed him.

"Well," she said, "Go on then." If this turned out to be a prank, she was going to be seriously pissed.

"Not here," he said quietly, "Meet me in the Room of Requirement. After class."

"And make sure Potter isn't with you," he added, before saying loudly, "Don't you have somewhere to be, Lovett?"

She look at him bewildered, before nodding and going back to join her friends. Hermione gave her a suspicious look.

"What took you so long?" she asked.

Mila's head was racing as she tried to figure out what it was that Malfoy could possibly show her.

"You know, I'm really not sure."


	6. The Locket

A/N Thanks to ArticFox and FoxyForever for coming through with the reviews, you homies are chill xx

* * *

Mila was anxious the whole day. Bloody Malfoy. What could he possibly have to show her that she would want to see? His unusually serious demeanour had done nothing if not make her even more anxious. Whatever it was, it sounded bad.

She fidgeted through DADA and Transfiguration, Harry and Ron shot quizzical looks her way every time she messed up a spell. She just had too much on her mind to concentrate.

When the time finally came for her to meet Malfoy, she shot off like a bullet, barely pausing to give her friend's excuses. She tried not to make it look like she was running down the halls, lest she get another detention, which made her end up in some funny power-walk as she made her way there.

She walked passed the correct wall, and the door to the Room of Requirement appeared immediately, seeming to sense her urgency. When she quickly opened it she found Malfoy, already on the other side.

The room was empty, just like it had been with Harry last week. That meant all Malfoy needed was a secretive place to talk to her, why he needed that she had no idea.

"I swear to Godric, Malfoy, if this is some kind of joke-"

"It's not," he interrupted her, "I promise."

"If it's so important why didn't you ask me sooner?"

"I tried. I told you I had something you wanted on the train, but your dense head didn't seem to get the message. So I had to change tactics and appeal to your sensible side. Though, I wasn't sure you even had one."

She ignored his insult, "Just show me already." He was obviously hesitating, and it worried her to no end.

He held something in his palm that she could not see. She eyed him warily. He took a step forward and stretched out his hand to her. She looked carefully into his palm and saw… a locket?

"Thanks for the jewellery, Malfoy, but I don't really feel like going to Madam Puddifoots with you."

He scoffed, "Just look at it."

She took the locket from him slowly. It was metal, though she didn't know which kind.

She turned the locket over and blinked as she saw an inscription. "To My Daughter, though we are apart I am thinking of you, Father," she read out loud.

Malfoy nodded along, as if he already knew the words. "Open it."

She quickly glanced at his face, his sincere expression making him look more vulnerable than she had ever seen him. She opened the locket, and for a brief second she couldn't breathe.

"This is… I… it's me," she mumbled. Inside the locket, was a photo of Mila, one she did not remember taking, but of her none the less. She was younger in the photo, only a small child, but she knew it was her. She'd seen a copy of it when she'd snuck a glance at her orphanage file, but this was the original.

Malfoy watched her carefully as she stared at the locket in her hands. She held it like it was burning her.

Mila had always considered herself a muggleborn, but this looked like something that an old wizarding family would pass down. Which would mean, what? She had wizarding blood? This locket had to be owned by someone with a rather extensive wealth, and the only people she knew had that were purebloods. Something about this didn't make any sense.

"Where did you get this?" she demanded. How did this even exist? She didn't have a family, much less a father who bought her jewellery.

"Sometimes old heirlooms get mixed up between families, or when they die out we get some of their possessions. It was just with a bunch of old stuff, and I was bored in the holidays and-"

"Does anyone else know about this?" She didn't know why that question sprung to mind; maybe there was someone who could give her answers.

"No. I kept it and I thought I should give to you first."

He was acting so unlike the Malfoy she knew. He wasn't hexing her, wasn't calling her names. He looked concerned and unsure of himself, like he wanted to help her but didn't know how.

"Why?" she was shocked. Malfoy hadn't told his dad? Hadn't tried to use this as information against her?

"I don't know," he said honestly, "It just seemed like the right thing to do."

"Which family?"

"What?" he asked.

"Which family did you get this from?"

A family. It felt weird to say. Her whole life, all she had ever wanted was a family. She lived for years not knowing anything about them, not having any idea where she came from. And Draco 'The Ferret' Malfoy was the one who was providing those answers? Under any other circumstances she would have laughed, but this was about her past. It didn't seem so funny this time.

He shook his head. "I don't know. It all gets mixed up eventually."

"This must be why," she muttered to herself, and was surprised when Malfoy asked her to elaborate.

She hesitated, not knowing whether to trust this new Malfoy who was helping her. He had just given her the first link she'd ever had to her some sort of past. But as she looked at him, she realised he was the only one who could help her. He was the only one who could help her piece things together without lying to her.

She looked towards the floor and took a deep breath. "I've been getting these looks. From teachers, adults- any adult that knows me really. Everyone keeps looking at me like they know something I don't."

She began getting worked up and her voice was much louder, but Malfoy just nodded and listened and she continued.

"I asked McGonagall about it. And Lupin. And they lied, I know they did. Something's going on," she said. Her fist was tight around the locket in her hands.

Malfoy swallowed. "Would you want to know?"

"Excuse me?"

"You and Potter. You both hated me from the minute we met," he started, but Mila interrupted him.

"I don't hate you, Malfoy," she uttered. He gave her a look of disregard, before continuing.

"What ever you call it, it doesn't matter. You're a Gryffindor, you don't like pureblood snobs and, I'll put it in your exact words, 'the pretence of a superior bloodline.'"

She didn't remember making that remark, but she let him carry on.

"But you're not just any Gryffindor. You're the bloody golden girl, the whole school loves you. Best friends with the Boy Who Lived. And now.. what? You find out you could be from a family who hates muggleborns. Would you really want to know?" he repeated.

They both stood, watching the other. Malfoy breathed heavily from his rant, and Mila took in everything he just said. He was right. She'd never had any love for pureblood families who were too proud of their bloodline. And this locket, it was exactly the type that would come from one of them. And _she_ most decidedly _wasn't_ one of them. She never would be. But the chance of knowing where she came from, finally, was just too great.

"Yes," she breathed, "Yes, I would want to know."

And she meant it. Even if she was from one of these families, she was still the same Mila. Muggleborn or pureblood, or whatever, that didn't have to change.

"Will you help me?" She met his eye, and worried only briefly that he would say no. But then he smiled at her. A smile she had never seen on Draco Malfoy before. It was cunning, but it was also kind.

"Yes."

And with one word, Mila had made allies with the boy Harry hated more than anyone. Maybe he would understand eventually, but right now Mila needed answers. And she needed Malfoy.

"Good."

* * *

Mila was quiet the whole way through dinner, and for the rest of the evening in the common room. There was no cheerful banter, or smiles that she usually graced her company with. The locket that she had hidden in her robes weighed down on her as she considered every possibility about what it could mean.

Harry tried many times to talk to her, and lift her spirits. Hermione and Ron did too. None of them knew what was wrong with her. But she persisted in her silence, too confused and scared to try and worry about the other three's curiosity.

That's what made her snap. Harry asked her what was wrong for the millionth time, and it drove her crazy.

"Enough, Harry! Can't you just leave it for once?" she yelled.

Harry stared at her wide-eyed. She had never yelled at him before. Ever. She protected him, and he protected her. But he saw her looking at him like he was an annoyance. Like the last thing she wanted was to babysit his feelings.

Even Hermione and Ron exchanged looks at her outburst. A surrounding portion of the couch had gone silent. The weight of their eyes added to the locket's and Mila found herself walking out of the common room, praying that no one would follow her. She just wanted to be alone.

She didn't know how long she walked around the halls for. All she knew was that it was far past curfew by the time she made her way back. She saw Mrs. Norris following her and she hissed at the cat to go away.

When she reached the Fat Lady she spoke the password harshly.

The lady just looked down at her. "He's very upset you know."

Mila ignored the twinge of guilt, before repeating the password pointedly. The Fat Lady rolled her eyes as she swung the door open. "I'll never understand these youths."

Mila didn't know if anyone was still awake, and was quiet as she began walking into the common room. She halted as she heard voices, and luckily was concealed enough by a wall so she wasn't seen.

She looked to see who it was and shouldn't have been surprised when she saw Harry sitting on one the same couch. But who was he talking to? There was no one in front of him, and he seemed to be looking down at something. She suddenly remembered he had the two-way mirror with Sirius, and though she wanted to slip past him into the girls' rooms, she forced herself to wait to see what he was saying.

"I'm telling you, Sirius, something's wrong. She wouldn't even talk to me."

"It's only been a day, Harry," she heard Sirius' voice say, "People have bad days."

"This isn't like that," Harry insisted, "She always tells me what's wrong. Always."

Mila's guilt doubled as she saw how worried Harry was about her. She'd been acting unusual all day, and it really went to show how misery loved company.

It wasn't his fault. She knew that. But she was so disturbed and confused from the locket, and upset to think that people she knew her whole life may not have been honest with her. But never Harry.

And perhaps they didn't know. Maybe it really was Malfoy to be the first to find something from her past. She shouldn't take it out anyone else. Not until she was certain.

Sirius was starting to sound worried through the mirror, "Tell me exactly what happened again Harry. Everything she said."

She didn't think she had given any inclination to Harry about what she was upset about. There was no way he could know. She decided to come out of hiding.

"I think what I said was, I'm a terrible friend, and I'm sorry for yelling at you."

Harry turned abruptly, "Mila."

He nearly dropped the mirror as he made his way over to her. He scanned her, as if assessing for damage. He looked like he wanted to hug her, but was worried she would rebuff him and yell at him again.

She stepped forward and he instantly scooped her in his arms. It felt nice to be held, after spending the day feeling like she would never be grounded again. She was surprised to notice Harry had filled out a bit in the last year, and he was much taller than her than he used to be. He seemed reluctant to let go as she stepped away, but she remembered Sirius was still in the mirror.

The last thing she needed was for Sirius to suspect that she might know anything.

"Sorry for the worry, Sirius." She lifted Harry's hand so she could look into the mirror. "Just a weird day."

Sirius looked skeptical, but she saw him nod. "That's what I said."

Harry's voice was hoarse as he spoke. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'll talk to you later."

Sirius seemed to frown as Harry quickly shoved the mirror in his pocket, but he was too focused on Mila to notice.

Though he normally would be to shy, he grabbed both of Mila's hands, his concern overriding his embarrassment.

"If it's something I did-"

"It's not anything you did, Harry."

"Then what is it?." His eyes searched hers.

She didn't want to lie, but before she told him, she needed to get all the facts first. And while he was usually the one who would help her figure them out, she didn't want to drag him into another one of her messes. And if there was a chance he would tell someone, Sirius or Lupin maybe, then she couldn't risk it. For all she knew, they would just try to cover her past up with another lie, whatever it was. She needed to do this herself.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I was just overreacting" She didn't want to have to come up with some elaborate lie.

"It does matter, I've never seen you like that," he protested.

"I'm ok, Harry," she said, "I promise." He sighed slowly, and Mila gave him a smile.

"You'll tell me if, what ever it is, happens again?"

"Sure, Harry. I will. But you know, you don't have to worry about me so much."

He sighed before returning her smile.

"I'll always worry about you." And though he was reluctant to drop the topic, he could see the blatant undesire she had to talk about what was bothering her.

She just hoped she could figure it all out before she had to lie again.

* * *

A/N Mila should not take her problems out on poor Harry. Bless his soul x


	7. The Lead

A/N Thanks to my loves FoxyForever, thedolphinqueen, and ArcticFox for their reviews. Those things literally keep my going, god bless x

* * *

Before Mila left the common room the next morning, she decided to take the locket with her in case anyone happened upon it in her room. It was very unlikely, but she didn't want to risk it. The only person who knew about it was Malfoy.

 _Imagine that,_ she thought, _I've got a secret with Malfoy._

For the most part, she felt better after a nights sleep. She could think more clearly now, and she knew she was going to have to decide on a plan of action. She thought logically about who would possibly have answers about her past. McGonagall had been the one to find her in the orphanage, and she'd met Lupin and Sirius through Harry. If not for all the looks, she wouldn't have suspected them at all. But Sirius had tried to tell her something in the kitchen, whether or not it was what Lupin had told her after, she didn't know. But for now, she would work with Malfoy to see what he could figure out about her parents. He was the one who found the locket, after all.

First up was Charms, and though the Gryffindors looked at her warily at first, once they saw she was back to her usual demeanour they eventually ceased. In order to try and find out the truth discreetly, acting like her usual self was essential. She wasn't going to let herself get upset anymore. She needed to try and be as objective as possible.

They were working on disillusionment charms and Harry had been monitoring her steadily through the whole class. She should have expected it, and though she knew he was just looking out for her, it was another constant reminder of the secret she had found out yesterday.

When the class was over, she was surprised that she ran directly into Lupin, who looked to be waiting for someone.

"Ah, Mila. I need to speak with you," he said.

He appeared more scruffy than usual, his eyes had dark underlining, and his hair was all tussled. He looked like he hadn't had a wink of sleep. And while Mila would have usually accounted that to a full moon, there hadn't been one last night.

She nodded and started following him, Harry by her side, which she didn't think was a problem until Lupin spoke.

"Actually Harry, I need to speak to her alone."

Mila exchanged a confused look with Harry and her blood went cold as she started thinking that maybe this had something to do with yesterday. Did he know she had found something from her past? There was always still the chance that Malfoy was messing with her, but where would he have gotten that photo of her as a child? She hadn't planned on saying anything to anyone until she knew more, but had she already been caught before she had begun searching?

"Anything you can tell her, you can tell me, Professor," Harry said. Mila had never seen Lupin looked angry before, but she imagined this was what it looked like as he looked down at Harry.

"It's ok, Harry," she consoled, before whispering, "Whatever it is, I'll tell you later."

And she would. Because she didn't think Harry could stand her keeping _another_ secret from him, so if this wasn't about what she suspected, then she would tell him.

He considered her for a minute, before nodding and walking towards Ron and Hermione. Ron seemed to be eyeing the whole scenario curiously, but Mila swore she saw Hermione and Lupin exchange a look.

Lupin didn't talk to her as he led her to an empty classroom, and it reminded her of when he'd walked her back from Snape's detention. He'd been distant, just like he was now, and had the same expression on his face.

When they reached the classroom, he held the door open for her before locking it securely. That was the point she started to worry. This was going to be a serious talk. _Uh oh._

"Professor?" she asked, as Lupin seemed to be taking a few breaths by the door.

She'd already walked quite far into the classroom, and he suddenly started bounding towards her, making up the distance. He gripped her arms, a little to tight if she was being honest.

"Why were you upset yesterday?" he asked, trying to keep his cool but failing miserably.

Mila knew it would have something to do with this, when Harry had told Sirius about her mood, it was inevitable that Lupin would find out. She needed to try and buy some time.

"What?" she asked, but that just made him appear even angrier.

Lupin scoffed. He knew she was playing dumb, and he wasn't in the mood. When both Sirius and Hermione had voiced there concerns to him last night, he had been frantic. He raked his brain trying to think what could have possibly upset Mila, and the only thing he could think was that she found out. That all this work they had put in to keeping it a secret, all the times he'd had to lie to her, were ruined all because she was Mila, and Mila figured things out.

"Mila," he warned.

Well, there was no way she was telling him. His reaction had been exactly what she was afraid of. It meant he knew something that he hadn't told her. It was quite possible that Remus Lupin had lied to her. This was proof.

Lucky for Mila, when she wanted to be, she was an exceptionally good liar.

"I just got to thinking that- After Christmas I was bummed out. Going back to school and everything. And seeing the Weasley's, it made me think about how I don't have a family. And what you said at Christmas, about how I have to move again… So, I got upset. And then acted like a jerk to Harry. And then I ended up in this classroom with you for some reason."

She ended the lie nonchalantly, trying to imply she was over her sadness.

Lupin, still gripping her arms, stood still for a second. He slowly let go of her.

"Are you sure that's all?" he asked, his voice seemed an octave deeper than normal.

"Yes I'm sure. What's the big deal?"

Lupin stood tall and composed, "Nothing. You may go to your next class, Mila."

Mila was startled at being dismissed so suddenly, but gladly left the classroom.

Lupin didn't watch her as she left, instead he tried to maintain his composure until she was out the door. The second she was gone, he slumped down into one of the chairs and put his face in his hands.

He had been so worried. _So_ worried. He rubbed his face and tried to calm himself down. If she wasn't suspicious about anything before, she probably was now after he'd acted so irrationally. So much like Sirius. This was exactly why he'd stayed with them at Christmas, so he could stop Padfoot from doing something like this. And all it had taken for Lupin was discovering that Mila was upset, and he'd practically confirmed her suspicions that there was something going on. He hoped she didn't read too much into their conversation, that she assumed he was just a worried… Professor? Yep, he had really screwed up.

Her reason for being upset was a valid one. It was believable, perhaps a little too much. He would tell Sirius that everything was fine. Maybe he wouldn't even tell Dumbledore about the whole scare. The best thing to do would to act as normal, then maybe all this insanity would die down. It had never been this hard before, but all of a sudden it seemed that every conversation they had, turned into her almost finding out. She was older now, sharper, more in tune to the way people acted around her. So he was right, acting normal was key. He just hoped he could do it.

As Lupin left the classroom to write a letter to Sirius, he found himself thanking Godric once more that he was here and not the other. Sirius wouldn't have been able to last five minutes keeping this from her, but on the other hand, Lupin hated that he was the one who had to.

* * *

That night at dinner, Mila caught Malfoy's eye. Usually when such a thing occurred there would be sneering, or hexing, or perhaps some rude gestures, but now there was only understanding and a message that she wasn't quite getting. He probably wanted to meet with her, maybe he had more information?

Instead he seemed to mouth, "Are you ok?"

It seems news of her bad mood yesterday had made its way around the school, She was used to being talked about, most of the time it was nonsense rumours and majority she actually found pretty funny. But this was something real, and, not for the first time, she felt a great annoyance about her infamousness at school. One of the less positive things to thank Harry for.

Still, Malfoy being concerned about her was not something she was used to. She gave him a subtle nod and turned back to her friends, who were excitedly talking about the ball that sixth and seventh years had every year.

"I can't believe we finally get to go! It's been ages since the Yule Ball," Padma Patil was saying excitedly.

The last thing Mila was thinking about was the ball, but she played along.

"Got a hot date lined up, Padma?" she suggested.

"Not yet, but a girl can dream," Padma said wistfully, while eyeing someone along their table that Mila couldn't quite make out.

The beauty of having a best friend who was a boy, was that she didn't have to worry about finding a date. She just assumed she was going with Harry, like she'd done in fourth year. That didn't stop other people from asking though, and while her and Harry hadn't talked about it, she knew she would go with him.

"What about you Hermione, got a 'hot date'?" Ron mocked, though the last time he'd waited to ask her she'd ended up with Victor Krum, and he wasn't about to let that happen again.

"I find it silly that we have a ball just when school starts getting serious. We do have NEWTs, is everybody forgetting that?"

Mila groaned, "I wish I could forget about them."

"You never study anyway, it's not like the ball's going to take up all your study time," Ron complained. As someone who needed to study a lot, he was always jealous that Mila, who rarely picked up a textbook, managed to get good grades.

"Leave her alone, Ron," Harry said. He was being especially over-protective because of yesterday's outburst.

When he asked what Lupin had wanted to talk about, she just told him what Lupin said at Christmas, that she needs to switch foster homes and she might not be able to spend as many holidays with him.

"She's not made of bloody china, Harry!" Ron scoffed, and Mila was actually pretty grateful to him. She had told the other two as well, and while Hermione and Harry always tip-toed around her, Ron never treated her any differently.

Mila kept talking about the ball, trying to keep the conversation as normal as possible. The more they spoke about it, the more fidgety Harry became. He was concerned about all the love potions girls were bound to slip him to secure him as their date. Poor bloke.

Mila felt something slip into her hand under the table. She had long finished eating and was just resting them on her lap. She looked up to see Malfoy looking pointedly at her, and knew the note was from him. She slipped it into her pocket to read later, when she was alone. The locket was also in there, and she gave it a squeeze, her face momentarily dropping.

The others hadn't noticed, Ron was teasing Neville about who he was going to ask and Neville was turning a peculiar shade of purple as he did so. Mila muffled a chuckle, and decided she would help him finding someone later down the track.

"At least we'll be able to go shopping for dress robes on the Hogsmeade trip," Padma sighed, and Mila did have to agree. New clothes was about the only thing she had to look forward to this year, that and if she managed to squeeze in a prank.

"I think I'm just going to wear the same as last time," Hermione shrugged, and Mila widened her eyes.

"No, Hermione! Don't be an outfit-repeater! At least let me pick you out something, please."

Harry was happy to see Mila excited about something, after her troubles he was willing to do just about anything to see her smile.

"That's a good idea, Hermione. You guys should go shopping together," he said pointedly.

Hermione gave him a look, until he kicked her under the table.

"Ow- fine. Yes Mila, that sounds like fun."

Mila chuckled, knowing Hermione would hate every minute of it, which if possible, was going to make the whole thing even more enjoyable.

"Yes it does," she grinned, allowing herself, just for a moment, to forget the contents of her pocket.

* * *

Mila didn't read the note until she went to bed. She used a lumos spell under the covers, so that she wouldn't wake Hermione.

 _Mila,_

 _I have an idea about how to find out more about the locket. I'm assuming you don't want me to ask my father. Meet me in the library tomorrow, same place as last time, after class._

 _I don't presume to have to tell you not to bring anyone, but since that git Potter never seems to leave you alone, I thought I should mention it._

 _Draco_ _Malfoy_

 _Ps. Stop looking like someone told you that you have three months to live. Discretion is key, Lovett._

Mila chuckled as she read the note. Say what you will, Malfoy was surprisingly funny, and matched her in humour and temperament. She had never disliked him as much as she let on, and if they found anything from this experience, is might as well be how to tolerate each other.

She wondered what his idea was. It was considerate of him not to tell his father, she didn't want him to. Even though it seemed like their best bet, she wanted real answers, and she wasn't sure she would get them if they asked Lucius Malfoy.

Mila tucked the note away and unlit her wand. She gave Hermione's sleeping body a glance before settling down in her bed. She desperately wanted to look at the locket again, but she'd already examined it several times and there wasn't anything more it could tell her.

She wondered again where that photo had been taken. It looked pretty old, and she was very young in the photo, a wee little baby. She'd been at the orphanage back then, so it meant that the person who gave her the locket had visited her at the orphanage or someone had given them a photo. The only way to find out was the ask the head matron who worked there. She could hardly send an owl, it was a muggle orphanage, and Hogwarts hardly had any telephones lying around.

The fact of the matter was that the person had decided not to give her the locket. That was something else she needed to understand. For some reason, it was at the Malfoy's Manor.

For a brief second Mila shuddered at the thought of Lucius Malfoy being her father, but she knew that was impossible. There was no way he was the owner of that locket. If Narcissa had had another baby then Draco would know about it. It hadn't even been in Lucius' things, it was just with a bunch of heirlooms from other families.

The most likely scenario was that she was from a pureblood family, at least partly. Nevertheless it was one who hadn't wanted her. Mila hated being ignored, and she hated being not wanted. She needed to know why. She needed to know who the family was that had given her up.

But they had a lead, even if it was Malfoy's. That was something.

* * *

A/N so like. of course there is going to be a ball. how could i not? come on people, this is good stuff. trust.


	8. The Porlock

Here's to me for actually sticking to an update schedule x

* * *

The following morning, they had Apparition, another of Mila's favourite classes.

Most sixth and seventh years took the subject, so Mila saw a lot of her classmates, including Malfoy.

He gave a little nod when he saw her, probably confirming their meeting in the afternoon. There was no way they could talk now, not with her friends around.

After nodding back, Mila turned to see Hermione looking at her strangely.

"You ok, Hermione?" she asked innocently. The last thing she needed was for Hermione to find out what she was up to.

"I'm great, Mila," Hermione said, though Mila didn't miss the suspicion in her voice.

Mila turned to Harry for distraction, and Harry was eager to oblige. They partnered for the lesson, and worked on apparating into the hoop that had been set up for them.

After successfully apparating for the millionth time, Mila smiled as Harry shook his head at her. Though neither were seventeen yet, they would both turn seventeen before the end of August. Mila's birthday was only a few days before Harry's.

"Sometimes, Mila, I don't understand how things come so easily for you," he laughed.

"It's the 3 D's Harry, destination, determination and deliberation!" she joked, trying to mimic Wilkie Twycross, the ministry teacher.

"Oi nice one!" Seamus said, as he overheard her impression, "Let me try."

He began explaining the 3 D's in what Mila thought was a pretty piss poor impression. One to whom the subject would take great offence. And one in which the subject _did_ take great offence. Seamus turned to see Twycross standing behind him once he was finished.

Mila mouthed 'sorry' to him as he was given detention, but afterwards, covered a hand to mask her laughter. She had tears in her eyes, and her smile was wide. She looked at Harry to see if he was laughing, but he was smiling at her.

"It's nice to see you're feeling better," he said softly. She hadn't realised she had been failing so much at pretending she was ok, but Harry had always been too perceptive of her. His comment, however, just reminded her of her dreaded afternoon.

Instinctively, she scanned the room for Malfoy, who she found was already looking at looking slightly amused at that. He quickly dropped his smirk when he saw she was looking, but she was startled none the less. Perhaps he had heard Seamus' Twycross impression.

She was tempted to ask him when she met up with him that afternoon, but he was eager to talk to her about the locket.

"You seem to be taking this rather well," he noted, when Mila implied she as ready to get to the action.

"Until I know for sure, I'm not going to assume anything. That's why I need to find out."

He nodded and began telling her his plan.

"There's a place in Hogsmeade. It's kind of like Borgin and Burkes, it's an old antique shop. It's owned by a pureblood lover. They might know which family the locket came from."

Mia sighed. That was a good start. She'd have to figure out a way to leave her friends while they were in Hogsmeade, perhaps when she went shopping with Hermione and she only had to make excuses with one of them.

"Ok. That sounds more promising than I thought it would," she admitted.

Malfoy couldn't resist a smirk. "Did you doubt me, Lovett? I'm wounded."

She smiled, "Doubt you, Malfoy? I wouldn't dream of it. Why else would I agree to a Hogsmeade trip with you?"

When she thought about it that way, it was kind of funny. Most of the time, when boys asked girls on Hogsmeade trips it meant they were going on a date. Malfoy had asked her to conduct an intensive investigation with him. Talk about unconventional.

His smirk didn't wane. "Didn't I recall you telling me you loved Madam Puddifoot's? Maybe we should make a stop there after."

"Don't push it."

* * *

The following morning at breakfast, Mila was surprised to find that Sirius had written to her.

 _Mila,_

 _When Harry expressed his concerns to me, I just thought I would check in. Hopefully whatever has upset you has long past. Just know that while I am Harry's godfather, I've always felt my_ _friendship_ _familial duties extend to you as well. If you find yourself in a position with no-one to talk to, know that I will gladly listen._

 _If anything upsets you, write to me_ _immediately._

 _Sirius_

Mila frowned as she read those words. To some extent, she always knew Sirius was someone she could turn to. This whole situation was getting messier by the minute. She didn't know if he was simply checking up on her, or if this was his way of trying to get her to say she had found a link to her past that he had been keeping from her.

She wanted to take it at face value, she really did. Just like she didn't truly want to believe that Lupin and McGonagall were in on it too. And the only way to do that was to found out who are family was, and then confront them. She didn't want to be right. She wished more than anything that she knew for sure they weren't trying to hide anything from her.

The Hogsmeade trip couldn't come soon enough, she was desperate for some answers. The priority was finding out which family the locket was from.

Care of Magical Creatures was the only class she took that her friends didn't. Because Mila had always loved Transfiguration, she used this class as inspiration for different creatures to turn things into. Plus, it was an easy O.

Mila felt a twinge of guilt as she made her way down to Hagrid's hut. She had been neglecting him since Christmas, and hadn't come to visit for some tea like she usually did. She hoped he wouldn't be angry, but Hagrid was almost never angry.

Not many people took the class at NEWT level. There was Neville and Hannah Abbot, a couple of Ravenclaws, a few Hufflepuffs, and one Slytherin.

It was the darnedest thing that Draco Malfoy took Care of Magical Creatures. Mila thought that ever since Buckbeak, he would have been turned off for life. But to her surprise, and to Hagrid's surprise, he had kept up the course. He was even good at it. He had a knack with animals.

Maybe that was part of the reason Mila had never hated him as much as Harry and Ron, because she could see a different side of him every time she had this class. At first, Harry had been worried about her having a class alone with Malfoy without one of them, but Malfoy always kept to himself, partnering with a Ravenclaw only when he needed to.

Today was a little bit different.

Today they had to try and create a bond with a Porlock, creatures who were known to be distrustful of humans. Hagrid always made people partner up when working directly with their own animal, it was a safety measure in case anything happened.

For the first time ever, Malfoy approached Mila during class. Not to make a snide comment, and not yell at her for hexing him, but to ask her to partner up.

"What do you say, Lovett?" he said, but his usual bravado was missing.

Mila automatically looked to see if anyone else had noticed, and she caught Neville giving her a curious look. He seemed to be checking if she was ok, also perturbed at the sight of Malfoy openly talking to her.

On the one hand he was helping her, and they seemed to have formed a truce of some sorts, but on the other, if this got back to Harry she would be bombarded with questions for the next week. Ron and Harry would be outraged. They might actually accuse her of being friends with him, though the thought didn't scare Mila like it once might have.

Malfoy seemed to notice the hesitation on her face, and Mila swore she saw a look of hurt slide across his face.

"Never mind," he said, and began to turn away.

"Wait," she yelled, "Ok." That was all she could manage.

He gave a once over, before nodding quietly and leading her to their Porlock. Mila figured she could bully Neville into keeping quiet about this, she could make up something since she didn't want to worry Harry. Neville wouldn't tell, he was a good friend and would keep a secret if she asked.

Meeting up in secret had been one thing, but being openly civil to Malfoy was about to tip her over to the edge. She didn't know what he was thinking, and was almost angry at him in case this could blow their whole operation. If she started getting too friendly with him in front of people, then they were screwed, and Harry and Lupin would find out what she was doing. She wasn't ready for that yet.

But as she had these thoughts she felt like a bit of an asshole. Malfoy was doing her a favour, and she was acting like being seen with him was the worst thing ever. Which it was, both in theory and in practice.

He seemed to voice her concern. "Would it really be so horrible if people thought we were friends?" he asked, after noticing her unusually quiet demeanour.

She was tempted to say yes. Yes it would be. But as she watched him walk gently up to the Porlock, she found herself unable to say so.

"Is that your way of saying you want to be my friend, Malfoy?" she teased. She was uncomfortable. Very.

"No," he huffed, "Just might make things easier in case we need to talk to each other about… you know."

"Oh," Mila frowned.

She guessed she needn't have felt so guilty after all. This was a tactic on Malfoy's part, and while it was a clever one she didn't think it was particularly necessary. They were doing just fine meeting in secret, it hadn't exactly become a problem yet.

They both got on with their work, trying to entice the Porlock to allow them to pet it. Each pair had their own pen, and in it their own porlock. They tried food, reassuring words, even toys at one point.

She was crouching as Malfoy stood beside her. Mila wagged a ball in front of the porlock's nose, "What's this huh? Come on, come on, little porlock."

"It's not a dog, Lovett," Malfoy scoffed, though she could tell he was closer to laughter.

She looked up at him, "Nothing's working. The porlock doesn't like me."

He laughed, "God forbid someone doesn't like Gryffindor's angel."

That was the second time he had spoken of her like that. And though his tone had been light, she found herself not treating it like a joke at all.

"Is that really what you think of me?" she stood to meet his eye level.

"I only think it because it's true." He crouched down to the porlock's level. "People flock to you. You're used to being loved. Have you ever thought that maybe it's not like that for everybody else?"

 _Ok, what?_

"It's not like you're unpopular, Malfoy."

"With the Slytherins, no. Maybe even the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. But you Gryffindors, its like you don't understand that not everybody is like you. We're not all brave extroverts who can get people to do whatever we want."

Even though his tone was hushed as not to alert the rest of the class, Mila had never felt more told off in her life. He thought she was controlling? Manipulating?

"I don't make people do whatever I want," she said defensively, though her tone was quiet.

Malfoy laughed, "Please. You've got Potter wrapped around your little finger. As well as everybody else. And look at me! Even I'm helping out the girl who doesn't even want to be seen with me."

Malfoy looked up from the porlock, and noted the upset look on her face. He hadn't mean to lay into her like that. Some things had just slipped from his mouth. A lot of it came from his own insecurities, and the way she had hesitated at partnering with him had made him angry. So, in his own way, he guessed he was lashing out.

Still he got the feeling that sometimes, Mila Lovett needed to be called out for once in her life.

He did realise that is wasn't as satisfying as he'd pictured. Her frown wasn't as pleasing as it usually was. He didn't want her to be upset because of him. Not really. He knew how much she hated it when people talked about her and Harry like that. Malfoy and the whole bloody school knew that Potter was in love with her. But he'd noticed the way she clammed up whenever people implied it.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

He was surprised when she crouched down next to him.

"No, I'm sorry. For ever making you feel like- I didn't know I was doing that."

He studied her face, and all it's sincerity. He had never had a chance to look at her so openly before. It was always brief glimpses during class, or when they were having one of their fights; they were pretty notorious for their verbal sparring.

"I don't mind," he found himself saying. Her look changed to one of curiosity, not quite knowing what he meant. He didn't really know either.

Both were distracted as the porlock came up and sniffed Malfoy's hand. Mila smiled as Malfoy reached to pet the little creature. The porlock happily rubbed his face against Malfoy's touch.

"Hey, check it out. It's Papa Malfoy," Mila joked quietly, testing the waters.

She knew Malfoy was smiling next to her, but she kept her eyes on the porlock.

"You try," he nudged her, and she brought her hand slowly to the porlock's head.

They both sat quietly, petting the porlock. Hagrid came to check on them in the middle of class. He was scribbling something on parchment, not looking up from what he was doing.

"Ok, Mila." He raised his head. "…And Malfoy."

Mila stood abruptly and gave him a sheepish smile, but didn't say anything. She was at a rare loss for words. Malfoy had said some things about her that nobody ever had. She didn't like this selfish girl he had painted. She didn't want to be that person.

She knew Hagrid had a grudging respect for Malfoy, simply because he was so good in the class, and so good with the animals. He watched as Malfoy pet the porlock and a twinkle grew in his eyes.

"Looks like you two pass," he said.

* * *

Malfoy went back to his usual manner in their other classes for the rest of the week. Mila wasn't sure, but she suspected it was because of Harry. Either he just didn't like Harry, or he was trying to protect Mila from Harry finding out he was helping her. That just made her feel even worse about what he had said.

She had been using Malfoy, she admitted it. He had been unusually helpful, and understanding and he didn't constantly ask her how she was. She found that she even enjoyed his company. But she wasn't ready to tell Harry. Because Harry would see it as a betrayal. He wouldn't understand why she had asked Malfoy to help her and not himself.

And so, things stayed the same. Malfoy made snide comments in class, and she would return them. It was a big step up from the hexes she normally would have given him. In fact she hadn't even gotten detention once this week, which just went to show how much they had actually fought over the years.

She acted the 'golden girl' Malfoy claimed her to be, and he played his part of the villain. She didn't tell anyone about their truce. Their friendship? It certainly wasn't one yet. But she found herself looking forward to the Hogsmeade trip for more than one reason.

In the end she hadn't asked Neville to keep quiet about them partnering up. She thought maybe, if people did find out, it wouldn't be the worse thing in the world.


	9. The Trip

A/N Is that a decent sized chapter? I think it is

ArcticFox is really out here saving lives, your comments are blessing me, keep fighting the good fight

Once again, feel free to ask any questions, in the comments or tumblr, i'm here for you people and this thing is a rather complicated mess at times

* * *

The Hogsmeade trip had finally arrived. Mila dressed in a jacket, and securely hid the locket in one of the pockets.

She'd decided she'd get Hermione to try on a load of dresses, and sneak out as she did so. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was the only one she had.

Hermione and Mila split up from the boys once they reached Hogsmeade. It was assumed that Harry and Ron would rather do anything else than watch girls try on dresses. They mentioned something about the joke shop, and Mila gladly waved them off, thankful her plan meant she only had to fool one person.

She'd already told Malfoy she would meet him at the antique shop, and though she didn't want to make him wait long, she couldn't exactly shove Hermione into a dressing room.

The shop they decided on was Melody's Materials, a boutique of sorts where most Hogwarts girls went to get their dresses. It was a nice place, it had a vanilla aroma and, in Mila's opinion, looked like any normal muggle boutique would.

Mila immediately started going through a rack of dresses, sliding the hangers firmly. "We're choosing yours first."

Hermione startled at Mila's insistence, "Why me?"

"Because you'll take the longest. Say what you will Hermione, you may not admit that you like shopping, but you were awfully picky with your Yule Ball dress. We were here for hours last time."

Hermione shrugged, "I don't get to dress up that much."

She wouldn't have said so in front of Harry and Ron, but it was just Mila here, and Mila never judged her for being the girl she was. Sometimes Harry and Ron forgot that she was a girl at all.

Mila smiled at her. "Well then, we better find something good."

Mila began pulling out all sorts of dresses and loading them into Hermione's arms. While she really wanted Hermione to be happy in a dress, she was also tactfully trying to increase her time in the changing room. She still only picked up stuff she thought Hermione would like. Even if she was sneaking away she could still _try_ to be a good friend.

Once she was satisfied at the large volume of choices, she pushed Hermione towards the dressing room.

"Now go on, and take your time. Absolutely no rush! At all."

Hermione turned to her, looking slightly nervous. "You're not coming in?"

"I'm going to look around a bit for a dress. You'll be fine, trust me. You have worn clothes before, you know."

"Ha ha," Hermione said dryly, and left Mila to try on the gowns.

Mila sighed in relief, before walking intently to the front door. She whispered something to a shop assistant before exiting.

"There's a girl in change room one. She's probably going to need a lot of help. She doesn't exactly have a way with zippers."

The shop assistant nodded knowingly, and Mila hoped Hermione would manage without her. She wouldn't be gone more than ten minutes, she decided, when the guilt started creeping in.

Malfoy had told her where the shop was, and she began making her way there as discreetly as possible. She checked for any and all signs of Harry and Ron, glad that the joke shop was on the other side of town that she needed to be. Inevitably, she ran into a few classmates on the way, but she simply exchanged hellos and acted like nothing was wrong.

The shop Malfoy had talked about was in a rather dodgy part of Hogsmeade, which was weird considering that the size of Hogsmeade didn't seem like it had the space to allocate a 'dodgy' side. Still, she had to turn down a few alley ways, but she found herself thankful that the shop was so out of the way. If she was lucky, they wouldn't run into a single other student.

Malfoy was standing outside the shopfront, leaning against the wall. Winter hadn't left yet, and the air was still cold. She could see the steam around his face with every breath he took. It was an odd thing to look at him when he was not looking back, but it was not something she had time to explore. Instead, she walked readily up to him.

"You ready?" she asked quickly.

He turned his head sideways to face her. "So I guess it's all business and no pleasure then, huh?"

"Malfoy," she exhaled. She was shaking slightly. Partly from the cold, and partly from her newly found nerves. She'd been so intent on just getting here, she hadn't taken the time to think about what it meant. She might actually know who her family was, something she had never even allowed herself to dream of. If Malfoy hadn't found the locket, she may have spent her whole life never knowing.

He seemed to notice her nerves, and tried to smile reassuringly.

"It might not be that bad. Some families are better than others, and some members too. Who knows, you might be a Potter. They were pureblood, maybe you and Potter were twins separated at birth."

His attempt to relax her with a joke failed miserably, as her look turned to panic. Somehow, being a Potter seemed even worse than being a Malfoy. She shuddered at the thought of her and Harry being related.

Malfoy's face turned unusually serious, and he gently moved his hands onto her arms to steady her.

"It'll be alright, Lovett," he whispered. She was shocked to hear kind words from him at all, but she was beginning to think there was a side to Malfoy that none of her friends had previously considered.

She swallowed and nodded at him, and he slowly relinquished his hold on her. They both took steps to make it inside the shop, and Mila felt instantly warmer when they walked through the door.

The shop was crowded, but not with people. There was pile of furniture in every corners of the room, odd trinkets and gadgets strewn across many tables. The place had an old, piney smell to it, and as comforting as that was, it didn't do anything to quell Mila's nerves.

She gripped the locket in jacket, a habit she'd had ever since Malfoy had given it to her.

Malfoy looked as concerned as somebody could for their once mortal enemy. "You ok?"

She gave him a quick nod, and they made their way to the counter where a rather old man was standing. She silently chastised herself for being so freaked out, and drudged up her inner Gryffindor for some courage.

The man noticed them only when they were right in front of him. He did not look amused.

"I'm sick of you school kids coming in to mess up my shop. Are you here to ask me if I'm one of the antiques? Cause I've heard that one before. I've heard them all before."

 _Well this isn't going to go well,_ Mila thought. She was about to start correcting the man about the reason why they were here, but Malfoy beat them to the punch.

"That is not a way to treat a paying customer. Nor the way to treat a Malfoy." The old man balked at the name.

"A Malfoy huh? That family has some steep pockets don't they?" the man leered. Mila liked him less with each second, but she didn't want Malfoy to cause a scene so she tried to diffuse the situation.

He looked at her threateningly, until she used some of her Lovett charm.

"We're sorry, Sir, we're not here to cause trouble. I need your help, please."

His face became curious and he seemed to consider her for a moment. "It'll cost you."

She smiled, "As to be expected. You are a businessman."

The man seemed to stand up straighter, and briefly ran a greasy hand through his frosty white hair.

"I am," he agreed happily.

Mila tried her hardest not to show any disgust on her face, and instead pulled the locket from her jacket. Malfoy seemed to be annoyed that she hadn't let him yell at the shopkeeper more, but she ignored him as she presented the locket.

"What can you tell me about this?"

The old man pulled a silk glove from under the counter and put it on his hand. He took the locket from her and inspected it.

He muttered a few things to himself before speaking, "It's old. And expensive. It has pureblood written all over it. Definitely one of his lot," he said gesturing to Malfoy.

Malfoy opened his mouth to snap at the man, but Mila stopped him with a light squeeze to his arm. They briefly met eyes and he saw her anxiety, so he kept his mouth shut.

Mila turned back to the old man, "Can you tell me which family?"

"Payment first."

Mila nodded and pulled out the 5 galleons she had in her pocket. The man's eyes lit up at the gold and he snatched it away from her before she could even blink.

He rubbed over the front of the locket with his thumb. "There is a rather strong charm on this locket. Someone obviously went through great lengths to keep it anonymous. On lockets like these, there is usually a family crest on the front."

Malfoy nodded understandably, but Mila simply kept her eyes trained on the man, determined not to miss a word.

"I can work on the locket, and eventually find the counter spell to break the charm."

"How long will it take?" Mila asked.

"Three months," he said.

"Three months! That's unacceptable," Malfoy scoffed.

"I have a rather strong-minded and rich client base, and a lot of work to be done. Two children are not my priority."

"I don't have anymore money," she murmured. And she didn't. That bank account was really starting to run low.

Before she could stop him, Malfoy pulled out a pouch and handed it to the man, who snapped it greedily.

"Malfoy-" she started.

"Hush," he told her, and looked to the man, "How much time will that get me?"

"One month. It's a complicated charm, that's the least I can do. I'm assuming you came here for a reason, and you need my discretion. This is your best bet."

Mila was about to grab the money back from the miserable old coot and force it back into Malfoy's hands. Malfoy could tell she was about to get angry and spot with hast.

"That will be fine. We will be back in exactly one months time."

He started pushing Mila towards the door, and she half-heartily resisted, before allowing him to do so. She certainly wouldn't mind not being in that shop a moment longer, though she was reluctant to leave the locket behind.

"Ugh, can you believe that man!" she moaned, all nervousness being replaced with annoyance, "What a little roach."

"I don't know, you seemed to have him going there for a while. The way you batted your eyelashes was a real winner," he smirked.

"Maybe, but then he smelled the stench of money." She gasped, "Money. Malfoy, how much did you give him?"

His look turned sheepish, "Doesn't matter." He made moves to start walking, but Mila ran in front of him to stop him.

"It does! Look I don't know how, but I'll find some way to pay you back. It may take a while but-"

"No," he interrupted. He tried to walk around her, but she wouldn't let him.

"Malfoy, I can't let you-"

"Yes, you can." He stopped resisting her, and instead stood still, waiting for her to let him pass.

She didn't though, instead she looked at him strangely. She searched his face, but he was not one to betray any emotion. Was he angry at her for not having the money? Or did he do just about the kindest thing she'd ever seen from him.

"Malfoy…" she trailed off.

"It's just money, Lovett. Don't go all sappy on me," he said, but then fell more serious, "I know you don't have money to throw around, and that guy was a bottom feeder. It doesn't matter."

"It does," she insisted, "This… all this is because of you. I could have a family, thanks to you."

Instinctively she began to reach her hand out to him, just like she would to any other frined. But she had a sense that wouldn't go down so well with the two of them. She didn't really know how to express her gratitude, as unwelcoming and confusing as it was. All she knew is that in one month, she could have the answers she so desperately craved.

She looked down at her hands. "It mea- it does matter." And she meant it.

Malfoy froze, indulging in the warmth of her closeness for a change. She'd always been the warmest person he had ever seen. Once again, he had evidence she was completely oblivious to the effect she had on people. She probably saw her words as a friendly gesture, but he was not used to being so affectionate with his friends. When he glanced at her face, he saw she was looking at his again.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

It scared him. It scared him that someone was looking at him with gratitude and not with contempt. But it also delighted him. Especially because it was her. And he'd never told anyone, but he had always wondered what it would be like to be looked at like that.

It still flustered him, though. Potter probably never got flustered when Mila thanked him, he thought bitterly. The more time he spent with her, the more he seemed to compare himself to bloody Potter. His avoided her gaze, knowing she'd probably looked at the other boy like that a hundred times before. Suddenly, he didn't enjoy it as much anymore.

"Don't you have to get back?" he asked.

She frowned. "Yeah."

She'd almost forgotten. She was probably going to get caught anyway, it was a lousy plan and Hermione definitely would have noticed her missing.

Before she left she spoke again, "We'll have to figure out a way to Hogsmeade in a months time. There isn't a trip near that weekend. But I know a few ways." She smiled at him. "Meet me in the library soon?" she asked hopefully.

Despite himself, Malfoy's face lit up with his trademark smirk, "I guess we'll see, Lovett."

* * *

In the end, Hermione hadn't even noticed that Mila had gone. She'd gotten stuck in one of the dresses, and Mila peeked into her change room to see her all tangled up.

"Wow Hermione, you look—" She couldn't even finish the sentence before she started giggling.

"Here, let me help you." She laughed as she untangled Hermione from the precarious dress.

"I told you this is why I hate shopping," Hermione huffed, her voice was muted due to the fact she was partially choking.

"Well, you know Hermione, when most people wear dresses, they put their head through the top hole, not the sleeve."

"Stop laughing, Mila," Hermione choked out. Mila inspected the dress as she tried to pull it off her, and found she rather liked it.

"I think this would actually look good on you," she said, considering the garment in her hands.

Hermione backed away. "No way, get this thing off of me."

Mila was mid-pull when Ginny bounded into the change room.

"Guys, Dean asked me to the ball, which means I can go! And Ron told me you guys were here and— Oh my god Hermione, what have you done to that poor dress!"

"You mean what has that dress done to me!" Hermione cried, though her face was now completely covered by fabric, and her voice came out very muffled.

Mila grinned at Ginny, and Ginny covered her mouth trying not to laugh. Mila mouthed the word 'help' and Ginny smothered her snorting as she went to the back of Hermione and tried to help Mila pull the dress over her head.

When they finally, finally managed, Hermione's face was flushed with embarrassment.

"Don't even say a word." She pointed her finger at Mila.

Mila forced her mouth closed and crossed her heart. But then Ginny caught her eye they both began laughing again.

"Seriously though, this would look really nice." Mila tried not to chuckle through her words, but failed miserably.

"Get that death trap away from me," Hermione warned.

Mila smiled and looked at the other two, "Well now I guess that's three dresses we need to find."

"Let the games begin," Ginny chimed.

It took two more hours, and they still only managed to find a dress for Ginny and Hermione. Mila had no luck. Though Ginny insisted she looked good in everything she tried on, Mila just found herself completely uninterested in anything. She didn't know if it was because her mind was so occupied, but she was more than happy to help the other girls find their dresses.

She also didn't want to mention it, but she had no money to buy a dress, not anymore. She might even have to resort to the one she had worn to the Yule Ball, it was getting to the point where she could only afford necessities, especially after the whole locket thing. She was planning on paying Malfoy back, no matter what he said.

Hermione settled on a simple blue gown with a high neck, it had no decoration or embellishment, but it fitted her perfectly.

"You look beautiful," Ginny crooned.

Hermione looked at Mila, "Yes?"

Mila nodded, "Yes."

Hermione had trusted Mila for the Yule Ball and she had looked amazing, she was more than happy to trust Mila again and purchased the dress immediately.

Ginny's was a bit more extravagant, and Mila thought it suited the girl and her personality. It was made of chiffon, and had patches of all sorts of autumn colours, which set off her hair nicely. Mila was excited that Ginny was able to go to the ball, the older she grew the more Mila found she liked the once quiet girl. In fact, it had been an odd thing to discover they were actually very alike. Ginny had Mila's confidence, and her sense of humour.

"I think this is the one!" she said. Shopping with Ginny was fun, because unlike Hermione, she actually enjoyed it.

"You look practically dazzling, my love," Mila agreed.

"Nothing for you?" Ginny asked.

Mila shrugged. "We've got time. The ball's ages away." Hopefully in that time she'd figure out a way to pay for a dress.

After they left the shop they went to see the boys at the Three Broomsticks. Ron and Harry were occupying a table, and they waved the girls other when they saw them.

"My god," Ron exclaimed, "How long does it take to buy a dress? We've been waiting bloody ages."

Mila snorted as she took a seat by Harry. "Beauty is pain, Ron."

"No, waiting is pain. Harry said we couldn't order until you guys got here."

Mia glanced at Harry, who started laughing. "Merlin, I'm sorry for trying to pace you Ron. You ate half the shop at Honeydukes."

"That is absolute slander, Harry. And I won't have any part in it," Ron said.

"Yeah, you've got chocolate on your face, mate," Harry quipped, and the table laughed as Ron hastily wiped his chin.

"I, for one, am glad that's over," Hermione said.

"Go on, show us what you got then," Ron remarked.

Mila raised her eyebrows, "Absolutely not. You can't see the dress until Hermione shows it in all its glory."

Ron coughed before speaking. "Well, how else am I supposed to match my tie to her dress."

There was a pause.

Hermione's cheeks coloured, but her voice was calm. "Is that your way of asking me to the ball, Ronald?"

Ron's own cheeks weren't exactly clear either, and Mila watched the two amusedly.

"I guess so. What do you say 'Mione?"

Mila avoided snickering, knowing he totally added his pet name for Hermione on purpose. It seemed to work though, because Hermione's reservations somewhat melted.

"Yes," she said quietly. The pair both smiled brilliantly, but tried to hide it from the other. She felt Ginny's body ricochet beside her, and she knew she wasn't alone in trying to quell her amusement.

"I must say, that was very nicely done, Ronald, very smooth," Mila said.

"Thanks." Harry took the compliment, "He's made me practice it with him for weeks."

Mila couldn't help her glee now, and her and Ginny roared. Ron sputtered and narrowed his eyes at Harry.

"Yeah, thanks for that, mate," he admonished. Still, he was grinning broadly, and Mila notice him continually glancing at Hermione for the duration of their meal.

"Mila couldn't find anything though," Ginny pointed out, continuing the conversation.

"Why not?" Harry asked.

"Nothing stuck out." She was only half lying. "I'll work something out."

But of course, the boy who knew her better than she knew herself leaned and whispered, "Is it money? Because I can—"

"Merlin, Harry no. Everything's fine." She realised she was still carrying some of the tension from her errand earlier, and tried to relax herself.

"I'm sorry," he said. They were still being quiet enough so that the others couldn't hear them. Ginny and Ron were in a hot debate about Dean asking her to the ball anyway, and Hermione was trying to help Ginny out.

Mila looked surprised, "What for?"

"For nagging you all the time. I know you must be sick of it."

She looked at him fondly. It was her own fault for not confiding in him. She was having a rough time of it, and she hadn't told him why. He must have all kinds of theories about her strange mood, and in most, he probably blamed himself.

"I'll never be sick of you," she promised. Harry beamed at her.

"Until the ocean dries up?"

"That's cheesy and ridiculous," she said.

"Say it."

"Until the ocean dries up," she repeated, groaning.

"Until the sun burns out?" he asked, trying to annoy her.

"Until the sun burns out," she repeated again, laughter twinkling her words.

"Until Malfoy stops being a prat?" Harry laughed.

Mila froze.

"Not even then," she said meekly.

Harry smiled and joined in on the other's conversation, eagerly backing up Ron that Ginny was too young to begin dating Dean Thomas.

Mila didn't feel too happy with herself. Her response to Harry reminded her of Malfoy saying she was ashamed of him. After he'd helped her out today, she felt especially guilty about her comment. She didn't think there could ever be a day where Harry or Ron would accept Malfoy as her friend. And she didn't even know if they were friends, not really. Once they found out who the locket belonged to, who knew? Maybe they would just go back to only speaking in insults.

They got back from Hogsmeade just in time for dinner. Mila didn't even bother changing out of her Hogsmeade clothes, even though she knew the teachers would disapprove. Harry asked her if she wanted to work on her patronus again tonight, and she happily agreed, wondering how she was going to distract herself for a whole month while waiting to see who the owner of the locket was.

It seemed strange it was that easy. Once the crest was uncovered she would know where she came from. It hadn't taken much work on her part at at all.

Harry wanted to practice in the room of requirement again. They went straight after dinner.

"Ok, so obviously the memory of meeting me isn't covering it," Harry joked.

"That happens to be one of my best memories you know," she said defensively.

"Yeah yeah, the facts don't lie, Lovett."

She grinned, "So what do you suggest? What other memory could possibly beat meeting the famous Boy Who Lived?"

"Honestly?" he paused, "I don't think there could be anything."

She smacked him on the shoulder, "Nice to see you kept your modesty."

"Well if I didn't, I know you would remind me."

She snorted in reply, but then closed her eyes to think. A happy memory? Happier than meeting Harry? She thought of the time they had won the House Cup in first year. For an eleven year old who had grown up in an orphanage, there had never been a more exciting feeling than that.

The first time she got on a broom? That was a good one. She and Harry had made the Gryffindor quidditch first year. Harry was the seeker, but Mila was one of the best chasers the team had ever seen. She was a natural on a broom, just like she seemed to be a natural at everything else.

People always asked her how she was so proficient at everything, and she always told them the same thing. It was instinct, she just always seemed to know what came next. It was a bit like someone who was repeating a dance they knew really well, one they had done many times before. She just always knew the right moves.

Their first game against Slytherin had been amazing. Harry had caught the snitch, although indelicately, and Mila had scored her first goal for Gryffindor. She decided to try that one. She'd known Harry a lot better at that point, and had felt really proud of him when he'd caught the snitch.

Without trying to put much thought into it, she drew her wand and cast the patronus. She closed her eyes again, leaving it to Harry to tell her if anything came out.

She was shocked when he sputtered excitedly.

Her eyes shot open. "What? What?"

"I saw something. I definitely saw something. It had legs, Mila! Legs!" he grinned.

She jumped up and down, "Legs? Oh my god, legs!"

She reached to hug Harry and he jumped with her, both rather giddy at her patronus finally beginning to take a corporeal form.

"LEGS!" they both shouted, and laughed at the other.

"Well damn, who knew I was such a prodigy? It only took, oh I don't know, 700 times," Mila laughed.

"I wonder what it could be?" Harry asked.

"Maybe a doe?" she pitched, only half joking. It would make sense. She always seemed to think of Harry as a kind of soulmate. Even if she'd never properly considered it the romantic kind, she knew that they were always meant to know each other.

Harry beamed at her suggestion. "Maybe you should try it again?"

And she did. A few more times. None were quite as good as the first, but Mila was still happy with the progress she'd made. It had been so long, she was starting to wonder if she could ever do it.

Still, that was one night she didn't have to think about the locket. She could do this. She could distract herself for a month. If she kept thinking about it, she would go crazy, so she would just keep having to come up with ways to occupy her time.

One day down, only twenty nine more to go.

She turned to Harry suddenly. "Should we go again tomorrow?"


	10. The Proclamation

sorry i didn't post last week, my internet was down for several days (hell) and i thought i'd continue on tuesday again :) (even if it is technically wednesday)

thank you commenters, you're pretty cool

* * *

It seemed Lupin wanted to talk to her again the next day, though she wasn't sure what it was about. She was fairly confident that no-one had seen her or Malfoy enter that shop together. If they had she could probably come up with… some sort of explanation. Though she didn't know why anyone would have told Lupin about it.

He asked her to walk with him, taking her to his office this time. She had to skip breakfast again, but by now she was used to it. There always seemed to be something she just 'had' to be doing around that time. Honestly, the poor girl was starving.

Lupin looked a little nervous, a great switch from his anger the last time they had spoken. He sat in his desk chair, and she across from him.

"So, what is it this time Professor? In case you haven't noticed, I'm in a rather chirpy mood. No need to raise any alarms bells," she joked. She was hoping to ease some of Lupin's obvious tension, but it didn't seem to work.

Lupin coughed. "Dumbledore and I have been discussing… your current situation."

Mila's blood went cold. "Situation?"

"Your living situation."

She relaxed. "Oh, that situation. Have you found me a placement yet?"

Lupin hand disheveled his already disheveled hair some more. "That's actually what I was hoping to discuss with you."

"Ok," she said slowly.

His hesitation was worrying her. Did this mean it was bad? Was she finally going to have to go to a group home. There was nothing she wanted less. That way she would absolutely have to stay there for holidays, which was the last thing she wanted.

"We thought it might be agreeable if-" he coughed again, and Mila sighed with impatience.

"It is bad, isn't it? Merlin, just rip of the bandaid, Professor, I can take it."

"It's not bad." He gave a small smile at her dramatics, before adding, "At least I hope it's not."

He paused again. So she filled the silence, again.

"If I was the professor and I had to grade you on delivery of news… well lets just say you're not doing very well."

"I was wondering if you would like me to be your guardian," he rushed out.

Mila's heart stopped. "What?"

"Like I said, Dumbledore and I discussed it, and we think rather than have you accumulate to another new environment, it might be beneficial for you to just live with me. Or rather, I'll be your guardian, but you can spend the holidays where you choose." He was babbling. Nervous 'Remus Lupin babbling'. Much of his teenage years had been spent in this state of conversation.

Lupin couldn't read her expression, she simply looked stunned. Mila herself was feeling awful.

Even though she hadn't done anything about it, she had been mad at Lupin for the past few weeks. The thought that he was keeping her parentage a secret had made her understandably angry. And she had been comforted by that anger, it was a distraction from the worry about finding out who her parents were. But now he was offering… this.

"I don't know what to say," she said honestly.

He was going to take her in? It was like he was offering her the freedom she had always wanted. Freedom from the system, and the constrained childhood she had always known. It made her feel even guiltier about her anger with him. How could a man who was offering her all this, lie to her? It didn't feel possible.

How likely was it that he knew anyway? She'd jumped to conclusions, just as she always did. How was he supposed to know about a locket found at the bottom of a pile in the Malfoy manner? She'd made a link between his concern and the locket that she should never have made.

"I understand if you object. It's a difficult—"

"No."

"No?" Lupin raised his eyebrow.

"I don't object."

A smile bloomed on Lupin's face as he took in her words. He searched her's and was happy to see her smiling back at him. He had noticed she hadn't smiled at him for a while, and found he missed the expression.

"When can I move in?" she asked eagerly, and Lupin chuckled.

"We have to sort out the paperwork, and well, maybe bewitch a muggle or two. It should be done before the next break."

"The next break it is," she beamed at him.

Honestly Lupin could cast any hex on her right now and she wouldn't even cast one back. She'd never have to deal with a rude foster parent again, never have to go to a group home, never have to go back to the orphanage. Someone wanted her. And it was ok that it wasn't her parents. In fact, right now she didn't even care who they were. The whole thing seemed to matter a lot less. Because she was wanted. And she had the family she had loved all along.

"We can spend it with Sirius and Harry. Or if you'd prefer-?"

"I don't mind," she interrupted him again, "Wherever you want. Whatever you want."

She stood up, and Lupin followed automatically. Her joy rubbed off on him, the way any mood Mila had rubbed off on people. She was infectious, and her happiness spread through him like a disease he had no hope of curing.

"Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Lovett?"

"I think I'm going to hug you now."

She pulled her arms around him before he could object, having already made her way around the desk. He stood stiffly for a brief second before releasing control and hugging her back. He often forgot how young she was. She was a girl who had never had a home, he hadn't realised how much she had always wanted one.

As she hugged him she noticed the wolf ornament that decorated his desk, the present she had gotten him for christmas. She stepped out of his arms and grinned at him.

"I can't wait to tell, Harry!"

"I'm sure he'll be happy for you," Lupin said warmly.

If Harry hadn't been in Mila's life, she suspected that Lupin never would have been more than a teacher to Mila. If not for his connection to Harry's father, Mila may never have grown to see him as a friend. Harry had given her Lupin, and Lupin was giving her a home.

"Thank you, Lupin. I wish there was something I- that I could do for you." Mila wasn't one to be speechless, but she didn't think anything she said would express who grateful she was.

"How about getting to my class on time," Lupin chuckled.

"Well now, that's just asking too much."

"It was worth a shot," he said.

"Speaking of class," she started.

"It's about time you leave my office," he finished.

He didn't want her to go. Her happiness was greatly improving his mood, and he was so glad he had been the one to give it to her. Especially after her mood the past few weeks. It was her words during their last conversation that had finally made him take this step, which he had been considering for longer than he cared to admit.

She smiled cheekily. "I guess I'm going to have to start doing what you tell me."

"You should be doing that anyway, I'm your teacher," he sighed lightheartedly.

She huffed, but started to walk to the door. She turned to him before she went through. "Thank you."

His eyes sparkled at her as he returned her sentiment.

"You're welcome."

* * *

When Mila went to find Harry, she felt the tension in her melt away. This changed everything. The anger she'd had inside her for suspecting Lupin disappeared. The worry about where she was going to live next summer was no longer necessary. Even the identity of her parents didn't seem to matter as much anymore. She'd gone on this long without them. Knowing who they were didn't suddenly mean they were going to be in her life. Pureblood or Slytherins or whoever they were… She would survive. Just like she always had. She hadn't felt this light since the christmas break.

She practically ran to the Gryffindor table. Breakfast wasn't over yet and her friends were all still eating. She grabbed Harry and hugged him from behind, even though he was mid way through a croissant. He stayed still, wondering what in Godric's name Mila was doing.

Even Ron stopped chewing as he took the pair of them in.

"Hermione, what's going on?" he fake whispered.

Hermione herself was unusually uninformed. "I'm not quite sure."

Mila let go of Harry and grinned at all her friends. "It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

Harry turned around at their audience before looking to her. "Has someone given you a love potion?"

"Yeah, Neville, I just can't stop thinking about him," she said. Her friends all looked to give Neville an accusatory look, as he was sitting by them.

"Don't look at me! I don't know what she's talking about." Neville shrugged, but he was blushing faintly.

"Sorry, Neville." She waved her friend's attentions back over to her, "What if I told you I could spend all the holidays wherever I wanted."

Harry's face began to smile. "I'd say thank goodness, because I hate when you have to go back home."

"Did you get a new placement?" Hermione asked excitedly.

Mila grinned and nodded.

"Well, where is it? Buckingham Palace? Because you look like you just got told you won the lottery," Harry said.

"Lupin asked me if he could be my guardian," she beamed.

All three paused for a second, taking the information in. Then all of a sudden, Harry jumped up from his seat and wrapped her in a hug.

She squeezed him tight. She saw Ron and Hermione look equally as excited for her.

"This is- Mila, this is great," Harry told her, still in their embrace.

She pulled away, but kept their arms together.

"Lupin said we could stay with you and Sirius whenever we wanted. It'll be just like christmas again. And I don't have to keep moving around anymore, I have a home."

Harry, the only person who understood what it felt like to not have one, smiled at her warmly.

"I'm so happy for you, Mila. You finally get- I'm just so happy."

She looked at her friend with his ruffled hair, and round glasses. Her best friend. She would stay with him for the rest of her life. Maybe Harry would get married one day, and maybe not to her, but she could see her future now. And no matter what form, it had him in it.

She hugged him again, "I love you, Harry." It wasn't a romantic statement. She wasn't sure if she would ever be ready for that. But how could you not love someone who was the source of your happiness. Every good thing that had even happened to her because either a direct or indirect result of Harry. He had been the first one she called family.

"I love you too," he whispered in the hug. She pulled away again and jumped and clapped excitedly.

"And I love you Ron, and you Hermione." She began shouting, "And I love everyone at this table!"

A couple of people raised their goblets to her laughing, and she gave a quick bow when a few people started clapping. She pulled Harry to sit down with her, who was looking a bit dazed, and eagerly tucked into breakfast.

"This is brilliant news, Mila!" Ron said excitedly, "You're both Marauder's babies now."

"Bets on if her patronus turns out to be a wolf," Harry added.

"Well that's not fair, mate, you saw half the bloody thing."

Harry and Ron argued over the bet and Mila looked to Hermione who, though smiling, seemed to have some concern in her eyes.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" she asked Mila.

Mila was taken aback. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Hermione shook her head, "No reason. That's great news, Mila."

Mila smiled at her friend. "Thank you, Hermione."

Every other table had witnessed the commotion. Mila was a hot topic on the gossip mill, and people were whispering about what her outburst could possibly be about.

Malfoy himself had taken in the sight confusedly. It was only yesterday she had been with him, scared and worried about the locket. He had been the one she turned to, not Potter. He guessed Potter was the only one who got to hear the good news.

"What do you think it's about?" Zabini asked their group.

Pansy, and Nott both thought about it.

"Maybe Potter finally grew a pair and asked her out?" Pansy suggested.

"Maybe Lovett and Potter singlehandedly just bought about world peace," Zabini sneered, "Just so bloody talented those two."

"Who cares?" Malfoy muttered, though he found he did care very much.

"Just as long as I can keep down my breakfast. Proclamations of love first thing in the morning are sickly," Nott stated.

And well… Malfoy had to agree with him there.

* * *

Though Mila was still determined to find out who her parents were, she found herself thinking only sparsely about the locket. The excitement for the ball was getting even more hectic. It was in the second week of the last term, and they'd still yet to have their easter holidays. It seemed slightly ridiculous that people were already so concerned about it.

They had it then so that when sixth and seventh years came back for the last term, they got the ball out of the way so they could focus on their NEWTs. Which was fair enough, but Mila was dreading that term already.

The ball was still so far away, but boys were already asking girls to be their date. Dean and Ron had gotten the ball rolling, and now Mila had to be careful about who she talked to lest she get asked again.

Terry Boot and Wayne Hopkins had already asked her, but she had politely turned them down. The sooner Harry asked her the better, because then she could use him as a shield. She knew it was probably because he assumed they were going together, but the confirmation would really help her avoid more of these awkward invitations. She was half tempted to ask him in the Great Hall, as a sort of public announcement. She almost did, but Ron said Harry wanted to do something special, so she was loathe to wait for him to get around to it.

With the weight of the locket not bearing down on her so much, she almost found she had a lot of free time her hands. NEWTs still hadn't gotten hard enough for her to have to start studying, much to Ron's chagrin. But she still had to take the time to write her essays just like everybody else.

They had a quidditch game coming up, and Harry had the team out practicing almost every night. Having Ron, Ginny and Harry on the team were just extra perks to a game she loved so much. Hermione would sometimes come out and watch the practice, simply because all her friends were there anyway.

Harry had them doing drill after drill. Mila was so exhausted she thought she was going to fall off of her broom. One of the beaters, Jimmy Peakes, flew up to her and asked her to get Harry to end the practice. They'd been there for four hours, and they had a solid team, it wasn't like they could get better with another hour of training in one day.

"Please, I'm so tired. So so tired. And if I have to look at McLaggen for another second, I'll have to hex myself," Jimmy begged.

He had a point there. Substitutes had to train as well, and that meant McLaggen for four hours at a time.

"Why don't you ask him yourself, Peake?"

"Come on, Lovett. Everyone knows he does whatever you tell him to do."

Mila mocked sighing. "You almost had me on your side, Peake, then you had to go and say that. I don't think a couple more drills would hurt you."

She let him suffer bit more until she flew down to where Harry was standing.

"Don't you think we should ix-nay on the aining-tray," she asked.

"I speak snake, Mila, not pig," Harry wisecracked.

"Very funny," she said cooly.

"Thanks, I thought so." He grinned at her.

"We've been here for four hours, Harry. Stop the training before we have a mutiny on our hands."

"A mutiny?"

"Yeah, led by me."

He laughed. "Your loyalty is heart-warming."

She shrugged. "I am a Gryffindor."

Harry sighed and blew the whistle. "Alright you sorry lot, training is over."

The rest of the team cheered in the air, and Peake mouth a 'thank you' to Mila. She rolled her eyes playfully at him, but grinned with the rest of the team.

She needed a shower. Badly. She flew to Ginny's side so that they could go to the girls change rooms together. They both mounted off their brooms and began walking down the end of the pitch, Katie Bell with them.

"Who knew Harry was such a hard ass. It's sexy," Ginny smirked.

Mila looked at her in horror, "Please don't describe my best friend as sexy."

Katie and Ginny laughed. "Why not?" Ginny started, "He thinks _your_ sexy."

"Ginny," Mila choked, before joining in the laughter.

"Has he asked you to the ball yet?" Katie asked sweetly.

"No. What's he playing at? I'm a catch," Mila joked.

"Justin has asked me four times," Katie complained.

"He'll wear you down one of these days Katie," Ginny said, "Ron did wear _Hermione_ down after all."

"That's different," Mila said, and the other two looked at her curiously.

"He's a keeper," she deadpanned. Both girls groaned.

"That was the worst joke I've ever heard," Ginny said, "You're better than this."

Mila snickered, "Who says?"

"I say. Mila, I'm very disappointed in you."

They continued their walk, laughter filling up the pitch, until Cormac came to a stop right in front of them.

"Oh no," Ginny whispered.

"Maybe if we don't move, he won't see us," Mila whispered back.

"Don't be rude, he is standing and looking right at us, you idiots," Katie said.

Cormac watched the three girls amusedly, keeping his damn smirking face the whole way.

Mila sighed, "What do you want, McLaggen?"

"News had reached me that you haven't got a date for the ball, Lovett." He winked at her, probably thinking she found it somewhat appealing. She did not.

"I'm going with Harry," she said automatically.

"Ah, but he hasn't actually asked you yet. So I was thinking we could start our own little arrangement."

Ginny and Katie were both trying to hold in their laughter beside her, and she'd never hated them more than in that moment. She tried to look at them for some help, but they could barely hold themselves together.

"Wow, McLaggen, that sounds really… swell. But- uh, you know, I just don't see a future for us."

Ginny made a pfft sound as some air escaped her clamped lips.

"You'll change your mind," he said knowingly, and Mila could have just about strangled him.

"I don't think I will," she disagreed.

In an even more obnoxious tone, he repeated, "You'll change your mind."

He began walking away in what he probably believed was a swagger, but looked more like an infant who hadn't learned how to walk yet.

Ginny opened her mouth and roared. She put her hands on her knees to steady herself, and her laughter echoed through the whole pitch. Katie herself was giggling, but to her credit she did look guilty about it.

"Thanks for the assist, guys," Mila huffed.

"Oh Merlin, I can't believe you've had to do that three times already," Ginny cracked up.

"Yeah," Mila said unamused, as they finally reached the change rooms, "Harry really better get his act together."


	11. The Meeting

howdy

just a PSA by the time I've finished writing this monster, it's probably going to be about 200k

that being said, we are barely scraping the surface people, this thing is a journey and a half let me tell you...

message on tumblr at abrokefangirl for chats because sometimes i get stuck and seek guidance

thanks to ArcticFox, VampireGirl1797, and majamugel for reviewing, happy reading x

* * *

Mila kept smiling through the whole DADA class. Every time she caught Lupin's eye she became excited at the prospect of him being her guardian.

Transfiguration was less fun, only because McGonagall was the only one left who she suspected knew about her past. But she had learned her lesson, and this time she was simply going to ask.

She waited until the class ended and the rest of the students left. McGonagall didn't seem surprised when she saw Mila was staying back, and Mila didn't know if that was a good sign or not.

"Well, Miss Lovett, this is certainly a change. I thought you were avoiding me."

She wouldn't say she was avoiding McGonagall, but over the past few weeks she had stopped answering questions in class, and worked silently unless called upon. She had been a little cold, now that she thought about it.

Mila gave a sheepish smile, "I had some… concerns."

"Pray tell, what are they? They must be good, you haven't shown off in my class since the term started."

"I thought you didn't like it when I did that?" Mila asked.

"On the contrary, it's been a rather nice change, but one does notice the absence of your… spirited nature."

Mila shuffled her feet. "The last time I was here I asked you if you knew something I didn't. You said no. I know you wouldn't lie to me, Miss, not if there wasn't a good reason, but I'm either being overly dramatic again or there is something you're not telling me."

She didn't notice, but McGonagall had a look of panic in her eyes. Mila read it as concern, and kept going.

"I'm just going to come out and say it."

McGonagall pursed her lips and nodded.

"There doesn't happen to be a secret lineage you're not telling me about, does there?" Mila asked, a bit too lightheartedly. She did that when she was nervous.

McGonagall's eye's widened in true surprise. "What are you talking about?"

On any other day McGonagall seemed shocked, Mila would have thought the world was ending. Instead, it made her more happy than she could say.

"My parents. You don't know who they are?" she clarified.

"I don't know if you recall, Miss Lovett, but I found you in a muggle orphanage when you were eleven years old. You had no family to speak of. Has that fact escaped you, my dear?"

Mila sighed in relief. "No, Professor, I remember."

"Good. Now may I ask what brought this sudden interest about?"

Mila wasn't going to tell her about the locket yet. Not until she went to pick it up with Malfoy, otherwise McGonagall would ask why she didn't bring it to her immediately. And if the family she came from turned out to be really bad, she wasn't sure she wanted anyone to know.

So she made something up.

"Lupin offered to be my guardian, and it just got me thinking that maybe all the sympathy from other teachers was about who my father was. But you would tell me, Miss, wouldn't you? If you knew who he was."

McGonagall seemed to be teetering on the edge of anger. If another student had accused her of such a thing, she would have given them detention. But Mila was a special case, as she often was, and McGonagall softened.

"I promise you, Miss Lovett. I do not know who your father is, nor would I pretend otherwise if I did."

Mila smiled. "Well thank goodness for that. You were on the top of my suspect list you know!"

McGonagall did not look amused, "Oh really, Miss Lovett?"

Mila balked. "No. Absolutely not. There's no list. I don't have a piece of paper in my room with your name on it."

"I must say, Mila, you've never seemed to be curious about this before. I know it must be hard for you to be without a family, but you've always had one here at Hogwarts."

Mila smile turned a bit more uncertain. "I know I do. It's just nice to reassured that the people you look up to aren't actually plotting behind your back and keeping a huge secret from you." The joke didn't seem to go too well over McGonagall, but then again, none of Mila's jokes ever did.

"Next time, you will voice your concerns straight away. People don't seem to learn as well when you are in a bad mood, Miss Lovett," McGonagall said uncomfortably.

"Just tell me you missed me, Minerva," Mila jested, and McGonagall gave her a stern look.

Mila put her hands up in mock surrender, "Ok, ok. I'm leaving."

She laughed as she did so, happy to know that all her worries had been for nothing. She wished she had asked sooner, otherwise she wouldn't have had to be wary of Lupin and McGonagall this whole time.

Now it was certain. Malfoy and her were the only ones who were going to know the identity of her parents. No one was lying to her, and no one had been looking at her strangely. She felt rather childish for concocting this whole situation. Now all she needed to do was find out who they were and decide what to do from there.

She would tell her friends what she discovered, though she might leave Malfoy's involvement out of it. And she would tell McGonagall and Lupin, and the rest of the Order if it was necessary, but she didn't see why it would be. For now, the only secret she had to keep was the locket. And that seemed a lot easier than having to stop trusting the majority of people in her life.

Which reminded her, she needed to meet up with Malfoy soon about how they were getting to Hogsmeade. She figured she could just borrow the map and Harry's invisibility cloak and find a passage directly to Hogsmeade. Easy.

* * *

The second Mila walked out the door, McGonagall called a meeting with Dumbledore, Snape and Lupin. They met that night in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore had allowed Sirius to apparate on the school grounds to join them. Students were already in bed when the meeting began.

"You have some concerns, Minerva?" Dumbledore asked gently.

Sirius was fidgeting, and McGonagall was about ready to snap at him, before remembering he wasn't one of her students anymore. She could tell he was nervous. It was an unusual thing for him to be allowed on school grounds.

"Miss Lovett came to me to voice some troubles. It concerned the reason she has been in an unusual mood."

"And?" Sirius asked, "Does she know?" His fingers twitched.

Lupin put a hand on Sirius' shoulder to calm him, but he didn't even notice. Snape sneered at the man, annoyed that he was acting so childish.

"No."

Sirius sank into his chair, both in relief and in disappointment.

"So what was it?" Lupin asked sensibly, "I'm assuming not the reason she told me."

"It was in part," McGonagall started, "She seems to be searching for the identity of her parents, her father in particular. She, understandably, accused me of keeping it from her. She's a smart girl, she suspects us of withholding information, but she has not figured out what it is."

"She's looking for her parents?" Sirius asked confusedly.

"What did you say to her?" Lupin asked McGonagall.

"I told her the truth. I do not know who her father is. She seemed content with my answer. She no longer believes us to be lying to her."

"But we are lying to her," Sirius said, "Just let me tell her. She's old enough now, she'll understand."

"No," Dumbledore said calmly, "I know how eager you are Sirius, but it is not yet necessary. Voldemort's attempt at revival during the Triwizard Tournament was unsuccessful. It is possible that she will never have to know."

"I never agreed to that. It was always the plan to tell her. Always," Sirius argued.

Lupin was still stuck on what McGonagall had told them. "She was never interested in her father before. Why now?"

"That remains to be seen. Though it could be chalked up to simple curiosity, she is a very inquisitive young lady," McGonagall answered.

Snape, who had been quiet the whole time, spoke up, "Maybe we _should_ tell her."

Sirius looked at his shocked, both concerned and glad that Snape, of all people, was agreeing with him. He looked eagerly to Dumbledore, but the old man still shook his head.

"Not yet."

Sirius looked like he wanted to keep arguing, but Lupin practically had a death grip on his shoulder.

Dumbledore continued. "Things have the opportunity to calm down. She is satisfied in Minerva's testimony, and she now has a stable home."

Dumbledore eye's twinkled at Lupin, who gave a small smile.

Sirius frowned, "I still don't understand why it couldn't have been me. I have Harry, it would have been easier if I was made her guardian."

"You know why, Sirius. Remus will not let his emotions get the better of him, he will put her needs first. What she needs, and what she appears to want, is a family. Both you and Remus can be that for her, but she is not ready to know the truth yet."

"And when _will_ she be ready?!" Sirius was trying very hard not to yell again, but his frustrations got the better of him, "When you lot finally decide that you want to be honest with her?"

"I want her to know too, Sirius, but we have to be sensible about this," Lupin reasoned.

"You want her to know? That's a surprise, its never seemed like you care very much." Sirius knew it wasn't true, but his frustration was increasing.

Lupin's hands went white as he gripped Sirius' shoulder. "Of course I do."

Though Lupin took great care to restrain himself, Sirius' comment hurt him, and he knew it too.

"There's also another matter," Lupin said, loosening his grip and stepping away from Sirius.

"Go on, Remus," Dumbledore nodded.

"Harry says she is making some progress on her patronus."

"Well that's easily fixed. Minerva? I believe it works best when you perform the blocking charm.

She nodded. "I'll cast it after our next class together."

"Very well. Is there anything else that needs attending to?" Dumbledore asked the group.

"Yeah, tell Snivellus not to give her detention so much," Sirius said bitterly, "Moony's told me he's keeping her later than other students. Even Harry said something to me at Christmas."

"It is not my fault she chooses to act in an insubordinate manner. She was always rather like you in that way," Snape snarled.

"Enough," Dumbledore chided, "It is my belief that Mila is a very headstrong young lady, the detentions, while long, are deserved. I have already spoken to Lupin on this matter."

"I disagree Albus, she is kept rather late," Minerva said.

"Even still, Dumbledore, given the history, I don't think he should be allowed-" Sirius began.

"Worried she might prefer my company to yours, Black? We do spend rather a lot of time together," Snape taunted.

Sirius stood out of his chair and pulled out his wand, "If you say another word-"

To everyone's surprise, Lupin cast an expelliarmus charm on Sirius before he could even finish his sentence. But it wasn't Sirius to whom he spoke next.

"If I so much as catch you alone with her any later than dinner I'll have something to do about it Severus," Lupin warned.

Dumbledore watched the two curiously. "It seems I was mistaken. Severus, you will give Miss Lovett less detentions. NEWTs are coming up anyway, she will wish to study with her friends."

"When has she ever attempted to open a textbook," Snape muttered. After being told off, he was just looking for anything to argue about.

"Regardless, if she earns another detention, you will send her to Minerva. Understood?"

Snape merely nodded. His pride would not allow him to stay any longer, and he promptly left the office, leaving only the other four behind.

"Stupid git," Sirius muttered.

"Try to be more understanding, Sirius. He is under the same pressure that we all are. This is a delicate matter," Albus said gently.

"I know," Sirius said, "I just want it to be over already."

"I do too, Sirius," Lupin sighed, silently forgiving him for his earlier comment.

"It's just… sometimes," Sirius said, "Sometimes I feel like we waited too long."

Lupin didn't want to admit it, but sometimes he felt that way too.

* * *

Mila spent the next few nights frustratingly unable to make any progress on her patronus. In fact, it seemed she had gone backwards. She was back to the barely-there whips of white, no sign of legs at all.

She conjured up a chair in the Room of Requirement and threw herself into it. Harry did the same.

"I don't understand! I thought I was getting better," she huffed.

"I thought so to," Harry said, and turned mischievously, "Maybe you're a squib."

She smacked him. "Shut up, Harry."

He chuckled. "Sorry. It's just nice to be better than you at something for once."

"Well I hope you and your patronus are very happy together." She stood up and began to walk away dramatically, but he laughed and grabbed her arm.

"I hate it when you do this," he grinned, still laughing.

She didn't look him in the eye as he used his hand to turn her back to him. "Do what? Feel the cold sting of betrayal?"

"Mila," he warned amusedly.

"Wonder what it all meant? If you ever truely cared?"

"Mila."

"I tell you, Harry. It's nice to finally see your true colours," she said indignantly.

She finally looked a him, and saw the amusement in his eyes. Since she had a tendency to be over-dramatic, she always jokingly blew things out of proportion when one of her friends teased her. It delighted Harry to no end, and she only did it to make him laugh.

"Ok fine. I forgive you. Can we go get some food now?" she said hurriedly, as she realised how hungry she was.

Harry let go of her arm and nodded, his smile still wide. They'd skipped dinner, and the only thing to do was sneak to the kitchens.

It wasn't curfew yet, so they didn't have to hide, but they just had to be careful about which corridor they were seen going down. Mila couldn't be bothered going back to their dorm to get the map and cloak, she just figured they'd be fine if they were careful enough.

The corridors had a few students scattered around. Mila noted a few couples, seemingly trying to get some alone time outside of their dorm, and smirked when she saw them.

Harry, on the other hand, didn't seem to find it funny at all, and avoiding looking at them at all cost.

Mila noticed. "You are such a prude, Potter."

He scoffed defensively. "Just because I don't like watching people make out, doesn't make me a prude."

Her laughter rang through the hall as they continued walking. She thought absentmindedly about what food she would ask for, when they turned a corner and ran straight into Malfoy.

"Do you ever watch where you're going?" he sneered.

Before, Mila would have sniped back straight away, but with everything going on she held her tongue. She hoped Harry wouldn't give Malfoy a hard time. Since becoming friends, Malfoy had baited him less and less, and she hoped that hadn't changed.

"Great, it's you. Just when I was beginning to have a nice night too," Harry answered.

Mila hoped she and Harry could just keep walking, without having to have a big confrontation, and she began pulling him away. She thought Malfoy would be glad about that too, but that didn't seem to be the idea he had.

"Don't you ever get tired of that short leash, Potter?" Malfoy mocked.

Mila frowned quickly, wondering what Malfoy was doing. They'd gotten in a nice rhythm of staying out of each other's way in public, and though she hadn't seen him since Hogsmeade, she didn't think that had changed. Actually, if anything, he'd been avoiding her more in the last few days.

Harry's hand flew to his wand in his back pocket, but he didn't pull it out. "Do you ever get tired of being an absolute prat, Malfoy?"

Mila put a hand on his arm and said his name, but he ignored her as Malfoy made another jab.

"Bit of a sore point is it, Potter? What's the matter? You putting in the hard work without reaping the benefits?"

Mila was appalled at what Malfoy had said. It seemed he definitely wasn't playing nice anymore, which meant she wasn't staying silent.

"Malfoy, what are you doing?" she found herself asking. Hopefully Harry wouldn't read too much into the question.

Malfoy's looked of disgust turned to her. "Oh I'm sorry, did I hurt the golden boy's feelings? Guess that means his little girlfriend is here to defend him."

She tried to search his face, to read where this was coming from. But he just gave her the look of contempt she had grown used to over the years. One, she realised, she hadn't seen in a while.

As she frowned at him, he felt himself go cold. Truthfully, he didn't know what he was doing, but seeing her and Potter together made him angry. Especially after the other day in the Great Hall. The way she was looking at him, made him even more defensive however, and he kept up with the insults.

He held his hands up and left his chest wide open. "Come on, Lovett, give it your best shot."

He needed it. He needed her to hex him. It would validate his anger. He would feel better, knowing she had hit back.

She continued her frown, but stepped back and shook her head. "No."

"What are you afraid of?" he sneered.

Harry was watching the two of them in confusion. Malfoy had always been a prick, but never like this. The blonde boy and Mila seemed to be looking at each other in a way he didn't understand.

Mila continue shaking her head, and walked over to Harry and gently took his arm. "Let's go," she said simply.

Malfoy watched as they walked away, and lowered the arms he had raised. His anger was still pumping and he took some deep breaths. She hadn't hit him, she hadn't even yelled at him, even after he made those comments about her relationship with Potter that he knew she always hated.

He felt disgusting.

He turned in the opposite direction, and stalked down the hall. He'd tried to avoid her the last few days, but she hadn't even noticed. He was nothing to her, not even worth hexing.

He felt like he was eleven years old again.

* * *

draco omg so dramatic


	12. The Party

please read notes at the end x

* * *

Care of Magical Creatures was rough. Mila was too mad to try and figure out what was wrong with Malfoy, so they simply sat, and, unsuccessfully, tried to get their porlock to play with them. _Figures that the little guy can feel the tension,_ Mila thought.

She didn't know what this meant for Hogsmeade. She would have to go fetch the locket herself, and pray that the stupid shopkeeper didn't ask for anymore money. She didn't have any, and she was still going to pay Malfoy back. She didn't want to owe the prat anything.

Malfoy watched her out of the corner of his eye. If she wanted to ask him about last night, she didn't show it. He felt the notable absence of a warm smiles during their class. She'd only just begun giving them to him, and all it had taken was one fight for them to go. A part of him was bitter that she didn't even seem to be trying ask him what happened. She had written him off.

 _Good,_ he thought, _she's a spoiled brat._ He could take the cold shoulder. He was a Slytherin.

When Hagrid walked around to them, he frowned as their porlock cowered away from the pair. He continued round the class, scribbling in his notebook, leaving Mila crouching and sighing.

"Stupid things got trust issues," Malfoy muttered, throwing a twig at the small creature.

Mila didn't reply, and instead continued trying to coax the porlock with some food she had in her hand.

Malfoy scratched his head, muttering something else she didn't catch. She glanced at him secretively, and he looked… guilty? Well he should, he'd said awful things to her last night.

Malfoy seemed to swallow before speaking. "Maybe if you try the red toy."

She ignored him again and he huffed. It seemed that he could not, in fact, take the cold shoulder. Not when it came from her and not with all the progress they had made.

"Look, do you want me to say I'm sorry? I'm sorry ok?" His yell came out in a whisper. There was no way he wanted other students hearing him apologise.

She bit her lip, unsure of what to do. Last night he'd shown her he hadn't changed as much as she thought he had. Harry had barely been able to look Mila in the eye after the things Malfoy had said. He had been mortified, and Mila was so protective of Harry that she was too angry to forgive Malfoy.

"I was upset, and I didn't…" Malfoy trailed off. She was pointedly not listening to him and it made him snap again.

"Right, of course. Potter can make as many mistakes as he wants and you'll forgive him. But god forbid I… and you won't even let me explain… I thought you understood me."

He got up and left abruptly. Hagrid raised his eyebrow as he watched him go, but didn't say anything. Malfoy grabbed his bag and headed back to the castle.

Mila froze in her crouched position. Malfoy thought she understood him? That was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. She did not understand him one bit. He'd helped her so much, she had even started to consider the idea that, one day, they could be friends, but then he had gone and picked a fight and said horrible things. The kind of things he'd said the whole time they'd known each other. How could she understand that?

But he was right. If it was Harry, she would have listened to what he had to say. But then again, Harry wouldn't have done something like this. Admittedly, she hadn't really given Malfoy a chance, though she didn't see how class was the best time. But it wasn't the same with him. Her history with Harry was a lot different to her history with Malfoy. When it came to Malfoy, she expected insults and hexes. It couldn't be that narrow-minded of her to believe he hadn't changed.

She continued trying to pet the porlock for a few more minutes, before giving up and getting up herself.

As she went to go grab her bag to leave, Hagrid stopped her.

"I don't know what's going on between you and Malfoy, but… don't write him out just yet."

She nodded doubtfully, and brushed past him, also trying to head back to the castle. Merlin, Hagrid didn't want her to fight with Malfoy? What was the world coming to?

She didn't follow Malfoy. Instead she headed to the common room, trying to get the snake out of her mind. She didn't want to feel guilty about being mad at him.

When she realised that none of her friends would be there, she halted. They were all still in class, and technically she was skipping. The last thing she should do was go visit a teacher, but she wanted to talk to someone she trusted.

She turned to the direction of Lupin's office, hoping he would be there and he didn't have a class. Fortunately he was, but he gave her a suspicious look when she walked in.

"Shouldn't you be…?" Lupin sat up in his desk, and disregarded the paperwork.

"I kind of need your advice," she said, and Lupin raised an eyebrow. "You know, guardian to- uh degenerate foster kid."

"What I should be giving you is detention for skipping class," he answered, but she saw the twinkle of amusement in his eye and she chuckled as she took a seat.

She found she couldn't find the words to voice her current predicament. Being upset about having a fight with Malfoy wasn't something she ever thought would be a problem. Plus, she didn't want to tell Lupin is was about Malfoy. But that also made her feel more guilty, because it was just like Malfoy had said some weeks ago. That she was ashamed of him. She sighed deeply, and rubbed her eyes.

"You look tired, Mila. Late night?" She wasn't looking at Lupin, but she could hear the worry in his tone.

She gave a soft chuckle. "You don't know the half of it."

Lupin coughed quietly, and she lifted her head up to look at him. "I'm sure whatever it is, it's easily fixed," he smiled, and she returned it.

"Ok, well. I sort of made a new friend," she started.

"Ah. And that's a bad thing?"

"Yes," she nodded quickly, "Horrible. Deplorable. We were never supposed to be friends. In fact, I find it pretty unbelievable that I ever thought about considering him one."

Lupin frowned. "So, you're not friends?"

She leaned back in her chair, and her arms waved around animatedly. "That's the thing, Sir! I don't know. Are we friends?"

He looked a little bewildered. "I'm afraid you're not making much sense, Mila."

She bit her lip. "Ok, see, we were friends. And he was surprisingly a good one. He was helpful, and nice. But then we had a fight last night."

Remus didn't see what the big problem was. "Why don't you talk about it to him?"

"Well, because, he said some things… the kind of things he used to say before we became friends. He's pretty much known for being a- I mean I don't want to sound juvenile here, but- a bully."

Remus took in Mila's tired eyes, and thought there was a little more to it than what she was telling him. But that wasn't an uncommon occurrence with Mila. For someone so open, he found she'd always had a lot of secrets. He learned, over the years, that to understand Mila, you had to read between the lines. And so he did.

He broke his silence. "It seems to me, that the fight has upset you, and that you want to continue being his friend, but you don't know if you can."

She nodded, and he continued. "I think you should talk to him about why he said those things."

She pushed her hair back from her face. "Sir, that advice is too reasonable. Doesn't sound like me at all."

He smiled at her deflection, but could see how truly lost she was. "Mila, not many people are quick to forgive. But I know you, and you believe in second chances. You are very good to your friends, and if this young man was your friend, then you must be good to him too, and allow him to explain."

Her face became thoughtful. Remus did know her well, but she hadn't realised how much faith he had in her.

"Wow, Lupin, you really know how to make a girl blush," she joked, still contemplating what he said.

Mila watched as Lupin ran a hand through his hair, somewhat embarrassed. "Trust me when I say it never used to be that way," he laughed.

"I don't believe that for a second! The girls must have been lining 've got that whole hot nerd thing going on…" She trailed off.

When she realised just what had come out of her mouth, her face became contorted as she tried to keep in her laughter. That was definitely not how she should be talking to her teacher. Lupin's own face was slightly red, and he was torn between whether to tell her off, or try and, somehow, forget what she had just said.

He was horribly embarrassed, until he realised she was trying not to laugh, and it made him begin chuckling.

"Sometimes, Mila, you are too much trouble for your own good." He shook his head playfully.

She was still laughing as she made her way out of the office. "Thanks for the advice," she managed to wheeze out and Lupin heard her laughter all the way down the corridor.

He smiled fondly at the wolf figurine sitting on his desk. Trouble, indeed.

* * *

Mila couldn't find Malfoy for the rest of the afternoon, and guessed he may have been hiding out in his common room. She would have gone there, but their friendship was still a secret and she thought it might not be a good idea.

Well, that's if they still had a friendship, depending on what he had to say. She hoped they did. She'd found herself growing rather fond of him. Even when he called her out on her flaws. Actually, it was then she liked him the most.

The weekend came by, and Gryffindor were playing Ravenclaw, which meant Hermione was the only one who ate at the breakfast table, as the others couldn't stomach it.

"Come on, Harry. Fuel your body!" Mila urged, lifting a spoonful of porridge up to his face and trying to make him eat it.

She playfully followed his face as he tried to move it away. "I will if you will," he said, and Mila finally put the spoon down.

"This is ridiculous!" she began, "We've been practicing like the bloody Chudely Cannons, we're ready."

Ron looked queasy as he stared down at all the food. "I think I might die."

Mila whacked him from across the table. "Ron that is not the spirit. That is the opposite of the spirit."

He didn't seem to be paying much attention to her, and Mila was happy when it was time to head to the grounds and they didn't have to stare at the food anymore.

McLaggen tried to speak to her when she walked up onto the pitch, but she promptly ignored him and tried to hide behind Harry until the match started.

Mila got on her broom, a ridiculously expensive one that Sirius had gotten her as a present after he'd escaped from Azkaban in third year, and took off towards the sky. She glanced around the pitch moments before the whistle blew, and noticed Lupin in the teacher's stand. She gave him a wave; chuckling to herself as she remembered their last conversation.

The whistle blew and she shot off to get the quaffle, noticing Harry taking off in the opposite direction.

Luna began commentating the match.

"Oo the match has started, oh and look, there's Mila! Hi, Mila! She's got the quaffle. I often thought that quaffles resembles the head of a…"

"…That's why I'm never getting on a boat with a poodle again! Wow, everyone's flying really fast! Good job everyone, it looks like so much fun…"

"… Good catch Ron! You know, Mila made an awfully funny joke about him being a keeper the other day, let me see if I can remember it…"

Mila waggled her eyebrows at Katie Bell when Luna said that. At least someone appreciated her jokes.

"… Professor McGonagall asked me to tell you the score. It's- what is it again Miss? Ok it's 140-80 Gryffindor…."

"… Doesn't Mila's hair look so shiny in the sun, it's so lovely. Oh and she scored another goal, good job, Mila!…"

"Gryffindor wins! Though I think everyone who played is a winner. Participation is so important, especially when trying to work with porlocks! I've been having trouble with mine in class…"

Mila laughed as she lowered herself onto the pitch from her broom. Luna was her favourite commentator and she found herself just about gasping for breath the whole way through the match.

With the snitch in hand, Harry jogged to Mila and gave her a quick hug, elated from their win. Mila also pulled Ginny and Katie in for a hug, and ran from McLaggen when he tried to give her his own.

But even his grabby hands couldn't deter her from her mood, and she yelled, "Party in the common room!"

Harry pretended to groan, but walked off the pitch with her happily. Ron gave her a pat on the back and told her to get the 'good stuff'. Mila loved throwing parties, she usually did one the first day of the year for Harry's birthday. She'd gotten really proficient at convincing Rosmerta to give her a few bottles of fire whiskey.

Inviting the older Hufflepuffs was easy, the Ravenclaws were more of a challenge; they didn't feel much like celebrating. But with Mila to convince them, they finally agreed.

Mila had never invited the Slytherins to a party before. Normally, she never would have thought twice about it, but after Malfoy pointed out how she and the rest of the school treated Slytherins, she felt guilty enough to consider it.

The only thing was she and Malfoy still hadn't talked, and after having a few days to cool down, she really should have tracked him down already. Maybe an invitation to the party could be an olive branch.

She was running tight for time, and had only just gotten back from Rosmerta's before people from other houses started showing up. She'd managed to convince the Fat Lady to make a temporary password for the night, after promising to hold a mirror up in front of the portrait for a whole hour. That way the Fat Lady could prune herself to her heart's content.

She'd made Ron and Harry decorate the common room while she was away, and they did as well as a couple of teenage boys could do. Ginny had helped them, and Mila figured she'd probably done most of the work. Or at least pointed where to put things and made them do it.

Mila ran upstairs to get changed, still in her quidditch robes while she had been running all her errands. She barely glanced at the guests, thinking she could say hi when she was ready.

She wore a simple red dress, thinking she should show off her house colours. It was a silk-like material and draped down to her mid thigh. It could have been considered modest, had it not been for the low-cut dip at the top. But she wasn't complaining. She wouldn't mind turning a few heads, especially considering that she would probably have to wear her raggedy old Yule Ball dress for next term's ball.

For a long time, Mila had always thought she could never wear red, as it would clash with her red hair. But the dress was a deep burgundy that actually set of the more reddish hues of her hair nicely. It was a trick Ginny had taught her, after suffering from the same dilemma herself.

Ginny helped her do her makeup, only using a small amount. Ginny often tutted at Mila for not taking more advantage of her looks, but Mila could never hold still long enough to make up her whole face. She didn't need to though, much to Ginny's and even Hermione's chagrin.

She left the girls dormitories, and made her way to the common room. There were a lot of people there, all drinking and chatting away happily. Ron had been handing out the drinks and he handed her one with a low whistle.

"Wow, you look great, Mila," he said kindly.

She sipped the drink enthusiastically. "Wait until you see Hermione." She winked at him.

They didn't need to wait, because she had already seen Ron's face go slack as Hermione came out of the dormitories herself. Mila laughed and patted Ron on the arm, and left him so she could go and find Harry.

The music was nice and loud, and there were the usual games of spin the bottle, and truth or dare going on. Mila found Harry sitting with Luna on the couch, and walked to go sit beside him.

Mila pretended to hold a microphone to his face. "So Captain, any words on today's victory?"

He turned to face her and she watched as his face when slightly red when he saw what she was wearing.

"Harry?"

He swallowed. "Oh I uh- remarkable, Lovett. The team really…" he trailed off.

"Already had one too many fire whiskey's?" she joked.

He smiled at her, and used his head to gesture at her cup. "I see you're trying to catch up."

"Well, you know, I think I do deserve it. Had I not singlehandedly led the team to victory, we may not have made it to the finals."

Harry leaned back into the couch. "Singlehandedly huh? I guess catching the snitch had nothing to do with it?"

Mila grinned. "I've always thought the seeker was the most dispensable player."

"Oh really? See I thought the whole point of the chaser was to pass the time until the real game started."

She put a hand on her heart. "You wound me."

Later that night Mila had had a few more drinks and she and Harry were joined one of the rounds of truth and dare. Most of her friends were in the circle, plus a few students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

"Ok," Zachariah, a Hufflepuff, began, "Seamus, I dare you to kiss the most attractive person in the circle."

By now, the group was mostly drunk, and a bunch of people set off laughing, wondering who Seamus would choose. Most people guessed correctly when Seamus plopped himself in front of Mila and gave her a kiss.

She felt Harry tense beside her, but she laughed as Seamus leaned away and exaggerated wiping her mouth for the group. Seamus gave Dean a high five, and Ginny rolled her eyes at the pair. Mila noticed Harry's blank face, and pat his arm playfully until he smiled at her.

She whispered in his ear. "Don't ever kiss Seamus. Trust me. I'm doing you a favour."

He laughed quietly.

"Alright, now me!" Seamus said, and pointed to Ginny. "Ginny! If you had to go out with a Slytherin, who would it be?"

Mila's heart froze as Ginny answered the question. The Slytherins. Malfoy. She had completely forgotten. She muttered some excuse about the bathroom to Harry, and shot up to leave the circle.

After grabbing the map from Harry's room, she climbed through the portrait door, hoping everybody was too busy to notice. She didn't really have a plan, or any idea what she was doing, but she creeped down the corridors trying to come up with something.

It was past curfew, and the halls were only dimly lit. She cursed herself for not bringing the invisibility cloak; she would have to rely on her drunken senses to not get caught, which was probably a mistake.

Actually, it was her drunkness that spurred her on, and she made her way to the Slytherin dungeon silently questioning what the hell she was doing.

She'd missed Malfoy's provoking nature. She could admit that now that her inhibitions were dulled. She was still angry, but he'd been right. She hadn't let him explain himself. She had jumped to conclusions like always, and let herself think he hadn't changed. That wasn't fair of her, especially when they'd agreed to continue to act like they didn't like each other. Though he had certainly taken it too far.

She lifted the map to figure out where she was going, and used her wand to charm it open. The Marauder's nicknames faded onto the front page, and Mila thought she saw something else written there that she'd never seen before. She tried to read it, but her vision was too blurry and she realised she couldn't read the bloody thing due to the state she was in. She'd have to try without it.

She remembered vaguely where the dungeon was, and tried to be as quiet as possible as she made her way there. She was definitely lower, that was for certain; she'd climbed down a bunch of stair cases. She tried to remember where she had seen it on the map before, and took a few twists and turns before reaching a door with a giant snake on it.

"Subtle," she said out loud. At least she knew she had the right place.

She swallowed before banging on the door loudly. It was only after she'd done so that she realised all the Slytherins were probably asleep, and that just about anybody could answer the door and wonder what the hell she was doing there. She clapped her hand to her mouth and began to back away until the door suddenly opened.

Theodore Nott stepped out of the Slytherin Dungeon and gave her a surprised look.

"Lovett? What are you doing here?"

Mila was glad that Nott had answered. He was one of the nicer ones. She couldn't actually remember him ever saying a bad word about her. She smiled at him a little wobbly.

"Nott, this is going to sound really weird," she whispered, "But I need you to get Malfoy for me."

"Malfoy?" Nott frowned. "Look I'm tired, Lovett, and I really don't want to have to listen to you two duel."

"It's not like that. Can you please just do get him for me?" She gave him what she hoped was a convincing smile, but probably looked more like a baby learning how to smile for the first time. Nott complied as he disappeared from her view, shutting the dungeon door behind him.

Mila stood, waiting impatiently, and tried to take a few breaths to sober herself up a little. The door opened again, and she looked at it quickly, smiling when Malfoy walked through.

She grabbed his arms. "Malfoy. I'm sorry I didn't let you explain. But you were wrong. I do understand you, and I think you understand me too. So I'm ready to listen." She didn't think she would be this forthcoming when she was sober, so she tried to make the most of her state. She wasn't drunk enough to slur her words, or wobble her legs, but she'd certainly gained a dose of extra courage.

He looked at her unamused and frowned. "Geez Lovett, you stink of fire whiskey," Malfoy said. Before she could say anything more, he gently led her to the wall and sat her on the floor, taking a seat next to her.

"Yeah, we're… sort of having a party," she said sheepishly.

"I heard." His voice was low, Mila almost couldn't make it out.

She brushed her hair back from her face and turned to him, leaning her side against the wall. "Why did you say those things, Malfoy?"

He took note of her hurt tone. "I was upset." He shrugged, not really knowing what to say now that she was here in front of him.

"I thought that- that we were becoming friends," she said. His heart clenched slightly.

"We are friends," he replied softly.

"Then why?"

He growled lowly before speaking. "I just- I saw you and Potter in the Great Hall when you made that big scene. You remember? You hugged him in front of everyone one."

She nodded, still confused.

"I thought that maybe, you and him…? And I saw you together in the corridor, and I just… got angry."

She tried to understand what he was saying, though he wasn't being very clear.

"But why would that make you mad? Is it because I haven't told him about you? And about you helping me?" she asked guiltily.

He didn't answer. He closed his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. She studied his face, noting how much he had changed over the summer. His chest was broader, and his face more pointed, the baby fat of youth was lost.

He'd gone out of his way to tell her about the locket, and shed always wondered, considering their 'mortal enemy' status, if she would have done the same, if the positions were reversed. He'd done the right thing by her.

She swallowed. "I was going to invite you to the party."

He opened his eyes surprised. "What?"

She met his gaze. "To say sorry for what happened. You are my friend Draco, I don't want you to think I'm ashamed of you. It's just- I'm not ready to tell Harry about the locket, you're the only one who knows."

"I am?"

She laughed lightly at his confusion.

"Yes. So far, you're the only one I've trusted. And if I told anyone about you, I would have to tell them about the locket. And what if I come from a horrible family? What then? I wouldn't know who I was anymore. I just wanted things to stay the same way for a little while longer."

She realised how much of her feelings about the locket she had been suppressing. "When I find out who my family is… everything changes."

"It doesn't have to." Malfoy said quietly. "You'll still be the same old Lovett. Still the same pain in the ass."

She smiled at him warmly, her eyes watery. "I hope so," she whispered. She didn't want to change.

"But I wanted to thank you. Even if it's not what I want to hear, at least I'll know. But I want- I need you to be there. I don't want to go by myself," she said.

Draco had never seen Mila this vulnerable before, or this sad. She was the girl who lit up the room, whose smiles were infectious and who spent her day making others feel better. He had never taken the time to wonder what happened when it was her who was upset. _Potter looks after her I suppose,_ he thought, though he found himself more grateful the notion than angry.

But this time she didn't have Potter. She had Malfoy. He was hit with the realisation that she was depending on him for her to help her. For her well being. Nobody had ever done that before.

Mila was a physically affectionate person. She had always been the one to initiate it. But they were both surprised to find Malfoy reach over and take her hand.

"I'll come," he said, "I'll be there. And I'm sorry… about what I said. I was- I'm sorry."

She shook her head, brushing away his apology. She was just so thankful that she wasn't going through this alone that all her anger at him seeped away. Lupin was right, she was a fan of second chances.

"Thank you, Draco."

He grew warm at her use of his name again. He gave her a rare smile, and stood up, holding his hand out. She took it gracefully, and he helped her stand.

"You should get back to your party, Lovett," he smirked.

She chuckled. The others must have thought she'd been in the bathroom a long time.

"You could still come…if you want," she said shyly, which was a whole new for her. She didn't think she had ever said anything shyly before.

His eyes seemed lighter, but he shook his head. "I'll let you have a few more normal days, Lovett."

She'd really misjudged Malfoy. Right now, in her current state, he was just about the nicest person she'd ever met.

"Don't give me that look. Go on. I'll see you later."

"See you later," she beamed, and began to turn, realising only when she moved that she was still dizzy.

"Uh, Malfoy?"

She caught him before he'd gone back inside the dungeon. "Yes, Lovett?"

"How do I get back to my common room?"

* * *

we find out a bit about Mila's parents in the next chapter, promise!

when i first started writing this fic, i really wasn't going to focus so much on draco, but the chemistry just worked so well that it really took off HOWEVER other (and older) avenues WILL be explored, so all those losing hope, don't xx cause its coming ;) i pinky swear


	13. The Envelope

apologies about the delay! i had a very big weekend.. and then a very big headache

just know, that even after the reveal in this chapter, it certainly doesn't stop here x

read for more notes at the end x

thanks to all those who have been reviewing, you guys keep me going :)

* * *

Mila was nervous. Somehow, she and Malfoy needed to get into Hogsmeade, without anyone noticing she was gone and without getting caught.

She was going to use the One Eyed Witch Passage of course, and that meant she'd need the invisibility cloak. If Honeydukes noticed a couple of Hogwarts students coming up from their cellar, there would be big trouble.

It would take at least an hour to get there, and an hour to get back, which was a big block of time to be unaccounted for.

Malfoy had told her he was ok with skipping class, so she thought maybe they could skip their last lesson. She would complain to Harry about a minor stomach ache, and say she was going to Madam Pomfrey. She had double Charms with her friends, so hopefully she could be on her way back by the time class ended. It wasn't a great plan, but one thing living in a boarding school didn't allow was privacy.

The only good thing about trying to work out how best to leave was that she was distracted from thinking about the locket. Malfoy caught her eye at lunch and it was the only point in the day that she stopped, breathed and really thought about what she was doing.

She still couldn't believe she hadn't told her friends. If her family really did turn out to be one of bogusly awful ones, then it wouldn't matter, because she would never be apart of a family like that and it wouldn't make an ounce of difference in her life. That meant her friends might never have to know about what she'd been hiding. But if she got a family; a real family, then she would tell Harry straight away. It was horrible to keep secrets from him for so long. Hermione and Ron too.

After moving her eyeline away from Malfoy, she set her plan in motion.

She began rubbing her stomach very theatrically. "Man," she muttered.

Harry was quick to notice. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, my stomach hurts." She peered at Ron, who was sitting across from them, but he didn't seem to take notice.

However, Harry already have a look of concern. "Was it something you ate?"

She pretended to think about it. "Maybe."

Ron still sat, obliviously chewing his food.

"Well, come on. I'll take you to Madam Pomfrey," Harry said, beginning to rise.

"No!"

Harry blinked at her.

"I mean, no. That's ok, I'll go myself."

He gave a small chuckle, "Really, Mila, it's no trouble. Any excuse to miss Charms."

She swore under her breath. Time to bring out the big guns.

"Actually, I'd prefer to go myself. The stomach thing, I think it's… lady trouble."

Apparently now was the time Ron decided to pay attention.

"Eww. Mila, I'm eating." It didn't actually seem to stop him though.

She pulled a face at him and looked back to Harry, who had gone a slight tinge of red.

"Oh," he said simply.

She nodded. "Yep, so, I'm gonna go deal with that. But- uh don't wait for me to go to class. I probably won't make it.

He gave an embarrassed laugh. "Ok, sure."

She stood up to leave. "I um- bye."

He stood tall and put his arm out quickly, making Mila jump.

"Wait, Mila. I wanted to- if you're feeling better that is- if we could talk after class."

He obviously saw she was confused, because he elaborated. "I have something to ask you," he said pointedly, and Mila heard Ron snickering through his hand.

She was so distracted about having to leave that it took her a second to work out what he was talking about. She hadn't given a thought to the ball in days.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "Right, yeah! I'll come find you when I'm uh sorted."

Harry blew out a nervous breath, and smiled. "Great. I hope you're ok."

She gave him one last look, and warmed at the sight of her best friend. "I will be."

Even if she turned out to have the worst lineage in the world… at least she had Harry.

Harry sat back down when she left, wondering just how long 'lady troubles' lasted, and if it wasn't going to go through what he had planned. He glanced at Ron, who was still snickering.

"Shut up."

Ron put his hands up. "What? I didn't say anything!"

"Shut up."

* * *

"Shut up."

After grabbing Harry's invisibility cloak from his room, she had gone to meet a widely amused Malfoy by the Gunhilda of Gorsemoor statue, where the entry to the passageway was.

"Lovett, that was some of the worst acting I have ever seen." He gestured to her stomach.

"Shut up, Malfoy," she muttered, and whispered the password to slide into the tunnel.

The pair walked together and for about the first twenty minutes, she walked silently, unused to the quiet and annoyed at all the opportunities it gave her to dwell.

Malfoy wasn't much help, he was oddly silent too.

"Say something," she huffed.

"What?"

"I don't know- tell me a joke."

"I don't know any jokes."

"Of course you don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're not funny."

He crossed his arms and went silent, still walking alongside her.

She sighed. "Sorry. I'm just nervous."

"I know." He tightened his fist in frustration and mumbled, "I'm not good at this."

"Good at what?"

"I don't know how to make you feel better." His worried look was actually rather endearing, and it brought a smile to Mila's face.

She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze. "The fact that you're here, Malfoy, that's enough."

He glanced at their hands and then looked at the floor, playfully pulling his hand away. "Enough of that, Lovett. I don't want to go catching your 'lady troubles.'"

She laughed fondly, hoping she hadn't embarrassed Harry too much at the prospect of her womanly anatomy. When she was with Harry, it was easy to feel like they were both still kids. Now that she thought about it, she had never really considered that he was closer to a man. It was something to think about.

"So, Seamus Finnegan huh?"

"What?" Mila was confused.

"I heard he kissed you at the party."

"Oh, that was just a dare," she said. Rumours sure did travel fast in this school.

Malfoy looked like he had won a bet. "I thought as much. He doesn't seem like the type of guy you would date."

She scoffed lightly, entertaining his teasing. "Why not?"

"Because it's Seamus Finnegan. He can't been in a potions room without the potential threat of an evacuation. He's not your type."

"And what is my type?" Her tone was teasing too, but she was genuinely curious about what Malfoy was faffing on about.

"I just can't picture it." Malfoy had suddenly gone quiet.

"Why?" she probed again. She knew she was making him uncomfortable, but he probably deserved it.

He glanced at her and swallowed, then looked straight ahead when he spoke. "Well… for a start they would have to be able to keep up with you. And I'm sorry, but I just don't think that Finnegan is capable of that."

"What else?"

He cleared his throat. "They would have to be smart… strong, uh, able to take care of you, but not coddle you. I know you don't like that."

She was struck silent at his words, but he continued. "Someone who is proud that they are the one who gets to be with you, but doesn't show you off. Someone who deserves you…" he trailed off when he saw the way she was looking at him. His face when hot when he'd realised he'd been rambling on. He didn't allow his weakness to show, so he covered it, just as he always did.

"Someone like Potter." He tried to smirk, but he didn't think he was successful.

"You think Harry deserves me? I thought you didn't like him," she answered, though she felt she had a million other questions at the ready.

"I don't. But you guys- you make sense. You're the type of people who save the world and act like it wasn't a big deal. Everyone expects it, you know. You fit."

He watched as she frowned slightly. "I know."

He didn't know where this bravery was coming from, but he asked his next question, regardless. "If you know you fit, then why aren't you with him?"

"No I, I know that people expect it. And maybe that's why- I don't like doing what's expected of me. When I'm upset, Harry, he just freaks out. He tries so hard to make me happy. People want me to be up all the time. To be positive. To save the world. To make them feel better. They don't like to see me when I'm… down."

Malfoy realised he had been given an unusual glimpse past the character Mila portrayed. People always said they felt inspired by her. They felt happy when they were around her. They admired her bravery, her beauty, her kindness. They saw what they wanted to see. But she was here showing Malfoy something else.

"I kind of like you when you're down." He didn't mean it exactly like the way she had said it. He meant when she didn't have her posse, or her reputation, or the expectations that shaped the way she acted. He meant when it was just her. And she understood.

The smile she gave him warmed him inside like nothing ever had.

"That's why you're here."

* * *

They'd just about made it to the Honeydukes cellar, and Mila pulled the invisibility cloak out from her school robes.

"Just in case," she said.

"I knew it! I knew Potter had one of these. I bloody knew it!"

"Malfoy."

"Sorry."

She wrapped them both in the cloak, and they walked up the cellar and through Honeydukes. It was spring, and the town had floral decorations everywhere. On any other day Mila would have stopped to admire them, but she remembered why she was here and she was eager to get to the shop, and the horrible old man who occupied it, as quickly as possible.

When they were outside the entrance, she took off the cloak and put it back into her school robes. She didn't want that man to see it less he try to use it in a bargain for the locket. She wouldn't put it past him.

She had tried to convince herself that the locket's owner didn't matter any more. Not now that she had Lupin. But it did. She couldn't deny it any longer.

"You can do this," Malfoy said.

She nodded nervously. "This is worse than that bloody basilisk," she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

The pair of them stepped inside, and Mila was met by the same smell and ill feeling as she was the last time she was in here. Without thinking, she took Malfoy's hand, who allowed her to fuel her strength with is.

The old man greeted them before they had even made it to the counter. "If it isn't my favourite customers."

"Hello," Mila said simply, and Malfoy said nothing.

The shopkeeper pulled the locket out from a draw, dangling it like it was something precious. "I have the answers you seek."

"OK," she said.

"But I'm afraid its going to cost you."

"We already paid you," she insisted, and Malfoy was still quiet beside her as he let go of her hand and fished something out of his robes.

He had suspected the old man to pull something like this, and oil another circumstance he was sure he would have argued about it. But today, he wanted to get Mila in and out of here as quickly as possible. The longer it took, the longer she would be upset, so he had brought money to try and make it easier for her.

She started to argue when she realised what he was doing, but he quieted her and threw the pouch onto the counter. She was not one to let herself be quietened, but she had come to realise Malfoy was one of the few who could stun her into silence.

The man snatched the pouch and shoved it into his pocket. He gave Mila the locket and pulled out a white envelope.

"It's in there."

Malfoy let Mila take the envelope and she hesitated before taking it from the man. She didn't look at it she just pocketed it and took a breath.

"We'll be leaving now," Malfoy told the man, authoritatively. This time he was the one to take Mila's hand and he led her out of the shop, not looking back.

"I don't want to open it here," she told Malfoy, and Malfoy realised she had been shaking.

He nodded. "Let's go home."

* * *

She didn't say much in the walk back through the tunnel. It took longer for them to get back than she had thought, it must have been dinner by now. She was walking slowly, twisting the envelope in her hands the closer they got. Malfoy was watching worriedly, but she didn't notice. He found himself wishing, not for the first time in his life, that he was more like Potter. He would know what to do.

They were just about at Hogwarts when Mila stopped.

"You do it."

Malfoy took the envelope from her outstretched hand. "Are you sure?"

She nodded mutedly, and watched carefully as Malfoy opened the envelope. Her hands fidgeted and her mouth was dry. Malfoy glanced at her before reading from the page.

"Rosier."

 _Rosier?_

 _"_ Wait, what?"

How in the blasted hell did that make any sense? And what did she know about the Rosier's? Slytherins. Purebloods. Death Eaters.

"I guess that's it then." That wasn't a family she needed. Or a family she wanted.

"Mila-,"

"Don't."

She was a pureblood. It was almost laughable. She'd always been assumed a muggle-born, she grew up in a damn muggle orphanage for Merlin's sake. She wasn't exactly the poster child for blood supremacy. Nor did she want to be.

The shock hadn't worn off. "Do you know which…" she trailed off, leaving Malfoy to guess her meaning.

"It just says Rosier. But- it must be have been Evan. The Rosier's are gone. Evan- he's."

"Dead." So that really was it.

Malfoy saw Mila's face had the upmost concentration. She stayed silent for so long that he jumped when she spoke.

"I wonder who my mother was," she wondered allowed. "Not that it really matters. She was probably a pure blood too."

"Maybe," he agreed. He didn't know what to say to her. She seemed closed off. So unlike the Mila he had come to know, the one who let him see her weakness.

Had they died when she was a baby? Maybe that's why Evan had written that he couldn't be with her in the locket. Did he know he was going to die? Did he know back then that they were going to lose the war?

"I think I'm done now."

Malfoy was confused by her words, until he realised what she meant. She was done looking. It was over.

"I'm glad I know, I am. But I think I'm done."

"Ok."

But she didn't really seem ok. She seemed sad. Disappointed. Which was really only to be expected. She'd been looking for something that was never there. Anybody would find that disappointing.

She didn't think she would tell anyone. Nobody really needed to know. She didn't want people to look at her differently. As selfish as it was, adoration was a hard thing to let go of.

Malfoy followed her as they climbed out of the tunnel, back into Hogwarts, next to the statue at the entrance. Mila was about to say her goodbyes, but with a courage that Godric Gryffindor himself would be proud of, he stopped her.

"Mila, wait."

His words were gentle and she stood so closely to him, that he didn't need to do much more than whisper.

"It doesn't change who you are. It doesn't change your life. You have people that care about you. Lupin, your friends, the Weasleys. Potter," he added. "That's what a family is. And you have it."

He was right. It didn't matter. Just like she had said it didn't. She had a great life and people she loved. She was glad she knew, she could put that part to rest.

But there were questions? This hadn't solved anything, it had only made her more confused. But she didn't want to deal with it now. Her head couldn't take it.

She took in his words, his tone, his face. She realised just how lucky she was to have Draco Malfoy as something other than an enemy. As a friend.

He looked worried, almost sad, like this might be the last time they ever spoke. But rather than convince her they could still be friends, he was putting her needs before his own. He was letting her be down.

A smile appeared on her face before she could even stop herself. It was only slight. It wasn't the grin she threw around so carelessly to people. It was something else. Something just for him.

She pushed the Rosiers from her mind. She was very good at doing that. "I still need to pay you back you know." Her tone was light, and Malfoy was happy to indulge her.

"It's going to take long hours of hard work, Lovett." He smiled back, inching ever so slightly closer. He wasn't even aware of it.

"I just can't get rid of you," she sighed.

"What about me? I can't be rid of _you_."

He laughed lightly, and her face become more serious as she watched his grow brighter.

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

It was then that Mila Lovett, Gryffindor's pride, made from light, and loved by all, hugged Draco Malfoy with as much tenderness that she could muster. And Draco Malfoy, who had been starved of affection for most of his life, hugged her back like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Mila?"

She knew that voice anywhere. She'd grown up with that voice. It had calmed her nightmares, and made her laugh until she cried. A voice she would die for. A voice that was probably about to kill her.

It came from behind her, and Draco released her with his eyes narrowing. She stepped out of his arms and turned around. She saw her best friend look at her with a hurt she had never seen.

"Harry." The name stumbled out of her mouth.

Ron was next to him, shaking his head like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. They were both carrying a bag of things that Mila hadn't seen before. Harry had a flower in his hand.

"Harry," she said again, her voice more desperate this time. She didn't know what to say. What possible explanation could there be for hugging Draco Malfoy in an open corridor?

She took a step towards him and Harry did something he had never done before. He turned away from her.

He moved quickly. He was up half the corridor by the time Mila started moving. Ron had stayed put, and as she went to go past him he stopped her by stepping in front of her.

"What are you doing, Mila?" he asked her exasperatedly. His tone sounded like he had been angry at her for a while, not just the last three seconds.

"What?" she said hurriedly. She didn't want to stop and talk, she wanted to go after Harry.

"You said you'd meet him after class." Oh. Shit. She had forgotten. Harry was going to ask her to the ball.

He could have asked her at any time, and she didn't really care in that moment. Harry had seen her hugging Malfoy, the ball wasn't important right now.

"You blew him off for what… Malfoy? I'm getting a little tired of this, Mila."

Little did he know what she'd just been through.

"Tired of what? Ron let me pass, I have to explain. Please." He grabbed her arm and held it.

"No. You do this all the time. You get his hopes up."

"Ron, what are you talking about? Let me go!"

Ron's anger blistered out, instead, he just looked sad.

"I know you don't mean to do it, Mila. But you need to think about what it is you really want."

He left her standing there stunned. He went in the same direction as Harry, but Mila didn't try to move an inch.

She breathed heavily, and ran her hands over her face. She turned back to speak to Malfoy, but realised he had already left her. She was alone.

The emotions that had been building up all day took their toil as she looked around the empty corridor.

She took a seat next to the statue and wondered what the hell was wrong with her.

* * *

Ginny found her at one point and bounced excitedly. Mila had spent the whole time sitting quietly next to the statue, unsure of where she should go, or who she should speak to.

"So, did he do it?" Ginny asked. She placed herself right in Mila's eye line. It irritated her. It was presumptuous. It took all she had not to snap at someone who had done nothing wrong.

"Do what?" she answered shortly.

"Ask you to the ball. It must have been so much fun going around and finding all those clues. He's been planning it for ages."

Mila swallowed. It was worst than she thought. He hadn't just been hoping to ask her, he'd made it special. He'd planned it all out. No wonder Ron was so angry.

"Oh uh, no I've been with Pomfrey all day."

"Oh no." Ginny clapped a hand over her mouth, "Don't tell him I've told you. He'll be so upset with me."

Mila plastered a smile on her face and nodded, watching Ginny walk off.

Ginny was the type of girl that Harry deserved. Not somebody who lied to him. Let him down. Became friends with his worst enemy. If only she could talk to him, she could explain. Explain that she had been looking for her family, and Malfoy was the only person who could help her.

Or had he been? Mila could have just as easily gotten Harry to help her find out who the locket belonged to. But she hadn't. Why? Because she was afraid of what they might find out? That Harry might leave her if she came from the sort of people who had killed his parents?

But that wasn't fair. The rational part of her knew Harry would never do that.

It hadn't even been worth it. She would not hold any claim to a family like the Rosiers. As far as she was concerned, they were nothing to her.

But she'd never had a family until she became a Gryffindor. Gryffindor was where she belonged. They were her people, she fit in, she was loved, and all these years she had clung to that love for the sake of her childhood self who had never known any.

She only hoped now that she hadn't lost it.

* * *

so rosier huh...

i know it might seem like she got over it very quickly but spoiler alert: she hasn't

but who are her parents? when did they give her up? why? ooo how the plot thickens


	14. The Corridor

i couldn't be a monster and not post on tuesday after posting yesterday.. so here you go

this was VERY difficult to write because there are a lot of contrasting opinions, so i would just like to say, what some characters believe depends on the information they know. i'm not here to justify their opinions, i'm just here to tell them to you

that makes it sound a LOT more intense than it actually is butttt ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

onwards my friends and thanks for all the messages xxx ( remember tumblr is abrokefangirl )

ALSO the story has taken a bit of a detour in the past few chapters, but Mila past is still something we are going to explore, stay tuned x

* * *

The only one in the common room when Mila got back was Hermione. She was sitting on the sofa reading a book, but raised an eyebrow when Mila arrived. She was obviously waiting up for the other girl. The thought somewhat warmed Mila's heart. At least Hermione didn't think she was a lost cause.

Mila sat down beside her, not saying anything. She curled up her legs and watched Hermione cautiously, as she bookmarked her page.

Hermione was the one to break the silence.

"Is this why, Mila?"

"Why what?"

"Why you've been so stressed out. Clammed up. I know you think Harry is the only one who notices, but I have eyes."

"Look, if you want to be with Malfoy…" Hermione continued, "I'm not saying I understand, but I will support you. He mustn't be that bad if _you're_ friends with him."

That was actually awfully big of Hermione, but she was completely on the wrong track. Mila sighed. "It's not what you think. He was helping me."

"Helping you?" Hermione frowned. "What was he helping you with?"

"Look into my past. My family," Mila admitted.

"Your family?" Hermione repeated.

"Yeah he… had some information. It didn't go anywhere," she lied. She could pretend she didn't know why she was lying, but that would be a lie in itself. She wasn't ready to tell anyone. Not yet.

"And you were saying thank you, and Harry saw you and…"

"Thought the worst, I guess."

"But we would have helped you, Mila. That's what we do. You could have asked, and not left us wondering what was wrong with you," Hermione argued.

"I know that, Hermione. I don't know what to say. I just got caught up in all the secrecy. And Malfoy, he- he was nice. Nice to _me._ And then I knew that if I told you what I was doing, I'd have to tell you that I was friends with Malfoy: public enemy number one. It just seemed easier to keep it a secret."

"So you are friends?"

"I guess so yeah. I want to tell Harry everything. I want to stop lying, but- I'm not going to stop being friends with Draco." That was a realisation for Mila in itself. He helped her, he lied for her, so no, she wasn't going to drop him like it all meant nothing. For weeks he had been the only one she confided in. That _did_ mean something.

"Draco?" Hermione said incredulously. Mila was calling him Draco now? She really hadn't been as watchful over Mila as she thought. Sirius and Lupin were going to be very angry.

"Yeah," Mila said quietly, "It's just, at the time, I didn't think I could trust anyone else. I thought that everyone was lying to me, not Harry of course, but Lupin and McGonagall. It was like they were freaked out when I started asking questions."

Hermione looked at her calmly, and thought carefully about what to say next. "Ok fine, so it's Draco now. But Mila, its going to hurt even more that you didn't tell Harry about what you were doing. That's a big deal."

"I know. I don't know what to do, Hermione. I don't know what to tell him, and I don't want him to hate me." Her eyes began growing teary again, and she bit her lip.

"He's not going to hate you, Mila. Give him tonight, maybe tomorrow too. Let him cool off and just explain. Tell him what you told me. But you can trust us, Mila. You always think you have to do stuff on your own, but you don't."

Mila looked at Hermione. "I do trust you, Hermione."

Hermione gave somewhat of a pained smile, but Mila figured it was because she was hurt that she hadn't told her what was going on with her.

"So, uh, are you done now?" Hermione said carefully.

"What?" Mila didn't know what she was referring to.

"Looking into your past? Are you still-"

"Oh, no I'm done with that. It was a dead end. I have you guys. That is- if Harry forgives me."

She wasn't lying about that. She was going to make her peace with her bloodline, and then let it go. They were gone, she was still here. That's what mattered. And maybe she would eventually tell her friends about her roots, but for now, she needed to process.

Hermione gave her a quick hug and sent Mila off to bed, saying she was going to do a little more reading.

She watched Mila walk up to their room, and used to spell to turn off the fire hurriedly. She gave a final glance around the room before walking out into the corridor.

There were some things she needed to tell Dumbledore.

* * *

Mila took Hermione's advice, and left Harry alone in class. This was somewhat awkward because it became glaringly obvious something was wrong when she sat with Hermione instead of him. This wasn't unusual in itself, but everyone knew when Mila Lovett and Harry Potter had a class together, they sat with each other. Especially in DADA.

Lupin gave the pair of them a strange look, but said nothing on it as he continued the lesson. For once, Mila had been on time. She had skipped breakfast and gone straight to class, determined to give Harry some time, but also because she was nervous to face him.

Ron occupied the space next to him, and she knew however hard it was getting Harry to forgive her, Ron would be a million times harder. He took things to heart on a whole new level. She didn't think Ron and Draco could ever be friends.

Which reminded her. She snuck a glance at Malfoy to see if he was also ignoring her. He had left so quickly that she didn't even know how he felt about being seen with her. She knew her friends wouldn't tell anybody, so there was little chance the Slytherins would know. But he did seem to be avoiding her gaze. She didn't think she could take that with everything else. Especially because he was the only one who knew the whole truth.

There was no way she could try to talk to him publicly, not while things hadn't been sorted with Harry.

It was an awkward lesson. Hermione made small talk with Mila, and Mila tried her hardest not to start blurting out apologies. Harry was hurt, she knew that, which made her want to talk to him all the more.

When their first class ended, Mila packed her things slowly, thinking she was going to let Harry leave first. As she did, Lupin wandered up to her.

"Mila, is there something I need to know?" Though he spoke quietly, Mila could hear the confusion in his voice.

"It's nothing, Professor," she brushed him off. The less people that became involved, the better.

Transfiguration was much of the same. McGonagall, as well as the rest of the class, seemed very disturbed by the energy surrounding the golden foursome of Gryffindor. Mila was still itching in her seat to speak to Harry. She didn't like waiting around, she liked meeting things head on, which is why it was so hard for her to wait to speak to him.

She hadn't really glanced at him too many times that day, something which she was immensely proud of, but also very perturbed that looking at Harry was an issue at all.

By the time supper rolled around the rumours where making their way all over the school. 'Mila rejected Harry's ball proposal' 'Mila was pregnant with Harry's kid and they didn't know what to do' 'Mila had been slipping Harry love potions and he found out'. All very ridiculous and not well thought out.

She was grateful that none of them involved Malfoy. At least he was free from it still. She hadn't dragged him into this world yet, not like the way she and Harry were in it.

People talking about you could do either one of two things. The first, it was often amusing the rumours people came up with. The second, it made you crazy trying to quell them.

Usually Mila felt the first, but today was one of those days where she felt the second. She insisted for the second time that 'no, she wasn't having an affair with Snape that Harry had found out about.' Sometimes it all became a little too much.

Mila had been sitting with Dean and Seamus who, although were trying their best not to ask questions, kept giving worried glances in Harry's direction. When she'd sighed and done the same, she was shocked to see Harry looking pale and barely touching his plate.

She'd really hurt him badly. She felt awful about it, and so she couldn't wait any longer. She stood up and grabbed his hand and walked out of the dining hall. He didn't try to put up a fight, but was tense as he followed her. There were a few gasps, and a lot of stares, but she ignored them.

The only person she didn't ignore was Malfoy, and she glanced at him as she left the room, to find he was still avoiding her gaze. It hurt, but she could talk to him later. Right now, she needed to speak to her best friend.

They didn't make it very far before Harry pulled his hand out from hers and halted. He obviously wasn't in a very patient mood, and though Mila wasn't particularly keen about having this conversation in a hallway, she would do what suited him.

"Mila, I don't-"

"What you saw isn't what you think you saw."

Harry eyes narrowed slightly, "Oh, and what exactly did I see? These glasses aren't because I'm blind, Mila."

That was a good one. On any other day she would have told him so.

"Yes, ok, I was hugging him! But he's been helping me, Harry. All those weeks ago, when I was upset, he found something, and he showed it to me."

He scoffed like he didn't believe her. "Found what?"

"A locket."

"So Malfoy gave you some jewellery and you began seeing him in secret? Well thanks, that clears it all up."

She was doing this all wrong. "No, Harry. The locket- it had a picture of me when I was young."

He paused. "What?"

She swallowed. "It belonged to my father. It was addressed to me."

"Your father? But you don't-"

"Have a family. I know. But that's what Malfoy was doing. He was trying to help me figure out who it belonged to."

And then Harry asked the question she had been dreading.

"Who was it? The locket, who does it belong to?"

She didn't want to lie, but she didn't wasn't quite ready to admit it to herself yet. Her words became quieter. "Some pureblood family. The whole 'muggleborns are scum' vibe. It doesn't matter. I don't want any part of them."

Not saying the name made it less real.

"You're a pureblood?" he asked disbelievingly. He seemed to drift closer to her subconsciously, unable to stop his body from the natural instinct to comfort her when she was upset.

She shrugged. "I have no idea. Probably." Maybe she was the product of an illicit affair?

For a second, it seemed like he might forgive her. He could see she was obviously upset by this news, and it was instinct for him to comfort her. But he still didn't understand.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The hurt seeped into his voice in a way that made Mila's chest clench in guilt.

She didn't have an answer for that one. Not one that would make sense to him.

He didn't stop. "All this time, I have been worried sick about what was the matter with you. You would stare off into space, disappear at weird times."

"I'm sorry Harry. It was hard to tell you. I was so scared to find out who it was. For the first time I could know where I was from, and I didn't want to come from some horrible family. I didn't want you to hate me if I did."

"It wouldn't have mattered to me," he began, "At least we would have done it together. At least I would have known that you trusted me."

"I do trust you, Harry. But telling you- that's like admitting it to myself and I wasn't ready to hear the answer."

"I just don't understand why it had to be Malfoy?" he said, "He's a prick, and he's _always_ been a prick."

He was so hurt that Mila didn't know if anything she could say would make him feel better. But she found herself growing angry in defence of her friend.

"He's not. He was nice to me, he helped me. He's my friend."

His eyes looked alarmed, and his frown drew together tightly. If Harry had been about to forgive her, she most certainly just shot herself in the foot.

"He's your friend?" His voice came out more like a yell this time. "He's treated you like dirt since he met you. He's called you and Hermione mud bloods since we were kids. And you say he's your friend?"

She faltered. "I- he is my friend. And maybe we never gave him a chance. He told me about the way the school treats Slytherins. He's right. We blindly hate anyone that wears green on their school robes. But that isn't fair. And then I _did_ give him a chance, and he wasn't what I thought he was. Yes, he is my friend. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but like I said before, I wasn't ready."

Mila wasn't helping herself at all. Harry could call her what he liked, but he didn't know Malfoy the way she did. He didn't know how much he had supported her.

"So I'm not good enough for you when you need help. I ask you, and you brush it off and you say nothing's wrong, and then Malfoy is the person you confide in? You didn't care that I was worried about you? You don't care about _me_?"

And she knew she was the one who should be asking for forgiveness, but her blood began boiling at the words he said.

"Of course I care. How can you say that? _"_ she said, "Everything I've done has been for you. The basilisk, Voldemort, Cedric, I was there for you through all of that. But I needed to do this for myself, I needed to know in my own way. I am not going to apologise about being friends with someone who has been there for me."

"Because you didn't let _me_ be there for you!" he yelled, "You tell me everything's ok, and you make me excited to ask you to the ball, you make me think that you-. You know how I feel about you, Mila. You _know._ And you pretend not to, and it hurts. And I think, that's fine, maybe someday in the future… But then you need help; you _finally_ are the one who needs someone, and it's not even me that you go to!"

His words and thoughts were all over the place, but Mila understood them crystal clear.

She wanted to say she was sorry, again, but words escaped her. He was right. She knew. Of course she did. And she didn't know why she couldn't let it happen. She didn't know what was stopping her from something that seemed so inevitable. That everyone expected.

But she'd only done her best. She'd never tried to hurt Harry, not on purpose.

Her voice was a hushed whisper. "I don't- I don't know what you want me to do. I don't want to fight with you, Harry."

His words were delicate too, as if the wind could blow them away. "You know I get it, he's your friend now. But I just need some time, Mila. Let me- give me some time."

Mila felt overwhelmed, and she let Harry walk away from her as she tried to reign it all in. She was an awful person, Harry had just about confirmed that. She walked around school and she giggled and she flirted and she made Harry feel like he didn't matter. When really, he was the one who mattered most of all.

She deserved his anger. Maybe Malfoy did too. That kind of history didn't go away for Harry just because it had for Mila.

But the fact of the matter was that for Mila, it had. And if Malfoy still wanted to be in her life, she would let him. She wasn't going to flaunt it in front of Harry, but she wasn't going to let go of someone she trusted.

Harry needed time, she could give him that. She was just afraid it might kill her.

* * *

Malfoy watched the spectacle as Mila dragged Harry out of the Great Hall. He, along with the rest of the school, had noticed how upset she was throughout the entire day.

When Potter had caught them together, Malfoy had known that he was the one Mila would run after. That didn't mean it didn't hurt. He'd watched that night as she'd panicked and tried to run to Harry, and he wasn't prepared for it to hurt quite as much as it did. It scared him, and it annoyed him, and so he'd spent the day avoiding Mila's gaze. Waiting for her to act.

But he couldn't help himself.

Nott looked surprised when he nearly knocked over his goblet as he stood up to follow Mila.

He walked briskly out of the hall, and began following what he thought was the direction they had gone in. He'd had to halt pretty quickly when he realised they hadn't gone that far, and he'd almost turned directly into the corridor the pair were arguing in. He stayed behind the corner and listened in, waiting for the part where Mila told Harry that Malfoy was out of her life for good.

But she didn't.

She told Harry he was her friend. She told him how he'd helped her, how she wasn't going to give him up. Malfoy was silent, unable to move as he realised that Mila Lovett considered him someone worth keeping around.

And then Potter said his spiel. And he understood what Potter was feeling, he did, but Harry was holding Mila's feelings against her as if she was doing something wrong by not being ready to love him back.

Maybe _Malfoy_ had been wrong. Maybe Potter didn't deserve Mila. You didn't put someone on a pedestal and then blame them for not being perfect.

Malfoy had watched, for years, Mila defend Potter to her last breath. Every hex, every name call, every snide comment to the spectacled boy was faced with Mila's fury.

He knew for a fact, that Mila would do anything for Potter's happiness, because he'd watched her do it. She hadn't had to deal with Harry's feelings because he had never actually told her out loud. Potter was just as responsible for ignoring it as she was.

And when the two of them separated, and Malfoy watched them leave, it wasn't Mila he went after.

He hoped he could catch Potter before he reached his common room.


	15. The Letters

i'm honestly feeling the love from you guys right now.. the comments, the messages, all i have to say is thank you

it makes writing this way more enjoyable (and on a celebratory note, i've just reached the 100'000 word so... only 100'000 more to go i suppose)

this was one of my fave chapters to write AND for the people asking i'm just going to reveal that the 'super big secret stuff' makes head after chapter 20 (i can't remember exactly which one)  
I know everyone is keen for Mila to find out about her past, so bear with me for a little while longer

special thanks to all those who reviewed

anyway, i hope you enjoy xx

* * *

Before everything that had happened, Mila had been looking forward to the holidays. She'd been excited to live with Lupin, excited to visit Harry and Sirius, and excited to forget all about that damned locket. But now, the easter holidays were here, and the only thing she could say for certain was that she was relieved to leave Hogwarts for a while. All the stares and whispers were getting to be a little too much.

She hadn't spoken to Malfoy in the last days of term, mostly because he seemed smart enough to steer clear. Mila didn't know if he had been upset by what she now referred to as 'the incident', but she hoped he would realise that she cared about him enough to not throw away their friendship.

Lupin hadn't said anything when she asked if they could stay at his house for the duration of term break, he'd only frowned in that studious way of his, and nodded.

The worst thing was the train ride back to Kings Cross. Mila had thought better than to try and sit in the same compartment as Harry, and instead had ended up with Ginny and the fifth year Gryffindors, who of course noted the absence of one Mr. Harry Potter by her side. She tried to make conversation and laugh at their funny attempts to impress a sixth year, but her heart wasn't in it and she mostly kept to herself.

She wondered how the others were doing. If Ron was splurging on the food cart, if Hermione was telling him off for eating so fast…if Harry was happy, smiling, laughing. Or if he missed her, even after only a few days. She already did.

She couldn't remember the last holiday break she'd had that she hadn't spent at least some time with him. She hoped he would spend time with the Weasleys, that would make him happy at least.

She caught a glimpse of him while she was carrying her bags off of the train. He hadn't seen her, but she couldn't help but notice he looked as miserable as she felt. Apparently space didn't do either of them good.

She met Lupin on the platform, and was glad when Hermione came over to give her a quick hug goodbye.

"Look after him for me," Mila whispered to her friend, and Hermione gave her a smile and a nod before running over to Ron who was eyeing her angrily. Ron hadn't so much as looked at Mila since 'the incident'. Harry needed him more than she did, so she wasn't angry about it, but it was upsetting to be fighting with yet another friend.

When Lupin began leading her out of the station, she caught sight of a head of blonde hair. He passed by so quickly, she couldn't have spoken to him if she tried. She hoped that wasn't intentional.

Lupin gave her a quizzical look. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, "Can we just go home?" _Home. What a funny word._

Lupin's eyes had a warmth to them. "Yes. Let's go home."

She needn't have worried about how they were going to get there, Lupin apparated her straight to his house. He had told her earlier, that what little belongings she had had already been collected by him and were in her room.

Mila had never been to Yorkshire, and she'd had no idea what Lupin's house would look like. It was a little run-down cottage, big enough for a small family, too small for a large one. Perfect for her and Lupin. Looking at the small house was the first thing to put a smile on her face all week.

Lupin coughed. "I know it's not much, but-"

"I love it," she said honestly. She did love it. She would love any place she could call a home.

When they entered she noted that he had been trying his best to do the place up. There were a couple of unfinished projects; half a set of shelves put up, a semi painted wall. Lupin caught her looking.

"Yeah I uh, don't always have time to get it all done."

"I can help you if you like," she said warmly. Anything to keep her mind busy.

She missed his fond look. "That would be nice."

Mila saw an old photo album lying closed on a coffee table. She walked over and bent to pick it up. Before she could begin rifling through, Lupin interrupted, straying her prying eyes away from it.

"Would you like to see your room?"

She grinned and put the book down. "I get my own room?"

Lupin chuckled, "Yes, Mila."

She bounced excitedly, clapped her hands, and went to grab her bags. "Where is it?"

He led her out of the lounge room. The cottage was only one-story, not that Mila minded in the slightest. He took her past the kitchen, down a hall, and finally to a bedroom door.

Mila's grin widened. "Do I get to open it?"

He smiled and gave her a nod, watching her face as the bedroom was revealed to her. Though it was clear she was happy, he noted the cheerlessness that had stayed on her face for the past week. He had a vague idea of what had happened, and knew Harry was upset with her. He hoped the fight wouldn't last long; it was doing neither of them any good.

Hermione had made him aware of the other reason for her melancholy. To their knowledge, Mila had failed at finding her parents. He felt pity for her, but knew things would be a lot easier in the long run now that she had stopped searching. Looking into the past could be a dangerous thing.

On the other hand, Mila was taking to her new room. She had never had her own room before, but if she did she imagined this is what she would have wanted it to look like. Unlike the simple blue of the rest of the house, Mila's room was painted yellow; her favourite colour. Lupin must have asked Harry.

The room had a bed, drawers, a wardrobe, but what caught Mila's eye was the large, ornamental lion statue in one of the corners. It looked to be just about the most expensive thing in the room. She knew Lupin didn't have the money, nor would have chosen such an eye sore. No, this could only be the work of a man with too much time on his hands and a hell of a lot of galleons.

She started laughing. "Did Sirius help you with this by any chance?"

"I only let him get you one thing. You should have seen the other furniture he tried to buy you. You're lucky the bed has legs…"

While Mila admonished Sirius' choice in decor, it was nice to be cared about. Something she needed to be reminded of, rather than her constant, intrusive thoughts about the people who gave birth to her.

"This is perfect."

The pair of them were startled when they heard the front door open. Lupin ceased watching Mila's reaction and both headed to the lounge room.

Sirius waltzed in. "What's this about Mila and Harry not speaking to each other?"

Lupin and Mila exchanged glances, and Mila was ashamed to admit that she partially hid herself behind him.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" Lupin asked tiredly. Sirius had been on and on about seeing Mila and Harry for the holidays. Could he not even have lasted a day before seeing her?

"Imagine my surprise, Moony, when I get told by Harry that Mila will not be visiting during the holidays. And yes, Mila, I can see you. What, in Merlin's name, is wrong?"

Mila sheepishly stood out from behind Lupin. Both men were looking at her expectantly, though Lupin's was more sympathetic. It had been obvious since leaving the station that she didn't want to talk about it. But Sirius was Sirius, which meant nothing was off limits.

"We had a fight." She tried to shrug.

Sirius raised a hand in the air. "Easily solved. Let's get everyone together and hash it out. We'll have a family meeting."

"No!" She softened her tone. "No. He doesn't want to see me for a while."

Sirius lowered his hand, and looked at her curiously. Lupin did too. Since Harry and Mila had met, they had been inseparable.

Sirius tried again. "He's being unreasonable. Come, we can fix this."

"Sirius. No," Mila chided. Normally telling Sirius off for his antics was enjoyable, but for once she wished he was the type of person who wouldn't itch a scab and just left it alone.

"Just leave him alone for a while," she continued.

She felt Lupin pull gently at her arm. "Mila, what's going on?"

What should she say? The truth? No. Her birth family was a secret she wouldn't wholly share until she could share it with Harry. If she was going to tell anyone who they were, it was him. But Draco was the reason Harry was upset with her, and she could tell that version of the truth.

"He is unhappy with my, uh, friendship, with a… certain someone."

Sirius caught on immediately. "Who? A boy?"

She nodded. Both Lupin and Sirius had frowns on their faces. There was a particular look of distaste in Sirius' eyes.

"Are you and this boy…?" Sirius trailed off. His said boy like it was something dirty.

It was her turn to catch on. "God no." _That's what Harry had thought too._

"Why would Harry disapprove of your friendship?" Lupin asked. He could have understood if Mila _had_ been dating this boy. Except Harry would have only been upset, not mad at her.

Mila bit her lip. _Should I say it?_ "It's, um, it's Draco Malfoy." _Wow, good job, Mila. Just rip the bandaid off, no worries._

Lupin asked, "Lucius' son?", while Sirius just went into a coughing fit.

"This is that person you had that fight with?" Lupin asked, remembering her earlier troubles with Malfoy.

"You're dating a Malfoy?" Sirius blurted.

"Godric, I'm not dating a Malfoy. Cool your jets, Grandpa."

He was more than a little relieved to hear that.

Sirius huffed a laugh, despite himself, and turned around dramatically. "Well it's worse than I suspected."

"Really?" Mila asked worriedly. _Is it really that awful?_

"No, of course not. Harry will get over it eventually." He turned back around and smiled reassuringly. "A bit of jealously never killed anyone."

It wasn't exactly jealously. More like betrayal, but she wasn't going to mention that.

"Have you ever considered becoming a counsellor?" she joked, letting him know she was semi-ok.

"Ha. Ha. Your wit really is unparalleled."

"It's nice to see you finally admit it."

"Now, kids," Lupin chided. "Sirius, isn't Harry wondering where you are?"

Sirius smirked. "I may have told him I had gone to see some Veela's about an itch." He glanced at Mila for a reaction.

"Gross," Mila muttered.

"Don't you think he might miss you?" Lupin said pointedly.

Sirius glanced between Mila and Lupin before sighing. "Alright, fine. But I am visiting! As a respected criminal I cannot be forced to choose sides."

Lupin began pushing Sirius to the front door, but the man continued speaking. "And don't worry, Mila, I will have a talk to our dear Romeo. You'll be back to chums in no time."

His voice faded as he and Lupin left her view. She laughed quietly to herself. Sirius had always been good at making someone forget they were sad.

When Lupin came back into the room, he looked conflicted. She could tell he didn't know whether he keep discussing her troubles, or if he should pretend to ignore them. It was then that Remus Lupin looked her in the eyes and asked her the question that changed her mood entirely.

"So, what do you want for dinner?"

* * *

Mila Lovett hated being alone. So she made it her mission to spend every waking moment trying to convince her new roommate to do things with her. This was rather hard when said roommate was used to living in solitude, and was, quite honestly, her opposite in every way.

She was brash, and loud, and impulsive, and Lupin had never said or done anything that he hadn't thought completely through. It didn't seem fair on him that he was the only outlet for her energy.

The first week they had torn through every board game, every movie, and if Lupin ever became annoyed with her constant company, he never let on. When Mila was upset, she kept busy, and tried to push away from facing reality.

Really, not seeing Harry was almost a blessing in disguise. She could pretend he wasn't mad at her, and pretend she hadn't hurt him. It was a selfish consolation.

But eventually, she cracked, and found herself sitting alone on the couch one night, long after she suspected Lupin of going to bed. The thoughts she had been fighting, seemed to become louder in the dark.

 _Harry left you because he knows you're a pureblood. He left you because you use him. He left you because you're not good enough._

It wasn't fair to place your worth based on another person. But Harry was the first family she'd ever had. Knowing that her family didn't want her, even if she now knew that she definitely didn't want them back, only added to her self-doubt.

She didn't know how long she stayed there in the dark. But tears spilled and dried by the time Lupin found her.

To his credit, Lupin didn't say anything. He just sat down next to her and they stayed quiet for a while. She looked in her lap, and he stared straight ahead, hoping his company would help her. He waited, and sat, and waited some more. He let her break the silence first.

"Do you think I treat Harry horribly?" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"No," he said, and Mila, honestly, was surprised by his answer. "You treat him wonderfully. You make him happy. You were there for him through Voldemort, you helped him fight. You comforted him after Cedric died. James- he would have wanted him to have a friend like you."

"But I-"

"It's not your fault if someone wants something from you that you're not ready to give them."

She didn't know how Lupin always seemed to understand her so well. He knew what made her upset, and he knew what she needed to hear. She couldn't think of a time he had ever let her down.

He spoke from experience. She could tell. And maybe he was right. But she'd still befriended Draco, she'd still kept the locket a secret, and she'd still hurt Harry's feelings.

She glanced sideways at Lupin, and wondered just how much she could confide in him. How appropriate was it to talk to a teacher about your feelings. Though, he had always been more than that. Maybe it was only recent that had he become her guardian, but he had been her friend a lot longer, and she felt sick for ever doubting him for a second. Friends seemed to be something she was sorely lacking in the present.

She began to speak again, her voice more stable. "I don't know why I can't- why I'm not ready."

She was treading the waters, and Lupin looked at her reassuringly enough for her to continue.

"Harry and I, it makes sense, doesn't it? And I know he would be so good to me, but-"

She didn't really know what there was to say. All this time she'd never had a solid answer to what was stopping her. Psychologists would probably attribute it to her childhood abandonment, others would say she was afraid of commitment.

She'd always felt something dark and twisted inside of her. It had a name now; Rosier. She was made from evil, something bad. And even _they_ hadn't wanted her.

More tears threatened to spill, and in that moment the only person she wasn't afraid to show them to was Lupin.

"Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me," she whispered softly. Her new found heritage only solidified that fear.

"I used to think the same thing about myself," Lupin started, and Mila felt a kind of gratefulness towards him. He wasn't trying to argue with her or dismiss her fear. "I have something inside me that has often caused me to doubt myself, especially in my youth. I thought I was a monster."

She felt so selfish all of a sudden. She felt a darkness in her, but she was talking to a man who had a wolf trapped inside of him. One who fought like hell to get out and got to win once a month.

"Someone once told me that the only way to fight the darkness, was to let the light come through. Through my actions, my words, my kindness. They said we can only be who we are, but we can _choose_ who that is. And everyday Mila, I've watched you choose light. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I think you're a girl who tries to give people everything they want, you give them parts of you and you forget to keep parts for yourself. And it makes you feel like only the bad parts are left."

He turned to face her, both of them still leaning against the back of the sofa. "But they're not."

She only realised she'd released some of her tears when she felt her cheeks become wet. Lupin looked like he wanted to wipe them away, but thought the better of it.

She needed more people like Lupin; people who told her the truth rather than only what she wanted to hear. He seemed to understand her in a way she couldn't herself.

She grasped his hand and squeezed firmly. Her smile shone through her tears, and Lupin was grateful that, a least for a moment, she got to smile.

"Thank you," she said. If this was the man who got to take care of her, she knew she would be okay.

She started to laugh lightly. "I feel like I'm always saying that to you."

He glanced down at their hands, and there was a still moment until he squeezed back. "They aren't words that someone grows tired of hearing," he smiled.

It was an odd thing to be holding hands with your teacher. But no one could ever call Mila Lovett conventional.

Lupin released her. "So, anyway, how's that new friend of yours doing?"

Mila let out a short laugh. "We made up. And then all this happened… I don't know. I think he's ok."

"I'm glad to see you didn't let yourself be discouraged. Though, you rarely do."

He watched her frown heavily about something, before she voiced her thoughts. "Was it like that back in your day? Everyone just hated the Slytherins?"

 _Ah_. _"_ It was somewhat similar. I am told it wasn't until Voldemort's prominence came about that the real divide between houses started. I often wondered, if given a chance, certain Slytherins would choose to act differently. But James, and Sirius…"

"Didn't exactly make it easy," she finished. She was aware of how they use to antagonise the group. Though it was definitely a two-sided street.

Mila had noticed a few things the last few weeks of term. She had noticed Theodore Nott take care of some Slytherin first years who were being bullied. She had seen Pansy Parkinson crying in the bathroom, and said nothing. She had caught Draco looking at her friends like he was getting ready to defend himself. She wondered how many times, over the years, that he must have looked like that at her.

There was a pause. "I think that needs to change." Alienating the Slytherins would only push them further to the dark side, and inevitably, into Voldemort's arms if he ever returned.

"If anyone could do it, it would be you." He meant it.

She smiled warmly at Lupin.

"I just hope Harry will understand."

"I don't think anybody understands when it comes to you, Mila," Lupin said.

A hearty chuckle left her throat. "You're probably right."

* * *

The next morning she penned three letters.

The first to Draco Malfoy.

 _Draco,_

 _I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you since… well, you know. I know you probably believe that me running after Harry and my temporary silence mean I'm, for a lack of a better word, shunning you, but I hope you realise that is far from the case._

 _I couldn't have done any of this without you. The result isn't what I hoped it would be. I don't think it ever could have been. But I don't regret it, and I don't regret you._

 _This is starting to sound like a cheesy love letter, so I'll keep it short._

 _I hope you forgive me, and I'm sorry for being an arse._

 _Your friend, Lovett._

* * *

 _Hermione,_

 _You'll be happy to know that Lupin is taking good care of me, I can only hope Sirius is taking as good a care of Harry._

 _How is he? Have you seen him? I know I'm the last person who deserves to know, but if you can tell me how he is doing I will love you forever. Even more than I already promised that time you wrote my potions essay when I forgot we had one… anyway._

 _I know you aren't going to like this, and I can only imagine how Ron is going to feel, but I think something needs to be done about the Slytherins. I feel like this whole mess would never have happened if things were different. If we were friends with them, like the other houses, think of how much could change. I mean, can you imagine how much studying you could get done if you did't have to keep a look out for hexes? (notice how I am appealing to my audience.)_

 _Before you start telling me off for concocting one of my 'crazy plans' again, know that I am not doing this for selfish reasons (okay maybe a little bit), but I am doing this to make Hogwarts a genuinely better place._

 _Anyway, I hope you are well. Give Ron a kiss for me. Tell him I know he still loves me, I can see it in his eyes every time he sneers._

 _Mila_

 _ps. How mad is Harry? Like how mad? On a scale of one to ten? Is it bad? It's bad, isn't it?_

* * *

The last was the most difficult to write.

 _Harry,_

 _Before you scrunch up this letter and throw it into Sirius' fireplace, I hope you can hear me out._

 _It's been exactly 11 days, 3 hours and 12 minutes since we last spoke, and I don't know about you, but that seems a little long don't you think? …man, even writing that was cringe._

 _I know you think that what I did means I don't trust you. But I trust you with my whole heart. I told you I'm a pureblood. But it gets worse. Rosier. I know. Disgusting, right? You can see my reluctance in that becoming public knowledge._

 _I think a small part of me knew it was going to be bad. Real bad. And I think I didn't want you to help me look for them, because I didn't want you to see me any differently. And I know that it isn't an excuse, but it is a reason, and I'm telling you now (in complete confidence I might add) because you are more important to me than a dumb secret. Even if said dumb secret involves a secret lineage._

 _This is probably going to make you hate me even more. It's just like me to add fuel to the fire, hey? Like that one time, do you remember…. actually there probably shouldn't be a written confession to that particular incident. But you know the one I'm talking about, don't you?_

 _I think, given a chance, some of the Slytherins might be nicer than we think. It sounds ludicrous, I know. Malfoy surprised me. I think the others could surprise us too. Not all of them. I just know that if you hadn't given me the chance you did, I could have ended up a lot differently._

 _And… I know you think I don't love you. But I do, in my own messed up way. I'm not sure it's the kind of love you want, but it's the only kind I have. At least for now._

 _You are the most important thing to me in the world, Harry James Potter. Don't forget that._

 _I hope you actually read this. And tell Ron if he sends me another howler, I'm going to stick a wand so far up his arse that… never mind._

 _Please trust me, and what I'm doing. I know that's a lot to ask, but I'm asking anyway._

 _Mila_

* * *

She slept a little more soundly that night. Usually she'd keep Lupin up to the latest possible hour, until she was tired enough to fall asleep as soon as her head it the pillow. This time she went to bed with her heart feeling a little lighter.

The replies came in first thing in the morning.

 _Typical Lovett, always over-thinking things._

 _No I am not upset with you, though its about time you admitted to being an arse. Now that I have that in writing, I feel comforted by the fact that I now have it has blackmail should you ever cross me._

 _I know you're probably missing Potter, but he's been by your side for far too long, that I don't think he can manage being away from it for more than five minutes. So don't fret. Be the overbearingly energetic Gryffindor I know you can be._

 _And, Lovett? I don't regret you either. Except now you have something in writing to blackmail me with… so I guess we're stuck with each other like always._

 _Cheer up. He'll forgive you._

 _Draco._

* * *

 _Mila,_

 _Everyone's doing ok. I know Harry misses you, even though it's only been a week since the term ended. But honestly you two are so co-dependent that, at this point, I'm not surprised._

 _I do think he isn't as angry as you think he is. I think he knows that you two want different things, and he just has to make his peace with it. This has probably been a good thing for you guys._

 _I'm all for positive change, but are you sure befriending the Slytherins is the way to go? I know how much you love being adored by the general populace, and I fear this will make you the social pariah you don't want to be._

 _On the other hand, I think it is the right thing to do. Take it from a social pariah._

 _I miss you. Harry misses you. Ron misses you. Even if he won't admit it. And no I will not be giving Ronald a kiss… maybe at the ball, but don't tell him that._

 _Your affectionate friend,_

 _Hermione._

* * *

Mila laughed at her friends letter. She was happy Hermione was onboard, but there really was only one opinion that would make her change her mind. Luckily she had his blessing.

 _Mila,_

 _Do what you need to do._

 _Harry._


	16. The Comeback

happy tuesday! god damn this is a long one:)

don't worry guys, with every chapter we are getting closer to what I KNOW you all want to see, we just have to take a detour first ;)

ArticFox you keep me motivated, magicallymacy welcome to the family x

* * *

The first day back at school, Mila was going to do something a little differently at breakfast.

Mila had talked to Hermione about it every night since her letter. She didn't know if she was looking for reassurance or something else entirely, but she had asked Hermione to tell Harry of her plan. That way he would have some warning.

Hermione had told her that Harry understood what she was doing, and that he wasn't going to try and talk her out of it, but he wasn't going to go out of his way to help either.

Before the holidays, she'd had stayed out of his way during classes and lunch, opting to sit with other Gryffindors instead. But that was going to change today.

Mila got dressed and ready and made her way to the grand hall. _Showtime._

Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy sat unsuspectingly at the Slytherin table with no suspicions about how the day might turn out. Mila knew Theo would be one of the easier ones. He had never openly paraded around his blood status, nor called any of the muggle-borns names. He was one of the good ones.

Students at this school followed Mila's example. It was one of the things she'd learned early on in her infamousness. Which is why, today, she was going to sit at the Slytherin table. Hogwarts hierarchy be damned. She was just grateful Parkinson and Zabini weren't there yet, she would have her head bitten off.

She strode, as confidently as she could muster, to the Slytherin table, without looking back at the rest of her peers. She plonked herself down next to Nott, who sat across from Draco, calmly grabbed a plate and started loading it up with scrambled eggs.

"Can I help you?" Nott asked. Mila was happy to note his voice had an air of curiosity rather than coldness to it. The poor bloke was probably confused out of his mind.

"Yes actually, pass me the bacon." She thought that was pretty funny, but Nott didn't seem to laugh.

"Lovett," Draco called across the table. She looked at him innocently when he asked, "What are you doing?"

Poor Draco, she hadn't said anything of her 'plan' in their letters. He probably thought she was having a stoke.

She noticed he was careful not to use her first name around his house, but Theo must have had some idea about their relationship. She had drunkenly knocked on the dungeon door after all.

"Why, Malfoy, thanks for asking," she began, driving her fork into her plate. "I'm sitting with my friends."

The whispers were already starting, and Mila ignored them as she continued eating at the table. She'd noted that people either side of her immediate group weren't sitting that closely, and were turned to others in conversation and confusion. She smiled at a Slytherin second-year further along the table, who shyly turned away.

Nott looked pointedly between the two. "I don't think the world is ready for your friendship yet, Lovett."

Ah. So Draco _had_ confided in somebody about her. That was nice to hear.

"That's where I think you're wrong, Nott. Your breakfasts are about to get a lot more interesting," she said cheekily, trying to keep the tone of the conversation as light-hearted as possible. Which was a little hard to do with the rest of the school buzzing all around you.

Malfoy was eyeing her from across the table. Rather than avoid his stare, she met it head on.

"Lovett," he warned.

She matched his tone. "Malfoy."

He wasn't angry at her in the slightest, but concerned that she wasn't going to be able to take back what she was doing in that moment. He was afraid she was going to regret it.

He spoke more quietly. "Mila, you don't have to prove anything…"

"I'm not," she said, plopping more eggs into her mouth. "This is an intervention. No more house wars."

He sat back, and rubbed a nervous hand through his hair. He glanced at Nott worriedly, who reciprocated. Neither thought she quite knew what she was getting herself into. Speaking of which, what she was getting into was about to rear it's ugly head.

"Why is this mudblood sitting at our table?" Zabini asked. He didn't sit, he just stood next to Malfoy, looking harshly at Mila. She didn't bother to correct him on her newfound blood status, he probably wouldn't have believed her anyway.

She wasn't going to let him get to her. "Thank you for the warm welcome. You've clearly inherited your mother's charm."

Everybody who was anybody suspected Zabini's mother of killing all seven of her husbands for their fortunes. While it had never been proved, it was still a sore topic for him. Which meant it wasn't a good start that she had automatically gone into defence mode. She took a deep breath, and tried to start again.

"What I meant to say was, how are you this morning, Zabini?"

"Wondering what the hell a lion is doing in a snake pit."

"Networking?" she joked, but again, the Slytherins at the table didn't seem to find her very funny.

Zabini narrowed his eyes, and his signature predatory smirk made it's way onto his face.

"I guess Potter really has dumped you, otherwise you wouldn't have come here looking for pity."

Mila forced her face to stay smiling. She knew this wasn't going to be a picnic, but Zabini was making it more difficult than it needed to be. She wasn't used to people not liking her.

"Keep up that attitude, and you'll find it hard making new friends, Zabini."

"You're not my friend, Lovett."

"No," she agreed, "But I will be." She winked at him, which tipped his anger into confusion as he turned to Malfoy.

"What the hell is she talking about?"

Nott answered when Malfoy didn't seem to be able to string a sentence together.

"It seems Mila has decided their must be more interconnectivity between houses."

Mila nodded. "What he said."

Zabini began raising his voice. "I'm not eating with a blood trait-"

"Sit down, Blaise," Malfoy said.

"But-"

"Sit. Down."

Zabini slowly slid into the seat, refusing to look either Draco or Mila in the eye. Nott was trying not to laugh, and Mila was glad _someone_ was finding the situation amusing.

Mila was also trying not to look shocked. Malfoy sticking up for her wasn't that unbelievable, but doing it against his friends? That was… different. Malfoy was still the alpha dog it seemed. Zabini had done what he was told. _Slytherins sure do work differently,_ she thought.

Draco gave her a look, and she knew they were going to be having a conversation after this. He didn't seem too pleased with her.

"So, Mila, if I am indeed the polite man my mother raised me to be, common courtesy would have me ask how your morning is going," Nott said.

She liked him already. "Well, Theodore, I must say, it is looking up."

She tried to smile at Draco, but he looked at her back plainly. _I guess 'not pleased' doesn't cover it._

The rest of the breakfast continued the same. No other sixth year Slytherins came to join them, but Mila met a couple of the seventh years, who seemed over the politics of the school now that they were soon graduating. _Only one term left,_ she realised.

Draco didn't say much to her, and she couldn't tell what it was he was feeling. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? For her to acknowledge him in front of the school. He'd certainly told her as much. Maybe he had been all talk. Or maybe he had gotten Mila to admit she was embarrassed about their friendship, because he wasn't ready to admit it himself.

Still, he kept Zabini in line when he tried to make a snarky comment, and Mila realised she couldn't ask for more than that.

It was only when class time rolled around, and she and Draco had Care of Magical Creatures, that they finally spoke freely.

"What exactly was that, Lovett?" he asked, as they walked the field to Hagrid's hut.

"Back to Lovett, huh?"

"What? No." He seemed to be looking around for signs of his friends. "I just-"

"Draco." She stopped him. He swallowed before steadying, and met her eye. "Look, I hope the other night didn't upset you."

"It didn't-" he argued.

"But it got me thinking. All this hiding, all this secrecy, it needn't have happened if more Gryffindors were friends with more Slytherins."

He bit the inside of his cheek, and she watched him considering what she was saying.

"I'm really sorry about the other night," she continued, "I know I said it in my letter. But I am. Harry isn't speaking to me…"

"I know," he said simply, and waited for her to carry on.

"You are my friend, Draco, whether you like it or not. You said you couldn't be rid of me, and I'm agreeing with you. You can't. And you won't."

The tiniest hint of the smile blossomed on his face. Even after he'd heard her conversation with Potter, he had still be worried she wouldn't speak to him anymore. Harry had been her best friend for six years, and he only for a few months. He had never imagined a world in which Mila Lovett would willingly choose being friends with him over speaking to Potter.

"So we're really doing this?" he asked. She heard more to the question. Were they really being friends? Were they really telling people? Was she really going to tell the world that she had become buddies with the most reviled serpent of them all.

Yes she was.

"We're really doing this."

* * *

Mila knew warming up to the Slytherins was going to be a long uphill battle for everyone in the school.

A part of her was doing this to see what kind of people she came from. If there was good in the people she always thought were bad, then there could be good in her too. Rosier be damned.

That afternoon, she sat next to Hermione in potions, and tried not to look at Harry, only to respect his wishes. Ron was giving her the side-eye, and it only made her feel worse. She knew befriending the Slytherins would hurt both of them, but she was doing it so that one day, it didn't have to. She didn't want anyone else to be in a position where they felt they had to choose their friends, and Harry and Ron had been in her life for so long that she felt like, eventually, they would _have_ to forgive her. She could handle their silence temporarily. Or at least she hoped so.

Others in the class were whispering about her placement at breakfast. Draco had thrown a small smile her way, and that was her only solace that she was doing the right thing.

Hermione had been the only one to properly forgive her, though she didn't know that that was because Hermione was harbouring a guilt of her own.

"What?" she whispered, when she caught Hermione staring at her.

"Nothing," Hermione answered, before glancing at Snape and checking that he hadn't caught them.

Mila shrugged it off and started playing around with her potion. It was boring having no one to muck around with. Hermione wouldn't indulge her the way Harry would. Earlier in the lesson she had tickled a feather under Hermione's scrunched noise, and been silently hexed by her for it.

Snape, who seemed to be looking for an excuse to chastise her, noticed her discontent.

"Miss Lovett, are you intentionally trying to make my job harder, or are you just so undisciplined that you can't help but cause chaos?"

Mila noted her potion had begun bubbling over, and smiled sheepishly. "Uh- the second one?"

"Miss Lovett, I know you are sufficient enough at potions to have completed the task easily, so I believe it is in fact the first; you just like to cause trouble."

She heard Ron ' _hmph',_ but promptly ignored him.

"I believe I heard a compliment in there somewhere, Sir."

"Believe me when I say I hold no approval over your actions in this class, Miss Lovett."

"Even this one?" she asked, and fixed the potion by adding more gillyweed. She thought that was pretty clever.

However, it didn't seem to appease Snape. He ended up giving her another detention that afternoon. As usual, someone came to her defence, though not the person she was used to.

"But she didn't do anything, Professor," Draco said.

The class, including Mila, all whipped their heads around to him. He appeared less confident when they did so, but sat up straighter to put on the exterior that only a Malfoy could.

Even Snape was taken aback, but he soon corrected himself. "Don't tell me Miss Lovett's influence has reached this far. Anymore backtalk, Mr Malfoy, and you will join her there."

Mila gave Draco a look that told him to be quiet, and if he was about to say anything he was interrupted when Ron's cauldron exploded and threw its contents onto Snape's robes.

Snape wasted no time in ordering Ron into detention, and Mila groaned internally at the thought of spending time with one of her best friends, who coincidentally, currently hated her guts.

The detention came straight after class, and once again Mila was made to scrub cauldrons. Ron sat himself on the other side of the room, and was uncharacteristically quiet when as he cleaned his half. Usually, Mila would have been ecstatic to have someone to share the work with, but today she would have traded anything to be alone. Better than an uncomfortable silence.

Snape never usually would have left her alone in detention, but he saw she was in no mood to cause havoc and excused himself to go see McGonagall about something.

Mila wanted to use that opportunity to offer a leaf branch. She bit her lip, and thought about what she should say. Her face began scrunching on its own accord, and Ron, who knew just about all the different looks Mila could give, spoke before she did.

"It's not going to work, Mila."

He was scrubbing his pot rather vigorously, getting frustrated as the grime kept getting onto his robes and skin.

"I know a charm that will stop that," Mila offered.

"No thanks," he said shortly.

"Come on, Ron, we both know it will ruin your robes. You don't want to have to get new ones." _I know you can't afford them. Neither can I._

"Fine," he said, and she cast the charm without her wand. That only seemed to make him angrier. She heard him mutter 'just so bloody perfect', but she didn't say anything.

She stared at her cauldron. "What did they tell you?"

She heard his own scrubbing stop. "Just that you and Malfoy are friends. He was helping you with something," he answered bitterly.

She nodded, though she was sure he wasn't looking at her. "I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I am sorry."

His scrubbing picked back up, harsher than before. "It's not me you have to apologise to."

"I did apologise to Harry! He asked for space, so I'm giving him some."

"You're definition of space is hanging out with Slytherins? Did you not think about how that would make us feel?"

She put down her brush, and twisted her body to look at him. "This thing, between Slytherins and Gryffindors, it's bigger than Harry and I. The younger kids get bullied, the older kids aren't invited anywhere, and it's ridiculous."

"Why do you care so much?"

 _Because I'm one of them._ "Because what if they're not all bad? We've pushed them in this corner, they have to act the part or be outcasts. It's not fair."

Ron seemed to have enough of cauldrons. He threw his brush down and finally met her eye. "We didn't start it, Mila! They did. They hate people like you and me. Muggle-borns and blood traitors. They chose to be like this."

"I don't believe that," she said quietly, "I just don't."

"That's because you can't see past your new boyfriend."

"He's not my-"

"Just because he's nice to you and sticks up for you in class once, doesn't mean he's different. He's still the same cold-hearted, evil, slimy snake he's always been. Those kind of people can't change."

Mila paled at his words. Since Harry found out about Malfoy, this was the only time she was truly relieved she had kept her family a secret. If Ron knew what she was, would he look at her the same way? It was a little like the way he was looking at her now.

But then, she realised, it was because he was hurt. Her and Ron had never been the person the other ran to to share their upsets and secrets. It was only really by proxy. Ron knew she liked the fact he didn't ask her questions when she was upset, and she'd always figured it was the same for him. He didn't fret over her the way the other two did.

But he was still her friend, and she had still hurt him.

She didn't yell at him. She spoke calmly, and allowed her words to get their point across. "I will never stop being friends with you, any of you, for as long as you'll have me. But I have to try this, Ron. I know you probably don't understand that, but I have to try." _Because I have to know that I can be good._

His mouth stayed open, and he seemed at a loss for words. They both heard footsteps, and quickly jolted back to brushing their cauldrons.

When Snape came back in he didn't even notice the silence had become more deafening.

* * *

To his credit, Ron didn't try and stop her from walking back to the common room with him. He remained silent, and she didn't try to start up another conversation.

They passed Nott in the hall, and he nodded politely to her. She gave him a small smile and nodded back, and noticed him look sharply at Ron as he passed them. Nott knew how upset she had been about Harry and Ron not talking to her.

When they made it back, it was pretty late. It was always late when she left a detention with Snape, and Ron had gotten the brunt of that. Lupin hadn't come early this time.

The only one left in the common room was Hermione, who was pacing in front of the fireplace. Mila was about to go comfort her friend before Ron stopped her.

"You're right. I don't understand."

He left Mila to walk over to Hermione, who'd heard his words and watched Mila carefully as she ascended dejectedly up to the girls dorms.

Hermione could have smacked Ron in that moment. Ron had approached her to give a comforting, if awkward, pat on her obviously anxious shoulders. She brushed him off, however.

"Hermione what's-"

"You shouldn't say things like that to her, Ron. She's our friend."

"Ha. She's not exactly our friend at the moment, Hermione. And even if she is, she has to know that her actions have consequences. Hanging out with Slytherins? It's not on."

Hermione was sure her anger was confusing him. "You don't get it, Ron. Malfoy was helping her look for her family."

"It doesn't matter what he was helping her look for!" he argued, "She totally let Harry down by running to that stupid git."

Hermione gave him a pained look. "Ron," she said, "You can't tell anyone. Harry just made me swear not to. But Mila found out she is a pureblood. And not the good kind."

Ron looked at her startled, and sunk onto the couch. Hermione stayed upright, too filled with tension to sit down.

"A pureblood?"

Hermione nodded. "I think she didn't want us to know, because she didn't want us to abandon her, you know how she is; she hates feeling alone, but I'm worried that's exactly what we've done."

Ron stilled for a moment, thinking about his friend. "She could have said something, Hermione. She- she could have _told_ us. And we wouldn't have left her. We wouldn't."

"I think her way of dealing with it is trying to humanise the people she came from. She wants to see that they can be at least half-decent. I think she has a point, the house divide is ridiculous. Voldemort would never have gained half the power he did if the purebloods didn't feel so distant from the rest of the magical world."

"But she didn't have to lead Harry on. She didn't have to keep it a secret." He was trying to grasp at a reason to stay angry at Mila. She had hurt him, and Harry, and he didn't want to feel guilty about the things he had said to her.

Hermione finally sat next to Ron, and laid a plan gently on his hand. "She told me once that we were the only family she had. I think she was so desperate not to lose us, she couldn't bear the thought of us finding out who she really is. She has such a hard time truly trusting people. She puts on the front that everybody is her friend, but there's only ever really been one person she relies on, and that's herself. Even Harry and I don't know everything."

Ron wasn't feeling too great. On one hand he'd watched Mila, time and time again, getting Harry's hopes up and obliviously knocking them down. But Mila had never been perfect. She laughed and she smiled and she said all the right things, but her friends had always noticed that she seemed to be missing something.

"A pureblood, huh? She must have hated that," he muttered, and Hermione tittered in agreement.

He only broke his train of thought when he felt Hermione seize up next to him. He looked at her concerned.

"What is it?"

"Ron." She looked him dead in the eyes. "There's something else. Something Harry doesn't even know."

"Hermione? What are you talking about?"

"It's about Mila…"

As Hermione relayed to Ron the secret she had kept for so long, the only thing he could do was sit there and listen in shock.

* * *

Mila continued eating breakfasts with the Slytherins that week. To her surprise, Ron seemed to have completely forgiven her, often throwing her looks of pity while he sat with Harry at breakfast. Mila had no idea why, but she wasn't complaining with the news that another friend was no longer upset with her.

Quidditch practice the evening before had been a nightmare. Harry wasn't outrightly rude, but he barely talked to her, only to give her orders or cues. While Mila was a little hurt that Harry hadn't even seemed to care about how she felt about her newfound blood status, what hurt worse was the silence. The whole practice had been awful. If the two best players weren't on their game, how could the rest of the team be expected to be.

She thought the letter had helped, though judging by his reply and the practice, he was going by the route of few words.

While the rest of the Gryffindors didn't know what she had done to set her friend off, they had, of course, duly noted the change in seating arrangements. The rumours about Mila and the Slytherins had driven the school into a frenzy.

'Mila was Nott's adopted sister.' 'Mila and Zabini were dating' _Pfft, not likely._ 'Mila's house had changed and she wasn't allowed to tell anyone yet.'

It was all very ridiculous. But the rumour that struck a chord with Mila the most had been that her and Malfoy were dating. When he had stood up for her in Snape's lesson, he had begun the most believed rumour to date. She didn't know why it embarrassed her so much, but it was the only one she refused to talk about when people asked. The Patil twins had tried to interrogate her, and even Ginny had asked if he was any good in bed. She'd laughed that one off, but she was having a hard time coming up with answers.

Zabini still hadn't warmed up to her, despite her efforts. Parkinson was too jealous of her to try and be friends, and Crabbe and Goyle were so far up Malfoy's arse that they just pretty much tolerated her presence. The only true friend she had made was Nott, who often made her laugh with such sincerity that she forgot she was sitting at another table.

The only real positive impact she had noticed over the course of the week was a couple of Gryffindor and Slytherin first years walking together to class. She had smiled at the group fondly, and sent a hex the way to a fourth year who was about to bogey bat the kids. It wasn't much progress, but it was enough to keep her motivated.

She also had an ace up her sleeve. She'd told the Gryffindors she was having her usual 'start of term bash' but what she hadn't told them was that there would be a few unexpected guests. Drunk people always made friends easily, and she hoping to take advantage of some students' drunken states to introduce the idea of friendship with the Slytherins, as crazy as it seemed. The party was going to be in the Room of Requirement this time, that way Harry wouldn't be forced to attend and have to deal with 'the enemy' in his common room. It was her way of still giving him the space he had asked for.

Despite the minuscule amount of progress, the week still had it's downsides. She missed Harry more than she'd missed anything in her life. Malfoy often noted the sadness on Mila's face when she thought nobody was looking. In the end, he hadn't gotten his chance to speak to Potter, but it was obvious Mila missed her best friend. And he knew he couldn't fill that void even if he tried.

They were learning about bogarts in DADA, and while Mila was would have loved to laugh with Harry about all their classmates worst fears, she was doing her best to abide by his wishes. And that meant spending the lesson with Seamus and Dean. Not that that isn't fun in itself, but like everyone else, they had noticed the tension between Gryffindor's most beloved students.

Mila tried to leave Draco alone during classes with Harry. She would never dream of rubbing their friendship in his face, and had tried to keep befriending the Slytherins and Harry as separate as possible.

Mila hoped this class would go more smoothly. Lupin had already told Harry that he wasn't allowed to have a turn with the bogart, lest there be another dementor flying around the classroom. Harry didn't mind, and was happy to watch the other students have a turn. He caught Mila giving Lupin a grateful look and tried his best to ignore the girl who had only been looking out for him, like she had since they were young.

Since so many of their peers were Slytherins, DADA was a popular subject among them, it was weird finding out what their fears were. Some even refused to do it, incase the other students used it as leverage against them, Malfoy being amongst them. Though the only people who would do that were their fellow Slytherins. Once again, it struck a chord in Mila just how distrustful they were towards other students. She was still hoping to change that.

Ron's was still spiders, and this time instead of roller skates, the spider ended up with woman's legs and high heels.

Hermione's was also still flunking out of school, but she handled it a lot better this time, probably having already expected and prepared to see McGonagall giving the bad news again.

Mila had never gotten a chance the last time, because the class had ended before she could give it a go in third year. She didn't blame Harry for that, of course, but she was interested to see what the bogart conjured up for her.

Seamus, Dean, and Mila sat near the back waiting for their turn.

"So, Mila, what's the deal? You pals with the Slytherins now or somethin'?" Seamus asked.

Mila glanced at him in surprise, though it wasn't really _that_ surprising that he asked. She would have to answer carefully, this was the first step of many.

"Yeah actually, well- kind of. I've just come to realise that some of them aren't all bad." She could see Draco in her peripheral.

"And by some of them do you mean Draco? I've noticed the pair of you are awfully chummy." Dean raised an eyebrow.

She wasn't surprised that Dean wasn't upset with her for trying to befriend the Slytherins. If anyone was going to benefit from improved house relations, it was muggleborns. And Dean was smart enough to see that.

"Oh? And what about you? Has Ginny finally come to her senses?" Mila said.

Dean chuckled. "No need to get jealous, Mila. You know you're the only girl for me."

"And don't you forget it!"

"Alright let's get on with it. Seamus, you're up next," Lupin called.

Seamus left Mila and Dean to walk to the front of the class to face his bogart. Initially, Mila hadn't been worried about facing a bogart, her mind had been occupied with other things. But now as her turn grew closer, she found herself becoming anxious to see what it would conjure up. If it had something to do with Harry it was going to be mightily embarrassing.

"Mila, you're turn," Lupin called when Seamus was finished. She passed Seamus on the way to the front of the class, who was looking a little white.

The interest of the class had increased as all wondered what could possible scare the best friend of the Boy Who Lived. When Harry was scared, Mila was the one to pick him up. She'd always put on a brave face, ad began flippantly making her way to the front. Mila, herself, had no idea what was going to come out of that cupboard. The class was unusually silent, and even Harry was looking straight at her.

That made her more nervous than anything.

Lupin gave her a reassuring smile before releasing the bogart. Mila held out her wand and braced herself for some sort of imminent danger, like a killer mime. _I hate those things._

But no. It was much worse.

She was frozen. Half with shock, half with the feeling of intense vulnerability. She could hear people talking, but she couldn't understand a single thing that was being said. Mila wasn't the person who shut down. Mila was the person who fought with everything she could. But how could she fight the thing in front of her? Where could she even begin?

* * *

i must have written 'the slytherins' about 2000 times


	17. The Bogart

i think i'm going to change the update days to monday and friday, because i always make plans on the weekend and end up not having enough time to post (the curse of being an extrovert)

in an ideal world i would spend 24/7 working on this, but unfortunately i am genetically programmed to leave my house and spend time with people

sorry its late x

* * *

There was nothing scary about a little girl. Not to most people. And not even to Mila, really. But a particular little girl had the potential to shake her to the core.

The most disturbing thing was that bogart wasn't attacking her. It was trying to make her afraid, and it was working. Because it was crying.

The little girl sat on the ground and cried. Her knees pulled up to her chest, her head in her crossed arms, her weeping only muffled by her buried head. Mila didn't need a single sign to recognise the girl. She knew who it was. And she knew those around her would figure out easily. Because that girl had the same striking red hair as Mila's.

The child was alone. Little Mila was all alone, and it paralysed her.

Mila's hand shook. Her fist clenched. Her mouth closed tight. She didn't move. The bogart was going to get her. This stupid little girl was going to be her undoing. Everything around her grew darker, similar to an arrival of a dementor. She felt herself growing heavier, she felt like she couldn't draw a breath. It almost felt like a panic attack. She was panicking. She was stuck and she couldn't break free.

And then she felt someone push her. A small movement. A compassionate one. And that person stepped on front of her. The little girl was no longer there. It was changing.

It took her a few seconds to clear her blurred vision, but she recognised the head of silvery blonde hair instantly.

The bogart become corporeal and her saviour's worst fear was much like her own. Both were viewing versions of themselves. Mila's had been isolation, abandonment, an empty childhood, a lonely life.

Draco Malfoy's bogart was himself. Bearing a mark on his arm that struck fear in many more than just him. He must have known what the bogart would form, because he had originally refused to do the exercise. But he _was_ doing it. For her.

He cast his spell, and bogart Draco grew hair in every direction until he was just a puddle of blonde locks.

There was no laughter in the class. Mila stood with wide eyes, as Draco turned around and gently clutched the sides of her shoulders as he searched her face.

"Are you ok?" His voice was quiet, but in the silent classroom she was sure everybody could hear him.

She gave a rushed nod and wiped her face, grateful that no tears had spilled. She'd been too scared to cry. Too scared to do anything.

He whispered her name until she met his eye. She was so shaken up she was finding it hard to focus. Her gaze darted around the room to the faces of her concerned and curious classmates. Nobody thought it was funny, even the Slytherins were respectfully silent.

Mila's eyes instinctively searched for Harry, and he looked like he wanted nothing more then to go to her. Ron was whispering something in his ear, but Harry was staring at her with a mixed look of guilt and worry.

She only stopped looking at him when Lupin cleared his throat. He too glanced at Harry as he hesitated, but made his decision. "Mr Malfoy, would you please take Miss Lovett to the infirmary." He looked guilty too.

"Of course," Malfoy said, and she felt a strong hand guide her out of the classroom. She couldn't bear to look at anyone else as she left. She may not have cried, but tears were threatening to spill from her eyes as the shock of seeing her younger self wore off.

She heard the whispers start before they closed the door behind them. Draco tried to tug her but she stood still for a second. She did not want to go see Madam Pomfrey, she couldn't think of anything that would help _less._

Draco tried to speak delicately. "Mila, we need to-"

"Can we go somewhere else?" she rushed. "Please."

His head lifted. "Ok."

She allowed him to lead her somewhere, and she didn't pay much attention to the direction. She only knew where he intended to go when he triggered the statue and nudged her through the Honeydukes passage.

"Sit down," he muttered to her, and pushed a few bits of stone out of the way so she would be more comfortable.

He watched her anxiously as she sat, she seemed to be gulping down breathes and he couldn't help but notice a stray tear. He wasn't one for talking, in fact, he had never properly comforted someone before. He'd had attempted it, with Mila of course, but this was something else.

Luckily she made it so easy for him, because she was always the first to lighten the mood.

"That has got to be one of the more embarrassing moments of my hideously long life of embarrassment," she chuckled shakily.

He knew exactly how she felt. His bogart hadn't exactly been a cake walk, but he was too concerned about her to dwell on it in that moment.

He tried to follow her tone, because he'd come to learn that that was what she needed. She needed laughter to feel better, and then she would feel comfortable enough to share.

"Top three at least." He kept a straight face until she nudged him with her elbow and he broke into a smirk.

"You're an arse," she said.

"That's why we're friends isn't it?"

'Well it certainly wasn't your charm, I'll tell you that."

"Lovett, trying to tell me I'm not charming is like trying to tell Weasley he doesn't eat too much, and definitely doesn't need to watch his weight."

She laughed, though her voice was still cracked. "I was right. Complete arse." She brushed her wet cheeks gently, taking note of how Malfoy's seemed to frown unawarely as she did so.

"I guess I just bared my skeletons huh?" she sighed.

His stomach clenched. "There are worse skeleton than yours." He said it to make her feel better, though it clearly didn't work.

"Godric, you're right. Here am I feeling sorry for myself after what… after what you did." Her eyes softened as she looked at him. His heart beat a little faster. _Don't ask her now or you really will be an arse._

He cleared his throat. "It was nothing." His gaze averted hers.

"Is that something you're really worried about, Draco? Being one of them?"

He didn't even bother to try and pretend not to know what she was talking about. She wouldn't let him anyway. That was Mila. So determined to squeeze every thought and feeling out of him. Even if she didn't realise she was doing it.

"Sometimes," he started, his voice thick. "If- if Voldemort ever did come back… I'm not sure what would happen."

She was on him in an instant. Her hands sought his. "You couldn't ever be one of them, Draco. You're good. You're not made from the same stuff they are."

"My father-"

"Screw your father. You're not him. You didn't even blink helping me today."

"That was only because-" _It was you,_ he didn't finish.

"Because you're kind, Draco. I'm just sorry it took so long for me to see it."

 _Do not ask her now, Draco. She's upset._

He turned the conversation around. Too uncomfortable with praise he wasn't used to receiving.

"And you, Lovett? You're- you haven't been abandoned. Potter is still you're number one fan."

She could see right through him, but she allowed him to successfully change the subject.

"I'm not so sure." She smiled morosely. "But hey, that's my own shit. I'll sort it out eventually."

"At least I have Zabini," she added jokingly.

It was the perfect in. He could build up the subject, and ask her right there. It was insensitive, stupid, crazy… he did it anyway.

"How are Slytherin and Gryffindor relations going?"

"Could be better. But no ones openly rejected the idea of you guys coming to the party tonight. Only behind my back," she chuckled.

The party… he had almost forgotten. It was one of her more foolish, and daring, ideas.

"I don't think its going to end well."

"Not with that attitude. Why, have you got any ideas?" she asked.

 _Don't do it._ "Actually I have," he said hesitantly.

"Oh? Are you finally suggesting something other than mockery over my carefully laid out plan? That's very unlike you."

She was teasing him. Something they both enjoyed. Something that put a smile on her face. And when you looked at a smiling Mila Lovett, you did the stupid, crazy things.

He imagined his face was displaying some sort of vulnerability, that wasn't accustomed to being there. And he didn't like it at all.

But she was worth the risk. She was worth every risk. Her hands in his gave him a surge of confidence.

"Go to the ball with me, Lovett."

He knew he'd messed up when her hands jolted out of his.

"Draco-" Her surprise was evident in her voice.

He backtracked. "I just meant… I thought it would help with your plan if…" he trailed off. All confidence had clearly left the building.

She was silent in shock, he was silent in embarrassment. He was an idiot. Of course she would never say yes to a guy like him.

Mila saw the deep regret on his face, and felt the same, wishing he hadn't said this out loud. It was a bad idea. A really bad idea. But it didn't mean… he didn't like her like that. There was no way. She tried calming herself down to the idea that he had only meant it as a foolish suggestion.

"I'm just not sure- it would upset Harry too much."

"Of course. Right. I know that. It was just a dumb idea."

He threw a mask up that she hadn't seen in a while. His face was blank. She had… hurt him? She hadn't imagined her self capable of that. She hardly knew what to say. This was not a situation she thought she would end up in. Merlin, this was almost worse than the whole class seeing what a messed up loser she was.

"I don't even have anything to wear." She tried, and abysmally failed at joking.

He took the bait anyway. "Why not?" There was no emotion in his voice.

"Can't afford it. Especially since I've still got to pay you bac-"

"I told you that didn't matter," he snapped. He saw her jump back at his raised voice. _Godric, I'm just making this worse. You're such an idiot, Draco. You're such a stupid, useless idiot._

She couldn't pretend he wasn't upset. "Draco, it's not that I don't want to go with you-"

"It's fine, Mila." He masked the hurt in his voice. Though he probably didn't have the slightest chance in fooling her. Not now that she knew him so well. "If you're feeling better, I have some things to take care of. I'll see you at the party."

She watched as he fled out the passage. _What the hell just happened?_ Her hysteria from earlier had completely vanished, instead replaced with shock and worry. Draco Malfoy had asked her to the ball. Not because of her weird plan, that much was obvious, but because he genuinely wanted to.

And she had said no. Why? Because of Harry _._ Of course. But why else? There was something else going on. Harry was upset at her, and that hurt her deeply. But now Draco was upset with her, and it hurt in a different way entirely. And it scared her. It scared her that she had feelings for someone and it wasn't the boy she had always pictured it would be. It wasn't Harry.

The realisation dawned on her then. God forbid, but if Harry wasn't in the picture… she might have said yes.

* * *

Hosting a party was stressful. But it was even more stressful when half the people you invited hated the other half, and especially when you weren't sure you were on speaking terms with more than a handful of the guests.

Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were all spread around the Room of Requirement, enjoying drinks and music. Seamus, bless him, was already completely off his face, and trying to start some karaoke.

So far, no Slytherins had showed up. Draco included.

Mila had never wished more that Harry was with her. The day had taken it's toll on her and she was filled with so much anxiety that she was almost on the verge of tears at her own party. She had so many feelings bottled up inside her, all she wanted to do was share them with him so he could make it ok. He'd always been so good at that.

It wasn't just today. It was everything today had brought up. Seeing her childhood self only reminded her of the family she wished she never knew existed. And Harry's silence only added to her feelings of abandonment that were dredged up by that bloody bogart.

Ron and Hermione arrived, and Mila took a deep breath and approached them hesitantly. Talking to Hermione was fine, but she was unsure how Ron was going to behave. She needn't have been worried though.

"Hey Mila, great party!" he said. He was still giving her that odd look ever since the night they had detention. A mixture of pity and curiosity. Intensified, she suspected, by today's DADA episode featuring Mila's emotional childhood.

"Hi Ron. And Hermione, love the dress." She tried to sound as chirpy as possible.

"Thanks, Mila." Hermione's beam was a little too bright. "You look like you need a drink. Come on, let's go get something."

Hermione shuffled Ron away, and pulled Mila to the refreshment table. Mila had outdone herself with the alcohol this time. Mostly because she was trying to take her mind off of an incredibly weird and stressful day.

She wasn't about to forget it though, obviously Hermione was going to bring it up.

"How are you feeling?" Hermione asked once they were alone. _Annnnd there it is._

Mila shrugged. "Fine."

"Ok, great. How are you actually feeling?" Hermione was not having any of it.

And neither was Mila. "Gee I don't know, Hermione. Experiencing my own personal hell in front of the whole class is kind of a buzz kill. I'm not exactly in a party mood."

"Mila you don't have to be embarrassed. We're your friends, we just want to know that you're alright."

"But Harry isn't here, is he?" she said bitterly. _And neither is Draco._

She knew it wasn't fair of her. There was a very particular reason Harry wasn't coming tonight, and two of them just walked in the door.

Nott was dragging a horrified looking Zabini into the room. Mila knew Nott must have chosen to come late on purpose, because at that point everyone was tipsy enough not to notice or really care about their arrival.

Mila started to walk over to greet them, but Hermione grabbed her arm. "I really do want you to be ok. Despite everything. You're my best friend, Mila. That hasn't changed."

Mila felt guilty for pinning her bad mood on Hermione. Who, truth be told, was the only one who hadn't been mad at her for becoming friends with Malfoy. She was the only one who had stuck up for her.

"I know, I'm sorry." She gave Hermione a quick hug, and tried to pin a smile on her face. "Come on, we've got some Slytherins to befriend."

They both walked to the Slytherin duo, who looked more uncomfortable than Mila had ever seen them.

"Blaise, Theo, how nice of you to join us," Mila smirked, she couldn't help it.

"Shove it, Lovett. I'm only here because Nott dragged me," Zabini said.

"And he's being very gracious about it," Nott smiled, giving a nod of greeting towards her.

"You've met my lovely friend, Hermione." Mila swung an arm around her and pulled her forward.

Nott nodded politely, "Hello, Granger." _Old habits die hard I guess._

She reciprocated, and even said hello to Zabini, who only spoke when Nott elbowed him in the gut.

"Granger." He managed to grimace out at last.

Mila suspected she was growing on Zabini. The fact he was here at all was proof of that. But it was further evidenced when he spoke next.

"Well I'm here. Let's see what kind of booze you've got, Lovett."

The other three followed him to the table all exchanging looks of surprise.

* * *

Despite his better judgement, Draco found himself walking to the Room of Requirement. It was so late that he wasn't even sure the party was still going on. But when he swung the door open, it was in full throttle. However, only three sights instantly caught his eye.

The first was Seamus Finnegan and Blaise Zabini drunkenly singing a rendition of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' together. Which alone, was overwhelming enough. Obviously Mila's plan had worked, and he was only sorry he hadn't seen the whole thing in action.

The second, was that Mila Lovett looked absolutely miserable. A sight he was not used to seeing, and a sight he found he absolutely loathed.

The third was the most alarming; Hermione Granger barrelling toward him and pulling him back through the door he had just entered.

They could still hear the music from outside the hall, only because they were aware there was a party going on inside of it. If Argus Filch had walked by, he would have been none the wiser.

"Granger, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to take your hands off me."

"Quit it, Malfoy. What is going on between you and Mila?"

Malfoy tried not too looked anxious. "What are you talking about?"

Hermione sighed in frustration. "Something happened didn't it. She's only asked Nott where you've been about fifteen times."

That sentence would probably have pleased him a lot more had he not felt so guilty about that afternoon. He'd asked Mila an inappropriate question at an inappropriate time, and left her alone when she responded exactly the way she should have. He really was an arse.

Hermione's face seemed to soften as she caught the conflicting emotions on Malfoy's face. "Look, did she say anything about class?"

Malfoy found it hard to learn things about Mila, she didn't give her feelings out very freely. Not the important ones at least. But he realised that Hermione Granger knew Mila Lovett more than just about anyone.

"Not much… you know what she's like." And Hermione did.

"I don't know how to help her," Hermione admitted, surprising Malfoy. "The only one who can is-"

"Potter," Malfoy finished. She needed bloody Potter, and he wasn't speaking to her.

"I think I should go get him," Hermione said. Harry would come if he knew Mila truly needed him. He'd seen her bogart, just like everybody else. It was shocking he hadn't tried to help her already.

"Let me," Malfoy said, and Hermione's eyes widened at him. She seemed to think for a second, then nodded unsurely, telling him the password to their common room.

As Malfoy went to walk away, Hermione spoke. "Mila's right about you, Draco. You are a good person."

He only hoped Mila still thought so.

* * *

The last place Draco thought he might end up tonight was the Gryffindor common room. Getting in was easy enough, thanks to Hermione. But it took him a good long while to take the leap in guessing which dormitory was for the girls, and which was for the boys. He really didn't want to get that mixed up, less he walk in on some unsuspecting Gryffindor girls.

He got it right, he could tell when he started smelling dirty socks. Most of the younger Gryffindors, who weren't exactly old enough for the sixth and seventh year parties, would most likely be asleep. Draco made a bold move when he went to the only boys room with the light still on. Harry Potter was probably not getting a lot of sleep tonight.

He opened the door and found Harry laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. No. Not the ceiling. He'd cast a spell on a ball, and was watching it continuously thud on the roof. The room was a mess, it looked like no one had cleaned it for weeks. Draco couldn't stand it.

"Having fun, Potter?"

Harry jolted up in an instant. "What are you doing in here, Malfoy?" The ball fell to the ground with a thud.

"Well, I was going to invite you to the party, but it looks like you already have plans."

Harrys' eyes narrowed. "I don't know how you got in here, and I don't really care. But you'd better leave before I-"

"Before you what? Entertain me to death?" Draco hadn't come here to mock, but sometimes Potter just made it too easy.

As soon as Draco saw Potter reach for his wand, he snapped out of it. "I think you know why I'm here."

Harry froze.

Draco sat down on what he suspected was Ronald Weasley's bed. He guessed it from the drool marks that covered the pillow. Harry watched him carefully, eyeing him with a mix of suspicion and interest.

"She needs you, Potter."

Harry's mouth went dry. His hand also clenched, but Draco pretended not to notice.

"Aren't you enough for her?" he said defensively. But Draco didn't give in.

"Look, what happened happened. She can't take it back. And you shouldn't expect her to. That's the type of thing friends are supposed to forgive. You are, quite frankly, being selfish. It's not fair to be upset with her for something that she can't give you."

Harry looked down, and Draco continued.

"Today was hard. She- I've never seen her like that. But what I have seen is you two lift each other up countless times, even after one of you looks like your entire world has ended. I can't help her the way you can," he admitted.

Harry met his eye. "She doesn't need me. She never has."

"You're wrong," Draco said. "That bogart hit her so hard because… you left her."

Harry opened his mouth to protest, but Draco intervened. "I know. I know it felt like she pushed you away. But she'd spent her life feeling abandoned, and when she needed you most, you gave up. The whole time we were looking for her family, I knew what I was to her. I was the guy she could look at and think 'it could be worse'. I couldn't leave her for what she was, because I was worse than what she was."

Harry shook his head. "I don't think that's true."

"Maybe so, but I knew she couldn't tell you, because she didn't want to lose the family she worked so hard to get. And then she did. Because you're it, Potter."

It looked like he had a hard time saying it, but he hoped Harry could see he was being sincere.

"Why are you saying all this?" Harry didn't understand why Malfoy of all people, was the one pushing him to mend the bridge.

Something in Malfoy's face softened, and Harry had never seen the silver-haired boy look so at ease.

"Because she deserves to feel wanted."

Malfoy had changed, as much as Harry hadn't wanted to admit it. He could even see why Mila had chosen him. He'd watch Malfoy jump in front of her bogart, the same way he would have if another five seconds had passed. The undeniable truth was right in front of him. Draco Malfoy loved Mila Lovett. It was written all over his face, the same way Harry knew it was written on his own.

A quiet understanding seemed to ripple through the both of them.

Harry plucked his glasses of his face, and cleaned them with his shirt. "I guess we should go to the party."


	18. The Fresh Start

you know what, here's another one because of my gratefulness to all the nice people

that's TWO in ONE day, talk about personal growth

read notes at the end

* * *

The walk back to the Room of Requirement was a lot less stressful with Harry's invisibility cloak. It was also a lot more stressful. Harry and Malfoy sharing each other's personal space was quite literally a nightmare, and they avoided touching each other at all costs. Even after their heart to heart.

Hermione was still outside waiting for them. When they revealed themselves she gave a sigh of relief.

"I don't know how you managed it, Malfoy, but I'm really glad you did."

Malfoy didn't know what to make of Hermione Granger smiling at him, but he tried his own smile back. After she blinked alertedly, he realised it probably needed a little work.

"Hey, Hermione," Harry quietly greeted. She gave him a quick hug, and whispered something that Draco didn't quite catch.

"So I guess we should go in?" Hermione suggested.

"You two go ahead," Draco said, "I'll wait here a while."

Hermione gave an understanding nod, and looped Harry's arm through her own to enter the party.

Draco didn't want to raise alarm at the sight of Harry and him walking into a party together. The best thing was for Harry to quietly arrive and look for Mila. He didn't want to get in the way.

If it was what Mila needed, he would never get in the way again.

* * *

Mila was stone cold sober. She hadn't touched a single drink. Her stomach couldn't take it. But when she saw Harry walk through that door she didn't think she could pass a single sobriety test. She was obviously imagining it.

Harry seemed to scan the room before spotting her and whispered something to Hermione. Mila held her breath as he left Hermione, and began making his way toward her.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey."

She couldn't quite read his face, and had no idea what his intentions were.

"Can we talk?"

She nodded so eagerly she thought her head was going to fly off her neck. He gently took her arm and they walked to a door that seemed to appear just for the two of them. They passed Seamus and Zabini on the way, who were singing yet another duet. 'Don't You Want Me Baby' was apparently their next song of choice.

Harry blinked. "Is that really happening right now?"

Mila was surprised she even managed a laugh. "Yeah. I guess the plan is working."

A slow grin made its way onto Harry's face, and Mila's heart tightened at the sight of it. That was something she hadn't seen in a while.

They reached the door and when they walked through it, it was revealed to be a small room. It was completely silent, no noise from the party was apparent, and there was a huge window which Harry sat beside. Mila minded him carefully, before following suit.

"I'm sorry," Harry said.

Mila couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You're sorry? I was the one-"

He raised a hand to quieten her. "Just listen. I should have been there for you. When you found out who your parents were. If that had happened to me… I know you would have been there. And I'm sorry I wasn't."

"Harry…"

"And for today. I know you don't like to talk about your childhood, but I never realised how bad it was. I hate that being deserted is your worst fear and I hate that I added to it."

Mila tasted salt, and she knew her tears had already spilled. "Harry, I- I never wanted you to be sorry for any of that. I just wanted you."

"No. I should be. Every year you've been there for me. And this year it was my turn, and I failed you. Malfoy said-"

"Malfoy said?" she interrupted. What was he talking about?

Harry scratched his head sheepishly. "He's kind of the reason I'm here."

Malfoy had given Harry the final push he needed to make things right. He'd already been feeling guilty for not talking to her about her parents, he knew it must have been killing her this whole time. Even if she didn't show it.

Mila laughed silently. Draco Malfoy had done this for her? Just when she thought he couldn't surprise her anymore.

She decided to make the most of it. "Harry, I don't want things to go back to the way they were."

He looked alarmed, "What?"

"I want them to be better. I don't want to keep hurting you. I want you to be happy."

He seemed to understand and grasped her hand. "I will be. If you will too."

It felt like a huge weight had lifted. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Harry James Potter." And she meant it.

"I don't think that's true anymore. I think you finally have someone else fixing your messes," he joked.

She knew what he was alluding to. "You mean Draco?"

Harry nodded, and Mila searched his face for any signs of hurt. She didn't know what the two of them had spoken about, but this was the first time Harry had ever said anything like this about Mila and another boy.

"I get it now. What you see in him. In fact I think you're the one who brought it out."

"Harry I -"

"It's ok, Mila." And she believed him, even if it came out a bit pained.

She laid her head on his shoulder, and the pair of them sat there contently.

"He asked me to the ball," she whispered, testing the waters.

She felt Harry's chuckle ripple through his body. "I thought he might."

"Do you still want to go with me? Because I would love to."

He squeezed her hand. "I think, maybe, it's time for a change."

She tried protesting, but he continued. "Not forever. And not our friendship. But Malfoy… I think you should go with him. Your plan with the Slytherins is starting to work. The school already feels happier, and I think… I think that it's what you want."

She really did want it. She hadn't properly realised before today. Draco had become someone she couldn't imagine not having in her life. Harry had always been that. But now, now it finally seemed like it was ok to have both.

She tilted her head so her eyes met his. "I'm sorry that I can't be more for you."

He gently shook his head. "I'm not."

No matter what the circumstances, Harry thought the separation had done them some good. He had realised it wasn't fair to depend all his happiness onto her, and she had realised there were a lot more people who cared about her than she thought.

Harry hugged the girl he loved, and for the first time, he felt like there was more room in his heart than less.

"Besides if we're both single when we turn 30…" he jokingly trailed off. And all was right in the world when Mila hit him in the stomach with the strength of a viking.

* * *

When Harry and Mila returned to the party it seemed that they hadn't left as subtly as they thought. Many had been staring intently at the door, wondering when the pair were going to come out. It was certainly much more quiet than when they had gone into the room.

Luckily, Seamus was still energised enough to get the ball rolling again. He seemed to gallop towards them

"AYYYY." He swung his arms around both of them. "We're all friends again!"

There was an echo of silence, but when both Mila and Harry began laughing the attendees joined them and the party was back in full swing.

Ron had obviously had a few while Hermione had disappeared, and he gladly went to pat Harry on the back.

"It's about time, mate! The feng shui has been all wrong."

Mila raised an eyebrow. "You seemed to have changed your tune."

Ron coughed. "Uh yeah. Sorry about that." His gaze drifted to Hermione, who was trying to stop Ginny from grabbing another drink. "I got reminded of what was important."

He turned back to Mila, to gage her reaction.

She smiled. "It's ok, Ron, I'm honestly just surprised you know what feng shui means."

He rolled his eyes. "I was almost going to say its good to have you back, Lovett."

"Save it for another time." She returned his grin.

Mila was hit with how much strain her broken friendships had put on her. She actually missed Ronald quite a lot. He didn't worry about pushing her with his jokes. She'd always loved that about him. He was smarter than he let on and had a hell of a mouth on him.

Seamus suddenly tightened his arms around Mila and Harry. "I'm just… SO glad, that things are ok between us."

Mila looked at him closely. "Seamus are you- are you crying?"

"No," he sobbed.

She gave Harry and Ron a panicked look.

Ron laughed. "Here I'll take him. You kids have fun." He figured they needed to relax more than anyone.

With Seamus off them, Mila thought now would be a good time to find Draco. She didn't exactly want to leave Harry, but she needed to speak to him. She glanced around the party, but he didn't seem to be there.

Nott tapped her on the shoulder, clutching onto a swaying Zabini. She wanted to ask him were Draco was, but he was pretty preoccupied.

"I don't know what you put in the punch, Lovett, but I'm afraid Blaise here is quite indisposed."

Mila shook her head in bafflement. "How did this happen?"

"I recall him saying something about alcohol being the only reason he was coming, but then your friend Seamus seemed to appeal to his sense of camaraderie and they ended up in a drinking contest."

"Seamus? You mean that sobbing mess over there." She pointed to where Ron was holding him.

The sides of Nott's mouth tilted up. "That would be the one yes." He seemed to realise that Harry was standing next to her, and regarded Mila's slightly puffy eyes. "Are you ok, Lovett?"

She was touched by how much he seemed to care, even if she'd only started forcing a friendship a short time ago.

She nodded. "I am." She nudged Harry. "I believe you two know each other."

Harry took the hint. "Hi, Nott."

"Potter." Nott acknowledged. He didn't seem that happy with Harry's presence, which confused Mila when he had been the most welcoming to her of all the Slytherins. Speaking of which…

She leaned into Zabini's face and lightly tapped him on the cheek. "How you doing, Bonnie?"

He murmured a few things incoherently before stirring and becoming quite alarmed. "Mila, help me. I'm falling."

She frowned in confusion. "You're not falling, Zabini. Nott's got you."

"Oh." His head drooped again and Mila figured that would be the last she would get from him. The serpent sure couldn't handle his alcohol. And by the looks of it neither could Seamus. Ron seemed to be consoling him as he cried into the ginger's neck about how much he loved all his 'nu frans'.

Mila looked to Nott. "Guess Zabini's out. The Slytherin numbers sure are dwindling."

"No they're not, Lovett."

"What?"

He huffed humorously. "Take a look around."

She looked at the guests. _Really_ looked at them. She had been too distracted to notice just exactly what was happening in front of her eyes. Crabbe and Goyle were arm wrestling with some Gryffindors. Pansy Parkinson seemed to be only semi-defensively accepting dress tips from Lavender Brown. There were a couple seventh year Slytherins littered around the party too.

"Nott.. is this real?"

He smiled, despite the great lump of dead weight he was carrying. "It appears so."

"How did this happen? I thought you were the only ones who were coming?"

His smile turned into a smirk. "It was Blaise."

"Zabini? Why?"

"He was having so much fun he sent word to Crabbe to round a few of us up."

Mila grabbed the almost unconscious Zabini's cheek. "Is this true, Zabini? Are you finally warming up to my ingenious plan?" He didn't so much as mutter a single word in reply.

Harry laughed. "I think it was the alcohol, Mila."

Nott interrupted him. "Actually, Potter, I know you haven't been around, but Mila's been trying really hard to make this happen. Zabini's been insisting she can't do it, but she's been making progress."

Mila frowned at his tone. "Nott…?"

"It's ok, Mila," Harry reassured her, "I'll go make sure Ron is alright. Have a good night, Nott." He nodded at the other boy and departed.

"Nott, I thought the you approved of the whole 'improved relations' thing I had going on."

"I do."

"Then whats with the 'tude?"

He huffed. "You made up with, Potter?"

"Yes."

"Are you with Potter?"

"No."

"No?" he asked unsurely.

"No."

He looked relieved, and Godric forbid if Mila knew why. Or maybe she did.

"I've been meaning to ask you. Do you know if Draco is coming tonight?" Her voice was quieter then her norm.

His relief seemed to turn into a grin. "Why?"

"Because I need to find him." She sure wasn't going to tell him why, lest she was just about to be horribly rejected.

"I guess you've changed your mind?" Well alrighhhht then. It seemed like he knew anyway.

She couldn't stop her own smile from creeping onto her face. "Just tell where he is you snake."

His eyes lifted to look past her. "Since he's not here, I guess he's probably wallowing in his room."

Her sudden nerves must have shown on her face, because Nott gave her a reassuring smile.

Mila had been chased before. Plenty of times. But it seemed that, for once, she was literally going to have to do the chasing herself. She smiled softly to herself. Draco was so unlike everyone else in many ways. _Might be fun._

She settled for a brisk pace as she steadily pushed her way through the mass of people dancing and laughing. More than she remembered inviting actually. But these things almost always got out of hand. Though so far none quite matched the after party she had thrown for the Yule Ball in fourth year. Now that was a party.

She finally got to the door and caught Harry's eye before she exited. She fumbled for a second, unsure if her actions would demand her to give anything up. But Harry gave her a small nod, and things suddenly seemed less dire than they had these horrible past few months.

She gave one last look around at the Slytherins, who probably only made up five percent of the party, and grinned. Even if it was only the alcohol that had everyone acting so friendly… it was hope that they all could co-exist.

She exited the party and surprisingly enough saw a head of silver hair turning around a corner further up the corridor. Much, much further up. She kicked off the small heels she had been wearing (Ginny) and began running as quietly as she could. The last thing she wanted ruining her 'chase for love' was the fact that it was so far past curfew that even the house elves were sleeping.

She broke into a jogging pace and tried to catch… wow. She really was chasing down Draco Malfoy. She would have found the whole thing absurdly amusing if there hadn't been the chance of an embarrassing rejection. From someone who usually didn't have to worry about that, she found this whole scenario pretty close to new bogart materiel.

She didn't know how he was walking so fast, but once she finally reached the corner he had turned, he was going around another. And another. And then she realised just where he was going. And her heart melted a little bit.

She slowed to a stop. Maybe it would be better if she just met him there. She waited a few minutes, and began her walk again. When she reached the statue, she quietly gave the password, and entered the tunnel.

There was something about seeing Draco Malfoy at nighttime that made you realise he was the embodiment of moonlight. His silver hair and pale skin were a stark contrast to the dim tunnel. He was iridescent.

He glowed with the cool tones of the moon. And Mila, she glowed with the warmth of the sun. It made sense why it had taken them so long. Because the sun and the moon never met. They never saw past their differences. But Mila could. And Draco already had.

He was on the floor with his back against the wall of the tunnel. They seemed to find themselves in that position a lot.

She walked over to join him and he became alerted to her presence. He watched her warily as she sat beside him. He told himself he wouldn't be the one to break the silence but he couldn't help it. Not when it came to her.

"Why aren't you at your party, Lovett?"

She noted the use of her last name. He was doing what she did when he was hurt and pretending not to be. He was distancing himself.

"What do you mean, Malfoy? Party's right here." She gestured to the empty tunnel somewhat jokingly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" she asked.

"You're smiling."

"Am I?" She hadn't realised.

Draco looked away from her frustratingly. That was something she was used to, but she found this time much more enjoyable.

She huffed playfully, knowing he wasn't amused in the slightest. It sort of made the thing a little less scary.

"I talked to Harry," she said.

She knew he had tensed, because she felt it.

"Oh? And what did Potter have to say?" His back was still to her.

"This and that."

She heard him grumble something under his breath. "So you made up?"

"Yeah."

He must have heard something in her voice, because he turned sharply to look at her.

"You sound happy."

"I am happy."

She hadn't come into this with the intention to stir him up and drag it out. She'd come in to make a heartfelt confession. But that wasn't Mila. And it wasn't Draco. They were teases and jibes, anger and wit. And she was having just a little too much fun.

"So you're happy," he said slowly, "With Potter."

"Well that… and I've got a date to the Yule Ball."

His face was incredulous. She knew what he must be thinking. He must be thinking that even oblivious Mila Lovett couldn't be so untactful. Even she wouldn't brag about having a date to the ball to a boy that had already asked her.

"Oh really?" He yelled in angry bafflement.

"Yeah." She kept her tone even. "If he'll still have me, that is."

The anger left, but the confusion stayed. "What?"

The nerves made themselves apparent then. Her stomach tightened. "Draco Malfoy, will you go to the ball with me?"

His forehead creased and his mouth opened slightly. He didn't seem to understand just what was happening.

He scoffed. "You're ridiculous, do you know that?"

"I know."

"You're unbelievable."

"I agree."

"You're not as funny as you think you are."

"Now that's up for debate."

"You-" He ran out of words to say.

"Draco, I know you talked to Harry."

His face settled. "Oh."

 _Time to get real._ "I'm not asking because of that. I'm not asking because you found the locket. Or because you helped me figure out who my family was. I'm asking because… I want to."

His face was impassive, weary of getting hurt. "You do?"

She hit him with a smirk that rivalled his own trademark. "Mm hm."

"Well, then no."

"No?" The smirk fell of her face in an instant. This was as awful as she'd pictured.

"I know you're not used to rejection, Lovett. But no usually means no." It was his turn to play. He could give it far better than he could take.

She needed this to be clear. "You're saying no?"

"Well I have to get you back somehow."

"Huh?"

"Tit for tat, Lovett."

"You think this is the way to get back at me?" she huffed.

"Yep. How else are you going to learn you're lesson? You need to realise a good thing when you have it?"

"Malfoy if you think I'm-"

"They say that third times a charm," he interrupted.

Of course he would make her do this. She rolled her eyes. "Malfoy, will you go the the ball with me?" she asked dryly.

"No."

She could have clawed the smirk off of his face. Forget heartfelt confessions, there was going to be a murder.

She stood up in a rush, otherwise she really was going to kill him. He was humiliating her. On purpose. As soon as she did though, he was up in a flash. He grabbed her arm before she could try leaving.

"Certain rules apply, Lovett. I believe it's the gentleman that is supposed to ask."

She felt embarrassed in a whole new way. Certainly one to be a little prideful, she met him with a steady gaze and raised eyebrow.

"Is that right?"

His smirk held set. "Of course it is. Hogwarts is very steeped in tradition."

"No matter how sexist that tradition may be. Go on then. Dazzle me." Her amusement was slowly creeping back.

He swallowed, and his eyes met hers. And then he ruined it all with a finger gun. "You, me? Ball?"

The sides of her mouth turned upwards. "That's it?"

He drew closer, smile sharp. "I figured we didn't need to waste anymore time."

"So you think this is a sure thing, huh?"

"Well, I am from one of the most prestigious wizarding families in the world. I'm a catch."

"Come to think of it, so am I. Rosier's are also very prestigious."

"I guess we are a good match after all."

He took another step closer but she stepped back playfully. When he raised an eyebrow in question, she laughed quietly and leant forward to kiss his cheek.

"We can probably waste a _little_ more time," she said, and walked backwards cheerfully before leaving the tunnel.

She was right. There was time. But it wasn't nearly as much as Mila thought.

* * *

as we all know, shit WILL hit the fan at the ball because shit always hits the fan at the ball, and isn't that why we are all here ladies and gentlemen

and here is a teaser for you, sirius will be at the ball ;)))) i know what i'm doing folks


	19. The Breakfast

here ya go

* * *

The morning after the party, nearly every sixth and seventh year groaned as they rose out of bed. Mila hadn't been drinking, but she was tired after staying up nearly the whole night, and that was enough to elicit a groan out of her.

She spent the weekend with Harry. They didn't do anything in particular, but it was exactly what both of them needed. They hung out in the common room, discussing what had happened to each of them in their time apart.

"How was Sirius? I didn't really get to see him."

Harry chuckled. "He wasn't happy about that. First thing he asked me every morning is if we made up and when you were coming over."

"Man, I'm glad I had Remus then. I didn't want a constant reminder."

"You were lucky," Harry agreed, "I didn't believe that veela lie for a second. As soon as Sirius got back from your house, he told me off for being such an idiot."

"Well, clearly you didn't listen," Mila teased.

He nodded half heartedly, but his mind was somewhere else. "He kept saying that it's important you had people you loved around you."

"Huh? Why?"

"He just said you would need it."

Mila's forehead creased. "You know Harry, I think you're godfather's going kooky in his old age."

"He's 38, Mila."

"Still."

"I'll tell him you said that," Harry said.

"You're such a tattle tale, Potter."

"Anyway, what did you and Lupin do?"

Mila thought back to her very uneventful holiday. "We finished painting his house. That was pretty fun."

"Wow, I didn't realise you had become such a nun without me."

"Shut up. It was nice. He had so many things that needed doing. We put shelves up, we scrubbed every square surface of the house. Oh my gosh, Harry! I forgot to tell you. I even have my own room. Not bad for an orphan, huh."

Even though she had spent her holidays there, she hadn't truly let herself enjoy her new home. With Harry problems, and 'family' problems, if you could really call them that, she felt guilty that she hadn't fully appreciated what Lupin had done for her. She made a mental note to go see him in his office later.

"How are you doing with that, by the way?" Harry asked.

She warmly noted her friend's concerned face. She didn't ever think she would have missed Harry's overprotectiveness so much. But it was nice to have him back. And she needed to talk about it.

"I'm not, to be honest. So I'm a Rosier, ok. But what do I do with that information? What _can_ I do? There isn't anything to be done."

"You could try find out which one? That would be something."

She found herself shaking her head. "It wouldn't change anything. Draco said they're all dead anyway."

"It could change something. Maybe they- your parents, aren't as bad as you think. I mean, isn't that what your whole Slytherin agenda is about? That they're not all horrible."

A small laugh escaped her. "Nicely put. I'll think about it."

"Trust me, if Ron can be a semi-pleasant pureblood, then so can you."

"You really do have a way with words," she said.

"Well I _am_ the Boy Who Lived," he deadpanned.

"And you never let me forget it."

* * *

Mila's talk with Harry had helped. It was stuff that had either been said to her before, or that she had thought herself, but there was something about it coming from someone who knew you so well that made a difference.

Harry had assignments to work on, and really, so did Mila, but she left him to it and went to find Lupin. There was probably a low chance that he would be in his office on a Saturday, of all days, but Mila held steady with the youthful assumption that teachers were only ever in a class or in their office. Plus, it _was_ Remus Lupin.

His office was exactly where she found him.

He looked up from the piles of paper on his desk. "Mila. Are you alright?"

"Course. Can't a girl visit her best friend's godfather's best friend who is also her teacher, when she feels like it?"

"Well, when you put it that way." He gestured a hand to the chair opposite him.

She took a seat.

Lupin anxiously ran a hand through his hair, thinking Mila had come in for a whole different reason than to 'visit'.

"I'm sorry for putting you in that situation yesterday. I had no idea your bogart would be so…"

"Embarrassing?"

"I was going to say upsetting."

He was surprised when she smiled. "It actually worked out for the best," she said.

"How so?"

"Bridges were mended, dates were set, houses were momentarily united. The list could go on," she mused.

"So I suppose I should say, you're welcome?" Lupin asked.

"For that." Mila nodded. "And for the holidays. I forgot to thank you for those."

Lupin reflected on the two weeks they had spent together. "I should be thanking you. My house has never looked better."

"I suspected as much. But I mean for the talk. And the distraction. And for actually letting a clumsy oaf like me live in your house."

"I take it you're expecting an invitation for the next holidays."

"And many more after that," she laughed.

His face grew more serious. "And you and Harry?"

"We made up last night at the par-" She shut her mouth quickly.

The small amused smile that Mila had grown fond of made its way onto Lupin's face. "You forget who I went to school with, Mila. I know about the party."

Her smile became sheepish. "The invite got lost in the mail?" She shrugged innocently.

"I bet."

"But anyway. All is right in the world. The dream team is back together. Everyone can stop worrying."

He bent his head in acknowledgement. "And your date?"

"You sure don't let anything slide. I'm going to the ball."

Lupin's face grew thoughtful. "With Harry?"

Another confession was in order. "With Draco." She watched carefully to see his reaction.

"I see. And you're happy with this development?"

She hadn't thought about that actually. Leave it to Lupin to ask her the unexpected. "I'm not sure. But I think so."

If Mila had had to guess the look Lupin would give her after sharing this news, the last she would have picked was wistful. But alas.

He smiled wanly, as was usual for someone with his condition. "You deserve to have fun, Mila."

A little confused, but way more content than she had been in a while, she answered. "Thanks, Professor."

* * *

When Monday rolled around it was nice to be able to walk out into the Gryffindor common room without having to avoid someone. And even nicer when said person sat beside them on the couch in front of the unlit fire.

"You done the homework for McGonagall?" Harry asked, and it was like no time had passed at all.

She hadn't, of course, but she'd already come up with thirteen excuses, one of which McGonagall would have to buy.

While Mila had a light heart, and little to no worries, it was only at breakfast she realised she had a problem.

She'd been sitting with the Slytherins every breakfast since term started, and while that hadn't been an issue while she was on the outs with her friends, she found herself stuck at what to do once she entered the dining hall. Harry noticed and stopped beside her to ask her what was wrong.

"Its just uh, well my social experiment dictates that I eat breakfast with…"

"Slytherins," he finished, before taking a breath, "Well, why don't you go ask them if they want to sit with us?"

"Wait, really?"

He gave a strained smile, "Really."

"I doubt they're ready for such an honour."

This caused Harry to sigh. He hated it when she made 'famous' jokes.

"Just go ask them will you?"

She nodded. "I don't know how much sway you think I have over them. But I can almost guarantee you that this is not going to work."

She set off to the serpent table. When Draco saw her she was almost blown over by the grin he threw her way. And so was the rest of the school. The chattering grew louder, and if the 'Mila and Draco are dating rumour' wasn't already fully ignited, it certainly was now.

She didn't even think Draco had realised that he'd done it. When he heard the rest of the school grow louder, and when Nott had whispered something to him, he seemed to catch himself and sobered his face up. By the time she got to the table, she was treated to one of his, very toned down, ordinary smirks.

It wasn't him who caught her eye, however. Blaise Zabini was practically sleeping in his baked beans. iIs eyes had dark circles, and he was clutching his head.

"Looking good there, Blaise."

A very low voice laboured out of him. "Don't call me that."

"Nice to see you're back to normal, and don't worry, if you start falling, I'll catch you."

"I hate you."

Malfoy leaned back in his chair. "You're looking unusually perky, Lovett."

"Can't imagine why. I promised this ponce a date. Poor bloke's been pining after me. It would have been a uncharitable of me to say no."

"He's probably had better offers."

"You're quite right. He actually has one now." She paused. "Harry wants you guys to sit with us."

Zabini had been looking at the pair of them strangely, and rather than protest her latest invitation, he looked resigned. "This whole thing isn't going away, is it?"

"I'm afraid not, Blaise," she said.

He was the first out of his chair. "Come on then. Lets get this farce over with."

Nott, Draco and Mila all stood stunned for a moment, before scrambling to follow him.

"Is anyone else finding this unusual?" Mila whispered.

Nott was walking in front of her. "He's been quiet all weekend. I think the party gave him a few things to think about."

She was pleased with that.

"Are you sure I should be doing this, Lovett?" Malfoy asked nervously from behind her. That was definitely unusual too.

She tried to put aside her own nerves. "Harry was the one who invited you. It'll be fine."

By the time they got to the Gryffindor table the dining hall was buzzing. Just what was Mila Lovett doing, dragging three Slytherins to her table? Mila was asking herself the same thing. It was too soon. She'd been thinking something like this was more phase fifty-seven of a plan, not phase two. But Harry was the kind of person who inspired change. Now that he was helping, the possibilities were endless.

The four of them stood on one side of the table, while Ron, Harry and Hermione were already seated on the other. They had obviously made room.

Nott was the first one to sit down. Zabini had lost his nerve, and Mila and Malfoy were too stunned too function.

Malfoy gave Mila one last look, which basically was the physical embodiment of 'this is a bad idea'. But once he sat, she followed suit. She ended up between Malfoy and Nott, Zabini on Nott's other side.

"Hello," Hermione tried to say, though it was hard to hear her through the noise of the hall. Harry was beside her, putting on his most diplomatic smile.

"Hi," Nott said politely, a very Nott thing to do.

Zabini didn't answer. He seemed to be scoping out the table, though Mila had no idea why. Nobody was gearing up to attack him. Yet.

"So, Mila, how's Care of Magical Creatures? Is Hagrid ok?" Hermione asked. _Bless her._

"It's good." She nodded, "Hagrid misses you guys. We haven't visited in an while."

"We should try to fit that in before we have to start heavily studying for exams," Hermione said.

Exams. Mila had not done one ounce of preparation. Since it went towards their NEWTs, sixth and seventh years were supposed to push themselves as hard as possible. At least, that's what people kept telling her.

"Oh come on, Hermione, we haven't even got to the ball yet!" Ron said tactfully.

Harry looked down at his cereal.

"Ronald, the ball is one night. Exams can affect the rest of our lives," Hermione argued.

Mila couldn't help but state her own opinion. "Hermione, when we look back at school in twenty years, are we going to remember being cramped over a book? No. We're going to remember all the fun dances, the pranks, the parties… need I go on?"

Ron groaned. "And in another episode of the 'work vs. play' debate…"

"Mila, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You do not put enough hours of study in. I don't know how you get the grades you do, but you can't rely on natural talent forever."

Mila was about to apologise on Hermione's behalf for their new 'guests' but Malfoy had something to say first.

"I agree with Hermione."

She looked at him in disbelief. "You do?"

"Lovett, I've seen you use non-verbal spells half a dozen times, but I've never seen you _once_ open a textbook You're such a showboater."

Even Harry started nodding in agreement. "You are very dramatic," he said.

"Wow, I knew you guys would need to find common ground, but does it have to be all my flaws? Blaise, back me up."

He looked toward the group disinterestedly. "I don't care about you enough to have an opinion."

Harry, Ron and Hermione all seemed to be holding their breaths, but Malfoy and Nott cracked a smile, while Mila laughed. Her friends probably weren't use to the way Blaise showed 'affection'.

Breakfast was almost over, and though the conversation became fairly stilted at points, overall she was impressed with the effort her friends, on both ends, were putting in. Except Blaise. There really wasn't any from him.

He left, quite abruptly, before anyone else. Mila was the only person to have a suspicion why. The rest of the Gryffindors at the table had certainly not warmed up to their guests, despite the party last night. Seamus Finnegan, who was not intoxicated that morning, happened to slide away when the laughter in their conversation had gotten a little too strong. Mila was worried that the only friend Zabini had made at the party last night, and possibly ever, had just rejected the notion of talking to him.

To his credit, Malfoy quickly covered it with some excuse that Zabini was not a 'people person'. It was a little weird after that, but things turned around when Neville came and sat happily with them, and started discussing some Herbology experiment with Nott. It turned out the roots of Mila's plan were beginning to grow in all sorts of places.

When it was time for class, everybody in the group was a little relieved, but it was a start. Mila was ready to stand, but an owl delivering some late post flew past her and dropped a letter right in her lap. Harry gave her a questioning look and she shrugged, wondering who it was from.

She had never been used to receiving letters, particularly in her younger years at Hogwarts. After meeting Mrs Weasley, however, she found it didn't faze her much anymore. But Mrs Weasley wasn't the author this time.

 _Mila,_

 _Unlike you and Harry, who both seem to have forgotten I exist, I do my part in maintaining my friendships. It was Remus that had to inform me of your reconciliation, and though I hate to say I told you so… I told you so._

 _I knew Harry would come around. He kept quiet during the holidays, but I could tell he was feeling some sort of guilt. I told him it was ok for him to take time to figure things out, and from Remus' (and Hermione's) intel, I feel that maybe it was for the best. (Do you see how good I am at being a godfather? You do, right?)_

 _Anyway, I digress. Remus and Dumbledore have agreed to let me help 'supervise' your ball this Friday, so long as I heavily disguise myself. It will be a shame to disfigure my face when there are so many deserving ladies present, but it's a price I'm willing to pay._

 _Hopefully there will be time for a chat… we have a lot of catching up to do._

 _Tell Harry I miss his justifiably angsty presence._

 _Sirius_

So Sirius was coming to the ball. That would be fun. Mila wondered if Harry knew yet, but he might have had his own letter on the way. She was surprised Sirius hadn't said anything about Draco, though maybe Lupin had left out that part during their correspondence. Thank Godric for that.

The letter had put her in a good mood. When Transfiguration rolled around, she was in an even better one. It only took one attempt for her to successfully cast a bird-conjuring charm, and birds fluttered around the room mocking other students with their whistles. Of course her mood was somewhat ruined when McGonagall gave her a detention for making them fly to the kitchens to bring her a muffin.

"I just don't understand how you do it, Mila," Harry groaned.

She smirked. "It's a gift."

Both of them missed the look Ron and Hermione exchanged. To Ron, so many things made sense about Mila after Hermione's revelation to him. Little details he had missed were suddenly pieces in a puzzle that nobody had put to together over the years. Not unless you could already see the full picture.

He hadn't realised how difficult keeping this secret would be. Hermione was the only one he could talk to about it, and he'd come to see how much she had been suffering with it herself. He hadn't talked to any of the teachers, nor Sirius, and understood why it was only Hermione who had been entrusted with it. He felt like he could burst any minute. Mila was his friend, and though she seemed to think the worst of her trouble was over, she had no idea what people were hiding from her.

When Ron looked at McGonagall, who was studying Mila's birds from afar, he suspected she might be thinking the same thing.

* * *

That evening, Lupin had called yet another meeting with the Headmaster.

"Remus, please sit. I understand you have some concerns."

Lupin nodded his tired head, and sat down in the chair opposite Dumbledore's desk.

"Thanks for seeing me, Albus. It's about the ball."

"I had a feeling it might be." Dumbledore's glasses glinted from the light of his desk lamp.

Lupin drew a breath. "I feel unsure in our decision to let Sirius come. Not just for his safety, but because I'm afraid…"

Dumbledore was the type of man to lead a horse to water. "Afraid of?"

"Afraid he might say something."

"To Mila." It wasn't a question.

Dumbledore turned his head to the birdcage beside his desk. He looked at his phoenix thoughtfully, recalling the time it had saved young Harry and Mila's lives.

"Lupin, you have put her protection first all these years. This secret has been a burden, I suspect it has burdened you more-so than the rest. But it has been necessary."

"I know that." Lupin was curious what exactly Dumbledore was trying to say.

"She believes the story is done. She has discovered who her family is, which I admit surprised the lot of us. I thought that was a question that would never be answered. But it has, and she is content."

"This isn't about her being content, this is about Sirius being so reckless that he won't be able to help himself."

Dumbledore hummed. "Sirius knows that things have… returned to normal. If what you say is true and Mr Potter and Miss Lovett have forgiven one another, then I do not believe Sirius will jeopardise that. Despite how reckless you believe he is."

Lupin was not satisfied with that answer, and he didn't believe a man like Dumbledore would be.

"I want him there, I do. But we've worked so hard for this peace that you claim we're in. It's such a risk."

"I disagree, and I have already permitted Sirius to come. Try not to worry, Remus."

It sounded more like a dismissal than anything. Lupin slowly rose.

"I suppose I'll get going," he said, and Dumbledore nodded in acknowledgment, saying his goodbyes.

Before Lupin left his office, he turned back to look at the white-haired man. A rather intruding thought struck him. Dumbledore sat at his desk like a puppet master who thought he knew best for those whose strings he pulled.

Lupin exited without another word.

"You may come out now, Minerva," Dumbledore said, when he saw the werewolf had left.

A tabby cat jumped into the chair Lupin had occupied. McGonagall appeared with a rather sharp look on her face.

"Tread carefully, Albus. This is a girl's life we a talking about."

Dumbledore considered her. "I am all too aware."


	20. The Preparations

hey guys, i won't be able to post on friday because i will be out of town, but i hope you guys like this chapter!

* * *

The ball was only two days away when Mila began fretting in Care of Magical Creatures.

Hagrid had asked Mila to brush some of the threstrals since she was one of the few who could see them. He said he would give her extra credit, and Mila had begrudgingly agreed. Draco had offered to join her, and after some convincing that it _was_ possible to brush something you couldn't see, Hagrid had allowed it.

So there Draco was, watching Mila groom air, when he saw her face change while she was deep in thought.

He sighed. "What is it, Lovett?"

Her question threw him off-guard. "You don't get embarrassed easily, do you, Draco?"

"What are you on about?"

She paused her brushing and began petting the threstral's neck. "This may seem like a rather materialistic concern after everything we've been through. But-" she hesitated.

Though his face didn't show it, he watched her with fondness. "But?"

"Due to uh certain circumstances, I may be somewhat of an 'outfit repeater' at the ball."

"What exactly does that mean?" His arms were crossed casually, and he wondered what an earth this girl was talking about.

"Do you remember my Yule ball dress?"

He certainly did, but he wasn't going to tell her that. "Describe it to me."

"You know, blue. Lots of frills. Very…vintage." At the time she had loved it, but even after only two years, it had not aged well.

"I seem to recall it."

"Well get ready to recall it a hell of a lot more, because I'm wearing it again." She avoided his gaze and went back to studiously brushing the threstral.

"You just couldn't get enough of it the first time?" _Why would she wear it again?_ Draco thought, _I thought girls liked shopping for new dresses?_

She looked a little downtrodden. "Something like that."

 _Oh right, she's mentioned this before._ He came closer, careful not to bump into the invisible horse. "Mila, if it's about money, I can buy you a dress."

"Absolutely not." Her face was filled with warning. "If I so much as catch you sniffing fabric, I'll rescind my invitation."

"Technically I was the one who asked you," he pointed out.

"Than I'll get you to rescind your invitation."

"Not going to happen." He gave in. "Even if you are going to wear a dress from the middle ages."

"Remind me why I agreed to go with you?"

"Because you wanted a date with the hottest guy in school." Draco's smirk was in full swing.

She halted her brushing. "You mean the hottest guy in school wanted a date with me."

"So you admit it?"

"Oh I'm not talking about you. Zabini asked and I said yes."

Draco wasn't nearly half as amused as before. "Lovett, do you ever stop and think that you're kind of hard work?"

"Says you, you're a prima-donna if I ever met one. Besides, nobody ever died from working hard." She smiled sweetly.

Huffing, Draco picked up another brush and attempted to groom the threstral beside her. "Not yet, anyway."

* * *

On Friday night, many of the Gryffindor sixth and seventh years congregated in the common room to discuss the finalised plans of tomorrow's big event. Girls were discussing dresses, make up, right down to the order they would all do each other's hair and what times their dates were supposed to meet them.

Mila found herself in the thick of it. She sat with her friends on one of the couches, and listened to Ginny launch into their big plan.

"Mila, I'm thinking with your dress, we should have your hair up so that you at least look somewhat different from fourth year."

Mila stifled a laugh. Ginny was not one for tact. "Innovative. I like it," Mila replied.

Ginny gave her a curt nod and moved onto Hermione. "Hermione was that that spell you used for the Yule ball? Tell Mila and get her to charm it for you, she's the best at those spells."

Hermione was not happy. "I did it just fine on my own the first time."

Harry was sitting next to Mila and they both tried to keep straight faces. Ginny was being somewhat of a tyrant and they both found it endlessly amusing.

"Come on, Gin. Don't you think you're putting way too much thought into this?" Ron piped up.

"Ron, the sixth and seventh year ball is the biggest night of the year. You're lucky Dean came to his senses and asked me. Just think of how little you lot would have prepared without me."

"Hear, hear!" Mila encouraged. She hadn't felt this happy watching her friends argue in a long time.

Ginny continued. "Ok. Boys, we are going to need you standing by the girl's stairs at 6.45 sharp. It starts at 7 and we are not going to be late, we are taking full advantage of this night. When the lot of you start your NEWTs you are going to thank me for providing you with nice memories to get you through them."

Mila nodded to agree before Ginny targeted her. "That means you, Mila. You won't be able to throw any parties for the rest of the year, I expect you to keep this ship running. If you try and prank the girls by hiding their dresses like you did last year, I'll be holding you personally responsible."

"I gave them back," Mila insisted. She'd only done it because the girls in her dorm were insisting to stay up the whole night before the Yule ball to critique and re-design each dress. Mila had just wanted her beauty sleep.

"Oh and Mila if you spike the punch again… actually that was fun you should do that."

Mila cracked her knuckles. "The plan is already in motion."

Ron gave her a high five.

They were planning for another twenty minutes before Dean and Seamus joined them.

"Nice of you to finally show up," Ginny said, with a bitterness that the others hadn't seen from her before.

Dean just answered tiredly. "It's been planned out for ages, Ginny. I don't see the point of rehashing it again."

Mila and Harry widened their eyes at each other before Mila tried to dispel the tension. "Ginny, you said you could change my dress a bit. What were you thinking?"

Ginny caught on, but gladly answered her question. "I just think we might be able to modernise it a bit. I'm thinking less frills, more thrills. And at least Harry already has matching tie."

Mila coughed. She'd only told Hermione, Ron and Harry about her plans to go with the Slytherin. She'd totally forgotten that Ginny should've been on the list of 'need to know'.

It was going to be fairly awkward to bring up while she was surrounded by Gryffindors. But there was not time like the present.

"Actually-" she began.

"Mila and I aren't going together," Harry said.

"What? Why not?" Ginny directed the question at Harry. Mila was pretty grateful to him.

Harry stumbled for an explanation. Hermione and Ron both looked like they wanted to jump in, and Seamus and Dean were just mightily confused.

Mila just came out with it. "I'm going with Draco."

Dean's eyes grew wide, Seamus coughed up some pumpkin juice he'd been drinking, and Neville, who had just joined them, looked mildly like someone who had just seen a three-headed dog for the first time.

Ginny, on the other hand, had seen it coming from a mile away. She hardly blinked. "So, does _he_ have a matching tie?"

Mila had a great deal of affection for the fellow redhead in that moment. "I don't know. I think he's going black tie."

Ginny nodded, and scribbled in a notepad she had been writing in.

"So Harry, are you going by yourself?" Neville asked. "Some of Luna's friends don't have dates if you want me to ask."

Mila was torn between smacking Neville, and thanking him for the offer.

Harry took it on the chin. "No, I'm happy to go alone. It'll be nice to hang out with all of you."

Seamus groaned. "Great, the Boy Who Lived is going to be dancing with our dates all night. We won't stand a chance."

"You're probably right, Seamus. Harry is quite the lady killer," Mila smiled. Harry met her eye and chuckled.

"It might be nice to go alone," Dean mumbled.

Unfortunately, Ginny heard him. "What do you mean by that, Thomas?"

Mila and the rest of the group held their breath.

"Nothing."

"No, by all means, spit it out," Ginny insisted.

Rather than calm her down, Dean yelled back. "It's not like you care, Ginny. You're only using me for the invitation."

"Oh dear god," Mila whispered to Harry.

"Excuse me?" Ginny replied.

Dean was having none of it. "Let's go talk about this somewhere else." He stalked out the common room and Ginny was left to follow him with a huge scowl on her face.

The group all turned to Seamus.

"Don't look at me. I don' know what's goin' on."

"I feel like this has been coming for a while," Hermione said.

They all sat there and waited, unsure what to do. They all looked a little lost. Should they keep planning? Should they wait for the outcome of the fight that they were no longer witnessing?

"Ok, I know it's not funny," Mila said, looking around at their hopeless faces, "But Ginny was right, we really are unprepared without her."

There were a few chuckles from the group. Ron was the only one who didn't seem to be bothered. Mila supposed he wouldn't mind that his sister might on longer be going to the ball with one of his friends.

Mila, herself, hadn't realised Dean and Ginny had been arguing lately. Hermione gave her a short explanation about what had been going on with them. She said Ginny was getting fed up with his clinginess. Mila felt somewhat bad for Dean, it rang a little too true to her own previous situation with Harry, but she understood what Ginny was feeling.

Just when Mila thought they might have to reconvene the 'meeting', Ginny stepped back through the entrance. Alone.

"Hey, Gin," Hermione said timidly.

Ginny sat straight back on the floor where she had been and picked up her notebook.

Mila couldn't help herself. "What's the verdict?" Harry elbowed her in the gut.

Ginny sniffed, more out of anger than sadness. "Looks like I'm not going. I'll still help you girls get ready though, you two are hopeless."

Seamus muttered something about finding Dean and left, understandably.

"Ginny, I'm sure there's a way to sneak you in. It's a necessity that you come," Mila said. "Right, Ron?"

Ron's head lifted. "Sure. Yeah, of course. We'll get you in."

"Why doesn't Harry take you?" Neville suggested. Mila froze.

Ginny glanced at Mila and started to decline. "He doesn't have to-"

"I'll take you," Harry interrupted. "It's a good idea. That way we don't have to worry."

"Only if you're sure," Ginny said, thought Mila could hear the relief and excitement creep into her voice.

"Course I am." Harry turned to Mila. "Right, Mila?"

"Right," she said uneasily.

Hermione was looking at her very carefully. Mila avoided her gaze.

"While I'd like to thank Harry for the offer. I'm going to half to decline on behalf of my sister," Ron said, only half joking.

"Shut up, Ron. Harry is being very generous. Now, come on everyone, we need to talk about how we're going to walk in," Ginny beamed.

* * *

It was another two hours before Ginny let them all go to bed. Hermione, Mila and Ginny made their way up to the girl's dormitory. Ginny planned on sleeping in their room for the big day.

"Mila, we can have a go at your dress now if you like?" Ginny asked as they climbed the stairs.

"Sure." She wasn't really in the mood, but maybe updating her dress so it didn't look like a greek tragedy would put her in a better one.

Ginny stopped her on the stairs. "Are you ok with Harry taking me to the ball?"

Mila frowned. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Hermione took one glance between the two of them and made an excuse to go to the bedroom by herself.

While Mila saw this as an act of betrayal, Ginny was glad she and Mila could talk.

"He is just doing me a favour. But you're going with Malfoy, so you don't mind right?" Ginny asked.

Mila thought about her answer. Obviously she wasn't fine. Something about it was bothering her. She tried to think rationally about what it could be.

It wasn't that she hadn't expected Harry to go with someone else. She'd actually been surprised he hadn't asked anyone. If it had been some random girl, she supposed she wouldn't have felt so odd.

Ginny was someone they both knew and loved. Ginny had liked Harry since she was 10 years old. Ginny was the kind of girl Mila could picture Harry with, and it wasn't just because Ginny reminded her of herself. Mila knew she was being selfish, but she couldn't help feeling a little put out.

She also knew she was overreacting.

"It's all good, Ginny. I'm just glad we can all go together."

Ginny agreed. "Plus, you're literally going with the hottest guy in school. I know we were supposed to hate him, but Malfoy has always been a total dream boat. Don't tell Ron I said that."

Mila wouldn't. She also wouldn't tell Draco. His head would grow so large he would never recover.

Mila laughed as Ginny bounded up the stairs. When they entered their room, Hermione was staring at something on Mila's bed.

Both Ginny and Mila halted. "What's wrong, Hermione?" Mila asked.

"Nothing's wrong," Hermione said, "I think someone got you a present?"

"What?" Mila walked over to her bed and saw the large box that was placed on top of it. She ran her hands over it. It was just about the most expensive looking box she had ever seen.

"Oh my Godric, Mila. Open it!" Ginny said excitedly.

Mila carefully lifted the lid off, and peeled back some tissue paper. The first thing she saw was red silk. _He didn't…_

She pulled out the garment slowly. It was just about the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. It was burgundy silk. It had a low v-neck and thin straps that strung over her shoulder blades, then across the front around her middle, before tying at her lower back. Apart from that it was complexity backless. The silk was loose once it passed her stomach, but it didn't flare out too much. It looked like it would just drape over her skin.

Ginny and Hermione's mouths were wide open. Mila didn't have any words either.

She checked back in the box for some sort of note, and there was a little piece of paper.

 _I thought you might like this,_

 _-A friend._

"Hey, Mila?"

Mila turned to Ginny, the dress still on full display as she lifted it up. "Yeah?" Her voice was breathless.

"I don't think we'll be needing your old dress anymore."

Mila clutched the silk in her hands. It was like touching a really expensive cloud. If Mila had to die in a dress, she would have chosen this one. It was daring, and fiery, and a little sexy. It was Mila in a dress. She was in love. And also wondering if she could get away with wearing it at a school ball.

"Ginny, I think you may be right."

* * *

Ginny had them up early the next morning. The first thing the girls planned to do, after shaving their legs of course, was work on Hermione's hair.

Mila was tired because Ginny had been kicking her in her sleep while they had shared her bed. Hermione was insulted that Ginny thought her hair would take so long, but she also knew it was true. Ginny instructed Mila to perform the charm.

She grabbed her wand and slapped herself to wake up. This was one thing she did NOT want to mess up. Hermione would probably end her life in brutal murder.

Lavender, and the Patil twins watched eagerly, and Mila was happy to show off to her audience. To everyone's great relief the charm worked, and Hermione's hair smoothed down like she'd poured a whole bottle of Sleekeazy's over it.

The other girls asked her to charm their hair and she happily obliged. It didn't take nearly as much energy as Hermione's, the charms were cast a lot easier. Ginny had already set to work twisting Hermione's hair into an elegant knot.

As the group got ready they all talked about their dates. Lavender and the twins had been made aware of Mila's unusual choice. Mila was curling her hair while they all asked her questions. It was a bit laborious on her part, but she understood the curiosity.

"What's he like? Like, really like? Does he write you poems? I bet he's a hopeless romantic."

Mila laughed. "No, Lavender. He doesn't write me poems." _He only sends me really expensive dresses._

"God, he's dreamy. I mean, I know he's a Slytherin, but those cheekbones were crafted by Merlin himself," Ginny said from the other side of the room.

Mila wasn't giving them an inch. "They're ok, I guess."

"Just ok? Mila are you kidding me? He could come straight out of a catalogue," Parvati sighed.

It was a wonder she'd never heard Gryffindor girls talk this way about Malfoy before, but perhaps going to the ball with him was further encouraging them to treat the Slytherin's like any other pupil, and that meant talking about how hot they were.

Mila shook her head, being careful not to burn herself on her curling iron. "What about you, Hermione? You have any opinions of 'dreamy' Malfoy."

Hermione was in the midst of letting Ginny attack her eyebrows with tweezers. "I'll spare you, Mila."

"Thank Godric," she answered. "What about dear Ronald? Any opinions there?"

"I'd prefer not to say."

"Oh my god, Mila. She's gone red!" Ginny laughed.

"Perfect. That'll go great with her dress."

* * *

A couple hours later there was still some work to be done. Mila did Ginny's hair in a tricky braid, and Ginny began doing Mila's makeup.

"Are you nervous?" Ginny asked.

"Nervous? Why?"

"For your big reveal in front of Malfoy. That dress is going to look amazing on you."

"I'm more concerned about having to hex him for buying it for me," Mila joked.

"So you think it _was_ him?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know who else it could have been."

Hermione was one of the first to be ready. She sat besides the other two, with her hair and make up complete, but Ginny had insisted they all put their dresses on at the same time, so she was still in normal clothes.

Lavender and the twins were doing their makeup in the bathroom, so the three of them were alone.

"Mila?" Hermione said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're going with Draco. I mean, I know it was a surprise for everyone, but I believe he really cares about you. I know he wants you to be happy."

"Geez Hermione, it's not like we're getting married or anything," Mila said. Truth was, she had never been the most comfortable discussing her feelings. Even with Harry.

Hermione just rolled her eyes. "I know. But I have a feeling this is going to be a good night."

Ginny laughed. "We've all got great dates and even greater outfits. I'd say those are the ingredients for one."

When Ginny had finished Mila's makeup, and her own, and the other girls were ready, it was time to put on their dresses. They hadn't seen any of the boys all day, Ginny had treated this a lot like a wedding.

They were supposed to meet them in the common room, Harry was going to let Draco in.

Mila supposed that, maybe, she was a bit nervous. This was one hell of a first date.

She helped Hermione into her dress. Hermione had insisted she didn't care about looking 'perfect', but when Mila was putting it on she was very adamant about the dress not touching her hair and make up. The final result was beautiful. Hermione looked so elegant.

"Definitely Minister of Magic material," Mila complimented. Hermione beamed at the comment.

Mila's own dress was pretty simple to put on, all Hermione needed to do was tie the back. Mila took a breath before looking in the mirror.

"Wow," she mumbled. The dress fit perfectly. Ginny had paired it with gold heels and a burgundy and gold eyeshadow. She looked like she was made from fire. The dress added a warmth to her skin and hair that no other colour could have. Her hair fell in long waves. Ginny had changed her mind about the up do, insisting due to the dress change. Mila had never been so happy she wasn't wearing that old blue dress.

What she hadn't realised when she lifted the dress up, was that there was a slit for one of her legs. It looked gorgeous with the silky design, but Mila was a little worried that McGonagall would take one look at her and send her packing, which would be a shame because Mila had never felt more beautiful.

A daring girl in a daring dress.

Mila turned to her friends excitedly, and Ginny clapped in delight.

"Malfoy has _extremely_ good taste to put you in that. You look sexy."

Mila would have rolled her eyes, but a laugh escaped her instead. "Hopefully it's Hogwarts ball approved."

"Mila you have never been Hogwarts approved," Hermione said.

The other girls in the dorm all fluttered around and showered each other in compliments. It was a great boost to the self-esteem.

"So I suppose it's game time," Mila said.

"Don't, I'm nervous," Lavender clutched her stomach.

Mila squeezed her arm. "You'll be fine, Lavender. If it gets really bad, just take a swig of the punch."

Lavender knew immediately what she was talking about. "Again, Mila? Really?"

"Thank me later," Mila smirked.

"Mila lets go, if we're late I think Ginny's going to spontaneously combust," Hermione said.

She nodded. "Gather round ladies, let's begin our descent."

They began walking down the stairs to the common room. Mila stopped in her tracks.

"You guys go ahead. I need to grab something."

The other girls nodded and Mila ran back to her room. She opened her bedside draw and pulled out the locket that had been the source of all her troubles that year. What used to look like a bad omen, now looked liked like a small and dainty necklace.

A gold necklace. That fit perfectly with what she was wearing. The necklace was troublesome and beautiful, and that was Mila in a nutshell. She put it around her neck, and gave one last look in the vanity mirror.

She was ready.

* * *

so the ball is here, oh my, i'm nervous


	21. The Ball

read for notes at the end!

* * *

She could hear talking at the bottom of the stairs, the girls and boys were all speaking animatedly. Mila drew an excited breath, and started descending the stairs.

The first person whose eye she caught was Harry's. He'd been grinning at something Ginny said, and when he'd noticed Mila he looked like he'd been punched in the gut. The wind was knocked out of him.

He wasn't the only one. "Holy-" Seamus started to say, before Ron elbowed him to stop when he noticed Lavender's eyes narrow.

Mila gave Harry a warm smile, and searched the room to find the eyes of another boy. He was a little sidelined in the group, he'd probably been overwhelmed when they were all greeting each other.

His eyes didn't leave her as she made her way to him. Ginny gave her arm a squeeze as she walked pass to see Draco. Mila chucked a wink her way, and continued over to her date.

When she stopped in front of him, she spoke. "Hi."

He didn't say anything. He blinked at her a few times, and tried clearing his throat. Then he blinked again.

She took in his appearance. It was what any upstanding young wizard from a rich family would be wearing. Black wizard robes, white dress shirt, black tie. It made the cool tones in his skin stand out, the opposite to the warm tones in Mila.

Hermione, herself, was studying the pair of them. They were quite a sight, standing next to each other. Everything about them contradicted the other, but they were stunning, and they looked at each other in a way Hermione had never seen Mila or Draco look at anyone else.

Hermione also thought that Mila and Draco should have a moment on their own. Mila hadn't thanked him for the dress, and Draco didn't look like he could walk anytime soon.

"Let's head down guys, we'll let Mila catch Draco up on the plan."

She rounded the others up to leave, and Mila said a quick goodbye to everyone. She mouthed a thank you to Hermione.

Mila laughed and waved as they left, and when it was just her and Draco, she turned her attention back to him.

"Mr Malfoy, I must say, you look almost handsome in those robes."

He swallowed. "Lovett, you look…"

"Better than I would have in those blue rags. I suppose I should thank you for that."

"For what?" He was lost in a moment of confusion.

Was he playing a joke? Or had someone else bought her this dress. If it wasn't Draco then… Harry. It must have been Harry.

"Nothing," she smiled. "Now come on, do you wanna get to this thing or not?"

"Wait, Mila." His faze grew anxious. "I know you said not to buy you anything. Ever. And I heard you loud and clear, but-"

He pulled a box out of the interior of his robes. "Here."

She gave him one of those dazzling smiles that would have taken his breath away if he'd actually gotten it back yet. She took the box from him.

"I suppose I could make an exception."

She opened the box and inside was a gold bracelet. It wasn't too much, simple and dainty.

"Draco, you didn't have to-"

"No, I wanted you to realise that not every piece of jewellery is life changing," he joked. Then he gestured to the locket around her neck, "But I guess you already figured it out."

She gave him a knowing grin, and held out the box to him. "Well, put it on me then."

If she thought he looked happy already, he practically glowed at her request. Imagine being the girl who could make Malfoy feel that way. It would take some getting used to.

"You're a pretty good date, Malfoy."

He face was one of concentration as he clasped the bracelet around her wrist. He then wrapped her arm through his.

In a rare moment of vulnerability, he just felt like being honest. "Well, I've been thinking about this for a long time."

She stared into his face, her astonishment at how much Draco had changed was immense. She spoke wistfully, shaking her head in thought. "It just seems like so long ago that I set your desk on fire."

Draco huffed. "You always know how to ruin a moment, Lovett."

She laughed. "Let's go, Casanova."

* * *

Draco walked arm in arm with her the whole way to the hall. There were a few odd looks from passersby, but it did not prepare either of them for the bewilderment of the ball patrons when they entered.

Mila knew instantly that they were the topic of conversation as they walked in. She was fairly used to it. Draco was not.

She placed her other hand on their entwined arms. "Let's go find the others."

The grand hall was unrecognisable. There were hundreds, maybe thousands, of floating lights, a chandelier, tables of food on the outskirts, and a live band that Mila did not have much knowledge of. She was pretty sure she'd heard Lupin mention them one time, he used to listen to them when he was at school.

Draco spotted Harry, and led Mila to the group. The stares and whispers were a bit much for him, but he suspected half of them were about the way Mila looked that night. He had never felt prouder about a girl on his arm. She was easily the most beautiful thing in sight.

He glanced at her face as she ignored the stares. She'd always been the bravest person he'd ever known.

When they found her friends, Mila said hello Neville and Luna who had joined them.

"Luna, you look lovely!" she said, as she hugged the blonde. Her dress was pink and rather… extravagant. Neville looked very much like a man in love.

"Hi, Mila," Luna said, "And hello, Draco. Neville told me you were going together. I must say I find it rather strange, but gemini's and leo's are very compatible. Your relationship must be very playful."

Draco just about choked, but Mila was laughing. "Thanks, Luna."

Ron and Hermione were already on the dance floor, the last people she would have expected to start the night off. But they looked very cute as Ron swung her around the ball room.

Mila turned to Harry. "I'm surprised Ginny hasn't dragged you to dance already."

Ginny laughed. "Believe me, I'm trying."

"You're not that bad, Harry. You only stepped on my toes twice at the Yule ball," Mila encouraged.

"I don't want to put anyone else in the infirmary," Harry said. "And I didn't mind doing it to you, because you put a frog in my robes when I was trying them on."

It was Mila's turn to laugh. Draco decided it was time to dance with Mila, not just because Potter was having too much fun with _his_ date.

"Come on, Lovett. Let's show them how it's done," Draco said. He twirled her over to the dance floor, and gave Potter a nod, gesturing towards Ginny and suggesting that he should do the same.

Harry turned his attention to Ginny and asked her to dance.

Mila hadn't slow danced since the Yule ball. She figured she was going to be a bit rusty, but she was pleasantly surprised when Draco began leading around the ballroom with ease.

"I'm sorry, have I missed something? Have you been practicing in your room?"

Draco met her eyes. "Lessons. If you were a proper pureblood, you would have had to take them too."

She tried to fight her amusement from showing on her face. "Do purebloods also learn how to insult their dates?"

"Mm hm, especially ones we shouldn't be consorting with." He gestured to the stares that followed their every move.

"I wonder what dear Lucius would think if he saw us," Mila wondered aloud.

She felt Draco tuck her in closer. "I don't think I would care."

When she answered with a joke, she thought he would spontaneously combust.

"You know, you could get very lucky tonight, Draco Malfoy."

* * *

Mila danced with Draco some more, until she spotted a little glint in the corner of her eye. She made an excuse, and followed the signal behind a pillar. Dobby was waiting for her there.

"Dobby has what you asked for, Miss Mila."

"You're an angel, Dobby. Did McGonagall see you?"

The small elf shook his head. "Dobby did as Miss Mila instructed. Nobody has seen Dobby come in."

Mila took the item Dobby had brought her, and thanked him how she always did. She reached behind his ear, and pulled out a chocolate. She handed it to him.

Dobby squealed in delight. "One day Dobby will figure out how Miss does that."

Mila thanked him again, and he disapparated with a pop. She walked with confidence, and double-checked no-one was near the punchbowl as she poured the contents of a flask inside. McGonagall had charmed the ballroom so that only teachers could accio objects. That's how Mila had spiked the punch in fourth year, and McGonagall had cast the charm as precaution.

She dropped the flask, and kicked it under the table. The table cover went to the floor, so it would be concealed until the end of the night. The mission was a success.

Ron had spotted her, and made his way over.

"Godric, I'm parched. Hand us a cup, Mila."

Ron missed the smirk she had on her face. He poured some punch in his cup and took a sip.

He almost spat it out, but forced himself to swallow. He looked at Mila with accusation. "Geez Mila, it's stronger than last time. How did you even manage it?"

His face transformed into a grin, before he took another sip. "Good job though."

She curtsied in thanks, and took the ginger's hand. "Let's dance, Ronald."

She saw Malfoy talking to his friends, and knew he wouldn't mind. Ron wasn't too happy at her request, but she managed to make him laugh by the end of the song. That night. wherever she went laughter followed.

She shoved Ron back into Hermione's arms, before leaving the dance floor to find her date. Nott, Zabini and Pansy were with him.

"How are you all on this blessed night?" Mila greeted, and swung her arm around a smiling Draco.

Nott took the pair of them in. "You two are putting on quite a show for the congregation. I even saw some seventh Slytherins dancing with some Hufflepuffs."

Mila grinned. "I like to lead by example."

Pansy scoffed. "You two stick out like a sore boil. It's disgusting."

Malfoy had told her this might happen. He said Pansy had expected an invitation from him instead. Malfoy was about to say something, but she squeezed his arm to stay quiet.

"How about you have a turn with Malfoy, Pansy. I'll take notes on how to blend in."

Pansy may have been upset with the comment, but looked like she wanted to dance with Draco more. Mila laughed as Draco narrowed his eyes at her when Pansy led him away.

"He's going to make you pay for that," Nott said.

"Come on, Nott. Tonight's a night about putting all worries aside and having fun. And if you don't believe me, you should try the punch."

"Oh Merlin, did you poison it like last time?"

"A witch never reveals her secrets." She grinned. "Hey, Zabini, do you want to dance with me?"

Zabini had been standing quietly beside Theo. "Not a chance."

"Zabini, now that we're friends-"

"We're not friends."

"-you must know that I don't take no for an answer. Come on."

She grabbed his arm to start dragging him, as Nott smirked at the pair of them.

"Don't laugh yet, Theodore, it's your turn next," she called over her shoulder.

Zabini basically made Mila lead him. She didn't mind though, because at least he was letting her dance with him. Draco caught her eye and shook his head playfully at her. She smiled back.

When she'd been dancing with Draco earlier, she had also caught McGonagall's eye. McGonagall had given her a look of approval that she'd never received from the teacher before. When she spotted her again, she was doing the same thing now.

She seemed to admire the friendship Mila had built with Draco.

Mila wanted to make the most of it. McGonagall's look would most likely change once she discovered what Mila had put in the punch. When her dance with Zabini was finished, she pulled him aside.

"We need a game plan, Zabini. Slow dancing is fun and all, but we need to request some bumpier tunes."

"I'm not helping you."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Go talk to McGonagall and distract her. Look, she's smiling at you."

He turned his head to where she was pointing. "You're insatiable."

"I'm also efficient."

"Lovett-"

"If you do this for me, Zabini, I'll love you forever." Mila saw he still wasn't convinced. "I'm an orphan, Zabini, you're supposed to be nice to orphans."

He tried to hide it, but she could see a ghost of a smile on lips. "Fine. This music is boring anyway."

He stalked over to McGonagall, and Mila quickly ran to the band. One of the guitarists was taking a break and she tapped him on the arm.

"No autogra- wait, are you…?" He stared at her blankly.

"I'm a desperate student, hoping for her favourite band to play a song with a much higher tempo."

"I've seen you before?" It sounded more like a question.

She played along with it. "Yep, you're concert in- uh Splinmpph. You guys are great."

"Uh sure. That must have been it." He shook his head quickly. "What song did you have in mind, kid?"

She made her request, and he said he would talk to the band. By the time she had gotten back onto the dance floor, the music was dramatically different. The students, who had now heard about the circulating punch, were happy to truly start the night.

* * *

Slightly exhausted, but still wide awake, Mila sat down next to Harry to catch her breath. The party music was still thriving, Mila was surprised McGonagall was letting it last this long. She suspected a few more slow dances would be coming up soon.

She realised she hadn't seen Lupin or Sirius yet. Though, Lupin might have been off helping Sirius properly disguise himself. She couldn't want until they got here, Harry was excited too.

"How's Ginny been?" she asked.

"Great, actually. She's a lot of fun," Harry said.

"I'm glad." She scanned the room to see Ginny and Hermione dancing with Ron. "She's a great girl."

"You managed to get Seamus drunk again," Harry pointed out.

She saw Seamus tearing up the dance floor with Dean, with an unhappy looking Lavender circling the floor near them.

"He's already asked me for an after party," she laughed. "I told a few people to swing by the common room if they want."

Their chairs were right next to each other, and Mila leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Any excuse for a party, right?" she asked.

"I can't wait until NEWTs," Harry laughed. "Maybe I'll get a decent nights sleep."

"Not while I'm around." She nudged him.

Just as Mila suspected, another slow dance began playing. People started to pair off, and Mila saw that Draco was busy talking to Nott and Zabini. She supposed that now was the chance to dance with her best friend.

He beat her to the punch and stuck his hand up. "May I?"

She stood up, took his hand and pulled him out of his chair. "Why, Mr Potter, I'd be delighted."

Harry led her to the middle of the dance floor.

People had stared while she had danced with Draco, because it was such an unnatural thing for them to see. People stared at Mila and Harry for a different reason. Because people liked to look at people who belonged. And who belonged more at Hogwarts than the Boy Who Lived, and the girl who had stayed by his side.

Mila giggled over stumbling toes, and Harry's looks of defeat. Neither of them noticed when Lupin and a large nosed and freckled Sirius walked into the ballroom.

Lupin's eyes widened when he saw Mila. He looked like he had seen a ghost. He turned to his best friend, who was watching Mila and Harry with a wistfulness that seemed to capture him more and more these days. It seemed like history was repeating itself.

"Sirius, you-" Lupin began to say.

"I know, Remus. But look at her."

And Lupin did.

* * *

"Mind if I cut in?" Mila heard Draco say.

Harry gave Mila a smile, before nodding at Draco. "Not at all."

Mila hugged Harry before entering Draco's arms.

"Are you having a good night?" Draco smiled down at her.

She glanced around the room at all her friends smiling and dancing with one another. "Top five at least."

"Only top five?"

"Yeah," Mila smirked. "You're going to really have to impress me if you want to reach my top three."

"I'll guess I'll have to figure something out."

The song ended and she pulled Draco along to get some punch. Before she made it all the way, she saw that Lupin and Sirius were finally here. And they were staring right at her.

"I'll be right back," she told Draco.

She beamed as she went over to greet her 'sort-of uncles'. She went around the dance floor, and tried not to disturb the couples as she walked. She was half-way when she felt a jolt.

It wasn't like anything she had felt before. It was like a hole in her skull was opening up. It was sharp and intense, and the strangest part was that it only lasted a second.

Her eyes were on Lupin and Sirius, and when she opened them after squeezing them tight through the pain, her mind seemed to jar to a very peculiar thought.

 _The map. Look at the map._

She didn't know whose voice it was. It didn't really have one. It was more like a feeling. _You need to look at the map._

It wasn't a good feeling. In fact, her gut started turning in waves. A feeling of dread seemed to cover her entire body.

 _The map._

 _The map._

 _Look at the map._

She tried to flush the feeling away, and the need for air led her to leave the ballroom. But as she did so, it seemed she was pulled further and further. The air in the corridor wasn't right either. She needed to go to Harry's dorm room.

She didn't know how she got there, but found herself in it almost immediately, the journey was a distant memory.

She ransacked through Harry's desk draw and when the map wasn't there, she searched under his bed. She finally found it in his dresser. The feeling kept fighting her. _Look at the map._

She found Harry's wand, and slowly brought it to the parchment paper. She'd done this a hundred times, but never with such an urgency. Or a dread.

"Mischief managed," she whispered.

The names started to appear.

 _Moony_

 _Wormtail_

 _Padfoot_

 _Prongs_

 _V_

Another word was starting to form.

 _Vixen_

"Vixen?"

That had never been on the map before. Another name? How hadn't she seen it? She'd last used the map when… she was trying to find the Slytherin common room. But she hadn't been able to read it. It had been to dark and she had had too much to drink.

The time before was when? The Christmas break. Sirius had asked to see it. Had he done something? Had he added the name?

 _The way he looks at you. It's the way he looks when he talks about my Dad._ That's what Harry had said.

She went back to Harry's desk draw, and found a folded piece of paper she had seen when looking through it. It was from the yearbook. Harry had ripped it out. The picture of his dad's year group from 1978.

 _Look at the picture._

She opened it.

Sirius, Lupin, James and Peter were all there. All still in the same place.

Ron's voice joined the others. _Look at that guy! He must stink, no-one is standing anywhere near him._

There was a gap. Big enough for… what? A person?

 _The locket._

She dropped the photo onto Harry's bed, where she'd placed the map, and unclasped the locket from around her neck.

The locket hadn't changed. It was still gold, with no house crest, with words from the father she had never known. A Rosier. She still hadn't figured out which one. She opened it and looked at the photo again. Her as a baby. She'd seen it before.

Her fingers seemed to move on their own. They saw a possibility that she hadn't considered until now. That she hadn't even thought of. She picked the photo out of the locket. She turned it around. There was something written on the back.

 _1960._

"Mila?"

* * *

alright guys, i will be taking a break from posting to work on the next part of the story. i think we can all agree that phase one of The Girl Who Lived Twice is complete

While I'm in writing mode, you can feel free to check in on my tumblr abrokefangirl to ask about the progress, story, or any other question that floats your boat

i'm also always open to hearing people's theories, or scenes they would like to see (if i think they fit with the story, i will generally write them in ;)

hopefully i'll be back soon xx thank you so much to everyone for the interest so far! i hope you continue to follow on Mila's journey


	22. The Explanation

A/N so like... this isn't a comeback per say, but i've had this chapter ready and kicking for a while and ALL the messages I received really motivated me to put in the final touches and post it ( tumblr is abrokefangirl)

so thank you to those that did reach out, trust me guys, it works

are u ready for this?

* * *

"Mila?"

Mila stared at the date in her hands. _1960._ That couldn't be possible. But no-one had touched this locket, or photo, except her and Draco.

"Mila?"

 _1960._

"Mila!"

She turned around. Both girls were panicked, both breathing rapidly. Hermione took one look at the horror on her friends face, before the words just fell out of her mouth.

"You know."

Mila didn't get a chance to say anything before one of her best friends in the entire world raised her wand at her.

"Stupefy."

* * *

When Mila woke up she was in Remus Lupin's office. She didn't know how she got there. It was still night, she could tell before she even opened her eyes, not much time had passed. She also knew she wasn't alone.

"Remus, she's stirring," a man said.

Mila's brain was foggy, but she recognised who it was. She slowly peeled her eyes open to find Sirius Black staring back at her.

"I-" She couldn't talk. Her throat felt sore. Maybe that was a side effect of being…

Hermione was suddenly in front of her, holding a glass by her face. "Drink this."

Mila was too disorientated to disagree, and she took a sip of the water to try and clear the muddiness.

She sat up in the chair she was placed in. Sirius was hovering, but she brushed him off, and tried to catch her breath.

She was still in her ball dress. She still had Draco's bracelet on her wrist. But her locket was missing from her neck. She placed her hand there and frowned. What was she doing here?

"Mila, I understand that you're very confused right now," Lupin said.

She blinked at him.

"You have to understand that we're only trying to help."

She stood up unsurely. _1960._ The date floated around in her brain again. It meant something, what did it mean?

"What the hell is going on?" Her voice was angry. It matched her insides. "Hermione you- you attacked me."

"I'm so sorry, Mila. I didn't know what else to do."

"Mila, sit back down. You're too weak to stand," Lupin said. She didn't listen.

Sirius was the only one who stayed silent. She turned to him. She had a question, what was it? Something about a photo, and a date.

"What happened in 1960?" She found her voice again.

Sirius' eyes went wide, and he looked to Lupin. Lupin shook his head violently. She could see a fear in his eyes, he'd never looked like that before.

This room was too small, too dark. It felt like the walls were caving in.

She asked again. Louder. "What happened in 1960?"

Sirius' looked at her with such emotion her head was spinning. No one had looked at her like that before. It was a look filled with such hurt and longing, her breath almost left her completely.

A determination spread across his features, and Sirius was about to open his mouth. Instead, it was Lupin who answered in a voice that was filled with defeat.

"1960… was the year you were born."

It took her a minute, but then Mila let out an incredulous laugh. "You're crazy. This is crazy. If this is some sort of joke you'd better stop right now."

It didn't feel like a joke. Your friend didn't stupefy you over a joke.

"He's telling the truth, Mila," Hermione said. Mila couldn't even look at her.

"And what? I'm just supposed to believe that? It's a lie. You're lying." She started pacing across the room. Her body felt weak, but her mind propelled her as she tried to understand.

Sirius grabbed her arms. "Mila, please listen. I know it's hard, but you have to listen."

'I am listening, but what you're saying is ridiculous!"

Did they even understand what they were saying? Did they hear themselves?

Sirius was having his own trouble comprehending the fact that he was finally getting the chance to tell her. He spoke in rushed sentences. "You were born in 1960. You went to school at Hogwarts. We were friends. We called you-"

She remembered the map. The map with a name she had never seen before. "Vixen?"

His face contorted to a crazed smile. "Yes."

She shook her head. Her eyes were heavy. "I don't understand. I don't understand." She pushed Sirius off of her. "This doesn't make any sense."

"Mila, take a deep breath. Try to breathe," Lupin said, "Sirius you're saying too much, give her a chance."

Mila rubbed her face, smudging her makeup, but not caring in the slightest. She couldn't have been born in 1960. It was impossible. She was sixteen years old. She went to school with Harry, not Sirius.

The door opened, and three more people walked through.

"Hermione, I got them," Ron said, followed by Dumbledore and McGonagall.

Ron didn't know what he had expected to walk into, but he saw Mila look at him and he almost shrivelled where he stood.

"You too?" Mila said, a look of utter betrayal etched into her features. "How many of you know? How many of you think this?"

Ron looked to Hermione for guidance, who just shook her head sadly.

"Now, now. I think this is getting a little out of hand," Dumbledore soothed. "Miss Granger, Mr Weasley, if you could go back to the ball with your friends, that would be most helpful."

"I'm not leaving her," Hermione insisted.

Dumbledore didn't look pleased, but knew he would not be able to convince the distressed witch to budge. "Very well."

Dumbledore made his way over to Mila. "I understand you must be very confused Miss Lovett, but if you would permit me to explain-"

He sounded like a doctor at St Mungos.

"Explain? Explain what?"

"How this circumstance has come to be. This is not the way I would have wished you to find out."

What the hell were they trying to pull? Why were they insisting something that could not possibly be true?

"Find out that I was born in 1960, you mean?" She spat out a laugh. "You have got to be kidding me. There is no way. That would make me, what? In my thirties? I know I don't really take care of myself, but as is plainly evidenced, I am not that old."

"Actually, as a technicality," Dumbledore said, "You are."

Everyone could see Mila clearly didn't believe him.

"I'll humour you. If this is really what you think, then how? Wouldn't I remember something like that?" Her voice grew louder and more panicked by the second.

"Miss Lovett, please calm down."

"No. Come on. If you say you have all the answers. Then, how?" she yelled. How could something like this be true?

Dumbledore looked unhappy with the circumstance of his explanation. He could see the agony plain as day on Sirius' face. Remus' too.

"Perhaps it would be better if I explained." McGonagall came forward. Mila watch as the older woman came toward her, and took a step back when she came too close.

There were too many people in the room. Too many faces looking at her with pleading eyes. Too many, too many…

McGonagall sighed. "There is no easy way to put this. The night Voldemort tried to kill Harry in Godric's Hollow, you were there."

"What?" Mila asked, in disbelief. This left her blindsided. Voldemort had something to do with this? Apart from his yearly occurrences, he hadn't been seen in sixteen years.

Her eyes flitted around the room, barely listening to what McGonagall said next.

"You were there. And you were 21 years old."

Her face turned to Lupin, who simply lowered his head defeatedly. A man she had thought she trusted couldn't even meet her eye.

McGonagall continued. "A spell was cast. We're not entirely sure what, but when we found you-"

"I don't want to hear anymore." It sounded real. They honestly believed it. Hermione and Ron believed it. No one had said anything. No one had told her.

"Mila, please," Sirius implored.

"No, stop. I don't want to hear anymore," she repeated. She sounded like a robot, monotone with no emotion.

She needed a second. An hour. Something. She needed to get away from here.

McGonagall tried to explain some more. "Miss Lovett, I know this is hard to hear, but-"

"I will not listen to you anymore." A sudden ferocity overtook her. "I came to you _months_ ago. _Months ago._ And I asked you what was going on, I asked you because I _knew._ I knew there was _something._ All those looks I was getting, I knew something was wrong."

McGonagall paled. "Mila-"

Mila didn't stop. "No. You stood there and you told me everything was fine. You stood there and you _lied._ You made me think I had made it all up. You made me think I was crazy."

Mila hadn't spilt any tears yet, but in light of her realisation that everyone she knew had been lying to her, she was coming awfully close. Accepting their story meant acknowledging what they had done to her.

"All of you. All of you have been lying to me, and I can't stand here and listen to a bunch of _liars._ I can't."

A part of her knew her outburst sounded like that of a petulant child. But the hurt she felt, the absolute stinging of a betrayal that she still didn't truly believe, was too much to cope with.

She headlined straight for the door. She didn't know if it was shock, or guilt that caused them to let her leave, but nobody tried to stop her. She could feel a raw energy coming from her, and it stopped them all in their tracks.

She ran as fast as she could. The corridors were empty, students were either in bed or at the ball. It was fortunate, she didn't know what people would think if they could see her now. Gryffindor's golden girl, disheveled and running for her sanity.

She didn't even really know where she was going. She needed to stop and think, but if she stopped then she would be caught. Just because they'd let her leave the room, didn't mean they weren't going to follow.

She could go to her room. The only person that could go in there was Hermione, and she could take Hermione. Hermione was smart, but Mila could be brutal.

She changed her course, thankful there was still some light in the halls. She could hear footsteps, but she avoided them and tried her best to get back to her common room undetected.

When she approached the door, the Fat Lady eyed her amusedly.

"There's always someone running home early from the ball. Let me guess, lovers quarrel?"

Mila looked at her with tear stained eyes, and an anger that could only come from someone who hadn't the slightest idea what was happening to her.

The Fat Lady's eyes softened. "They've told you."

Mila's eyes widened, but then narrowed with such animosity at the growing list of people who seemed to know more about her than she did. Of course the Fat Lady knew. If what they were all saying was true, then she'd known Mila for an awfully long time.

"Whatever you're about to do, I advise you think very carefully before doing it. Time has taught me that you've never been one for rational thought." She swung the door open without Mila having said a word.

Mila stepped in. She stood for a moment and her breaths were the only noise in the room. Contrary to the belief that taking advise from a portrait was a bad idea, Mila heard the Lady's words ringing around her ears. _Think carefully._

What was her next step? What was her plan?

What did she want? Well, that one was easy. She wanted to get as far away from here as possible.

She couldn't leave yet. Someone would see her, she would definitely run into another person.

She walked further into the common room, and eyed the steps up to the girl's dormitory. She walked up them too. Her pace felt too slow, but that was the point.

She entered her room, taking inventory. The locket was still on her bed. And so was that blasted picture. Her wand was under her pillow. Her last few knuts were in her drawer. Her muggle clothes were under her bed.

The only thing missing was the map, and she couldn't go far without it. Someone had taken it, Hermione probably, to go round up everyone when she had stuptified Mila.

After listing her options in her head, Mila got on with her next step. She got into bed, laid down, and closed her eyes.

* * *

When Mila walked out the room, Hermione was the first to try and follow her, next to Sirius. Lupin stood in front of the door to block them.

"She isn't going to want to talk. She needs to cool off," Lupin reasoned.

Sirius answered, "I know that, Remus. But she hasn't cooled of _yet._ If we leave her alone, she'll do something stupid."

"You don't know that."

" _Yes_ , I _do_."

Hermione watched the two men stare each other down. One thing about being privy to such a big secret for so long, is that you saw what it did to people.

While Sirius had grown more desperate to reveal it with each passing year, Lupin had grown more resigned to keeping it.

Hermione knew Mila had been searching for a family, but she suspected Mila Lovett hadn't realised how much the one she didn't know she had, loved her so devotedly.

It didn't seem like either was budging. Hermione looked around the room. McGonagall and Dumbledore were whispering to each other in the corner, and Ron was looking like he finally understood the magnitude of what Hermione had told him all those days ago.

He caught her eye, and gave her a little nod. A little sign that told her going after Mila was a good idea. They both knew how impulsive she was.

Hermione pushed past the two men that were blocking her.

"Hermione, where do you think you're going?" Lupin said.

Hermione pulled the Marauder's map from her pocket. "I'm going to find Mila."

"If she's going, I'm going," Sirius insisted.

"Absolutely not. Both of you come back inside so we can figure out what to do." Lupin gestured to his office.

"Look." Hermione showed them the map. "Mila's in the girl's dorms. I can talk to her. I can try and calm her down."

Lupin and Sirius looked at each other. Sirius gave Lupin a pained look, causing the other man to relent.

"Ok," Lupin said, "But if she doesn't want you there, you will come straight back."

"Fine," Hermione said. "Thank you."

She unknowingly followed the same path Mila had. She viewed the map anxiously as she made her way there, constantly checking that Mila was staying where she was. She contemplated on whether or not to get Harry, but it would only make things harder. He would have too many questions. Draco too.

When she reached the girl's dorms she stilled. She had no idea what to say to Mila. No idea how to make it better. Mila probably hadn't even processed the weight of what she'd just been told, or about how many lies were involved in it.

She pushed the door open. "Mila?"

There was no reply.

"Mila?" Hermione walked further into the room. She turned the light on and saw Mila stir on her bed.

"Go away, Hermione."

Hermione drew a sigh of relief. At least she was here, and at least she was ok.

"Mila, maybe if we talk about this-"

"I said go away." Mila was turned away from her, lying down and facing the wall. Hermione couldn't see her face.

"Mila, I know I've been lying to you." Her voice cracked, still breathless from her pursuit. "But I was only doing what- what they told me to do. I'm sorry, I-"

"Does Harry know?" Mila interrupted. Hermione wasn't surprised at the question, but rather the fear in Mila's voice when she asked.

"No." Hermione wiped her face. "Harry doesn't know."

She could see Mila visibly relax. Hermione took a step forward.

"Mila, I'm so sorry-"

"Go back to the ball, Hermione."

Hermione felt a sharp stab in her heart. She'd never heard Mila sound so unlike herself. This isn't how they had expected her to react at all. They'd expected blinding anger, maybe a hysterical outburst, not a girl who had resigned herself to laying in a bed.

"I can't."

"Hermione, I swear, if you don't leave right now, I'll make you."

Her voice was so venomous, Hermione couldn't help but feel wary of Mila's words. She tried not to get emotional.

"Only if you promise you won't do anything rash. I'll go if you say you'll stay here."

"Fine."

Hermione didn't know if she could believe her, but she had the map, she could check on her later if she needed to.

Before she left she spoke, this time not bothering to hide the emotion. "I really am sorry."

Mila's last remark left her chilled. "I really couldn't care less right now."

* * *

After another hour of discussion, Ron and Hermione had been sent back to the ball. Normalcy was key, as Dumbledore had said. Hermione figured he just wanted to the adults to have a chance to talk. Apparently Dumbledore could trust her with the secret, but he couldn't trust her to be apart of the conversation to fix the mess they were in.

When Harry saw the two of them, he rushed over.

"Where have you guys been? I can't find anyone." He looked like he wasn't too worried, Mila's punch had certainly circulated tonight.

Hermione took in his red cheeks. "We just took Mila to bed. She's not feeling that well."

Harry perked up. "Is she ok? Do I need to-?"

"She's fine, mate, she wants us to continue the party for her," Ron answered. Hermione was very grateful to him. She was about to fall apart any minute.

Harry laughed. "Then that's what we'll do. Someone better tell Malfoy over there. He's looking a little lost."

Hermione followed his gesture to see Malfoy talking to Nott worriedly.

"I'll be right back," she told Ron. She left the two boys alone.

Ron swung an arm around his tipsy friend. "How've you been doing, buddy?"

"It's been hard, but, I think she's happy," Harry said.

Ron knew the very girl in question wasn't happy at all. He didn't know how he'd gotten swept into this. It was probably the first time he knew more about Mila than Harry did. That didn't sit well with him.

"Maybe you should go see her," Ron suggested.

"But Hermione said-"

"I know what Hermione said, but I think you should go see her, Harry."

Harry stepped out of Ron's embrace and gave him a quizzical look. "Right now? What about Ginny? I can't ditch her."

"Ginny will be fine. Go, Harry."

Harry didn't understand what was going on, but he nodded to his friend. "Ok."

Ron just hoped he had done the right thing.

* * *

After being told that Mila was ill, Draco wasn't enjoying the ball very much. Hermione had told him Mila didn't want to disrupt the party, but he kept thinking he should _at least_ check on her.

Nott and Hermione had exchanged some words, and it seemed like Nott was trying to get him to do anything but that. He'd been distracting him with girls to dance with, and social commentary, and now he was changing his tactic.

"Come on, Draco. Let's go get some punch."

Draco allowed himself to be led, feeling more irritated by the second. Mila had bolted out of here so quickly, something had to be wrong.

When he had his first mouthful of the punch, he realised why a lot of his peers had been acting so strangely. Seamus Finnegan had taken his shirt off on the dance floor, and Snape was trying to wrestle him back into it. Definitely Mila's work.

Zabini was next to him, laughing as Seamus tried to break free. Draco hadn't realised the two of them were friends. Seeing Zabini do anything more than grimace was a rare sight indeed. Mila's work too.

Harry had left the ball, about an hour ago. He was doing what Draco probably should be.

"Look, Theo, I'm going to get out of here."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Draco."

"And why not?"

"Hermione said Mila shouldn't be disturbed," Nott admitted.

"I don't care, I'm going to go see her."

"Draco, wait." Nott started after him as Draco walked towards the door.

Just as he did, Harry entered, looking very unsettled. They collided right into each other.

"Potter, what's going on?"

Harry ignored his question. "Where's Hermione?"

"Potter-"

"Where is Hermione?"

Draco sighed and glanced around the room, catching the brunette's eye. She'd already spotted them. He watched as she pulled Ron to come with her. They made a beeline straight for Harry.

"Harry, where have you been?" Hermione asked. Ron looked at the ground guiltily.

"I went to find Mila." Before Hermione could chastise him, he continued. "She's not in her room like you said, so I checked infirmary. She's not there either. She's not anywhere. I can't find her."

"What do you mean you can't find her?" Draco asked, "I was under the impression you lot knew where she was." He looked at Hermione distrustfully.

Hermione looked panicked. "I did. I knew I shouldn't have left her."

"Why not? What's wrong with her?" Draco's voice had an edge to it.

"Where is she, Hermione?" Harry insisted.

Hermione felt along her dress, trying to find the map she had tucked away in one of the pockets.

"I- she's got the map." Hermione whispered to herself.

"The map? Why would she need the map?" Harry's voice grew more anxious. The alcohol had worn off during his long search.

Hermione didn't answer, instead she turned to Ron.

"She's gone."

* * *

Hermione chewed her nails as she waited nervously outside Lupin's office. Ron sat next to her, patting her on the back and whispering that none of it was her fault.

Lupin and Sirius had asked to see Harry, and by extension Draco. The four of them had been locked in the office for much of the night.

The ball was long over, and if there was an after party, Hermione and her friends weren't attending. She dreaded the thought of going back to a full common room. So she stayed, and waited for Harry and Draco to be finished.

Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape were all out looking for Mila. They had Sprout, Flitwick, Filch, and Hagrid looking too. She was probably long gone by now, but it was their duty as teachers to at least try and find her. Sirius and Remus had tried looking for a few hours, but as Harry demanded an explanation, they knew they were the only ones that could give it to him, so they stopped their search.

Occasionally, Hermione could hear Harry's voice piping up, and growing angry. She hadn't heard a peep from Malfoy yet, though. After learning Mila was missing, Malfoy hadn't said a word.

It was almost light when the door opened. Hermione shot up, Ron beside her. Sirius and Lupin were the first to exit.

Both of the men had bloodshot eyes, and dark circles under them. Everyone was tired.

"I'm going to try look for her," Sirius muttered. He looked too defeated to stay and say anything else.

When Hermione saw Harry walk out from behind him, she noticed the glare he threw in Sirius' direction. A glare that soon turned to her.

"Harry," Hermione said. She found she had no words to pair with his name.

Harry remained silent, and strode past her purposely. Lupin made a gesture to leave him be.

Malfoy was the next out of the room. He looked shocked more than anything else. She didn't know why she felt compelled to ask for his forgiveness, along with everyone else's, but she tried to speak to him.

"I was trying to help her, Malfoy. Nobody knew how to tell her."

Malfoy looked tiredly in her direction. He didn't seem particularly angry, nor untrusting. He just looked like a boy who had spent most of the night worrying.

"You know, Granger, you could really give Slytherins a run for their money."

And that was all he said. Hermione watched him leave, much in the same sense Harry had.

Hermione looked at Lupin, who simply shrugged his shoulders. Nobody knew what to do, nobody had any idea where she was.

Hermione rested her head in her hands and burst into tears.

* * *

A/N there you go, the big reveal

i don't know how much of it was a secret, i mean its literally IN the title, but i did have a lot of people who genuinely seemed like they had no idea this was coming so i guess- thank you? maybe it means i did a semi good job of hiding it

we love a good dramatic chapter don't we ladies and gents

hope to hear from you guys x


	23. The Motel

Mila Lovett had been missing for four weeks. It was already the last week of term, well into June.

Her friends, and teachers knew she was ok from the most unlikely source. Blaise Zabini had received a single letter every week, the same four words on each of them. _Tell them I'm ok._ He didn't know the reason for the letters, but he did his duty and reported when each one came in.

No matter how much Harry pleaded, Dumbledore would not inform the Ministry that she was missing. How could he, when their records held no information of her existence. Too many questions would be raised. Far too many.

Harry was angry.

He spent those four weeks barely speaking to Hermione, and Ron by association. Hermione Granger had been lying to her friends for a very long time. They only thing they would talk about was the most pressing issue; where Mila was. Other than that he avoided her. They seemed to be living in a vacuum, unable to move forward or do anything else but wonder when she was coming back.

He didn't speak to Draco either. Occasionally they would glance at each other from their opposing tables. Neither knew what to say. Neither knew where she was.

He didn't even know _who_ she was. Not really. She'd lived a whole life before him. Lupin and Sirius had been tight on the details. They thought Mila should know first. All they'd told Harry was that she'd been their friend. His dad's friend too.

But Harry found it nearly impossible to think of her that way. Not when he'd watched her grow up right before his eyes.

He wanted so badly to be mad at Sirius, and Lupin. And he was, though more for Mila's sake than his own. Perhaps he would have been more mad if he didn't see what her absence was doing to them.

He'd always known there was _something._ He'd seen Sirius' and Mila's connection and chalked it up to their similar personalities. He'd known Lupin and Mila were close and chalked _that_ up to the new bound they'd shared as guardian and kid. He hadn't pictured _this._

It seemed that those close to him were in a state of limbo. Whether Mila wanted the details or not, there was nothing they could do if she wasn't here.

Harry hadn't seen Lupin and Sirius in a couple of weeks. The former had taken a leave of absence, and was helping the latter look for her in what few places they could think of. Harry thought he should have been allowed to go, considering he knew her a lot more than they did. Or at least, this version of her. He was still trying to get his head around it.

Four weeks was a lot of time to adjust.

* * *

Sirius had spent the last four weeks roaming the streets of London as a very scruffy black dog.

It was natural that his personal thought process would determine that Mila might be in the city. She was a lot like him after all. And what was the city, if not full of life and distraction? Distraction was the best cure for misery.

The only problem was he couldn't exactly get in anywhere in his doggy state, and if he transformed back into a human, he would be arrested within minutes. Technically Sirius Black was still a loose criminal.

In the sixteen years he had spent keeping Mila's past life a secret, he had spent twelve of those in Azkaban. There was no guessing at which situation had given him more grief and frustration during those overlapping years.

The first time he'd seen her after that dreadful night in Godric's Hollow, she had been thirteen years old. For the second time.

Even after knowing she was alive for all those years, and knowing what had happened to her, he still had barely believed his own eyes. Seeing her with his godson had been even more overwhelming; Harry did look so much like James. It was like Sirius had reunited with the two people he loved most in the world. Only it wasn't them. They were both somebody else.

 _She_ was somebody else. A girl that did not remember him. The same Mila, but not really the same at all.

He didn't know how Lupin managed it: seeing her everyday. Sirius only saw her a couple months of the year and it had nearly killed him.

He didn't know what he had expected of her reaction. She hadn't given any of them the chance to explain.

In his head he had always pictured she would be relieved. When you felt something missing, as he knew she always had, would it not be a relief to finally know what it was? Wouldn't you ask questions? Wouldn't you stick around to get that thing back?

But that had been naive thinking on his part. Blatantly optimistic, as he so often was. Lupin had always been the more sensible one. Remus had taken Dumbledore's orders with a grain of salt, but he had followed through with them none the less.

Sirius began panting as the early summer sun bore down on him through his search. He sought the shade of a nearby alley. Some merchant had left out a bowl of water for strays, and he happily wolfed down half before his body collapsed without his permission. He was exhausted.

He hadn't prepared himself at all for what he might do if he found her. He would try to explain that he had always wanted to tell her the truth. She could've handled it, he knew she could. There was nobody more equipped to have their life turned upside down than Mila Lovett.

He would tell her about the first time they met. He would describe to her the games they used to play, the pranks they used to pull. He would tell her that he had missed her everyday, even when she was right there in front of him. He would tell her…

He stood up with a new determination. Finding Mila was priority. Screw the Order. Screw Dumbledore. He would be the one to find her.

He always had.

* * *

Lupin tiredly rubbed his eyes, sitting on his bed at the Sirius' house. After yet another day of searching, he'd finally retired to his room.

Sirius wasn't home yet, and Lupin didn't know when to expect him, but he was glad to have a moment alone. Sirius' energy was all over the place, understandably, and Lupin was having a hard time dealing with him, especially after knowing the part Sirius had played in Mila's discovery. Lupin knew the minute he had seen Mila in her old dress. He wasn't surprised that Sirius had kept it after all these years.

And afterwards, when they had found Mila missing from her bed, Sirius had admitted to his friend what he'd done to their map: the name he had revealed.

Rather than try to blame him, Lupin had kept his harsh words to himself. What good would they do now? The damage was done.

The guilt tore at Lupin, night after night. He couldn't forget the way Mila had looked at him.

She had trusted him since she was a child, and more so as she had started to become the woman he'd seen her grow into before. She had been so grateful to him for sharing his home, and he'd let the weight of his lies lessen. He had begun to realise it didn't matter what form she took, as long as she was in his life.

He had been learning to let the past go.

And now it was back. Bigger and more unwelcoming than ever.

For a long time, he had been on his own. When Sirius was imprisoned, and Mila changed, he'd been the last to hold the memories of his formative years. He'd become the only one who was there to watch her grow up from afar. The unbearable truth was that he wished it had been someone else.

But he had always been the martyr of the group. So when Sirius came along, Lupin's expectations of a small relief of duty and guilt were quickly diminished when Sirius added to the problem. Lupin, though suffering at the cards he'd been dealt, had been coping. He had disassociated the child with someone else. Someone young, and in need of his protection. She had only become Mila again when Sirius came back.

But she'd also turned thirteen, and he'd also gotten to meet her properly. She'd begun resembling the Mila he knew more and more. And with Sirius' constant missteps, his fumbles and impulsiveness, Lupin had been at his last tether.

That's not to say Lupin hadn't loved getting his best friend back. But he wished he, himself, had been the one away. He wished the first thirteen years hadn't been squarely on his shoulders. All the secrecy and all the pain had been enough to drive a person mad.

There had been some light in his life; teaching was his greatest passion, Harry was a blessing he hadn't expected, Sirius' betrayal turned out to be a falsity, and Mila's trust and faith in him had been like he was young all over again.

Reminiscing would do him no good. He stood from his bed, and shook himself alert. He would go out looking. Just for a few more hours.

Looking out for Mila was all he had ever done.

* * *

The night Mila disappeared she had paid a visit to Vernon Dursleys' house.

It hadn't been as hard to leave the castle as one would imagine. Hermione hadn't noticed the silent accio Mila had cast, taking the map from her pocket. Nor would she. Mila's affinity for non-verbal spells had bought her the time it had taken for her to leave.

With the map on her side, she had manoeuvred the castle corridors, unnoticed, to the exit in Hogsmeade. Due to another uncanny affinity, she had disapparated to a park she had visited as a child.

When she arrived at that park, she realised she had nowhere to go.

Wizarding haunts were out of the question. Someone could recognise her. She was best friends with the Boy Who Lived and- well actually, how would anyone know?

She'd never been in one of Rita Skeeter's infamous articles. A fact her friends often teased her about, much to her annoyance. If anyone would have enjoyed being the subject of Rita's slander, it was Mila, and it use to plague her that everyone else had all the fun. It all made sense now though. Someone had wanted her existence hidden. It was daunting to think there was a reason for even the smallest instances in her life.

Disregarding this fact, however, Mila still knew it was too dangerous to surround herself with wizarding kin. She needed to be around muggles. It would take longer to find her. She would have time to figure things out.

But she needed money, and she had none. No wizarding gold, let alone any muggle currency. So when Harry's uncle popped into her head, she found herself at his front door with no hesitation.

Stealing wasn't something she was acquainted with, but some were more deserving of theft than others. She felt the smallest amount of guilt a person could feel when searching through another person's wallet. Said wallet was leather bound, a wallet intent to impress. The money inside it was certainly enough to impress her.

Enough for a cheap motel for a couple weeks at least. Very cheap though. Extremely.

She left the Dursely's house, but not before charming their lightbulbs so they no longer worked, and tried to find the nearest payphone. From there it was the closet cheap motel, and from there it was a dingy little room, with a cable tv and one window which looked out onto what resembled every other isolated street in Southern England.

It took another one of her 'affinities' to charm the owner not to ask questions or look for any valid ID.

Her first thought when she finally sat down on the creaky, stained bed, was that her affinities made a lot more sense when you'd had an extra 20 years experience to practice magic. Even if you couldn't remember them.

But she didn't even want to think about that right now. She wanted her mind to be completely empty of any questions about which parts of her life had been a lie. Honestly, she was just surprised she had pulled off an 'escape'. Regrettably, she had needed the map to do it, and now it just lay on the bedside table as a reminder of exactly what she wanted to forget.

She tossed and turned that night. Her insomniac state was a result of concentrating on not concentrating on what she didn't want to concentrate about. It was only when the sun's early rays streamed through the window, that she finally fell asleep.

* * *

Over those four weeks she would have many realisations.

Some of those realisations made her want to tear her hair out for being so stupid. Some made her want to cry until her body was dried up of any water, and the motel owner would find her days later and describe how he always knew she was 'one of those'. Some caught her off guard at how a detail so innocent had been a part of a fabrication, so extensive, that she didn't know how she had ever fallen for it.

Reflecting on one's life is usually done with either some sort of serenity, or regret. Mila's consisted of theories, and questions, deceit and a whole lot of confusion. But then some things made perfect sense. A calmness had taken over her, which told her to look at things objectively. What had she missed? And _how_ had she missed all those signs that now seemed so clear?

The first thing that made sense was why, all those months ago, she had thought people were looking at her strangely. Now it seemed… obvious. But it opened up a vault of new questions. Why had nobody, not in her whole life, ever said anything? Why had nobody ever slipped up enough to reveal the truth? How many people knew? Is what they were told the whole truth, or had they been stringed along just like her?

Second, threstrals. She could see them, and she had never known why. But in her first life she might have seen someone die. The timeline meant she would have been around for the First Wizarding War. Nearly every wizard knew of someone who had been a casualty.

Third was one that made her shudder. Slimly, pathetic Peter Pettigrew had always made her feel like she had an uncomfortable substance sliding down her back whenever she was in his presence. If she really had grown up with Sirius, Peter would have been her friend too. She had instantly distrusted him, but then again, it was Peter.

She hadn't known what that meant at the time.

Her natural ability wasn't natural at all, she'd been doing the same spells and tricks for 37 years.

More and more of these realisations crept up on her. The more signs she uncovered, the more she was resigned to admitting that her friends had been telling the truth. She couldn't deny it any longer. It took those four weeks for her to come to terms with the fact, that there was more to her than met the eye.

She really had been born in 1960.

The last nail in the coffin, and the strangest, came to her one night when she washed her solitary bowl and spoon from breakfast.

A distant memory, one long forgotten, was the most curious of them all.

In first year when she and Harry had found the Mirror of Esired, both had each taken their turn to look at their greatest desire. Harry's had been his family. Mila had been sad for him, but she could understand that more than anybody, and had expected to be greeted with her own.

But she had seen her and Harry. Just as they were. Their eleven year old selves. Only the image of Harry had been taller, his hair slightly more curled, his nose longer. And his eyes. They had been… brown.

That was a question in and of itself.


	24. The Return

hey friends, hope you enjoy x

* * *

Mila knew the day the school holidays hit, because she been keeping track religiously. She'd officially missed all the sixth year exams, and she officially missed her old life. The version which hadn't been completely bulldozed.

She'd processed, and processed and processed. She'd sat for hours in her small room, restlessly turning, unpicking every tiny interaction she'd ever had with anyone, and just about going stir crazy.

But she was angry. She was still so angry; that hadn't gone away. She was angry they had put her in this situation, and that she had no idea how to get out of it. Nothing could ever be the same again. It was a lie too big to get over with ignorance, and one fabricated by too many for her to truly trust anyone in her life.

Hermione had said Harry didn't have any part in it, but she couldn't know for sure. Even Draco. Draco who had so graciously helped her uncover her family. The secret _she_ thought was the only one in her life that could cause such a heavy amount of bother. But she couldn't know that he hadn't used the identity of her parents to throw her off. That someone, anyone, namely Albus Dumbledore had instructed the young Malfoy to keep her occupied. To give them more time.

She didn't know if it was fair for her to find reasons to distrust him, but there was simply nothing more to do in this low-rated cesspool than think. And think, and think.

The money was almost out, she'd been surprised it had lasted this long. She'd been sneaking into the motel kitchen to take food rather than pay, if she hadn't done that, she would have been out of here days ago.

She didn't know where to go.

She'd only been outside on a couple of walks, never straying far past the motel. She decided to go on another one to clear her head. She'd been wearing a variation of the same six items of clothing she'd managed to bring with her from Hogwarts. Luckily, among those items was a tank top and shorts. Summer had hit the ground running.

She walked outside, immediately hit with strong rays of light. Most rooms had their curtains drawn against the sun, Mila's included. Though this could also be chalked up to the fact that motels where mostly occupied by those in need of privacy.

Apart from the owner, the only real interaction she had was from a kooky neighbour in the room next to her. Her name was Velma, and Mila had seen her many times. She was an old woman, Mila guessed she had a couple years on McGonagall. She was the only one in the building who ever left her curtains wide open.

Mila was ready to go on her walk, but before she passed her neighbours door, Velma appeared at the window, hitting it rapidly and smiling. She had a lot of spunk for her age, and she always seemed to be popping up out of nowhere, and knocking on Mila's own door to borrow something.

Mila waited for her to open her door, and made a polite greeting when she came through.

"Hey, Velma, how are you doing?"

"Better than you, my child. What's that terrible look on your face?" Velma seemed very concerned.

"It's nothing."

Mila took in the other lady's outfit. It looked like something Xenophilius Lovegood would wear; long yellow robes, and a strange ornamental hat.

"Why don't you come in for a biscuit?" Velma's eyes glinted.

Mila had come outside intent on clearing her head, and though Velma was certainly nice enough, just a harmless old lady, she really didn't feel like company.

"Actually I was-"

"Nonsense." Velma began ushering her in. "You are coming with me. You've been holed up in your room far too long, don't think I haven't noticed."

Mila allowed herself to be escorted. Velma's room was nearly identical to her own, except where Mila had no sort of decoration, Velma looked like she'd brought nearly every item she owned to the motel with her.

Mila felt a little strange to be perusing through someone's things, so for the most part she tried to ignore her surroundings. But when Velma walked away over to the small kitchen, she noticed that many of the objects in the room were… wizarding items. She wasn't surprised, on the contrary, despite her bad mood she was lightly amused that the one person she had been on speaking terms with for the past five weeks was exactly the kind of person she had been trying to avoid.

Velma brought out a biscuit, and Mila nodded in thanks. She decided it was probably better if she didn't inspect it too hard, and instead shoved it into her mouth chewing quickly.

They sat at the small dining table every motel room had, complete with two creaky, and uncomfortable, wooden chairs.

The old woman eye's were staring hard at her. Mila cleared her throat awkwardly, trying to manoeuvre out of the situation as best as she could.

"Well, that was lovely, Velma. Very, um, delicious."

The old woman was having none of it. "What is a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"I'm just on school break." A weak excuse, but Mila was caught off guard.

"Let's drop the act, dear, we both know why you're here."

 _Harmless old lady, my arse._ "What makes you say that?"

"Why, my darling, I sensed it the moment you arrived. I was always very good at divination."

 _Yep. A witch._ She had suspected as much over the past few weeks. The outfits sort of gave it away.

Mila didn't like the woman's pushiness. "Velma you've been really sweet to me, but I don't want to talk about it just yet."

"Nonsense. That's what we women do. I'm going to help you get to the bottom of this." Velma stood and began pottering around the room, grabbing some of the strange items.

Mila was flustered. "Bottom of what?"

"Your decision, of course. Your troubles. All will be solved, today!"

As it so happens, Mila _didn't_ think all would be solved today. But she didn't mind humouring the old woman. She guessed Velma didn't get a lot of visitors, maybe that was why she had always seemed so forceful in getting to know her young neighbour.

Velma plonked down a glass ball, of all things, onto the table, and Mila tried very hard not to roll her eyes. She also placed down a cup, and carried a third object that she kept concealed in her robe.

"Let's get started."

The elder woman began rubbing her hands around the crystal, before reaching out to grasp a reluctant Mila's. Velma's eyes were closed, and she was mumbling under her breath. It started to feel a little longer than Mila was used to when being read in her old class.

"Is this part of it?" Mila said, but was quickly shushed and swatted by the old biddy.

"You are worried about going back… to someone? A friend?" Velma slowly spelled out.

"Sure," Mila said, shortly. She was determined not to get swept up in this nonsense. Her disbelief in something as absurd as Divination was one of the few things she had in common with Hermione.

"You've encountered great change. You are unsure of the road ahead of you."

Just about everyone on earth was unsure of the future, Mila didn't need a psychic to tell her that. She still allowed Velma to continue.

"They lied to you." Velma's words made Mila frown. This was getting a little too close to home.

Velma let go of her hands, and once more, leant towards the crystal ball, and hovered them over it.

"The answer to your question is… yes."

Velma opened her eyes and smiled at Mila like she had done her a great service.

"Yes?" Mila asked, dumbfounded.

Velma grabbed her hands again, this time to comfort her. "I can find out more if you wish. What other questions do you have?"

Mila didn't even know what the first one was. "That's ok. You, uh, already helped me enough."

"Now, now. I can help you further. Are there more answers that you seek. Do you wish to know your birthplace? Or perhaps uncover a childhood memory?"

"You can do that?" Mila asked unsurely. Velma may be spouting nonsense, but those were things Mila wouldn't mind knowing.

"Yes, all I need is some blood, a few drops at most."

Some what? "Oh no, no, no. I draw the line at blood. Listen, Velms, this has been fun but- hey!"

Velma had turned her hand over and cut her index finger with small knife; the unknown object she had been hiding. Before Mila registered what was going on, Velma lifted her hand and squeezed it over the cup on the table.

"That is more than a few drops!" Mila snatched her hand away, though Velma paid no attention. Instead, she began mumbling again, keeping the cup close to her and whispering inside of it. Mila realised the situation was getting out of her hands.

"What are you-"

Velma's voice came out sharp and cold. "You are older than you appear. You are not supposed to be here." Her voice grew quicker. "You are an abomination. There is something inside you. Trapped. You need to unlock it. You are an abomination. You are not supposed to be here. You are a-"

Mila stood abruptly, banging the table. Velma opened her eyes suddenly, the cup still grasped in her hands.

Velma's smile was too sweet. "My child, what is wrong?"

Mila hit the door as she backed away. She felt for the handle, latching onto it and swinging the door open. She ran outside and into her own room, banging it closed and locking it.

She leaned back onto the door and breathed deeply. Strangely enough, she didn't feel like staying in this place anymore. There would certainly be no more trips back to Velma's.

She threw her spare clothes in her bag, grabbing her few solitary items and shoving them in. She didn't know if she was going to leave, but right now, it felt like precautions were necessary.

She could probably find another motel. But how long would that one last? She had no money, unless she paid another trip to the Dursleys.

But she couldn't go searching through their house just yet, it was the middle of the day. Thievery was a crime committed at night, everyone knew that. She could stay for a couple more hours, and leave when it was dark.

She paced around her room a bit, always keeping her eye on the door. She tried to tell her self Velma was only a little old lady, and probably easily matched in a fight. She could definitely mow her down.

 _You're tough, Mila. You can take her._ She began nodding to herself. _If she tries to come for you, sock her one. Don't feel bad, just do it._

A sudden knock on the door caused her to squeal. She didn't like to hear that sound come out of her mouth, and was grateful no-one else ever would. She didn't approach the door, instead she just called out.

"Who is it?" Maybe it was just room service.

The only reply was another knock, and Mila grabbed her wand from the bedside table.

"I said, who is it?"

There was still no reply.

She walked cautiously to the door, and geared herself up to look through the peephole. She was not greeted with the sight of a sinister old lady.

She swung the door open. "What are you doing here?"

* * *

Albus Dumbledore had been sitting down at her dining table for the last fifteen minutes. Mila was, of all things, making him a cup of tea. Not exactly what she thought she would be doing the next time she saw him.

His company had come at an odd time. She was feeling particularly vulnerable after the Velma incident, maybe that's why there hadn't been a great deal of hesitation at letting him in.

She carried two mugs over, and laid them out, sitting in front of her own. Dumbledore took a sip immediately. Mila didn't touch hers.

She didn't want to be the first one to talk.

"Well, Miss Lovett, I must say you do make a great cup of tea."

She stared at him nonplussed. How exactly did he expect her to engage in mundane conversation. She continued to settle for silence.

Dumbledore eye's made slight movements around the room, taking it all in. He spotted the bag she'd begun packing. "Leaving so soon?"

"I don't say I blame you," he continued, "It's not a rather nice motel."

"How did you find me?" she blurted.

He considered her for a second. Mila figured he was trying to choose his words carefully.

"Miss Lovett, do you really believe I would have let you leave for so long if I did not know your whereabouts?"

She froze. "You're joking, right?"

He gave her a small smile, which only succeeded in angering her more. "I'm a headmaster, I am entrusted with the safety of my students. I take certain measures to ensure that safety."

Mila didn't know what to say to that. "Do the others know where I am?"

"I haven't told them."

Mila scoffed. "You are unbelievable. Why is it that you always pick and choose who gets to be on a need-to-know basis. What gives you that right?"

He didn't raise his voice, nor did he look particularly hurt by her comment. "If I had told them, you would not have been granted the space you desired. I have done you a favour, Miss Lovett."

"Don't try and manipulate me."

"I am not trying to manipulate you. Was that indeed not the case?"

Mila lifted her arms and smacked them on the table in frustration. "You think this is the way to convince me to come back? You are seriously senile."

"I'm not trying to convince you. It is up to you to convince me, that you are ready to know the truth."

"I don't need to do anything."

Dumbledore only continued. "You must have questions, and we, your friends and family, can give you answers. You may not understand it now, but all this has been a great effort to protect you. And many others."

"Protect me? How is lying to me, protecting me?"

Dumbledore's smile was soft, but there was an alertness to his eyes. "There are certain things even I don't know, but what I do know has led me to believe that these actions were necessary, even if regrettable. You have a journey ahead of you, Mila. Don't let my foolishness stop you from finding out the truth."

She shook her head in wonder. It was time, really. Going home was long overdue. She didn't want to face any of them, but the need for answers was far more great.

"If I go back," she started, "I don't want to speak to them. Not yet."

Dumbledore nodded.

She continued. "And, I want total transparency. Some people actually believe in that, you know."

"I am aware," he remarked.

Mila thought, perhaps, he wasn't. A man like Albus Dumbledore, a man who did everything for the 'greater good', wasn't a man you could ever fully trust. But Mila had no choice but to put her trust in him. She had no other option. And besides, Harry would do it.

Harry believed in the greater good too.

"This is the right choice, Miss Lovett. Your co-operation is crucial."

And for once, Mila would rather not know what he was talking about.

* * *

It was very late when they arrived at Hogwarts. Dumbledore had told her he believed this was the best neutral ground to bring everyone together.

She sat in the Great Hall alone, her duffel bag next to her. She twiddled her thumbs around while she waited, not exactly sure what for.

Dumbledore was contacting her friends, letting them know she was safe. She didn't know who he included on _that_ particular need-to-know list. Sirius and Lupin, Harry, Ron and Hermione. Draco? Probably not. The Weasleys? It could be anyone, really.

Mila hadn't given much thought to The Order before. With Voldemort failing at making his return, having The Order seemed somewhat obsolete. But had they known about it to? How many members did?

She knew they still met up, now and then. Just in case. Voldemort wasn't completely gone, after all. She wondered if they would be called here too. Hogwarts was empty, because of the summer holidays. They had all the privacy they needed.

One thing Mila did know, was that she was absolutely starving, and the lack of any distraction had her thinking about just how hungry she was.

As if he could hear her thoughts, a small, jumpy elf popped into the hall, carrying a plate of a rather messy sandwich.

"Dobby has heard Miss is back. Dobby thought Miss might be hungry."

He lifted the plate towards her, and she graciously accepted. She hadn't seen the odd creature in ages.

"How have you been, Dobby?"

"Dobby was worried about Miss. Dobby is happy she has returned"

Mila frowned with guilt. "I'm sorry for making you worry, Dobby."

She had made rather a lot of people worry.

He nodded, smiling brightly at her, and vanished the same way he had arrived. Mila placed the sandwich onto the table, and stared at it. It seemed she had lost her appetite.

She heard voices outside the doors, quite a few of them. She was scared. She'd had relented to Dumbledore that she would see her friends, just to let them see she was ok, but she wasn't sure she wanted more than that. Not yet.

She wondered how it was possible they could be here so quickly. The train wasn't running, they couldn't have taken it. Dumbledore must have lifted the charm, so they could apparate into the school. How many of them had come here?

The voices drew closer and she heard the door open. She quickly looked back at her plate, trying to avoid what was inevitable. She was afraid to look up.

There were footsteps approaching her. She pushed herself up from the table, still looking down. Before she knew it, she was enveloped in a hug.

The scent of him gave him away. Her dear friend, Ron Weasley, was hugging her the same way he had when they'd escaped Professor Quirell in first year.

As she hugged him, she saw Dumbledore peeking through the doorway and giving her a nod, before leaving the room entirely. Ron and Mila were the only two in here.

Mila squeezed her eyes shut, and let herself be held. She was surprised at her lack of anger, this wasn't the hello she had expected. Something about it being Ron, made it easy, less scary. He'd always been good at that.

She pulled away. "Hey, Weasley," she said softly.

"Hi."

The two of them sat down where Mila had been previously. They both seemed a little lost for words.

Mila eventually found her voice. "How were the exams?"

Ron let out a gentle laugh. "Trust you to bring up the only thing worse than your disappearance."

"That bad, huh."

He chewed his lip nervously. "Look, Mila. I don't want you to think- I didn't know for very long. They only just told me, right before…"

She nodded, brushing away his concern. "I had a feeling."

He let out a breath, relaxing. "Leave it to you to have a worse skeleton in your closet than a secret lineage."

"Ron."

"Sorry, bad joke."

"Where is everyone?" She hadn't expected a one on one so soon.

"I was the first one here. Well I mean, Sirius and Lupin are here, but Harry and Hermione haven't arrived yet."

"Oh."

It was a strange thing to be faced with a friend and have little to say to them. Ron said he hadn't known very long, but he'd still _known_. He still hadn't told her. But she found herself reluctant to pick a fight. She was tired, and worn down, and she'd had a very strange day.

Ron mistook her silence for anger. "They told me it would be easier if I saw you," he tried to explain, "They didn't think you wanted to see-"

"They were right," she said, "I don't want to see them." She'd only agreed to a meeting to put their minds at ease, not hers. Not yet.

"Everyone here is only trying to help you, Mila."

Dumbledore had come back into the room. Mila watched him carefully as she answered Ron.

"Are they?"


	25. The Waiting

hey everyone!

i just want to say a big thank you to everyone who is still plugging along with me 3, i know things are getting a bit darker in these chapters, but we have a lot a light ahead of us

i have always planned to delve into Mila's memories of her first life, which i think will provide a nice break from the intense little situation we have going on here (this will still be several chapters away but i'm pretty excited about it)

overall this is a story of love and laughter, i don't like keeping things too serious for too long, but then again i do love really pondering on how characters react to things, what they think and feel etc. you know, the good stuff ;)

for every comment, and every message (especially in my absence) , i just want to say thank you- these are the things that keep me going. i never thought i could get this far with a story, and i have no intention of stopping, it really does mean a lot

i think we have something pretty special going on here, and i hope you do too xx

* * *

"Mr Weasley, Miss Lovett, it seems Mr Potter and Miss Granger have completed their journey here."

"Looks like our better halves have arrived," Mila muttered to Ron.

He looked at her, unsure whether he should be laughing, or worried.

"Mr Malfoy is here also," Dumbledore added.

Mila blinked. Draco was here? They'd actually invited him? The stress she was feeling doubled. She'd only seen Ron, and already she was overwhelmed. She'd tried to avoid thinking about how her departure had effected her friends, all that led to was a guilt she didn't think she should have to feel. But it was different when it was someone who, most likely, hadn't known the truth about her. Draco and Harry, they were both innocent in all of this. But it was hard to separate her emotions, and even harder to be confronted with them.

Ron could feel her tense beside him. "Do you mind if we have a few more minutes?"

Dumbledore nodded, and, once again, left the two of them alone.

"Do you want to see them?" Ron asked.

Mila didn't know. This morning she had woken up with a plan to steal more money to extend her motel stay, and now she was here. She was back at Hogwarts, back where this whole mess had started.

"I'm not sure," she whispered, her head shaking on its own accord.

If Ron had held any anger towards her for leaving, he wasn't showing it. Instead, he watched his friend concerned.

"I- I should see them," she said.

She was trying to convince herself more than anything. It had been a long time, she'd missed them so much, but she knew she couldn't get them back. Especially Hermione. Everything was too twisted now. Seeing them would prove that without a doubt.

"Mila-"

"I'll see them." She was a Gryffindor. Brave. She never thought she would need Gryffindor courage to see her friends.

Ron nodded. "I'll go tell them."

She just needed them to see she was ok, Mila reminded herself, then she could be alone. She could go lock herself away somewhere. This was on her terms, not Dumbledore's, her's.

Ron had gone on the other side of the door, and she was alone again.

She sat, nervously playing with her sleeves. Her ears were keenly listening for any sound coming from behind the door. She could hear nothing.

She stood up, then sat down, then stood again. She paced. This was taking longer than she expected. She grabbed the Marauder's map from her bag.

With shaking hands, she opened it to see where her friends were. And why they were taking so long.

There was only one cluster of people on the whole map. The rest of the school was empty. There was just nine people, all standing together.

Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger… Her eyes narrowed. Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Albus Dumbledore. All congregated together in a separate room. All talking about her as they left her to her own devices.

She clutched the map, and walked out of the Great Hall.

She didn't go far. In fact she went to the place she spent most of her nights at Hogwarts. Her bedroom.

The rest of her stuff was all still there, though it was unaccompanied by anyone else's, since they had all packed and left. Even Hermione's things were gone.

Her bed was still made. Immaculately so. Way better than she would have ever made it herself. In fact, all her stuff was very neatly tucked away. Someone had obviously gone through it. It almost made Mila want to run straight out of here all over again.

She ran her finger over her nightstand. She was seeing this room with a brand new set of eyes. This wasn't her home, it was a joke. A cruel joke she'd been believing for almost seventeen years.

* * *

She wasn't sure exactly how long it was that she silently studied the space, but when she was interrupted it felt like an eternity had passed. Hermione Granger was in her room.

"Mila?"

When Mila heard Hermione's voice, she was drawn back to the night she left, and how similar this moment was.

When Mila didn't say anything, Hermione spoke again. "You weren't in the Great Hall, we thought… we didn't know if you had left again." Hermione was out of breath.

Mila turned to face her. Hermione studied Mila's dishevelled appearance, but the startling thing was her eyes. Mila's eyes were completely without feeling. She wondered what exactly Mila had been doing in here.

Hermione voiced her thoughts again. "It's nice to see you. Are you- are you hungry?"

Mila shook her head.

Hermione hadn't seen her friend in so long. She was unsure how mad Mila was, unsure how much she knew, and she was unsure where they stood. Fighting with a friend could be just as bad as fighting with a lover, sometimes worse. You could look at a person you'd known so whole-heartedly and start to realise that you didn't know them at all.

Hermione plunged on. "Are you tired?"

Mila nodded.

Hermione looked just about grateful to get some sort of positive response. She'd known seeing her friend again wouldn't be easy, but she was totally unprepared for the silence she was being granted. She'd expected more yelling.

"Well, that's ok. We understand you might want to sleep first." Hermione walked over to Mila's bed and began fluffing pillows. "We can make this more comfortable, and we can grab some snacks, and sleep. And if you have any questions, I suppose I'm allowed to answer them now, though it is rather late, so maybe sleep would be better," she babbled.

"I'm not sleeping in here."

Hermione froze, her hands lingering on the bed sheet. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to smile, before she turned around.

"Sure, we can find somewhere else. Where would you like to go?" Hermione asked.

"I don't care."

"Well, I can help you sort something out if you-"

"No, thank you." Mila began to walk out.

"But-" Hermione rebuked.

"I'll figure it out myself."

"Ok, but first-" Hermione's words halted Mila's movement.

Mila didn't meet her eye. "What?"

"I need to take the map from you."

Mila's blood went cold. "Excuse me?"

"Like it or not, Mila, we're your friends, and we're trying to help you. And we need to make sure you don't leave again."

Mila hit Hermione with a hard stare, as she pulled the map from her pocket. She tossed it onto Hermione's bed.

"Thanks for the help, friend."

Hermione watched Mila walk out the room. Five weeks had clearly done nothing. Mila didn't seem like she had an ounce of forgiveness in her, not for Hermione at least. Hermione had listened jealously to Ron when he told her Mila had been somewhat happy to see him.

She thought, maybe, that would mean that the same would occur for her. That the time had done Mila good, and she could understand why Hermione had done what she did. Apparently that wasn't the case.

Ron's betrayal hadn't been so deep, only short of a few months. Hermione's had been much longer than that, and she hoped the price she had to pay wasn't nearly half as long.

The worst part was that all wasn't over. There was more coming. Dumbledore might have been able to convince the others the worst had passed, but he hadn't been able to convince Hermione. After all, she really was the brightest witch of her age.

But she needed to focus on right now. And right now, she needed to tell her friends that Mila was still here. She hoped that wouldn't change.

* * *

When Mila woke up the next morning, it took her a moment to remember where she was. It was hard to recognise, due to it constantly changing whenever she wanted food or a bathroom break, but the Room of Requirement had a certain aura that put the guest at ease.

It turned out it hadn't been a hard choice to decide where to sleep. Why wouldn't she have gone to the place that could conjure up a breakfast burrito at her will.

She ate, and she sat, and she stared at the ceiling. The room was working hard, trying to come up with some sort of entertainment for her idle mind, but nothing was catching her eye, and the thing she wanted most was space. So that's what it ended up giving her.

An empty room, with only her bed to sit on.

Now that she didn't have the map, she could only wonder where her friends were. And where Lupin and Sirius were too.

She thought the whole point of this little arrangement was that they could have a go at 'explaining' why she shouldn't be angry or upset with them. That was why she was here, wasn't it?

She had admitted to herself last night that she wanted answers. This whole mess had brought up a lot of questions, and her curiosity had always gotten the best of her.

Back when she'd found out, they'd talked about the night Harry's parents had been killed. Mila had been there. Why? How had this whole thing occurred? Whether she liked it or not, the only people in the world who could tell her were in this building.

So she sat up, and swallowed her pride, but not her anger. She wasn't ready to let that go just yet.

New clothes appeared, a clean shirt and jeans. She changed quickly, and wondered what the range of the room was, and if these clothes were going to disappear off her body the second she left. But more importantly she wondered exactly how she as going to do this. She didn't even have the map to prepare her, she just had to blindly walk the halls, and at any given moment, could bump into someone she had left behind.

She didn't think it would happen so suddenly.

"Harry?"

Her best friend stared at her in shock as she appeared from the room out of nowhere. He had a bowl of cereal, with a spoon half raised to his mouth. And a book? Had he been planning to sit outside the Room of Requirement and wait for her?

"Mila." He slowly bent to put the cereal on the ground, and Mila didn't think she had seen a more ludicrous action in his life. Harry Potter was not graceful, which was evident in his 'cereal placing down' capabilities.

This was not how she thought she would be reunited with her friend. When Harry ran to her and hugged her however, it was a little more like what she pictured.

"You're ok!" Harry whispered into her hair. He squeezed a little more tightly than she was used to, it was so nice to see someone who was in the same boat as she was. He may not have been the one with two lives, but he had been lied to as well.

She pulled away from him. "So are you."

She had been so intent on anger, and now she was so relived to see Harry, that it was natural tears sprung in her eyes. Her emotions were so volatile at the moment, she felt like she went from one extreme to the next.

"Did you really not know?" They both knew what she meant and she had to ask. Even if she knew the answer already.

He shook his head. "No. I swear."

That was enough, she believed him. "Where is everyone?"

"I haven't seen the adults since last night. They weren't telling me when I could see you, but they mentioned you were sleeping here. I wanted to see you, but I didn't know if-"

"If I wanted to see you," she finished.

"I can barely wrap my head around the whole thing," Harry admitted. "But where have you been? Have you been safe?"

She brushed off his concerns. "I was fine, just holed up somewhere." She paused, "I'm sorry that- I didn't tell you."

His face was full of concern, not anger, and for that Mila was grateful. Harry wouldn't hold her actions against her, because he understood how she worked.

"I'm just glad you're back," he said. He gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and she knew he wouldn't push her any further.

It was so strange how at ease she felt. Harry was the one she had grown up with. Harry. It was easy to believe that was true when it was just the two of them. She wanted to chase that feeling a little longer.

"Tell me everything."

* * *

Harry told her about his NEWTs, and about how Ron had nearly thrown at quill at Seamus because he kept reading the questions aloud. Harry steered clear of talking about Hermione, they were both a little cautious when it came to mentioning the brunette.

"And Ginny, how is she?"

When Mila asked, the oddest thing occurred. Harry's cheeks tinged red, and Mila found herself studying them a little too intently.

"She's been helpful. We- we've been talking a lot. She knew I was missing you and- yeah."

"Helpful?" Mila couldn't help but press.

A little part of her, a tiny part, was hurt. She knew Harry missed her, and she knew that they would always been friends, and she even knew that Ginny had feelings for Harry. But, whether Harry was fully aware of it or not, it was obvious that Ginny was filling a void that Mila had never been able to. Mila had often wondered what it would be like when Harry found someone who could love him back, and, she supposed, she should be happy it was someone she liked. But it hurt that it had happened in her absence, and maybe because of it.

Harry continued. "I know this might be a little weird to talk about, and nothing's really happened. But it's been really hard with you gone, and before this whole thing, you were really happy with Draco-"

"I don't know if I was 'with' Draco," she interrupted. They had never officially talked about it. But it had definitely been heading there.

"Well, whatever it was, you guys had something that we never did, and I didn't want to admit it. Except now, things are different."

Mila looked at Harry who, despite looking like he hadn't slept in weeks, didn't look nearly as heartbroken as she feared he would be when she disappeared. For that reason alone, she decided she should be grateful.

It was still a little awkward to get the words out. They rarely talked to each other about their love lives.

"I mean, I know you don't need my permission, or whatever. But you have it. If Ginny makes you happy then, I'm glad."

He smiled at her. "I've really missed you, you know."

For the first time in a long time, Mila's face lit up with a smile. "I missed you too."

Harry took a moment to feel joy, but his face turned more grave. "To tell you the truth, Mila. I don't really understand why we're all here. They want to explain things to you, of course, but doesn't this all just feel a little… much?"

"I don't understand." She'd been under the impression that she was here to hear them out, nothing more. But Harry had been the one who'd talked plans with them, he knew more of what was going on.

"Dumbledore keeps talking about- I don't know, he just seems really intent on you learning about, well, you know…"

"You're kind of freaking me out, Potter." She tried to comprehend what he was saying. Was there more to all of them being here?

"Look, I'm just as angry at Sirius and Lupin as you, but I do think you should see them. I think you being able to understand why they did what they did would help."

She nodded unsurely. "I don't know if I can do that. When I was away, I could pretend that this never happened. But learning about my life? That makes it real. And then I have to figure out what it all means. What will that make me? A girl who was born in 1960?"

"I get it. I want you to be you. But who I am, and who we are… we've always had to consider the bigger picture. This is your bigger picture."

She gave a stressful sigh. "When did you get so poetic?"

"I have a very dramatic best friend," Harry smiled.

"But I do think there is someone you should check in with first," he added.

And that was when Mila Lovett found herself in the Slytherin Common Room.

* * *

Last night, when they were alerted to the fact that Mila was still inside the building, a meeting took place in Dumbledore's office.

Sirius Black was fed up with meetings. As Lupin wearily sat in a chair next to him, Sirius was fidgeting to try and calm his temper. He thought the fact that he was even trying showed great personal growth on his part. Nobody else seemed to notice.

The relief at knowing Mila was safe was quickly overwhelmed with the anxiety of seeing her again. Hermione's report had done nothing to lessen it. Mila was angry, and hurt. But that was to be expected.

He realised he had been zoning out, and perked to his ears to listen to the end of Dumbledore's sentence.

"-we know where she is. She is safely inside the castle, and we are now in control of the situation. The other children have gone to bed. The only thing we should do now is wait."

This was normally a point that Sirius would have argued. He had done almost seventeen years of waiting. But now the moment was here. Mila finally knew, and despite her hostility, he knew that she would want explanation. But he did not want Mila Lovett to hate him.

Instead, it was Remus who voiced an argument. "Why wait? We've already ruined her life, the whole plan has gone to hell. Why try and tiptoe around her like she's still none the wiser?"

"Remus, are you quite alright?" McGonagall asked.

"Not really, Minerva, no."

"Remus, please calm down," Dumbledore said.

Remus did not stand, but his voice was tinged with a quiet anger that Sirius recognised as Remus' breaking point.

"I have followed your instructions for seventeen years, Albus. What good did it do? We had absolutely no control over how she found out," Lupin said.

"Moony, please-" Sirius began.

"No, Sirius," Remus interrupted, "I knew you were foolish, but the part you played in her discovery was an absolute low. Did you think she was going to run into your arms? Because the fact of the matter is that she ran away, she was missing for a whole _month_."

He turned back to Dumbledore. "Tell me, Albus, how does that resemble control?"

Dumbledore's words were the gentle sort. "I know she was your friend, Remus, but there is a bigger picture here."

"And yet, you will not confide in what that picture is?"

"I believe it is only just coming to pass. I simply can't disclose anymore until I know for sure. But you have what you wanted. Mila is here, and we can persuade her to listen."

Only then did Remus stand. "None of this is what I wanted."

He walked out of the office, leaving Sirius with the two teachers.

"I must say, I was expecting more of a fight from you, Sirius," McGonagall said, her eyes on the door that Lupin exited through.

"As long as I get to talk to her," he said, "You'll get no argument from me."

It was Dumbledore who answered. "You will speak to her, Sirius. I'm counting on it."

Sirius didn't know whether to be relieved by that reassurance or worried.


	26. The Memory

hey, how we all enjoying it so far?

* * *

While Harry's talk had convinced Mila that she should let Sirius and Lupin talk to her, she still couldn't bring herself to face them. So instead she looked for Draco, still too afraid of answers to questions she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

She searched all around the Slytherin Common Room, but he wasn't there. It was nearing midday, he wouldn't be asleep. Was he out looking for her? Somehow that made her feel worse.

Any guilt that Mila felt about leaving, was mostly directed towards him. Harry understood the situation because he was apart of it. His close friends had lied to him the same way they had to Mila.

Draco was an outsider, even if he wasn't to Mila. He'd never been to Sirius Black's house, never stepped foot in the Burrow, and certainly had never been taken in by Remus Lupin. He wasn't in this like she was. She didn't know if that was a good thing, or bad thing. How had he felt when he found out she was gone?

Careful to listen out for voices she wasn't ready to meet, she searched the castle and all the spots she figured he might be.

She had the idea to check the Honeydukes passage. It had been becoming 'their' place, it would make sense if, when unsure about her, he would be there.

With this new idea came a sense of urgency that had her completely forgetting about her self-imposed quiet tread. And her keen ears.

She turned around another passage and ran directly into one of the people she was trying to avoid.

Her face hardened. Draco was forgotten.

"Mila." Sirius was, for lack of a better word, startled.

It was a rare feeling for him, one that didn't quite fit him. Mila found she barely recognised Sirius when he wasn't confident, or sure of himself. His hair was scruffy, his beard untrimmed. She tried not to take too much note of his shaggy appearance.

She was at a loss. She wasn't about to just stand here and chat to him in the hallway. She couldn't picture anything she would rather do less. But there was something about the way he said her name. Something that made her angry. He said it with a claim of a friend, but she wasn't feeling particularly friendly.

"Sirius."

"How- ahem- how have you been?"

"I'm not doing that," she rebuffed.

"Mila-"

"How do you think I've been?"

She didn't allow him to answer, instead she brushed past him, trying to go back on the path she had intended.

He grabbed ahold of her, which he had never done before. This was a different Sirius entirely, one who took more liberty than the kind 'uncle-figure' she had always known. It was scary.

"If you let me explain-"

"Explain!" she outraged, "I can't even look at you right now. I thought I could hear you out, Harry made me think I could, but I see you and I'm just so angry."

There was a jolt of something. Familiarity. A moment in Mila's head, which seemed so tangible, but she could not grab onto it. Sirius saw it in her face.

"See? There. You know you are more than this, you know there is something missing."

She was too shocked to move. The feeling had rushed through her so quickly she was dizzy.

Sirius continued. "And because I know _you_ , Mila, I know that you will seek it out." He relinquished his hold on her. "I'm not going to force you, because I know you will come find me when you're ready."

His movements seemed so slow to her, before he started to turn away, her voice managed to escape it's strange captivity.

" _How_ do you know that?"

How could he possibly think she could forgive him? Him, Lupin, Hermione, the whole blasted lot.

"Because," he said, his eyes bore sharply into hers. "There was a time when I knew you better than I knew myself."

His voice had been gentle, and he strode away in that dramatic way only Sirius Black knew how. It left her shaken. The anger made way into confusion and a sheer desire to run away and never come back. But she'd already done that. Kind of.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to make sense of the lurch she had experienced. But it had left her completely.

She didn't know how she had ignored this strange undercurrent her whole life. How had signs, that now seemed so obvious, completely escaped her? It hit her then, quite suddenly, that she had a whole life she knew nothing about.

A _whole_ life. Sirius had known her. He'd talked to her. He'd considered her a friend. She'd said things should couldn't remember, and done things she couldn't remember.

Why, that was simply… terrifying.

* * *

It turns out, finding Draco didn't take very long.

When entering the Honeydukes passage, she wasn't at all surprised to see him.

Draco leaned casually against a wall, as if he was expecting her. He always seemed to know her next move.

"Draco," she started, but found she had no words to fit the situation.

"Lovett."

"Back to that, are we?" An old joke. It seemed funnier the first time.

He didn't reply.

She walked closer to him. He hadn't even glanced in her direction yet. It seemed her worries were coming to fruition. She _had_ hurt him, badly.

She was only just coming down from her interaction with Sirius, and Draco's silence tipped her over the edge.

She started crying. Something Mila Lovett never did. Not big wallowing sobs, but a small heartbroken cry that only came when you felt completely lost.

She sat on the ground, leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. She felt him walk over to her.

"Mila?"

"Look, don't say anything, ok? I know you're mad at me. But I've been having a really bad day, and I would just like to sit with someone who had nothing to do with it. So if that's alright with you, I'm just going to wallow in the dark for a bit."

Her eyes squeezed even tighter, and she pressed the palms of her hand into them.

She'd been spooked ever since the Velma incident, and it was all making its way out. Hermione had lied to her, Sirius and Lupin had lied to her, she'd lost twenty years of memories and she'd only just realised how much of a loss that was.

Maybe she had been a better person. Maybe she hadn't been the selfish, cowardly shell of Mila that presently existed in this passage. Mila hadn't felt like herself in a long time.

Draco sat down next to her, like he had many times before. There was now a handful of times where she had sought him for solace. Their relationship had changed so much this past year.

"Sorry," she sniffed, "I'm being selfish, again. You don't have to comfort me. I understand I upset you. Believe me, it was the last thing I wanted."

She wiped her eyes. Her quick burst was over with.

"You've really put me in a spot here, haven't you, Lovett?" His voice was gentle, there was no malice.

She laughed tearfully. "What was it you said? I'm hard work?"

"Some hard work is worth doing."

She met his eyes for the first time during their conversation. It was time to be honest.

"I don't know how much you know. But the night that they told me, I was so freaked out. I didn't think. I just left," she said.

His eyes were vulnerable. Even though he wanted to comfort her, he couldn't stop his own hurt from creeping to the surface.

"They told me what they told you. About your… other life. They said it was some huge secret, and that I couldn't tell anyone."

"I'm sorry I put you in that position."

Draco cleared his throat. "That's not what I'm sorry about. This is where I wanted to be. I wanted to be someone you confided in. I wanted to be with you, Mila."

Wanted. It was the first time either of them had said it aloud. They'd always skirted around the edges, neither taking the final step. But, still. Wanted. Not want.

'But you left," he continued, his voice sounded resigned, like he'd had a long time to get used to her not being there.

"I'm not sorry that I left." She urged on, not wanting him to misunderstand. "I'm sorry that I didn't take you with me."

He took her hand. She found comfort in the simple touch.

"So what are you going to do now?" he asked.

The way he said it, made it feel like it was not so dire. _What_ was she going to do now? What was next? The future was laid out like some foggy haze she couldn't make sense of. So, _how_ was she going to make sense of it?

"I think that you want answers," he observed. "If I know you like I think I do, Lovett, you'll need them."

"Yeah," she finally admitted aloud, "I do."

* * *

Mila waltzed into the Great Hall, determined. She'd picked herself up, and dusted herself off.

"Great, you're all here."

Draco followed in behind her to join the group. Lupin, Sirius, Albus, McGonagall, her school friends, and even Professor Snape.

Mila's eyes caught Sirius'. "Ok, explain."

Sirius met Lupin's confused eye. Neither was expecting quite such a forceful entry, nor a Mila who was, albeit stubbornly, ready to listen to them.

Mila hadn't seen Lupin yet, and felt the natural sting of hurt when seeing him again for the first time. Lupin, eyes tired and resigned, gave a little nod to her. She didn't nod back.

"Well," Dumbledore said, "Perhaps we should-"

"Actually," Mila interrupted, "I'll be asking the questions here."

Dumbledore blinked, and Lupin, though she didn't see, looked a little bit proud.

"Very well."

Mila walked over to the Gryffindor table, and sat on top of it. Draco gave her an unsure look, but she gestured to him to, please, sit next to her. Harry gave her a small smile.

There were a lot of people in this room, Mila noted. She was at different places with all of them, she didn't know how to act. But what she did know, was that she wanted to take charge of this conversation. That was her right.

One question on her mind bore more heavily than others. There was an urgency to understand where she came from. "Did you know who my parents were?"

That was the thing that had started this whole mess. It was the discovery of the locket, that was led to the initial questioning of those around her, and the information they withheld. In the end, they had known she was looking for them. Had they known all along?

Lupin answered, rising from his seat at the next table. "You were Lovett to us now, and Lovett to us then."

Disappointing. She still had no hope of ever learning about the family she had never known.

But Lupin continued, "But your mother, you used to say she died when you were very young."

Mila felt a pound in her chest. "I knew my mother?"

She'd known a member of her family? How was that possible? She had been abandoned in an orphanage. Visited only once, by a father who had given her this locket. Or at least, that was the story she had pieced together.

"You can be a very private person, Mila. I don't know much about her. You just said, she was unfit to care for you, and you were raised in an orphanage, just as you were now."

"So she was not a Rosier wife?" Mila asked. More confusion, more questions, more mystery. Why was everything so messed up?

Dumbledore was the one to speak this time. "Alas, no. We did not know the identity of your father until Hermione told us what you had discovered."

Hermione avoided anyone's eye contact.

Dumbledore continued. "We, the Order, have since looked into it. Your father was indeed a Rosier, but you were not born to his wife."

Mila wasn't feeling the control she desired. Thirty seconds in and they'd already pulled out the rug from under her. She had been born out of wedlock. No wonder she hadn't been wanted.

Her young friends stayed silent, all throwing her equally pitying looks. Sirius, was not. He was looking at her like she could handle this.

"What does it matter, Mila?" he said, "You didn't care about them back then, and you shouldn't now. We have always been your family."

She looked at him harshly, still distressed by the news. But, underneath it all, she could see he was right. Or at least he believed he was. Maybe her previous self had been happy with the family she had created, but that family hadn't lied to her. This present Mila, had been.

She directed her questions to Albus, unable to look at anyone else. "You know who he was?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Tell me."

"His name was Mitar Rosier. His son, Evan, your half-brother, went to school with you in the seventies.

"Brother?" Albus Dumbledore certainly didn't pull back any punches.

"Albus," Minerva warned, but it did not deter him.

"Mitar attended Hogwarts as well. He graduated in 1945 with-"

"Voldemort," Mila finished. It had been like she feared. She came from death-eaters, but even worse, a death-eater's sleazy affair. Velma had been right, she was born from sin.

She was surprised she could speak. "And my mother, she was…"

"A muggle."

Muggle. A pureblood Slytherin, and a muggle. She wasn't the muggleborn she had believed, nor the pureblood she had suspected.

"I'm a halfblood," she whispered to herself. Then a little louder, "I need to sit down."

Ron chose that moment to pipe up. "You are sitting down."

"I need to sit down somewhere else."

She stepped down from the table, and squeezed her eyes open and shut. This was totally, and completely, not going well.

"How- how did you find out?" Her words stumbled out of her mouth.

McGonagall put a hand on Dumbledore's arm to shush him, and decided to answer Mila herself. "When you found your family name, we looked into Evan Rosier's artefacts. In his later years, he wrote in a journal, he spoke often of his father's great shame. And…"

"And?"

"We recovered a memory. A pensieve was kept in a home, and the memory was left untouched for seventeen years."

"A memory, from my father?" The word felt wrong in Mila's mouth.

McGonagall nodded unhappily. "Yes, Mila."

All it had taken was for her and Draco to open the door. It taken a great deal of effort to even obtain a last name. How easy it had been for the Order to gather this information? But what scared her more was that they were sharing it so liberally. That wasn't like the Order at all.

Mila's face hardened once more. "Why are you telling me all this?"

A part of her knew it was because she simply deserved to know. She'd been steeped in secrets her whole life. Harry's friendship had resulted in her being on the inside, but even with being in this inner circle, the amount the adults shielded them from was staggering.

It was no surprise to her that Dumbledore had more to say, contradicting McGonagall.

"Mila, it is your memory. From your own mind. And with this memory, we have the potential to unlock your previous life for you. You will be able to remember everything."

And there it was. Albus Dumbledore's motive was suddenly entirely clear to her. He wanted the old Mila back, because she had something he needed.

There were a few, simultaneous, reactions to the news Dumbledore had just unleashed.

McGonagall hissed Albus' name, obviously not prepared to give up this information so quickly. Draco seemed to tense beside her, and Harry threw her an alarming look.

"Is this true?" Sirius was torn between anger and shock.

"Albus, what is the meaning of this?" Lupin was pure anger.

Hermione and Snape looked like the only two to have any idea of what was going on.

And Mila, she stayed silent. Her chest was heavy. She tried to remember what breathing felt like.

Dumbledore ignored all this others. His eyes were locked onto Mila, and his gaze only added to the weight.

She didn't know where it came from, but her voice was strong when she finally found it.

"Absolutely not."

She was not going to let them upheave her life more than they already had.

An argument began to form. Sirius and Lupin were visibly angry, but Mila didn't know if it was only because they hadn't been told. She was sure they'd want her to remember just as much, if not more than Albus. She had agreed to come back, but she had certainly not agreed to this.

"How could you spring this on her? What in Godric's name were you thinking?" Lupin said.

"Albus, we were not supposed to divulge this information. Mila's too temperamental, we were suppose to take our time," Minerva added.

"We are running _out_ of time, Minerva," Albus said.

They continued on, nobody noticed when Mila slipped out.

* * *

Harry sat with Ron and Hermione. The three of them had been left to their own devices, the others had taken their argument elsewhere.

"Poor Mila," Ron sighed. They just kept throwing curveballs at her, and one day it was going to knock her over completely.

Harry nodded mutely. He'd been clamming up in Hermione's presence since he found out about her involvement. He tried to shove it aside, for the sake of their friend.

"She's not going to let them restore her memory, she said it herself," Harry said.

"Dumbledore won't give up so easily. He will try to convince her," Hermione answered.

Harry threw her a harsh look. "Why? If she doesn't want to, then why force her?"

"He won't tell me," Hermione admitted. "Look, Harry, I've told you everything I know, ok. Please stop treating me like I have more to hide."

"It's kind of hard to believe you, Hermione, considering what you kept from us for so long."

Hermione had tried many ways to get Harry to forgive her. She hadn't tried anger before.

"What was I supposed to do, Harry? I didn't ask to be entrusted with this damn secret!"

A feeling crept over Harry that he hadn't expected. Jealousy. "Well, why wasn't I?"

"Guys, please-" Ron tried.

"Because they knew how you felt about her. They knew you would tell her." Hermione was growing upset.

"Because I'm her friend, Hermione. That's what friends are supposed to do!"

Ron stood. "Alright, that's enough. I know it's hard, mate, but I'm not going to let you sit here and yell at her like this."

Harry stood too. "Fine."

He left the hall angrily. He walked to a nearby broom cupboard and plonked himself down.

After a few minutes, his head grew clearer, and he tried to process the night's events.

In all honesty, he understood why Hermione had done what she did. He even, way down deep, forgave her. At the end of the day, she was family. Tonight's revelation had just put him on edge.

When he thought about the fact that his own godfather had had a whole life with his best friend, it was… weird. Sirius cared about Mila, it was plain as day, and it had been hard for Harry to comprehend. Harry had often caught himself wondering, if back in the day, Mila had felt similarly. But he hadn't had to concern himself too much with that. Until now.

He didn't know what Mila remembering her previous life would do to her. How it would change her. She would be different, but how different? She would know things about Sirius and Lupin, in the same way that she knew things about him. Would she seem older? When you added it all up, she'd been alive for almost 38 years. The same age as Sirius and Lupin. With memories of them he couldn't even begin to touch on.

And memories of his dad, he realised. Mila had been friends with James Potter. She would know more about his father than he did. And that in itself, was startling.

Harry Potter did not want Mila to remember these things. He wanted her to stay exactly as she was, because she had been the thing to keep him going all these years. She was his pure, and untouchable, joy. Remembering would mean she would become something else. And, selfishly, he didn't want that to happen.

* * *

Mila heard a knock on her bedroom door. It was funny, she thought, that the place she had, only last night, felt revolted by, was the place she had run to.

She expected Harry, maybe Draco, but didn't have a clue how they could bypass the charm that kept boys away from the girl's dorms.

Mila had thought a lot about what Dumbledore had said, and she wondered why it was so important that they completely rearrange her into someone she was afraid she wouldn't recognise.

If she recovered her lost life, she might understand. But right now, as her own self, she didn't want to understand. Understanding meant forgiveness, and she was still so hurt by all of this, that she didn't want to forgive, even if it meant missing out on two decades. Especially then. She would not touch those memories with a ten foot pole.

So, she opened the door, and had to resist slamming it back when the two figures became clear.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

Lupin spoke. "Trust us when we say, we had no idea that it was even possible."

She couldn't deny the truth to that statement, she had seen the same shock on their faces that she was sure mirrored her own. Then she realised these were the first words Remus Lupin had spoken to her in five weeks.

"We're here to speak to you on our own," Lupin continued.

"If you think you're going to talk me into-"

"That's not what we're doing, Mila," Sirius piped up. She remembered earlier, when he had felt so familiar to her.

"So, what, you're here to reminisce? No, thank you."

Sirius withdrew the map from his pocket. She stared down at it, frowning at the object. However, to the three of them, it wasn't just an object. It was a symbol of a life that had been taken from her.

Sirius touched his wand to the paper, and the names of five member's were brought to the surface.

"This here," he said, "Is your name next to ours. We built this together. If I recall, you said something about using this to place stink bombs in the Slytherin common room vents." He smiled fondly at the memory.

Mila did not. She tried to hide her shaking hand, and looked at the two men in front of her.

They were not people she recognised. Lupin was her teacher, and Sirius her best friend's godfather, but now they were two entirely new people. They didn't look at her with authority. They looked at her, as if they were equals. Because they remembered a time she was one of their most treasured friends. They had so few of them left.

In that moment, and only that moment, it was hard not to feel sorry for them. "You have to understand," she said, "It's so hard to look at you and try and picture what you describe."

"Then let us help you," Sirius said. "No tricks, just answers."

"Answers."

She liked the sound of that.


	27. The Answers

a/n i feel like i say this every time i update, but thats only because i know how i feel when i ready angsty stuff

yeah its a little dark and heavy now, but we will have some light coming up (before we plunge back into the darkness hehe)

I hope you like it xx

* * *

This was, perhaps, one of the more awkward situations she'd been in since returning.

She sat on her bed, Sirius and Lupin sat in another across from her. It felt like there was a vast space between them, which only heightened the way they were all watching each other. Mila's own gaze was wary, and defensive.

It was the first time she'd been alone with them. She tried hard to picture the same scenario, only Sirius and Lupin twenty years younger.

No one had any idea where to start.

It was only Mila's curiosity that finally enabled them to begin. "What else do you know about my mother?"

It was the one thing she kept coming back to. The only wish she wanted granted. She wanted to discover as much about her parents as she could.

The fact she had known one of her parents, that was a whole new ball game.

"You didn't tell us much, Mila," Lupin said.

"I know, but, anything. Please."

Lupin seemed to be more clueless on the subject than Sirius, it was only Sirius who appeared able to answer this particular question. She wondered why that was.

Her eyes locked with his as he answered. "You're mother was- she was very ill. You used to run away from home a lot, because you were scared of her.

"Oh." That's not what she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear about having a mother who loved her. Who baked her cookies and brushed her hair. But on top of everything else about Mila, nothing was conventional.

She decided to switch parents. "So, I never mentioned my father?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head. She truly hadn't known him, it seemed. Had he even loved her mother? Had he hurt her? He was from a pureblood family, who despised anything muggle. Their relationship didn't make any sense. But he had definitely known about Mila, the locket proved that. Which led to her next question.

"The locket; did I have it in my- my first life." Now that was a weird thing to say out loud.

"No," Lupin answered, "You didn't."

Maybe Mitar had never intended to give it to her. Maybe that's why it had ended up in the Malfoy's things.

Both Sirius and Lupin seemed at a loss for this topic, she could tell. They would want to tell her about her school years.

Sirius tried hard to read Mila's face. Reading her was a lot harder than it used to be. She was frowning, obviously uncomfortable in their current predicament. She hadn't smiled at him since she'd come back. But he saw something click in her mind, and her expression suddenly turned lighter than it had in days.

"I was an animagus! Surely?"

Despite her anger at them, Sirius saw she had a burst of excitement, and that right there was the Mila he remembered. He grinned.

"Yep. You were a lawbreaker like the rest of us," he said.

She forget herself for a moment, and laughed. "That sounds like me."

"It was… Is," he corrected.

"I imagine that's why you're so good at transfiguration. Muscle memory," Lupin added.

"Right," she said, her voice growing quiet again, "Muscle memory."

Godric, she was catapulting. It was so easy to sit, and chat, and forget what they had done, but as soon as she caught herself relaxing, it reminded her of the betrayal all over again.

She rubbed her eyes, slightly fed up at her mood swings. "Merlin, how did this all happen? How is this even possible?"

The air in the room was palpable. Lupin cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "We don't exactly know."

"You said you found me at the Potter's place?" she asked.

"Yes. When we found you, you were in the lounge room with- with James," Lupin said, "You were an infant again."

"When you say it like that it sounds ridiculous," she said, careful not to make mention of James Potter. She wasn't ready for that conversation. It was hard to imagine she had ever known Harry's father.

"We don't even know what you were doing there in the first place," Sirius said. Mila swore she heard a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"Why? I know that their location was suppose to be a secret, but we were friends, we must have been. Why wouldn't I be there?"

Sirius looked about ready to answer, but Lupin placed a hand on his arm to sedate him.

"We hadn't seen you in a while."

They hadn't seen her? For how long?

"Why?" This seemed a little out of nowhere.

"You were doing some work for the Order. You'd been away." Lupin gave a tight smile and Mila suspected there was a little more to it than that. A part of her didn't want to know. She listened to it.

She took a deep breath, and leaned back on her bed so she was lying down. "God this is so- I can't do this. What am I even supposed to say to you?"

"We're here to answer your questions, Mila, we-"

"No, I mean, what are you to me? Are you my teacher, Lupin? Am I supposed to be your friend? What do you expect me to get from this? Who do you want me to be?"

"We just want you to be yourself, Mila. You are under no obligation to do or be anything more than you are." Lupin kept his voice calm, trying to quell her temper.

Mila sat up again, noting Sirius was quiet. She met his eye. "And you?"

"I want," he paused, his throat was dry. He couldn't tell her what he really wanted. It would scare her, and she was nowhere near ready for it. "I want the same."

Her next words came at a surprise to the two men. "And Dumbledore?"

Mila knew there was another reason why she was here. Dumbledore wanted her to regain her memories, he'd basically asked her outright.

"I have my ideas. But he will not do anything without your permission, Mila," Lupin said pointedly, knowing exactly what she was worried about.

"Neither will we," Sirius added.

Mila regarded their words. "If that's true, if you really mean that, then I'll let you'll tell me about-. I'll listen. But the second I want it it to stop-"

"We'll stop," Sirius agreed, so incredibly relieved that after all these years he could begin to mend a bridge that had been long left unattended.

She didn't smile at them, just looked resigned that it was them she had to talk to for answers. "Tomorrow then. I don't think I can handle anymore bombshells tonight."

"What makes you think there's anymore bombshells?" Sirius asked, knowing fully well there were plenty.

"Because if I know me like I think I do, then I know there's trouble. Especially if I was hanging out with you," she said.

Even though Lupin would most likely disapprove, Sirius voiced his reply anyway. "You're right about that."

As Lupin watched the Sirius and Mila's short-lived amusement, he thought to himself that, just for a minute, it seemed like the old days.

* * *

After her talk with Lupin and Sirius, Mila set off to find someone. It seemed unfair that she had given everyone else a chance to talk to her, when there was one person she'd barely spoken a word too. For the sake of her own conscience, she searched for them.

Hermione hadn't come to their dorm, and Mila walked around the castle trying to figure out where she would be. Mila almost laughed out loud when she found her in the library, but what stopped her was the book Hermione was flicking through. The old yearbook that had erased Mila entirely.

"Hey," she said, catching Hermione's attention.

Hermione replied instantly. "Hi."

Hermione made moves to stand, but Mila stuck her hand out. "Don't get up. I'll sit."

She made a momentary decision to sit next to Hermione, but changed her mind and sat across from the table she was on.

Hermione regarded her with wide eyes, but one which held the usual dissection of everything that was happening around her. Mila had been subject to the look one too many times, usually when Hermione caught her doing something she shouldn't. It made her nostalgic for a time when she hadn't known just what was hiding behind that look.

Mila wanted to cut to the chase, but she didn't know how. After her chat with Lupin and Sirius, she didn't have the animosity for Hermione that she had felt previously. Hermione's biggest problem was that she was too smart for her own good, and she'd spent too long dealing with the consequences.

Without even having said a word, Mila began tearing up, in a way she hadn't done with any of the others. Without a doubt, Hermione's involvement had stung the worst. The girl in front of her had saved her more times than she could count. She'd known her since she was eleven years old. They had been two muggleborn girls, trying to work out how to fit in a world with magic.

And it had all come to this.

Mila didn't even have to look at Hermione to know she was crying too. She'd started the second Mila's own sadness was apparent on her face.

"You hurt me. Bad. There's no other way to put it," Mila admitted.

"Mila-"

"Just listen for a second. I want to forgive you. Because this is so hard, and when things are hard, you always know what to do."

A sob escaped from Hermione.

Mila continued. "You were always the best of us. I know people always think that's it's Harry or me, but it's not true. You're the kindest, and the bravest. And you make Harry, Ron and I hold ourselves accountable. You make us better."

Despite her crying, Mila could see a strangled smile through Hermione's tears.

"But I look at you, Hermione, and I- I'm so angry. I'm so angry and I _hate_ what you did. And there's times where I hate _you."_

Five weeks had done nothing to wipe away the pain.

Her own sobs forced their way out. "But at the same time, I don't hate you, because I love you. I love you, and that's what hurts the most."

"I'm so, so sorry," Hermione whispered, and Mila shook her head gently.

"What I need from you, is just to let me figure this all out. And I can't do that with you here. Because it reminds me of the lies all over again, and it makes me not want to stay here and listen. It makes it too hard."

Hermione nodded. She understood what Mila needed. And Mila knew she did. By making Hermione a kind of scapegoat, she could push all her troubling thoughts away, to give her the space to be understanding. Making Hermione the symbol of her ill will, meant she could listen to Lupin and Sirius, without feeling like the walls were caving in.

"I'll stay out of your way," Hermione said, and Mila released the breath she had been holding.

Hermione stood up to leave, with only Mila's final words ringing in her ear.

"I'm sorry that it had to be you."

There was a lot behind those words. Sorry that it had to be you entrusted with the secret. Sorry it has to be you who I blame.

Hermione was sorry too.

* * *

Mila regretted the way she had handled her conversation with Hermione almost instantly. But it was so late, and she was so tired, and so she went back to her dorm room to fall asleep. She had no idea where Hermione slept that night.

After a fitful slumber, Mila woke up that morning unsure of what to do. With so many people here, it was hard to remember where she stood with each of them. Who was she still mad at? Who was she friends with? It was a bloody complicated game which she did not enjoy.

Her first idea was to get breakfast. That's what normal people did. She could do that. She got dressed, barely glancing at the clothes she had chosen, and walked to the Great Hall, wondering who she would find there.

She found only one.

Draco sat at his table, eating a stack of pancakes. She'd had no idea he liked sweet food. She went to sit beside him.

"Where'd you run off to last night?" he asked. Though he tried to appear nonchalant about it, he had obviously been worried.

"My room," she said, which was partly true. That was the first place she had gone.

"Your room? That's a bit predictable, don't you think?"

She gave him a soft grin. "My reputation is a lot of work, sometimes I take days off."

"Don't take too many days off. I like you how you are."

"That's an awfully unprompted compliment."

"I'm an awfully unprompted guy."

Mila chuckled as some food appeared in front of her. She poured herself some cereal, exactly what she had been craving, and began eating. The only noises were the pair of them munching.

"It's weird being the only ones in here," Draco said, gesturing to the huge, and empty, room.

"Oh, I forget. Some of us actually have places to go home to in the holidays," Mila teased. After being so stressed out, it was nice to feel a little lighthearted.

"Trust me, I'd much rather be here with you. My father has been acting strange lately, plus, my mother is on at me about why I haven't had a girlfriend yet." He gave her a wicked smirk, like he knew exactly what he was doing.

Mila acted nonchalant. "What did you tell her?"

"That I was working on it."

She could tell Draco was watching her carefully. She thought the smile on her face was pretty apparent. "Girlfriend, huh? You haven't even kissed me yet."

"That can be arranged."

Neither of them had noticed the third occupant of the room enter. Not until he was right in front of their little bubble.

Sirius' throat hummed loudly, Mila snapped out of her conversation.

"Uh, morning." This was quite an embarrassing chat to be caught in.

She knew by now that Sirius wasn't usually a morning person, but he seemed in an especially bad mood. He wasted no time with pleasantries.

"There is something I wanted to show you today, Mila."

"Can I at least finish my cereal?"

Sirius seemed to consider for a moment, but then he took one look at the blonde boy beside her and denied her. "No."

She was awfully surprised at the contempt he was showing. If anything, she was the one who was supposed to treat _him_ rudely. She was about to start an argument, and tell Sirius that he was still a big fat liar and he could wait, but Draco halted her.

"Go with him, Lovett." He smiled reassuringly. "I'll still be here when you're done."

She chewed her lip, but nodded, and allowed Sirius to lead her out of the Great Hall. However, she didn't go silently.

"You mind easing up on the chaperoning, Grandpa." She'd called him that once before, only this time he didn't find it as funny, and she hadn't said it with half as much sarcasm the last time.

Sirius was walking fast, it was hard to keep up. "I knew you were hanging out with that kid, but I didn't realise it was serious enough to warrant him being included in personal Order business.

Where had that come from? As far as she knew, no one else was questioning Draco's presence.

"So my life is just Order business then? Good to know."

Sirius huffed. "You know that's not what I meant."

"No, by all means, let's go crack open my head and see what we can find. That's what you want, isn't it? There's a reason you want me to remember."

He was flustered, as she so often made him. "I already told you, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

He was wrong in that sense, she certainly didn't want to be following him right now. He'd just interrupted one of the few peaceful moments she'd had since being back.

Mila was about to voice this thought, before she realised where he was taking her.

"I don't really feel like talking to dear old Albus right now," she muttered.

"Well that's good, because he's not in his office right now," he mirrored her tone.

They'd already passed the gargoyled entrance to Dumbledore's office before Mila could protest any further. Sirius paused in his movements, trying to work out how to keep her in as long as possible before she worked out what he was doing and tried to make a run for it.

He gestured to the two seats on the visitor's end of the desk. "Sit."

He was surprised she actually followed his instruction, and took his own seat in the chair next to her.

She was growing impatient when he found himself struggling to find the right words. She rolled her eyes. "Yes, what?"

"This has been a hard time for you, how are you holding up?"

In the true Mila fashion, that Sirius knew all too well, she was too smart for her own good. "I doubt you brought me all the way up here just to ask me if I'm ok."

She was still miffed at him, but it shocked her when her comment seemed to please him.

"You're right. As always."

 _As always._ It was funny how two little words could make her uncomfortable. _As always._ They were referencing a time that she could not remember.

Her anger got the better of her. "Why did you bring me up here, Sirius?"

He gave her a brief, nostalgic smile, and then angled his body to face an object in the room. She followed his gaze, her body growing cold when she realised what he was looking at.

"Sirius-"

"The memory in that pensieve belongs to you. I think it's part of the reason Dumbledore brought you here. I thought you might like to look at it without anyone's agenda present."

In fact, that was just about the last thing she wanted. He clearly meant Dumbledore's agenda. The one that involved Mila gaining back all of her memories.

"No. No way. I told you, I don't want to remember." She wanted to get up and bolt, but Sirius held his arms out to calm her.

"Ok, ok. But I have a proposition for you. You're memories are off limits, I get that. But what about one of mine?"

She stared at him, stumped. "Your memory?"

"I think it would help you, you might be able to understand more about who you are."

She was sure panic was creeping into her voice. "But I know who I am, Sirius. I'm not changing, I want to stay the way I am."

"You already have changed, Mila. Just from finding out what we were keeping from you. You're already more closed off, more reserved."

"You ever think that maybe that's just because I'm angry. It's hard to be open with someone you don't trust anymore," she said, frustrated.

She had definitely been trying to hurt him, and she could tell she succeeded. He covered it up well, but she had always had a uncanny ability to read Sirius Black. That ability had made a lot more sense in the past few weeks.

She figured he would give up, but after a moment he smiled the same way he had earlier. His eyes were foggy, like they were looking at something far away.

"You know, we didn't get along the first couple of years we knew each other."

That surprised her. Because they were so similar, and had always been friendly in this life, Mila had unconsciously assumed they would have got on more than anyone.

"We didn't?"

"No. In, fact we pretty much hated each other's guts."

"Huh." Kind of like how she felt right now.

"Don't get me wrong, you were friends with James and the others, you were a fully fledged member of the group. But sometimes we had to hold separate meetings so that we wouldn't be in the same room."

Her demeanour was already brightening. "That's so dumb," she said, amusement trickling into her voice.

"Yeah," he said, "We got through it though. Just like we're going to get through this."

He sounded so hopeful, it made her rethink her perspective for a moment. To her, this was a dark chapter she wanted to skim through and bury, and forget ever happened. To Sirius, this was simply an obstacle to getting his friend back.

She even felt a second of guilt. Some in the castle may have hidden agendas, but others… didn't. Sirius didn't. She could see that now. All he wanted was for Mila Lovett to remember him. Even if she couldn't give him that, she could give him something else.

"Ok."

He blinked at her. "Ok?"

"One memory. One. And nothing sad. Or angsty. Just something- I don't know, something."

It was almost worth it to see how happy he became, but it was scary too. Something popped into her mind that she hadn't previously considered: just how much power did she hold over Sirius Black?

* * *

Albus was in an office too, just not his own. He had sought out Lupin, to see if he could quell some of the unhappiness the wolf was feeling.

"Remus, isn't it enough that she's here, and safe?"

"It's not nonsensical of me to want an explanation, Albus. Why didn't you tell Sirius and I about the recovery spell?"

"It was a precaution. If Sirius had known from the beginning, I'm afraid he would have attempted to trigger her memories far earlier than she could have handled. And I could not know for sure that you wouldn't tell him if you knew."

"Well, your efforts were in vain, weren't they? He was still the one who pushed her to-" Remus stopped in his tracks. "But you knew that, didn't you?"

"Remus-"

"You knew what he had done to the map. You knew what he would do if you let him come to the ball, that she would find out."

Dumbledore pursed his lips. "It was time."

"Why was it time? Why now?"

He watched Albus consider his questions, and wondered just how much information he would be allowed to access to. Previously Remus had thought himself one of the most trusted in the Order, it was foolish of him to believe it for so long.

"Because Voldemort is coming back, Remus. It has been foreseen."

Some truth, finally. But not the kind Remus had expected.

"What? But the graveyard didn't work, Harry's blood didn't resurrect him."

Voldemort had needed more than Harry's blood, but Albus wasn't prepared to tell him those particular details.

"Nonetheless, he is coming, Remus. And we must take action."

"But what does this have to do with Mila? I understand the kind of work she was doing for the Order was dangerous, but anyone could have done that."

"It is her memories, Remus. She was entrusted with information that I myself am not aware of. She is the key to bringing down Voldemort. Both her, and Harry."

Remus could hardly believe his own ears. "Who entrusted her with it?"

"Her father, Mitar Rosier."


	28. The Spell

As Sirius was placing a memory in the pensieve, Mila nervously scanned Dumbledore's office, rifling through random objects.

"So, I have a question," she said.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, he was still quite occupied with his task but he tried to tune in to hear her.

"It seems unlikely that _nobody,_ at all, ever let slip that they knew me."

She saw Sirius' hesitation, but he was in a mood for being honest. "That's because they didn't know."

She frowned. "What does that mean?"

"They filled me in on this later, you know, on account of me being arrested and all."

"Sure."

"But basically, Dumbledore came to the- the scene where they found you. At James' house. He had to think quickly, he said your memories were in a kind of limbo. He thought it would be better if- if the world thought you were dead."

That struck her as bizarre. Every wizard knew strange and awful things could happen, it wouldn't be beyond the realm of possibility to believe that someone had been reborn, and was living there life over. There must have been a reason Dumbledore wanted people to think that.

"Dead? So people think there was just another Mila Lovett who happened to be rolling around?" she asked.

She grabbed a nearby book and pretended to flick through it, calming herself by having something else to focus on.

He shook is head. "No, I explained that wrong. More like if you never existed. He placed a seal on your own memories, and by extension, it erased you from other people. Nobody knows you from before."

"But that's not true. You know me, Lupin, Dumbledore, McGonagall."

Sirius looked like he didn't even understand it himself. "Yeah, well, he was able to make a few exceptions. But the rest of the Order, and some of the Professors- they only know about you because he told them. They don't actually hold any real memory of you."

"So if the seal was broken?"

"They would get their memories back. This spell saved your life. It meant that people like Lucius, Bellatrix, even Peter, held no memories of you. They couldn't tell Voldemort about you."

Something still didn't make sense. "But why would he care?"

Sirius tried to backtrack, noting his mistake. "You should probably just ask Dumbledore. He knows more about it than I do. I was just relieved you were alive."

Ok, ignoring _that_ , she remained persistent. "No, tell me, why would Voldemort care?"

He turned to her and gave her an insightful look. "I thought you didn't _want_ to know about your memories."

He had her there. She was being awfully curious for someone who had insisted that she would not be making any life-changing journeys into her brain.

"Ha, ha."

He chuckled in her direction, before turning around fully. "I'm done."

"You're done?" Damn it. She was a chicken.

"Maybe we should hold off on the whole bonding thing," she continued.

He stepped towards her with a reassuring smile. "Don't quit on me, Lovett. We're easing into it."

Lovett? He'd always just called her Mila.

"Explain to me again, what am I getting out of this?"

"A sense of belonging. The blossoming of a friendship. I could go on." His excitement for her participation was bringing out a playfulness he hadn't felt in a long time.

"You give a generous estimation of your own value. Maybe I don't need another friend? You were doing just fine as a paternal uncle figure."

"Nothing generous about it. Stop trying to buy time. I promise you, you'll enjoy it."

 _Enjoy it?_ She doubted that very much. She couldn't believe he had gotten her to agree to this. He seemed to be able to get her to do just about anything. That couldn't have been a good thing, especially when they had been growing up together.

Still, she gave him an unsure look. This was her first dip into the past, even if it was supposed to be a happy one. She hoped it was her only dip. She wouldn't be agreeing to this again any time soon.

She sighed. "Let's get on with it then."

"That's the spirit."

He was enjoying this conversation immensely. It was so easy for him to picture the old days, because Mila hadn't aged. She was the same as when he knew her. It was him who was different.

She walked over to the pensieve, where he was standing, and stroked a finger along the rim, taking in it's contents. Inside the bowl was liquid, she didn't know what kind. It had wisps of white.

"So, how does this work exactly?"

"Take a dunk."

"You want me to put my face in there?" Trivialising the moment was better than facing up to the reality.

His eyes were soft, he could tell she was nervous. "I'll be right here when you get out."

And so, she did what every other sane, almost seventeen year old would do; she put her face in the murky water.

* * *

At first, nothing about the memory seemed odd. Mila Lovett was sitting in the library, the only strange part was, she was studying.

Current Mila looked around the room, trying to pinpoint what was different. It looked the same to her, the Hogwarts library had apparently stood the test of time.

it was only when she turned to the right, that she realised someone was standing next to her.

"Sirius?" she asked, relieved that he had joined her. But this Sirius didn't answer. And he looked… well, to put it plainly, younger.

She had to catch her breath when she fully took him in. Suddenly all the stories about Sirius' reputation made sense. She'd always noted Sirius was an attractive man, but right now he was a force to be reckoned with. She could see how Azkaban had taken its toll on him. This younger Sirius had no darkness to him.

His dark hair and and strong eyebrows stood out from his fair skin. His face didn't have the scars she knew him to wear. He held himself like someone who knew they had their whole life ahead of them. He was tall, confident, brooding. He was beautiful.

She watched him watch her past self, and tried to work out their age. Fifteen, maybe sixteen.

The young Sirius walked over to her. Honestly, at this point, Mila was more baffled that she was reading a book.

 _"_ _Lovett, explain to me this. Why have I got nineteen owls in the past hour?"_

Mila watched her past self hold in her laughter.

" _Royal Mail must be backed up," she shrugged._

 _"_ _Really? How odd, because it seems that all these letters have a reoccurring theme."_

Past Mila put her textbook down. " _You've intrigued me, Sirius. Pray tell, what is this theme you speak off?"_

Mila could see how much fun her past self was having. It was like looking in a mirror. She really was the same person.

" _Something about me having a 'hot rod'," Sirius said._

He had a smirk on him that was owning up to the title. It seemed he didn't mind much if this particular rumour was floating around the school. His only annoyance was the abundance of owls that had been swarming him today.

Current Mila couldn't believe it. She had been the one to write the message in the girl's bathroom about howling Sirius for a good time. And she'd found it, all those years later. That was more than a little baffling, to say the least.

" _I don't know what you're talking about,"_ Past Mila said.

Her past self clearly did, in fact, know what he was talking about. Now this was a girl Mila understood. She could see why Sirius had shown her this. It was bridging the gap between her current and past self. Because, and she could finally see it herself, they were the same person.

" _Cleary."_ Young Sirius took a seat next to her. " _What are you even doing in here? Mila Lovett in the library on a Friday night? Blasphemy."_

Past Mila took the tease with a smile. " _Not all of us have an inheritance to fall back on. Moony would agree with me there."_

 _"_ _Yet, I don't see Moony in here studying with you."_ His eyebrow was raised.

Past Mila put her hands up. " _You caught me. McGonagall's making me redo my essay, because apparently conjuring snake scrotum isn't an appropriate topic."_

 _"_ _Snakes, huh? Got a thing for Slytherins all of a sudden?"_

 _"_ _No thanks, I'll leave that to your family."_

Current Mila watched as Sirius chuckled. Obviously this version of Mila and Sirius had gotten over their initial dislike of each other. They were talking to each other the same way Mila and Sirius did now. Before everything had happened.

The memory seemed like it was coming to an end. Her peripheral vision started fading to black. She heard one last sentence out of Sirius' mouth.

" _I actually have something to ask you…"_

And just like that, she was back in Dumbledore's office. The Sirius next to her had the early eye wrinkles of someone in their late thirties.

This had not been what she expected. It hadn't been so bad. Maybe because Sirius had chosen something easy, just two friends teasing each other, but it had halted a fear Mila had been holding onto.

Just being able to see herself in the past had- she couldn't quite describe it. It was like reliving a dream you'd forgotten you had. In dreams you felt safe. She had felt safe there too. Maybe she could do this. Like actually do it. She could cope with the knowledge of her previous life.

By no means was she saying she wanted to remember everything. She was still adamant about that. But for the first time, the possibility of learning about her past seemed… fun. From the look on Sirius' face, he had achieved just what he hoped.

Mila spoke. "You knew that would be…"

"Enlightening?" he answered, "I suspected. The first step is always the hardest. I figured, if you did it with me, I could make it easy on you."

She regarded him in a way she never had before. She'd always known he was generous with his friends, but she hadn't expected him to be quite so considerate.

A light switched on behind her eyes. Sirius saw it, and it made him feel a joy he only ever felt around her. It was the way she used to look at him when they were young. It was the look she got whenever she had something smart to say.

"You know what, Hot Rod, maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all."

* * *

During the next few days, Mila thought often of what Sirius had shown her. She tried to tell herself that she hadn't wanted any part of her old life, but more than anything, he had piqued her curiosity. She'd had always been nosey, and it was biting her in the arse. More than once she'd been caught staring off into space by Harry.

She still hadn't spoken to Hermione yet, not since their previous talk. Hermione had done her best to stay away, and it was working, because Mila hadn't seen her since then. If she had, she was sure the first thing she would do was apologise. She felt like she had taken it too far. It wasn't fair to punish one over the actions of many.

Speaking of which, one person who kept popping up too frequently was her Headmaster. Everyday, he asked her to consider regaining her memories, and everyday she had the same answer. No.

She didn't know if it was because he thought Sirius had made progress with her, and that she may be more open to it. But it was a huge difference to watch one memory from someone else, as opposed to a lifetime of her own.

She didn't get his persistence. She didn't understand why he was so intent on it. She'd spoken to Harry about it, and he had no clue. Sirius had also said Dumbledore would be able to answer her questions about the spell he had put on her. So, after a whole week of Dumbledore seeking her out, she sought him.

She was in his office again, and glanced at the pensieve as she entered. That thing was doing more harm than good. Her memory was in there. It made her feel queasy.

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, "Ah, Miss Lovett, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

She didn't sit. "I just need a couple of things cleared up."

His trademark twinkle lit his eye. "Ask away. Whatever you need to make this transition easier."

She tried not to shudder at his phrasing, and instead kept her tone even. "Sirius said you placed a spell on me?"

"That is correct. I performed it on you in the hope that no enemies would detect you. You could live a peaceful life, with a fresh start."

Mila would never had described her life as peaceful. Every year she'd had to put up with another of Voldemort's attempted resurrections, only the last two had been quiet.

"How were the exceptions made? Why can you still remember me?"

"It was similar to a patronus. Before I performed the spell, I drew a memory from each of them, the happiest they had of you, and was able to tie the rest of their knowledge of you to it. When the spell was cast, the memory was put back inside their mind."

That made sense. Sort of. "Who did you do it to?"

"Minerva, Severus, Remus. Molly Weasley. That was a last minute decision on my part. I believed she would take a maternal role in your life. She has done a great kindness by you. She opened up her home to you, though I now suspect I needn't have worried. She would have done it anyway. She did the same for Harry."

Yes, that made sense too. All that time ago, during Christmas, Molly had said so many strange things. Mila really had been naive, not to pick up on any of them up.

"What about Sirius?" Dumbledore hadn't mentioned him.

Dumbledore's eyes grew more grave. "Sirius was being carted off to Azkaban. I wasn't able to do the same for him. However, it seemed he needed no such precaution. He remembered you all on his own."

Mila was startled. Sirius had been able to resist the spell? The one that made sure nobody remembered the old Mila Lovett. How was that possible?

"I can see the news has brought shock to you. I myself have some suspicions, but I suspect I'll never truly know how he did it," Dumbledore admitted. It was unusual for him not to have the answers.

She tried to push that aside. "Even if there was no memory of me, surely there were still records?"

"You certainly live up to your cleverness, Miss Lovett. It is true, the records were also taken care of. On account of dear Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was able to interfere with the Ministry's archives and delete you from existence."

 _Delete her from existence._ That sounded harsh.

"Well, um, thanks for clearing that up," she rushed, and made efforts to leave.

"Mila," Dumbledore stopped her, "All was done in a great effort to protect you. I believe we were successful in that manner.

She didn't feel very protected. She felt violated. "Protect me from what, Professor?"

She could tell she wasn't going to get an answer from him. "You will know soon enough. I wish I could give you more time, Miss Lovett, I really do. You did great work in the Order, you brought light to others in times of darkness. You still have that quality, and I hope you choose to use it when the time comes."

Little did she know how quickly that time was coming.

* * *

She walked out of that meeting feeling less than great. Her first instinct was to find Sirius and tell him about it. Then she wondered why that was an instinct at all. Not when Draco and Harry could both be available in a moments notice.

She had spent some more time with Sirius after he had shown her his memory. He always kept the conversation lighthearted, telling her a few stories from their school-years. And he always got this look his eye, a sort of unconditional happiness that Mila could only dream of feeling. It was the only time she felt any sort of positivity towards her past life. Everyone else made it seem so dire. He was the only one who made it otherwise.

Her body made lengths to find him of it's own accord. He might be able to help her piece together just what the hell Dumbledore was talking about.

She found him in the Gryffindor common room, alone. He liked to sit there sometimes, he said it was where he felt most at home.

He sensed her almost immediately. "Mila? Are you ok?"

She didn't say anything until she'd plonked herself down on the couch next to him.

"Do you think there's an award for being incredibly vague?"

Sirius grinned at her. "Chatting to Albus, were we?"

She sunk lower onto the couch. "Chatting would imply a two way conversation. An exchange of information. He only repeated what you already told me."

"Heartbreaking." He placed a hand on his own chest.

"You're really not one for consoling others are you?"

His smile remained. "On the contrary. I'm exactly what a person needs when they need cheering up. And you know what I think would help?"

"What?"

"Why, another one of my delicious memories."

She laughed. "Way to sneak in your agenda. Thanks, but no thanks, that conversation already frustrated me enough."

He settled down, mirroring her position in the couch. "Did it at least help?"

"A little," she paused. "He actually said something that surprised me."

Was this a weird thing to bring up? She didn't know. But some of Dumbledore's answers had only left more questions.

"What's that?" he asked, unaware of her turmoil.

"He said that, he was able to help Lupin and some others retain their memories."

Sirius stilled beside her, worried at where she was going with his.

She continued, "But that he couldn't get to you. On the account of the whole 'disgraced criminal' thing. But you remember me, Sirius. Isn't that, I don't know, weird?"

She couldn't read his face like she usually could. He was pointedly not looking at her for this exact reason.

"It is strange," he agreed, though his voice didn't have the same muster that it did earlier.

"Well, do you know why?" she prompted, unaware of the wound she was scratching at.

"I have my ideas."

His voice was so quiet, Mila barely made it out. What was he so afraid of? She'd poised it as a fairly innocent question, and so far, he had been the one to give her the most truthful answers. She didn't know why that was changing all of a sudden.

"And?"

He grimaced. "And… you're not ready for them."

He tried to say it in a playful way, but it was ineffective. Mila was becoming annoyed. The past few days with him had been some of the lighter times of this dark period. He was being so defensive.

"Sirius, come on." She kept her tone buoyant, but some distress was creeping into her voice.

The longer he avoided her gaze, the more nervous she became.

"The fact of the matter is, nobody knows why." He unsuccessfully tried to brush off her inquiry.

"But you have 'some ideas', you just said so."

She wasn't going to let this go. And he knew it. And she knew it.

But he could be just as stubborn as she was. "Truthfully, Mila, I don't know."

She was disappointed, but she supposed she couldn't force every single detail of the past from his mouth. He'd given her so much already, more than the others combined.

She tried a different route, wondering if she could annoy the information out of him.

"It's very unusual."

"Very."

"I mean, quite strange don't you think?"

"Indeed."

"You really aren't going to tell me, are you?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Godric, its a mystery no harm ever came to you. You can be so infuriating."

Sirius smiled at her. "So can you."

"I suppose you would know," she said, picking at the wound of the past. It was still never truly comfortable to talk about. Even after all this time, she was constantly having to get used to the idea that he'd known her for so long.

His eyes softened. "You're doing well. I know I wouldn't have been nearly half as understanding as you." He seemed to know exactly what was on her mind.

"It's harder when people keep lying," she said, a little miffed he wouldn't share his thoughts with her.

"I don't want to give you more than you can handle," he admitted.

She took in his weathered face. Years in Azkaban, and he'd managed to hold onto the same youthful spirit she had seen on him in his memory. She could take one more secret.

A sort of resignation crossed his face. She picked up on it, just like he knew she would.

Her own face was marked with a sort of wonder. "How come you remember me?"

Her tone was almost wistful, as if she truly wanted to know his answer, not for the sake of another puzzle piece to put together, but because she wanted to know _him_.

He was stuck. He had to tell her. He _wanted_ to tell her.

But he couldn't.

And it made him so angry.

"Stop asking questions you don't want answers to," he snapped, and Mila drew back in surprise.

He saw the surprise turn into a flicker of hurt, then watched as she narrowed her eyes.

"Fine."

She stood and left the room, leaving Sirius on the couch. He shook his head, annoyed at himself for being foolish, yet again. He felt like he could never get anything right when it came to her.

And they'd been doing so well too. Hopefully she could forgive him for this mistake. Snapping at someone _was_ usually something easily forgiven, but not when the people involved were on such thin ice already.

He may have just messed everything up.


	29. The Blood

A few days later, and Mila was at a crossroad. Without Sirius' gentle encouragement, she really hadn't learned a damn thing about her past. And that was the whole point of being here right? Or else, why were they all here.

She'd spent the whole day with Harry and Draco, each doing their best to take her mind off of her current predicament, and instead let her enjoy some of the sunny days that summer was conjuring up.

Dumbledore still maintained his frequent visits, and Mila noted how each one was becoming more urgent than the last. It was for that reason that she decided to get things back on track, and seek out more knowledge of her past.

Pushing aside her annoyance at Sirius for not being able to answer a simple question, she set off to find his better half; Remus Lupin.

Now, this was unusual for two reasons. She hadn't actually spoken to him one on one yet, and he had kind of taken a backseat during the period that Sirius was sharing his memories.

Mila didn't really know what to expect, or how to act, when she did find him. Like Hermione, his betrayal had been one of the more bitter ones.

She reached for the Marauder's map; given the fact that she had been allowed to keep it. The powers that be, namely Dumbledore, had decided she was unlikely to run off again, and had granted this request.

She pushed her wand to the map, and cast the spell, her eyes never straying off her nickname whenever it appeared. It threw her off guard every time without fail. It wasn't something she could get used to.

To her surprise, Lupin was not inside the castle, rather, he had retreated to a tree that Mila knew all too well.

It wasn't hard to get past the Whomping Willow when you knew the trick, and Mila followed the passage to the Shrieking Shack with ease.

If Remus was surprised to see her he didn't show it. He was sitting on a chair that looked like it was about to buckle under the weight of him any minute. Mila decided to lean on the nearest wall.

She spoke first. "This seems like a rather dirty place to spend your leisure time, Professor."

He huffed in amusement, "Actually, some of my happiest memories were in this place."

"Your's too," he added.

That bristled her more than she cared to admit, but that seemed to be what he had intended.

She could see he was in no mood to talk, but when had it ever stopped her. "Why are you sitting here all alone?"

Lupin hadn't properly looked at her yet, he was staring at a stain on the floor, in the corner nearest Mila.

"Because I needed to think."

"What did you need to think about?"

She hated that she cared enough to press him on details. Even after his betrayal, he was obviously upset, and something deep in Mila wanted to make him feel better. An instinct 38 years in the making.

"You," he admitted.

She stilled at his honesty, but remained silent, hoping he would explain further.

"I have absolutely no idea what to do." His tone was quiet, forlorn. He was struggling with something.

She watched him carefully, noting how tired he looked, how different he appeared from the time she had stayed at his house. They'd had so much fun. She'd brought life into his home, and he had given her structure, which she hadn't realised she sorely craved. Things were so different now.

"Something is coming," he said, "I can feel it in the air."

He appeared to be wrestling with himself. "On the one hand, I want you to decide what it is that you want. And I don't want to push you into anything. But we need you, Mila. We need your memories. Your information."

Mila grew cold.

He continued. "And a selfish part of me wants that too. For you to see me as you once did. But I could never ask that of you, regardless of what the Order wants."

She didn't know if he knew what he was truly saying. It seemed he was voicing every thought he was having out loud. But what should she make of it?

She knew Sirius desperately wanted her to remember. It had been obvious from the moment the idea was brought up. But Remus hadn't said a word about it. He hadn't brought it up to her at any point. He'd put her feelings, and needs, first, just as he always did.

But Mila had caught him in a moment of weakness. He was a broken man, on a broken chair. And even in that moment, he still wasn't pushing her. Remus Lupin was a good man.

His next words caught her off guard. "I never meant to hurt you, Mila."

She couldn't help her reply, even during his moment of vulnerability. "You did, though."

He closed his eyes and nodded. "I know I did. And I don't think I have apologised for that yet."

He looked at her, for the first time during their whole conversation. "I am truly sorry."

He still seemed in such a daze, but his eyes were pleading. Mila didn't know how to answer him. She looked back to the spot he had been staring at.

"Where did that stain come from?" she asked, dropping to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest.

He noted her avoidance, but answered her question. "Me."

Mila's eyes widened. "You? Is it-"

"My blood."

HIs blood. He had been hurt in here once. She thought back to the stories Sirius used to tell her and Harry. All the ones about the escapades the Marauders would have whenever Lupin became a werewolf. Never in all those stories, had he mentioned anyone being hurt.

Lupin could see all the questions in her eyes.

"My transitions were often painful. Before the others were able to accompany me, I was left to my own devices."

Mila didn't need him to say anymore. "You hurt yourself."

He nodded solemnly. "I would wake up with scratches. Some worse than others."

Her heart broke for him in that moment. He said it so matter of factly, but Mila could only imagine the absolute trauma that being a wolf in his young years had caused him.

She was at a loss for words, but he seemed to have more to say.

"That particular one, was a time you found me."

Ah. She understood now. There was a memory here. One that made him think of her.

"It was the first time someone had been there when I woke up," he pressed on.

"I thought Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore-"

"They would come, but not until much later. I would usually have been awake for an hour or two."

This was unbearable. So much so, that she brought some light to the conversation. If she hadn't, she might have started crying.

"Does this story have a happy ending?" she joked, her smile was watery.

He chuckled in return, "I like to think so. You were the first to figure it out. Before Sirius, before James. It was you. I was so scared to find you here, I thought that would be the end of everything. But then you said something to me. I've never forgotten it."

She thought back to the conversation they'd had in the holidays, when she'd been so distraught over Harry. Remus had told her something an old friend had said to him.

"We can only be who we are, but we can choose who that is," she repeated the words.

Those had been her words. Choose who you are. And maybe she could choose.

His eyes grew wide, but became normal again when he remembered he had told her those words before.

"Exactly." His voice was gruff. " _We_ choose. Except it seems like our decisions are being made for us lately."

For the second time, their eyes met.

"Maybe we should do something to change that."

* * *

Finding Lupin had not been what she expected, but it had given her a great deal to think about.

Lupin was so worried about the future. He said something was coming, something they would need her memories for. She didn't want to think about it, but at the same time she couldn't stop.

What could this information her past self had possibly be? What power did it have? She knew where she could get this information from, but at what cost.

Remembering a whole lifetime… it was too much. Too much for one person to handle.

But danger was approaching. She'd felt it too. At the end of the day, even after everything, she would do anything to protect her friends.

If she had to, she would do it. If the threat was real, if lives were at stake, she would do it.

 _Only if I have to._

* * *

Dinner was a much lighter occasion. Once again, Harry and Draco kept her company. Her mind was still full of her talk with Lupin, but she allowed herself to be preoccupied.

"And I will say this, Malfoy certainly knows how to play a round of wizard chess," Harry laughed.

"No, my good chap. You do." Draco patted Harry on the back.

Mila knew they were being silly, trying to amuse her. It was working to some extent, she chuckled at the pair of them.

"You've certainly struck an unlikely friendship."

Draco spoke, "Well, if he hadn't been so close to winning-"

"Close to winning?" Harry looked confused, "I did win."

"What? No, you didn't. I knocked your king over."

"You don't just knock the king over! You have to surround him with-"

"Annnd here we go," Mila said, tuning them out. That didn't last long at all. Still, the whole conversation was comical. She found herself getting swept up in it before an unlikely face entered the room.

Draco and Harry didn't notice, but Mila watched as Hermione entered the Great Hall, took one look at Mila, and walked out.

Mila startled the two boys by jumping up, mumbling excuses and following the brunette out into the corridor.

Hermione was only just turning a corner, and Mila jogged to catch up to her.

"Hermione," Mila tried to call her.

Hermione came to a stop and gave her a confused look. She was under the impression they were avoiding each other.

And that was true. They were. But after Mila had talked to Lupin, her first thought had led her to Hermione.

When you wanted to learn something, Hermione was the one you turned to, and she wanted to know just what her memories would unlock for the Order, and how it would help them. And she wanted to do it without Albus Dumbledore finding out.

"I need to talk to you."

* * *

"He said that you had information?" Hermione asked, all business.

The two girls had found the nearest empty classroom, and pushed all their conflict aside.

"Yes, and if you know anything, I need you to tell me. I want to know what I'm getting myself into." Mila sat on one of the smaller desks, while Hermione leant against the teacher's desk.

"Dumbledore told me he wanted you to regain your memories, but he wasn't exactly heavy on the details. Obviously it's important, otherwise he wouldn't be pushing you so hard."

"That much has been established," Mila agreed.

They were going in circles.

"Has anything happened, Hermione? Any clue to what it's about?"

Hermione ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "This whole thing would just be easier if everyone knew why they were here."

"That's what Harry said."

Hermione's brow furrowed. "Harry. You know, Ron's worried about him."

"What? Why?"

"He's been having nightmares. Of course, he wouldn't tell _me_ that because he's not speaking to me on account of you not speaking to me but-"

Mila mumbled, "Nightmares?"

"- and I get it, that's fine. But I am the one who knows how to do the potion so that he can sle-"

"Hermione!"

"What?"

"Harry's having nightmares," Mila said pointedly, "He only has nightmare's when-"

The two girls stared at each other.

Mila grew angry. This was something she should have known. This was something she should have been told about.

"I have to find Dumbledore."

* * *

Sometimes, before you reach a boiling point, you simply take the pan off the stove. Not only was Mila more inclined to keep pans _on_ the stove, but she liked to turn the heat up high. Because the boiling point was where the most interesting things happened.

It turned out she needn't have bothered. It all seemed to get there on its own.

Hermione and Mila had gone to find Dumbledore. A lot of this Hogwarts stay had been Mila looking for numerous people. This castle was too big, with too few occupants. She was getting a little sick of it.

Their common goal had struck a temporary alliance. But as Mila thought harder about what they were about to do, she found herself grateful that her best friend was by her side. She needed Hermione, she always had. Mila knew she didn't want her to be absent from her life forever.

They checked the map to see where Dumbledore was. Once again, she needn't have bothered.

A sudden scream had Mila and Hermione running to the Great Hall. It wasn't decorated, nor was there food on the table, even though it was time for dinner.

Instead they saw Draco bent over a writhing body. Mila recognised that body instantly. He was clutching his- _Oh no._

"Harry!" She ran to him to see if she could try to help, but before she could reach him, she doubled over in her own pain.

Mila clutched her stomach and fell to her knees. It felt like it was on fire. She closed her eyes tight, a vivid green flashing in her mind's eye. She heard people calling her name, but they sounded far away. She could not make them out.

Whatever this was, it didn't seem like it was ending anytime soon. She felt someone grab her, trying to pull her up. Her knees were too weak to stand on their own. The pain was just too excruciating to focus on anything else.

It felt like she was getting ripped apart and then pulled back together again. Something new was entering. New life was blooming. The pain suddenly became a pleasurable hum, more intense than anything she'd ever felt. Her bones felt stronger, her mind sharp. She was reborn. And then it went away in a flash. Her body missed the pleasure, and even the pain. It felt empty.

Mila slowly opened her eyes and found herself in a new place entirely. She had no idea how she'd gotten there, nor how long she'd been there.

Dumbledore's office was completely empty, apart from herself. She tried to stand, but her body was too weak to move. What in Godric's name had just happened?

The last thing she remembered was Harry. On the floor. His hand was… on his head. No, not his head, his scar.

Her body shot up in a jolt, and it found the strength to walk. She was about to leave the office, when others entered, causing her to pause.

One was Sirius, his eyes bloodshot, who looked like he was coming down from the midst of a panic attack. She tried to read his face, partly to discern Harry's fate and partly because he looked so unlike himself. He seemed so vacant.

The only person who accompanied him was Dumbledore, who took the lead in front of him, and closed the distant between himself and Mila, looking visibly angry.

Despite her school house, she found herself shrinking away as he approached her swiftly. Her mind was still too foggy to truly comprehend just what was going on.

"Mila, listen to me very carefully." Albus' voice was tense, like he was trying to hold back something that could have been attributed to rage. Or panic. "Who did you have contact with when you were away?"

"What?"

"Did anyone speak to you while you were gone?"

Mila narrowed her eyes, and brushed off his silly questions. "What does it matter? Where's Harry?"

Dumbledore gripped her arms, and if there hadn't been cause for alarm before, it was clear as day now.

"What are you doing? Get off me!"

Her eyes shot to Sirius, who looked at a loss for both words and action.

Dumbledore spoke again, drawing her back to him.

"Mila, who did you speak to?!"

Her mind was in scrambles. "No one! I didn't speak to anyone."

She couldn't think of a single soul, other than herself and Dumbledore in that moment. He had taken up her field of vision, aggressive in a way she had never seen him. He intended her no harm, but she was scared he would hurt her.

"Your blood, Mila, did somebody take your blood?"

"What?"

"Did you cut yourself? Did you have a nosebleed? Anything?"

To that her mind started connecting dots that she wasn't fully aware of. There had been something with her blood. Someone had taken it. Velma. The creepy old lady. Velma had pricked her finger.

Her eyes grew wide, and Dumbledore was watching her so closely that she knew she didn't even need to say anything.

His grip grew tighter and then withdrew all together.

She hadn't seen Lupin and McGonagall enter the room, only noting their appearance when Dumbledore suddenly turned to speak to them.

"We've run out of time. We're going to have to do this tonight."

In an effort to understand any of what was going on, Mila found her voice. "Do what?"

Everyone except Dumbledore were startled. They were confused, scared. Mila felt a fear creep up her spine. He couldn't mean…

"Do what?" she repeated. She was glad her voice held some authority, because Merlin knows she didn't feel any.

"Albus, we can't possibly-"

"I gave her as much time as I could, Minerva. The moment is here. We waited too long."

If Mila was the type of person to tremble, she would have. Dumbledore was talking like they were all about to face their imminent doom. She knew what he wanted. It was obvious.

Ignoring the other's in the room, she stood so she was directly in front of Dumbledore again.

"You want my memories," she said, her voice eerily calm. "Why?"

And all of a sudden Dumbledore's anger seemed to dissipate. For a moment, he almost looked sorry. He pitied her.

"Because, Mila, Voldemort is back. Tonight, he came back. And you are the key to stopping him."


	30. The Goodbye

please read notes at the end

* * *

When Harry woke up, it was Hermione whose lap he was cradled in. His head hurt from this latest episode.

He'd seen a vision, clear as day, that had overloaded every sense he had. Watching it had been like being back inside that dreaded maze. It was the same picture it had been back then.

A cauldron, blood, Peter Pettigrew, and a shrivelled up Voldemort. Only he hadn't been shrivelled up this time, at least, not by the end of it.

The words spoken still rang in his brain.

 _"_ _How do you know that this Velma is telling the truth? She spoke of another soul there that night, yet you do not remember it?" Peter asked._

 _A raspy voice answered the ratty little man. "She's a seer. An experienced one. And she bought the girl's blood. I already have Harry Potter's running inside me, it seems I need one more."_

Seeing Peter's face had made Harry grimace. _"What if it doesn't work?"_

 _Voldemort spoke with such assurance, that if you hadn't been looking at him, it would have been like he'd taken his original form already. "It will."_

Harry blinked, trying to totally clear the images from his mind. He did not want to remember the rest. He felt Hermione stroking his hair, and slowly sat upright. He shuddered as remnants of his vision slowly left him, and absentmindedly felt his scar, which was painful to touch.

"Harry, are you alright?" Hermione asked.

Harry shook his head.

"What happened?"

The look Harry gave her held no desperation. No shock, and no horror. Just acceptance. It scared Hermione more than anything.

"He's back."

She didn't have to ask who.

* * *

The first thing Mila thought, after what Dumbledore had said to her, was what would Harry do.

Harry would save the world. Harry would regain unwanted memories if it meant stopping the greatest evil that had ever existed from walking the earth.

But Mila was selfish in a way Harry was not. Mila did not want to be some sacrificial lamb, whose strings were pulled by Dumbledore.

But she looked at McGonagall, and she looked at Lupin, and, finally, Sirius. She saw the fear in their eyes that they were trying so desperately to hide from her. She could get rid of that fear. She could put herself through hell and back to stop the thing that was causing that fear. These people, who had lied to her, these were the people she loved. Even though she was angry, even though there were times she felt hate towards them, you saved your family when you had to.

There wasn't time for a plan. There wasn't time to fathom what Voldemort being back meant for the wizarding world. There was only Mila, who had a decision to make.

Be the hero. Be the good guy. Don't be selfish. Be like Harry.

Her eye's caught Lupin's. "Choose who you are, right?"

Even through his dread, he managed to nod at her.

She turned back to Dumbledore. "What needs to happen?"

Dumbledore gave her somewhat of an approving nod, before explaining how the spell would work.

Sirius still hadn't said anything. He watched Mila's face as she appeared to resign to her fate. He always thought he would be elated when she finally agreed to gain back her old memories. What he felt was far from that. He wanted to take Mila and hide her away, so she didn't have to be the martyr. He knew what regaining her memories would mean; it meant he would get her back, the real her. But this wasn't how he wanted it to happen.

Lupin, himself, knew it was more than a memory. It was a deal with death.

Both men withdrew from their thoughts, when Mila's next question to Dumbledore pierced through them.

As they looked upon her, it was the first time they could truly see her fear. She was about to do the one thing she swore she wouldn't. She needed to know if it was worth it.

"This information," Mila said, "It will help Harry defeat him?"

It was also the first time they had seen Dumbledore hesitate. "I believe it will."

That was the most assurance he could give her. Because even he didn't know what her memories held. He only only seen the snippet in the pensieve. The glimmer of hope from Mitar Rosier, who had been about to tell his daughter a secret that many would and had died for.

Mila took a shuddering breath. "Ok. Let's do this."

* * *

The only condition she had, was that she would be allowed to say goodbye first. To everyone.

Everyone in the castle had been pulled together in the Great Hall, and had the situation explained to them.

Their deepest fear was true. Voldemort had returned. Harry had told them of his vision, and the role Velma had played. Mila hadn't been able to look at him as he did so.

Then Dumbledore explained that they would be recovering Mila's memories tonight. The only one who had vocally opposed to that was Harry, but Mila hushed him, and the plans went on.

Draco left to contact his father, to see what he knew about Voldemort's return. He gave Mila a haunted look as he left.

Dumbledore went to go contact the Order. He told Mila that when he returned, they would begin. Snape, who Mila had almost forgotten was even in the castle in the first place, went with him.

She looked around at the remainder in the room, who she would know in a completely different context hours from now. Harry would be the son of an old friend, Sirius and Lupin her peers, and McGonagall would be… well, still McGonagall. Still the teacher she had admired her whole life, even with the extra years that would soon be added.

She approached McGonagall quickly. Just to thank her for her years of servitude. McGonagall spoke before she did.

"This is a very brave thing you're doing, Mila."

Mila felt a bit uncomfortable at the sudden praise. McGonagall wasn't really one to hand it out so easily. "That's what is says on the bottle."

McGonagall's eyes softened. "No jokes, Mila. I- I'm proud of you. You've always been somewhat of a daughter to me and-"

"Geez, Minerva, I'm not dying."

McGonagall uncharacteristically let out a bark of laughter. "No, it appears not. But I know under that bravado, Mila, you're scared. And I just want to tell you, that you'll be ok."

Mila wish she could believe her, but it was hard to consider the upcoming event anything else than her impending doom.

Striking while the iron was hot, and in a rare moment of vulnerability that was becoming a lot less rare these days, Mila hugged her school teacher. McGonagall was still, not expecting the sudden affection, but soon relaxed and squeezed her gently in a reassuring way that Mila had never experienced before. Like a mother would.

Both were quick to pull away, unused to this dynamic, but both felt a little lighter. It only cemented Mila's worry. This was big.

With eyes that could have been considered wet, McGonagall left, muttering excuses about finding Dumbledore. The room was now down to six people, Mila included.

It was a strange thing to think so long about something, and then truly experience it. Voldemort had been threatening to come back since Mila's youth, and now that threat had been realised. There would be war, casualties, maybe some of the people she loved. Dumbledore hadn't told her how long the process of regaining her memories would take, she wondered what she would be met with when she finally came up for air. She needed to say goodbye properly, and put aside all grudges.

She walked over to her young friends, who looked like they had been waiting for her. Hermione and Ron readily greeted her, but Harry stood off to the side. He wasn't ready for what Mila had to say. She was one more person he had to lose, and of course, in the most unconventional way. It was Mila after all.

Mila could see she only had two attentive ears, so she addressed only Hermione and Ron.

"See you guys on the other side, yeah?" she said wistfully. She had no idea how much time she had left, better to cut straight to the point.

Both of them nodded, unsure what to say in a situation like this. Were they losing a friend, or were they gaining someone entirely new?

"Hermione-" Mila knew there was something she wanted to say. She couldn't quite manage it. "-We're good."

She didn't want to go through this with any regrets, and she knew Hermione would understand how difficult it was for her to express how truly sorry she was.

"I'm sorry, Mila," Hermione sniffed.

"I'm sorry too."

"Look at is this way, Mila," Ron piped up, "Think of all the dirt you'll have on Sirius, and Lupin, we'll give 'em hell."

Mila saw right through him. He was as scared as she was. Their whole world was about to change.

"Ron, I really don't say this enough, but you're a good friend." The best sort there was.

He shook his head vigorously, his voice producing more emotion than she had ever heard before. "We're not doing that. You're going to do this, and then you're going to be fine. You're going to be Mila."

Hermione placed a hand gently on his arm to calm in down. He leaned into it, and despite the situation, Mila found herself smiling warmly. They were the perfect match, the head and the heart. What would happen to them in six months of war? A year? Three? Would they even still be alive?

She gave them one last push, just as she had been all year. A matchmaker, even in war.

"Take care of each other." She glanced over at Harry. "Family means everything now."

Hermione and Ron both enveloped her in a hug. She held onto them tightly, letting her eyes shut for just a second. After this, her eyes would be wide open. She wanted to hold onto her old life as long as she could.

Hermione whispered ferociously in her ear. "We can do this. We will make it."

They all pulled away and Mila started towards Harry, but he held up a hand.

"Not yet." His voice was broken. "Not yet."

She nodded understandably, hoping he didn't notice how broken her own smile was. Her vision blurry from tears, she shortened the distance between herself and Lupin, continuing her train of goodbyes. He was sat by himself on the Ravenclaw table, looking as lost as ever. She placed herself beside him, and he was so adrift in thought that it took him a second to notice.

"And so our worst fears are realised," he said, his voice a quiet hum. She didn't look at him, instead, she scanned the room as she looked over her loved ones.

"Is war really so bad?" she joked, though she knew it was a poor one.

Lupin didn't answer. It made Mila's forehead crease. He knew war, he had seen it before. Sometimes he seemed like a man who had lost all hope, other times he was the only person who had been able to provide it for her. She wanted to do the same for him, a parting gift.

"Even after- after everything, I'm glad that you were my guardian." She sounded like a shy schoolgirl.

Her words snapped him out of his grieving. He was quiet for a moment, but answered, "I'm glad as well."

"I think I'm going to like being your friend too." Her words were slow, and it took Lupin a second to comprehend it. But when he did, he smiled, a true smile.

"I hope so."

She smiled back. Both finding a moment of light in this sudden darkness. She was surprised to realise she meant what she said. Once she regained her memories, she would know Lupin in a way she never had before. Maybe that wasn't the con she had previously marked it as. She would be closer with a man who was truly special to her.

She took his hand and squeezed it. "I guess I should find Sirius now," she chuckled.

"It won't be hard, he's right over there sulking, as usual," Lupin smiled. It sounded like a joke between old friends. She should probably get used to that.

It really did seem like she was making her way down a list, but she wanted to make sure she got a moment with everyone before she went under.

Sirius looked ready for her when she reached him, and had something to say before she could even open her mouth.

"You know that question you asked?"

What question? They hadn't spoken for a couple of days. Did he mean the one that had caused their fight? He must have.

Why did he remember her? Why he, of all people, had managed to hold onto the memory of her all on his own.

"Yes, I do," she answered.

He had that same intense look on his face. The same one when he first told her of her previous life, the same when he had insisted he had known her better than he knew himself all those days ago.

"I think you'll find the answer for yourself," he said, "And when you do…"

She frowned at him, "What?"

His eyes seared into hers. "Don't run away again."

Run away? Did he mean when she'd found out about her past? Or had she run from him in her previous life? She had sensed there was something more here, something he'd been hiding from her. Mila ran away when things got hard, that's what she did. Maybe she had done it to him as well.

"OK." Her answer came out short, but she had no idea what to say to him. He seemed to be having a different conversation than she was, one she would soon understand.

Before either could say another word, Dumbledore and Snape came back into the room. McGonagall was nowhere to be seen.

She gave Snape a nod, intending a small note of respect, but he barely spared her a glance. It sort of made her laugh.

"Are you ready?" Dumbledore asked.

"No," she shook her head, "Harry and I-"

"We'll all walk you down to the infirmary, you will have a chance to talk then," Dumbledore answered.

The infirmary? That's where they were doing it, she shuddered at the thought. You went to the infirmary when there was something wrong with you, but, she supposed, there was.

She nodded in response and made sure to link up with Harry as the group walked down there together. She thought she would have been doing this alone, but it was nice to know she would be surrounded by friends.

She was concerned that Draco hadn't returned yet; she needed to make sure she got to say goodbye to him. Hopefully he would work out where they all were.

Harry gently nudged her with his elbow, and they took up the rear of the group, walking slower than everyone else.

"Are you scared?" he asked, his voice gentle.

He had been the first one to ask her that.

She answered truthfully, "Scared to all hell."

"At least we get to be there."

She threw him a smile and linked her arm in his. "At least there's that."

Harry's own look was exasperated. "Mila, I don't know how I can even begin to say-"

"You don't have to say anything," she interrupted. "We'll find our way back to each other, we always do. And you can say it then." She couldn't quite be sure that she wasn't lying.

"Things will be different then." He gazed down at their entangled arms.

She nudged him until he looked at her. "Nothing will change, I'll make sure of that." Another lie.

She would do whatever she could when it came to protecting Harry. Her friend had a long journey ahead of him. He had always been called the chosen one, all their life, but now it meant something. It meant he had a role to play, and so did she.

"Let me do this for you," she whispered. She knew he would understand what she meant. _Let me do this, because it might mean the difference between you living and dying._

"I wish you didn't have to."

Mila didn't say anything, because she didn't know what she wished. They walked the rest of the way in silence, trailing behind the others. Mila kept a hopeful eye out for Draco, but she saw no sign of him.

When they reached the infirmary, Mila's steps grew shorter and more hesitant. The weight on her shoulders grew heavier, Harry helped her along as well as he could.

When they were all inside, spread out surrounding a single bed, she tried to maintain her composure.

"You may take a seat, Mila." Dumbledore gestured to the bed. Some of the others sat on the beds next to hers.

She couldn't see what Dumbledore was fiddling with, but as he turned towards her she could see the pensieve was in the room with them.

"This will begin with Snape entering your head to make it receptive."

"Snape?" she asked out loud. She supposed that made sense, the man was a master at occlumency.

Snape begin drawing towards her, she panicked slightly.

"Wait, I haven't said goodbye to-"

"I'm here. I'm here, did I miss it?" Draco ran into the room, looking immensely dishevelled. Mila jumped off the bed to meet him, only sparing a passing glance at Dumbledore to let him know she wasn't going under without this goodbye.

Draco grabbed her hand and pulled her to the side of the room. He whispered so only she could hear.

"My father won't answer me."

They both knew what that meant. They both knew where he was.

"I'm so sorry, Draco." He looked so pale.

He shook his head. "Screw him. I'm where I need to be."

She could feel the eyes of the others on the two of them, but she paid them no mind.

She could tell he truly didn't mean what he said, and she wished she had more time to comfort him, to help him unpack his feelings. But she didn't. And they didn't.

"Mila," Dumbledore said, warning her that time was growing shorter.

She swallowed down her sadness, and gave him a playful punch on the arm.

"Hey, it's been fun, Malfoy."

Draco bit down a smile. "You too, Lovett."

She gave him a hug, knowing she couldn't say anymore if she wanted to get through this without any tears. She drew away from him quickly, but he grabbed her arm to still her.

"Just one more thing," Draco said to her, his eyes looking at hers vulnerably.

Before she could question him, he pressed his lips onto hers. His hands cupped her face gently, and Mila, who was more than aware of the other people in the room, found, that just for a second, she didn't care.

When they pulled back he was smiling.

"I decided we didn't have anymore time to waste." Repeating their words in the tunnel from weeks ago.

She chuckled. "You're probably right about that."

She gave him one more tight hug, and began to walk back towards the dreaded bed.

One gaze bore more heavily on her than others, and to her surprise it wasn't Harry that was looking at her strangely. She briefly met eyes with Sirius.

When he saw that his stare was being met, he blinked out of his stupor. Instead he mouthed something to her. She thought he was saying good luck. Hell, she would need it.

Walking to the bed, she made sure to grab and squeeze Harry's hand one last time. He gazed at her with sad eyes, but with a belief in them that told her she could do it.

Sitting on the bed, her eyes made one last sweep around the room, looking at all the people she loved. And, well, Snape.

She wondered how soon it would be before she lost consciousness. Dumbledore had said it would be quick, and that she may even be under for a couple of days. Regaining a lifetime of memories was a huge strain on the mind, she would need time to recover before doing whatever it was she was meant to do. Whatever it was that her father, Mitar Rosier, was going to tell her.

She got told to lie back, she wasn't quite sure by whom. Her mind was elsewhere, she barely felt the bed along her back, barely felt the eyes on her.

"Close your eyes," someone said. And she found she resisted that command the most.

She blinked, her eyes drawing more closed with each one. She felt cool hands touch her head, and then she didn't feel anything at all.

Instead she could hear things. At first it was distant, it was a sharp noise, that drew nearer to the front of her mind. She didn't understand what it was, but she knew she head heard it before, many times.

It came closer and closer, until it was unmistakable.

A train whistle.

One passing thought fled through her. Today was July 30th.

"Happy birthday to me," she whispered.

And then Mila Lovett, girl who lived twice, blacked out.

* * *

so we are officially going back in time

my basic plan is to do a one off chapter for each year 1-5 at hogwarts  
then we will pick up the story her sixth year at Hogwarts in the marauders era  
i have been waiting to post these chapters for SOOO LONG!

but first, I would love to hear from you

I would like to know your theories for what you think happened in the past, and what you think she'll have to deal with when she comes back

you can comment your theories or message me on tumblr at abrokefangirl

can't wait to see what you come up with xx


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